An Early Happy 2007

Just waiting for my sister Lori and family to join us for the New Year's celebration. We have big plans for the kids....months ago my mother and I bought all of us tickets to see Wicked on Broadway! My nieces are obsessed with the music and they are super psyched to see the show. I am also thrilled to introduce my stepdaughter to the wonder of Broadway. We are going tommorow to the matinee, so on the way out we will get a glimpse of the craziness of Times Square. What a year this has been for me! Truly remarkable. Honestly, a year at this time, I had no idea that I'd be blogging about the upcoming adoption of my baby girl. It really is pretty incredible. One of the big reasons we made the decision to adopt came from a conversation I was having with my coach Cindy. We were talking about life choices, and my decision to possibly accept the fact that I wouldn't have a child. She posed the following question to me: "Wendi, what are you more afraid of ....having a child? or NOT having a child. The answer took me probably 1 second...it was so clear to me....not having a child was far more frightening. Once I really accepted the fact that I desired motherhood (I kept making excuses) more then anything in the world....it was very easy for us to make the decision that this adoption from China was the way to bring our child to us. Thank god for that simple, most profound question. It was a major wake up call that I needed this year. I wish for us all, a Happy and a very Healthy 2007. Whether our babies come this year or not, we can count on the fact that as each day passes, we are one day closer to having our dreams come true!!!!!

Cute girl singing

O'k...I've been meaning to post this for the longest time...my Cyber bud Mary Beth beat me to it :). How cute is this little girl....?

Interesting

This is a very interesting interview to listen to.....http://www.wnyc.org/shows/bl/episodes/2006/12/28

Better

LOL, my sister says that she loves my blog because it's becoming like a soap opera! Ha ha! This soap opera is my life, and I'm just documenting what's going on.....anyway, I do want to let you know that all is o'k with my stepson. I got a very heartfelt, sincere apology and we kissed and made up! I think we both needed the space, and my husband made sure that his son was responsible for his own actions. I feel much better. And, I know Adam does as well....in just a few, we are going ice skating...all of us....so hopefully he will enjoy this day!

The good and the bad

Sometimes situations aren't always perfect. You wonder here in the Blogosphere, where your life is an open book, how much do u share? What do u leave out? Tonite, I share with you that I had a difficult time with my stepson.....he was in a mood, and basically let it out on me. I felt so hurt that I asked my husband for the nite off....which he gave me. I cried. I cried deeply. Not only about the circumstance between Adam and I (which had nothing to do with Lia for those of you wondering), but I cried deeply for the fact that you try so hard to love someone and do right ,and sometimes, right isn't always the right way for someone. And I cried for Lia. My baby...who I needed so much tonite. That feeling of unconditional love. The feeling of total forgiveness...I wanted it as mother from my child. It was not to be had tonite.....and I ache for her so very much. the situation between Adam and I will pass....he is a growing up, and misses his dad, and is just going thru that stage of thinking he is a man, but is not quite there yet. I prayed for him to find some peace tonite. For forgiveness and for happiness.

Do u see ours?

This is a picture of dossiers at the CCAA in China! Pretty freaky to think we are one of those files and that Lia Rose is in another!

2 Months since log in

Today marks exactly two months since log in. Despite the ups and downs of the past two months...it really has gone quickly. I guess that is the story of life. Time moves quickly. When we are in the moment, it might not feel that way, but when we look back....it goes way to fast! We are also on referral alert....the next batch should be announced at any moment.....fingers crossed for all of you out there. I have one Cyber friend, Frances, who is using the same agency as me....her referral is due!!! I can't wait for her, and I'm praying that the next few days move quickly for her.....

From the minds of babes.....

I think this blogging thing is catching on....my almost six year old niece Addie has created a blog. Check the link on the link list....absolutely the cutest thing ever. She wrote a fictional tale about meeting Lia Rose, which I include below. Please note, the picture on her website...that baby sure is damn cute! From your mind Addie to G-d's ears.....
The First Time I Met Lia by Addison
The first time I met Lia Rose she cried hard. She was cuter than a baby that was one years old. Shake your head Lia. She pee'd in her pants and her mommy changed her diaper.And then, her mom gave her a big present. It was a big fluffy teddy bear.And she smiled so much that she hugged her mommy

Just trying to think of some things to say

I'm feeling a bit removed as of late from feeling like this baby is really coming. So many of my fellow bloggers received a ton of Holiday presents for their babies who are waiting for them. I'm not complaining, as I once mentioned, that as a Jew, we really don't do the whole present thing until the baby arrives....but I feel sad about it. Tonite I read about a single mom who is Paper chasing who received a bunch of gifts for her daughter. Does her family believe more then we do? Or am I being silly? I did get a gift from my December Cyber Shower buddy....I'll tell you about them tomorrow, when we open them "officially". Joe gave me a small book, "Inspirations for Moms", so that counts as well...otherwise, I have been very busy playing mom to my stepchildren. It's been fun. I realize how it's a mom's job to do the wash, make sure the kids are fed (Joe has been most helpful here) and to do all the Christmas shopping...whether your stepson likes his gifts or not. Also, it's the mom who gives up the television when the rest of the family is watching the other sets. Additionally, I've learned that most kids would rather eat burgers and fries then taking them for nice dinners of steaks and lamb chops. I've also learned that it's truly a step-mom's business to spoil her step kids, including buying her gorgeous thirteen year old stepdaughter DKNY Jeans, Ugg Boots and a fancy manicure complete with nail tips and a french manicure. Oh to be a mommy! I can't wait!!

1000

1,000! I am so queer, but I just hit 1,000 hits on this page. I do realize that I am probably most of them, but I thank you ...my dear readers (smile)! And tomorrow marks exactly two months since our LID....who knows how long the wait goes, but remember, I promised not to complain about that, and I won't! More later....

Hope this family doesn't mind...they just met up with their beautiful daughter Julia in China! I have been reading their blog for awhile now, and fell in love with this little girl! http://sandiegosiegel.blogspot.com

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!

Some pictures

Annie and her daddy. They make an awesome duo!!!!

Annie and her daddy

Adam and Annie

You are constantly in my thoughts

The new rules officially came out. They are pretty much what we have known. Now it's official. The documents state the those of us logged in are o'k. Thank god. I am numb knowing that I could just as easily be out. But we are in. I am not going to rehash any of those discussions right now. We have started the holiday celebration. Last nite we were down at my sister's celebrating the last nite of Hanukkah. I think the kids enjoyed themselves. It was Adam and Annie's first celebration. It's funny. I and everyone else is being very careful to not talk about Lia. My nieces, were especially careful. They usually talk about her constantly. It's just important to Adam and Annie, that we respect this time of them getting used to the whole new sister idea. But to all of my friends out there in Blog land...it's hard for me. I want to talk about her constantly. I've found myself whispering to my sister and my mother when I told them the rules officially came out. My sister and I made a private to toast to Lia last nite, celebrating her joining our family. Even though I am not speaking of her out loud, she is in my heart and thoughts constantly.

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The Press

The press is all over the rule changes story. In fact yesterday a Wall Street Journal reporter contacted me for interview,(he found this blog!) which I was unable to do. Pretty wild...I do feel good, because all press reports indicate that we are o'k, since we are grandfathered in. My agency reiterated that as well. Here's a press clipping from the NY Times:


December 19, 2006
China Tightens Adoption Rules, U.S. Agencies Say By JIM YARDLEY
BEIJING, Dec. 20 — China is planning to issue new, tighter restrictions on foreign adoptions of Chinese children, which would prohibit adoptions by parents who are unmarried, who are obese or who are older than 50, according to adoption agencies in the United States.
The new regulations, which have not yet been formally announced by the state-run China Center of Adoption Affairs, are to take effect on May 1, 2007, and seem certain to slow the rapid rise in applications by foreign parents to adopt Chinese babies.
"This is absolutely going to affect a percentage of our clientele," said Heather Terry, a spokesperson for the Great Wall of China Adoption Agency in Austin, Texas. "This will probably affect quite a lot of people in 2007."
Ms. Terry said that foreign adoption agencies learned of the new regulations at a Dec. 8 meeting in Beijing with officials from the adoption-affairs center. Chinese officials told the foreign agencies that applications had begun to exceed the number of available babies, and that the new rules were partly intended to address that imbalance.
Ms. Terry added that China also wanted to slow foreign adoptions because "they are opening up domestic adoptions now."
The adoption-affairs center declined requests in recent weeks by The New York Times for an interview on adoption policy. An unnamed official cited by the Associated Press confirmed that the government is considering new guidelines, but declined to discuss any specifics.
Even so, adoption agencies in the United States are already telling prospective parents about the rule changes or posting the guidelines on their websites. "C.C.A.A. has decided to both reduce the number of dossiers accepted by applying stricter standards to potential adoptive families and to increase the number of children available for adoption by improving the situation of children in China’s orphanages," Jackie Harrah wrote in a letter posted on the website of Harrah’s Adoption International Mission in Spring, Texas.
Adoption agencies were told that China intended to increase the supply of adoptable children by creating a new charity named Blue Skies, which would focus on improving health care for medically fragile infants or premature babies at orphanages. An initial goal of this charity would be to buy incubators for many of the country’s orphanages, according to the Harrah’s Adoption website.
Ms. Terry said that the most significant rule change is the new ban against single parents. Up to now, Ms. Terry said, China has allowed single parents to make up as many as 8 percent of all referrals; the new rules would eliminate that quota. The age restrictions also have been tightened; China now allows people up to 55 to be considered.
Some of the new rules focus on the fiscal, physical and psychological health of prospective parents. People who are taking medication for anxiety or depression can be disqualified under the new rules. Couples will be disqualified if either person has a body fat measurement exceeding 40 percent (30 percent is generally considered obese). And a prospective adoptive family’s net worth must now exceed $80,000.
China will also disqualify families that already have more than four children in the home.
Ms. Terry said that her agency has already started applying the new guidelines. "We’re no long accepting singles," she said. "That is the most significant change."
Single parents who are already involved in the application process and can complete and file their paperwork before May 1 can remain eligible for a Chinese child.
Ms. Terry said she believed that Chinese officials were trying to act in the best interests of the adopted children. "All the agencies worldwide have to abide by these guidelines now," she said.

Her brother and sister

Well, we finally told Adam and Annie about Lia Rose. I think Joe was really nervous, and I understand why. The kids arrived yesterday afternoon from Aussie. First off, they are awesome. Annie is thirteen, but looks like she is 20. She is fantastically beautiful. Adam is almost 20 and has really matured. I am really enjoying his company. He even told us that he would like to work here for a year. He will be completely trained in Auto Mechanics in a year! I'd love to have him do that...and glad that he is open to it. I'd be so excited!!! Anyway, Joe didn't want to tell them the day of their arrival. He thought it would be too much. I was bursting with the news. And, really had a hard time not talking about it...but I had to be considerate. Finally, this afternoon, I said, Joe it's time. He said go ahead. I called them into the living room and said Adam and Annie I have some really great news for you, you are going to be shocked, so here it is..before I said it, Adam asked if I was pregnant...I said, no but close, we are adopting a baby We went on (mainly me) to tell them all about the adoption, why China and how having this baby for us means "completes the circle". Adam looked like he was in shock, and I understand. I told him that I really need her to have a big brother. He said he would be glad to do it, except when she gets in High School :) we hugged....Annie was thrilled! She was in shock, and ran over to Joe and hugged her daddy and then we hugged. I gave her the Mei Mei book, with photos of the adoption. Tonite, I gave her a lady bug bracelet. They loved the name, and why we named her Lia. And all and all I think they are really happy for us all. It will take time, and I can't expect them to be all into it ....I told them that we have a year and half to get used to the idea....and how much I'd love them to be with us when we go to China. As the weeks go on, while Annie's here, I'll fill her in on more. But for right now....let the information sink in. I am so glad they know now, and that my Lia has them.

Occupancy in 2008

So it's the new year almost. The year 2007. Pretty unbelievable if u ask me. How does time go so quickly. This year will mark for me the last year that I am not with my daughter. It just hit me that this is the last year that I will ever have to wonder, what will it be like to be a mom. The last year, of dreaming of what it will feel like. The last year of feeling like something huge was missing from my heart. A year goes by quickly. In a blink of an eye it's another day. Today I was in Hoboken. A huge new hotel/condo is going up. I noticed it said, occupancy in 2008. I stood there and stared at that building. Watched the construction workers pass bricks to each other. The whole base of the building was just being completed. You could see the makings of a beautiful structure. I started looking at that building from the inside out. Like me, it was in the beginnings of something very extraordinary. Over the course of the next year, floors and ceilings would be added on. It would grow into the gorgeous structure that the designers envisioned. In 2008, it will be complete. ..a new building will be born. For me each month that passes, it's like another floor being added on to that building. I can watch it grow and change with each passing day. The more the days pass, the closer I will be to feeling complete. In 2008 I will be ready for occupancy.

Happy Hannukah!

May the miracles begin for us all!

Words from my mother

My mother posted this in my last entry's comment box, I hope she doesn't mind...but these are great words to share:

Joe is absolutely correct Wendi, stop, stop, stop looking for the negative.I've learned in life that the negative things you fear NEVER happen.It's just your imagination going wild. I think you have to pause and take a deep breath and just wait. Center your thoughts and emotions on the coming days and the arrival of the kids and the wonderful holiday time you are planning. Do not let unsubstantiated information and imaginings put a damper on your life right now.Your loving mom

A true rollercoaster ride

Ummm, this is really hard. This is a friggin roller coaster. I guess that whether this baby was inside me growing, or growing a zillion miles away, motherhood ain't easy. Not to get into to much detail...but today sucked. I was up and down with my emotions a zillion times. I have to tell you, it ain't fun. We received an email from the agency explaining the changes a bit more. They are true. The line that freaked me (and my buddies in my Group Rose and Audrey) is that the email ended with a statement something like "we will wait and see how these new rules effect waiting families." Yikes, effect us? What the heck! We all panicked, and thank goodness for my girls...all of them Susan, Marcia, Ann Maria.,Christine and the aforementioned Audrey and Rose.....we talked this thing out....how could we not be grandfathered in? Can we still get bumped? Ugh! I ended up calling the agency and spoke to one of the girls there. She explained that the history of rule changes has excluded the logged in families. O'k, this is good. She also said, that China's program has been very fair, and they aren't like, let say Russia, who change the rules at the drop of a hat. We are waiting for the final posting by the CCAA. But, I have faith, we will be o'k....and kudos to my husband, who told me to stop looking at this like the glass is half empty. We after all ...logged in. O'k so I'm going to say something...and make sure who ever you are, hold me to this. I think this is all about taking my attention off the increasingly long wait times...this baby isn't coming before '08...so, once I learn that my Dossier is still safe and sound...I will never and I mean this, never ever complain about the long wait. I may allude to it, or simply whisper it...but I won't dwell on it. I am just grateful for the chance to hold my daughter, my Lia Rose in my arms!!! Bring it on!

Panic stricken...not me

I continue to be completely neurotic that these rule changes are going to apply to us. My agency keeps saying that they assume it won't...but my god, you know what happens when you assume sometimes. I am keeping my heart open. My daughter is in China, and I'm going to bring her home in 12, 14, 16, 18 months!!! Anyway, enough of this "kvetching". Please watch this story...it is heartwarming! About two Chinese adoptees who found out they were twin sisters....just by coincidence. http://cbs2chicago.com/video/?id=21649@wbbm.dayport.com

The rules are a changing....

Well, it looks like the rules applying to Chinese adoption are really changing. It's pretty drastic in several of the categories. Fortunately, it seems as if we are o'k, but I'm still overwhelmed by the feeling that I am just really lucky. If for instance I had waited exactly one year to go paper chase, we would have been out of luck. Thank you dear god for allowing us this opportunity now. I am sorry to those this affects. My heart sincerely goes out to you. Hopefully, there is a good reason for this, and I pray that you find your daughter or son...they are out there! Now to find out exactly what the rules are...and how it may apply to us. If at all...not be selfish, but I have to be right now. I also read that the CCAA is saying that referrals right now are going to be at that 15 to 16 month mark..I swear I can take that...but hurry up 2008...I'm ready for my Lia!!!! A friend of mine Ann Marie (http://comeundone.typepad.com/come_undone/) who is also adopting, and come to find out is adopting from the same agency as me....claims to be a little "clairvoyant" and states that she believes my adoption will come thru quicker! O'k, girlie, you better be right!!!! And yours will be right behind me.....there is something so special about this process...I am bonding with the most amazing woman...Ann Marie and I have known each other professionally for years, and come to find out that we are both going through this process.....it's truly amazing...if our work emails could talk! Yikes....our companies would fire us both for the time we spend chatting about this process...but who cares, we need each other! There is also so many others...Marcia, Mary Beth (who I've only emailed with), Frances (who is also another email pal, who is about to get a referral, and I'm going to meet when she comes through NY), the girls Audrey and Rose from my LID group, the ladies in my DTC group, Chris, Susan- who is also my coaching pal....and so many more...I hope I didn't forget you! Oh and of course my mom and sister, who have shown me incredible support. My sister, is also addicted to reading the blogs now! It's the funniest thing....especially Shana's blog and the story of Sophie, Isabella and Oliver...check out link on the left...Waiting for Sophie! My sister wakes up each day and jumps on it...like it's a reality show!!! Anyway, my babbling is going on far to long. My step kids are arriving on Saturday! We can't wait...any suggestions on how to tell them the big news...it would be most appreciated!!!

Princess Addison

Princess Addison getting ready for Sammi's Bat Mitzvah! She is just the cutest little girl in the world!

Date is wrong

The last post should read: December 11, 2006, not sure how that happened

Boy this is rough

...but then I guess all good things are. It's been a rough weekend for me...first off, I was set to attend the Bat Mitzvah of my "niece" Samantha. Sam is actually a "BFF" of my niece(s) Hayley, Cece, and Addie....I'm her "Auntie Wendi". She is an incredible young lady, much more mature for her age then the average 13 year old. In fact, sometimes I forget she is only 13. Anyway, I got up at 7:30, showered, ran to to the hair dressers for a blow out..came home, make up on, dressed up and puked. We got in to the car to drive down to the party (it's about an hour and half from me) and I nearly passed out at the wheel. I looked at Joey he looked at me and we knew, there was no way we could go. I spent the next 14 hours in bed or in the bathroom (to much information, I know)...a headache that wouldn't quit. It's 4am Sunday, and I'm finally feeling human...slight headache still, but better. Sammi, I'm so sorry I wasn't there!!! Now on top of that ...there is just craziness arupting in the Chinese Adoption world....word was on Friday that a whole list of new rules will be implemented. Apparently there are more dossiers for parents then paper-ready babies. The rules aren't in effect until May '07-or so they say. It is so sad and personally frightening. To those of you reading, please understand, that right now nothing has been confirmed except that there are rule changes...here's what the guess is of what's coming-1. No singles! (Incredibly sad. There are so many fantastic families out there headed up by single moms! I just find this so sad. Also, what about gay couples. Many of these "single" mom families are in fact being raised in very loving gay families. I find this so heart breaking.) 2. Couples must be between the ages of 30-50. Even if one is under 50, you are counted out. (Gotta tell you, this is scary. First off, I have met the most amazing moms to be out there who are over 50. SOme are first time mommies others are adopting first time with second marriages....50 is the new 40! Come on! Secondly, this would rule Joe and I out! The word is that once again does not go into effect until May '07, but my god, truly scary, we would have been ineligible!) 3. If there were divorces in your relationships, you must now be currently married five years! (O'k, another one which would have counted us out...we have been together 3.5 years( married) and Joe was divorced...) 4. Families with more then five kids are no eligible (sorry, that one I get-sorry, if I offended anyone) 5. You must have a body weight of 40 BMI and under (weight discrimination?) 6. No history of depression or anxiety (come on now! who hasn't been. I admit to the world ...I have! What infertile woman hasn't! Who doesn't feel it when they are PMS????-no more comments on this one) 7. All must have high school or beyond diplomas 6 . I think it's a $80,000 in net assets. My heart is breaking for those it effects. I am praying it won't effect me, and I have to say that if the Rumors are true, it won't. How this effects the dossiers logged in prior to May '07. Perhaps some people will drop out voluntarily. Perhaps some won't submit. It is so sad. Though they say that there are less babies then waiting parents, what they mean is there are less paper-ready babies. There are thousands of kids now who will be left in the orphanages, for longer times. I know it's no ones fault. And I know the folks at the CCAA know what they are doing in the end...but, does it have to be this rough?

Some updated information

I emailed my agency director today to get her take on the whole waiting game here. I've posted some of the highlights....
Hi Wendy: Good hearing from you. I share your angst. We all wish there was more information to share, but unfortunately there just isn't much new. The process moves forward ever so slowly at the moment. My feeling is with the current longer waits, less people will apply and soon the waiting time will decrease because there are fewer dossier. Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but China has always had periods when the waits were unbearable but eventually it turns around because they delay the process and it discourages families from applying. I know alot of families that are looking into other options because they can't bear the length of time the process is currently taking in China. Do I thnk your wait will be 18 months, I certainly hope not, but I guess anything is possible. ..... so, not sure if this makes me feel better or worse....but I guess it's just knowing something that helps...

A Quick Note

Joey is feeling so much better today! Amen!!!!

Keep it up baby!

The matches

Yeah, more referrals were made today! The referrals were for families logged in August 26, 2005 thru September 8, 2005. As you can see that is about 15 months. For those outside of adoption community, in the past, the matches would cover an entire month, say all of September. For the last year or so, it's been these partial matches, thus the slow down. There seems to be matches on average of every 29 days...sometimes less, sometimes more. We have to hope that there is a bit of pick up over the next few months. This morning I was very angry when I saw the small group that was matched. There had been rumor that all of September would go, but not the case this time around. I started feeling incredibly sorry for myself. Here I am a 45 year old (young) woman, trying to become a mommy for the longest time....and "it's just my luck" that the referrals are just dragging on...oh poor Wendi...boo hoo hoo. I was angry, frustrated, mad at the entire world. Then suddenly, like someone smacked me from above, I realized, Wendi this is so not about you. It's about the babies in the orphanages all over China. The little lost souls, waiting to be found by their forever family. As sad as it is for me, with this long wait, it's sadder for these children. Suddenly my anger and frustration disappeared, my sadness remained, but a peacefulness overcame me as I realized that Joe and I are doing something to make a difference in someone's life. It is not at all easy this wait. In fact, it's so unbelivably hard for me. It's absolutely a roller coaster ride. But, my god, at the end of this long ride, I keep the faith that the most amazing and miraculous blessing will come into our life. Our entire family will be so blessed.

Grandmom and Granddad

These are my parents, Joyce and Aaron. Aren't they cute? I don't know about you, but my mother calls me two, maybe three times a day! It's funny, she will call my office phone in the morning..if I don't answer there, she will call my cell, if I don't answer there, she will call my home phone. Since I am always at work and not home, by this point she starts paniking that somthing is wrong and she will then call my sister and ask her if she has heard from me. (I know by the way my mom is going to read this and say that I am full of dog doo, but this actually happened) My dad, well, I gave him a cell phone last Hanukah and now he calls me about once a day too! "Wendi, it's your father, call me." Click.(And by the way, I admit, if my parents, sister or husband don't answer their phones, I tend to think that something awful happened to them as well :) ) My sister and I were chatting yesterday. My parents happen to be away right now on a 10 day cruise in the Caribbean. Lori and I were both saying that we really miss them!!!! In fact, with all that is going on right now with Joe, the adoption stress and everything, I really need my mommy and daddy to talk to! Lori agreed...we missed them! But not to worry, my parents found a way to call us both...me twice today....from the ship! God bless them....they are adorable and I love them with all my heart. Now have fun on your cruise, and come home soon!!! I miss you!!! And when Lia comes, they are going to absolutely eat her up!!! They love their grandchildren!!!

One month down

I just realized that we are one month since our LID....I guess we can say, honestly 12 to 13 more to go...but we do have one behind us. And two since DTC. I just have to hold on to the thought that time will go quicky, and when I start feeling anxious about the wait remember how much time has actually passed. There should be a stack of referrals coming this week, and rumor has it it could be a large batch. I will hold the hope that this is true.

Joe is home from the hospital now. We ended up spending two nights in a hotel as our heater broke! I was concerned that the house was to cold, and in combination with the steps he had to climb to get in here, this worked out as the best option. He slowly walked up the steps to get in here, and I am quite sure that each day will be easier.

No new news on my Auntie. It's her 88th birthday today and I just send her so much love and prayers. I spoke to her daughter last nite to check in with her. She told me how much her mother loved me. I know that we both hold special places in our hearts for each other. God willing she will pull through and be there next year when Lia comes home.

A heavy heart

As I write this post, one of my most favorite and beloved relatives is sick in a hospital. She has always been so special to me. Right now, she is "giving up". She physically is ailing but not in a way that should make her as sick as she is right now. The doctors can't explain it and are only saying that this is what happens to people when they get older. Please Auntie...don't give up. You are so special and so loved by so many. I wish I could be there to tell you this in person, but I can't right now, as I have to take care of Joe....but I need you know how much you are loved by me and by our entire family. You have always been like a great piece of birthday cake to me.....a sunny day after many rainy ones.....a blanket on a warm bed. You are my Aunt Reeva. You have lit up my life and my heart since I was just a young girl...and when I became an adult, we shared so many fun times. I spoke to you two weeks ago and you asked me when my baby was coming....I told you that she wouldn't be here for at least a year. Please know how much I want you to meet our new angel. You will always be a part of my life and my baby's....please stick around so she can feel your warmth as I always have..do not give up the fight! We love you way to much.

A Chinese Orphanage

This is a video of filming inside of a Chinese Orphanage. Can you believe this is how Lia Rose maybe living right now.....oh baby, we will be there soon. Mommy, Daddy, Adam, Annie, Grandmom, Grandad, God Grandad Mikey and God Grandmom Dorothy, Auntie Lori, Uncle Greg, Hayley, Cece, Addie and Molly!

Daddy gonna walk soon

Oh poor Joe, he is in alot of day after surgery pain...but all to be expected. As I write this at 10pm on Thanksgiving nite, I sure am hoping he is getting some sleep. It's really hard to see the one you love in so much pain. At one point, I actually cried to one of the nurses. It really broke my heart. I just wanted to put myself into the bed and be the one in pain. When I left tonite he was feeling a bunch better, so hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for him to really get walking. Next to him in the room is an old man, about 83. He has been in the hospital for four weeks...once he learned that Joe and I would listen, he wouldn't shut up! But, I was glad we were there for him. He seemed so lonely and it was good to be able to just lend your ear and realize what a difference that might mean to someone. We told him about our upcoming baby adoption and he asked "Why not in America"...(us China adoptive moms and dads hate that question) I looked him in the eye and simply said, because that is where my daughter is. He said to me....I get it! By the way, I have to make a huge admission to my sister, my nieces and Kristen Johanson...I ate a piece of low fat, pumpking pudding pie tonite! It's a holiday!!!! I just said on the this blog that I wasn't going to eat sweets, and I did!!! O'k, I start a gain tomorrow....my friend Daria who lives around the corner from invited me to some turkey and stuffing tonite...on my way home from the hospital, I didn't feel like being alone and joined her family...and indulged!!! I needed it. Happy Thanksgiving to you all....(By the way, the Rumor Queen website www.chinaadopttalk.com is reporting referrals next week! And they may refer a huge batch.....this is very good reason to be thankful!

Thanksgiving thanks to Dr. Unis

Yeah!!! Joe's hip surgery was a success. He was able to receive a minimally invasive procedure that our doctor does. It will save him hopefully weeks of recovery. We had a long day at the hospital but when I left him he was drowsy and had already walked today. Tomorrow, instead of Turkey we will be walking the halls of St. Lukes helping him become stronger... the pain should start to subside....Joe is ready to be the "old Joe" again. Can you imagine how it must feel to be in such pain that you have start loosing perspective on what is is like to feel good? To be limited in your activity level. A huge thank god that we were able to have this procedure done. I hope it changes his life for the better.....in other news, it's my darling parents 47th Wedding Anniversary! Happy happy Anniversary Grandmom and Granddad.....

Chocolate or lack of

Time does seem to move quickly. I mean, I have a ways to go in this incredible wait, but it's almost one month since our Log In Date! So much of this process is behind me....it's really awesome to look at it that way. I have decided to set up some goals for myself during this waiting period. I am absolutely not going to go crazy and buy baby clothes and furniture. I just can't do it. And like I mentioned earlier in this blog, in my Jewish upbringing that is a no no anyway. However, that doesn't mean that if I see something really really special that I won't pick it up....I will and then hide it! (smile)
Some of the things I am intend to do are:

Get myself into a good, not break the habit, habit of working out each day. By working out I do mean some sort of cardio activity. Perhaps it's not a heavy duty workout at the gym, but at least 30 minutes of walking. In fact, my friend/neighbor Simone and I have begun walking early in the morning. This morning we were out at 5am, yes, 5am. I had to go to sleep last nite at 8pm to do so, but it felt good this morning. I think it's important for me to get into this habit now, so that when Lia arrives I have some good patterns set up. Also, I want to be as healthy as possible and energetic when she gets here, so exercise is absolutely essentially.

I have also decided to give up sweets...I am talking about cookies, cakes, pies, chocolate and ice cream...until she gets here. I know, I am crazy, but first off, it's a good way to lose some weight, but secondly, it will give me something to focus on rather then the craziness of focusing on the long weight, I mean wait (freudian? )...I'll focus on will power and being strong and not breaking to eat that delicious piece of apple pie with brown sugar and ice cream...yikes!!! Can I really do this? I have to admit, that I might from time to time have a Weight Watchers treat...but they don't count! I know, I am absurd, that's just me

And most importantly, I want to find my niche professionally that I'll be able to continue to earn a nice income, with the benefit of some time working from home so I can take care of my daughter (more on this topic later)

Anyway, enough for now. Joe is upstairs sleeping. He is nervous about surgery, so I am letting him rest. I can't wait till he feels good again! So much to look forward to.

Blogger is acting up

Hi all. It's been awhile since I posted, but I have been having Blogger issues.
Not much to report on the adoption front. It's the wait...the cool thing is we are very close to being one month closer to Lia....although, not sure how many more months to go.
Joe's surgery is this coming Wednesday. I must tell you, the guy has been in so much pain. It's unbelievable actually how he has put up with it. I think he just came to the point where he couldn't stand it anymore. Plus, we have so much in life to look forward to, and it's important that he can enjoy life to the fullest. The surgery is the day before Thanksgiving, and then we will spend the Thanksgiving weekend at the hospital. I'm optimistic, that all will go well, and he will be bouncing back before we know it. On December 16, my stepkids will arrive. That is something we have both been looking forward to for so long. We will tell them about Lia. I can't wait...it's the news we both have been waiting to share. I am hopeful they will be as excited about it as I want them to be. Anyway, more later....

The blessing that is Sydney

I haven't been blogging over the past few days because I was preoccuppied with family. My sister, her hubby and the girls came in and we had a great time. It was also great way to stay off the computer and not obsess about the adoption or Joe's surgery....Lori and crew left on Saturday morning, but I got to "kidnap" my niece Sydney for the nite. Sydney is 11 1/2 and this was the first time we had just "Wendi and Sydney" time. She usually is stuck with one of her sisters, or just didnt' want to be a part from them. This time was just for us! However, Sydney spent the last 24 hours "teaching" me the top things that I need to know about motherhood and being a mommy to my daughter, Lia...I will share with you, this were pretty much all direct quotes from her (smile)

1. Never hug her in person in the middle of Garden State Plaza
2. Never kiss her cheek or head in public places
3. Take her to the Bagel Buffet
4. Buy her clothes from Abercrombie and Finch never at Walmart
5. Make sure her hair is a bob cut when she is around five, then it should be long from 10 on
6. Make sure that I brush her hair for her when she asks
7. Let her have bubble baths every nite in our big jacuzzi style bathtub
8. Do not under any circumstances share with anyone in public that she is cute or that she made the cheerleading squad
9. Do not hold her hand unless it's a matter of safety
10. DO NOT ever speak Yiddish in public or sing or dance! (No Gut ta nus!)

I am telling you, I learned alot this weekend! And last nite, when Sydney asked me to sleep with her and snuggle. She let me wrap my arms around her and she said, "Wendi you are going to be the best mommy in the world!"

Nasty mommy

O'k, I admit it. I am a foul mood. Yes, there is a ton of things going on in my life....too many too mention, but adding to that is the fact that my hormones are complety out of wack. I am a 45 1/2 year old woman.....so my guess is that my PMS is coupled with Pre Menopause, so as you can imagine it "ain't' great. In fact, it's pretty terrible. And it's been going on for days...in fact fourteen of them!!! Don't ask, but it seems like it is never going to end. So I admit...I have limited will power.....forget counting Weight Watchers points...I want to count how bags of popcorn are left. Additionally, I get mad at the smallest things....think everyone hates me...wonder if I am ever going to see my baby and from time to time, I think the world is crazy and I am the only sane one! There is this woman who rides the bus with me and every morning she seats next to her friend. And, imagine it's 7am, your still half asleep, you just want to relax and you hear constant chatter about ridiculous things! I wanted to physically bunch her in the fact this morning!!! That would be great...an adoptive mommy to be on charges of physical assault....g-d, forgive me...I am a Premenopusal, pre-menstrual mother to be!!!

The movie the cook and the blog

Joe and I had a great day today. He works a lot of weekends, but today we had a chance to just be together. Of course, tomorrow he is working, but today it was just nice to hang out with him.

We saw a funny, hysterical, not for the children movie (Borak) and then believe or not I made dinner. I say believe it or not because I am not known for my cooking, but I did make a lovely salad, my sister's greek salad recipe, pasta and veggies. Including homemade tomato sauce. When my step kids are here for the holidays I promise myself to cook more. Plus when Joe is recovering from the hip replacement, he deserves some good cooking....maybe we should order out after all! Oy! I have to become somewhat more domestic especially by next fall, when Lia day is approaching.

I changed the look of this blog tonite. I feel that it symbolizes the next stage in this process...who am I kidding, I was bored and playing around with templates....what do you think? Notice the counter on the bottom, that will track are Log In Date to referral. I can't wait till it says 300 days...hopefully the referral will be just around the corner. I am also adding some links to some of my favorite blogs. Make sure to check them. It does get addicting.

Some of the other loves of my life

For anyone that knows me well, you know that I adore my nieces. They are growing up quickly, right before my eyes! I am so proud of them all! I just want to congratulate my nieces Hayley and Sydney who made their middle school cheerleading team. Here's a conversation I had with Halzz when she told me. "Wow, that is great that you made the team Hayley, but can I be honest with you? " I asked. "Sure', she replied. I went on, "I never thought of you as a cheerleading type, more of the athletic type." (Hayley plays soccer, softball and other assorted jocky sports). "Yeah," she replied, "But Wendi, cheerleading is not what it used to be in the olden days." "Oh really", I answered. "Yes", Hayley continued, "It's evolved!" Here's a photo from Halloween! That's Sam on the left my "step niece", Sydney, Hayley and Little Addie as Dorthy.

Half way through

I started realizing today that we are really half way through this journey. I can't really believe how far we have come. I don't think a year ago at this time I realized that this would happen. Not at all, in fact.I was actually thinking that motherhood was never in the picture. There was this big huge hole inside of me that not a thing could fill. I was with my friend Kristen Johanson tonite. We had a few drinks to celebrate her new job and my LID date. I told her that there is no doubt in my mind that I was meant to have this baby this very way. There was some discussion on some message boards today that some felt it wasn't right to tell their adopted child that "they were meant to come together this way." Those that felt this way explained that they thought this was cruel because this would mean that it was meant to be that these babies were left on on the streets and given up. I understand where they are coming from. But, things happen in our lives (good and bad) sometimes for us to get to the place where we are supposed to be. My baby and I are two souls that belong together. I look at it spirtually for that explanation. I truly believe that this is a purpose that I was destined for. I didn't care to see it before, but the fact that it feels so right confirms this for me. The same way that I met a stranger from another country and a year and a half later, I marry him, he is my soulmate...that is the same way I can explain this daughter of mine. Lia Rose may not be a "real" person right now, but in my heart she is as real as the baby sleeping in my neighbor's crib. It's real love that I am feeling, and however long it takes, she is the baby that was meant to be for me.

Congratulations to those who got referrals.

Today families logged in 8/10-8/25/05 got their babies!!! That marked a bit of increase in the numbers of referrals. I am looking at some of the babies now...they are wonderful!!! It's so exciting to be able to follow along with these parents as they meet their babies. Congraulations!My hubby's hip replacement surgery is set...November 22nd...my parent's annivesary. Looks like we will be eating turkey at the hospital this year! Next, closer to a referral!

LID

It's done, we are logged in officially 10/27/06. I've been celebrating so much along the way that no one outside of the adoption community really understands the significance of this. But this is the big one....basically, we are told that it is "about 14 months" from this date to referral. Let's hope the line speeds up...somewhere in China my file sits on the bottom of hundreds of others. And what is equally as strange is that there is a file of babies, and Lia Rose is one of them..today was an interesting day besides this huge news. My hubby is going to go ahead and get a hip replacement...in three weeks. O'k, if anyone knows me well, they know that I am the type of person that really plans things out, organizes and does tons of research. My hubby is basically one of those types that doesn't dwell...and once he makes up his mind, it's done. So, it's going to be an interesting four weeks before surgery. The good news is that he will feel better. My step kids will be here in six weeks, so he can relax with them and recover. It is the less invasive surgery, so the recovery is much quicker. He has really put up with the pain in this hip for far to long. It's our hope that when Lia Rose is here...he can keep up with her. Tonite was also my first "cyber shower"...a bunch of us in Yahoo DTC group got together, mailed each other gifts and then opened them tonite. I got my first gifts for Lia..three beautiful books which I read out loud and pretended to read to her. I know, I am nuts.

I miss you

I am feeling incredibly sad tonite. I will blame it on a bit of PMS...but, I realized the moment I stop doing something...I think of Lia. Tonite the feeling was overwhelming. In fact it brought tears to my eyes. I feel that she is really out there ...and I miss her so much. There is this little baby out there waiting for her mommy, and I can't do anything about it except sit here and wait.
The referrals that were expected last week, never arrived. Right now they are saying this week, and no one has any idea of how many days they will match. It's such a roller coaster of a ride. I won't get off of it though. This is what I am meant to do. I think my husband does make some sense in the way he is dealing with the wait. He pays no attention to it. He knows that Lia will be here when she is supposed to. Me, I am online...networking with other moms and dads...reading blog after blog. I have to do it this way. For me that is the right way, for my husband, he has his own. Tonight though, I really miss you Lia. I am sorry I can't be there for you ...but you are in my heart. Please someone, take care of her for me. Please.

My first Halloween party as a "mom"

A new friend of mine Marcia, invited me to join her friends and family at a Halloween Party. Marcia is awesome. She has a beautiful daughter named Catarina that was adopted from China four years ago. There were a few other families there with their adopted daughters, and it was so awesome to feel connected. They know exactly how I am feeling now, and I gotta tell you, it felt great to be apart of something. I always envied my sister and husband and the huge group of friends they have in the "hood". I can see how my adoptive community will only grow as time goes by. Right now, I am completely into. I am excited for Joe to become a part of it with me! Last nite I had so many dreams. In one of them , my step children were meeting Lia for the first time. In the dream Lia was older, maybe 9 or 10. My stepson Adam was playing with her and hugging her. Annie was buying her jewerly. I had another dream about this family I follow online. They just are in China now meeting their twin daughters. In my dream, I was meeting the twins as well. Tonite I may find out about more referrals. FIngers crossed they match a larger group...remember, positive affirmations! The families I met today encouraged me that during their process there were tons of rumors as well and the time frame just kept changing. They also said, before you know it, she will be here!

For once in my life

I just figured out how to add music to this blog. Tonite I added, "For Once In My Life". This was actually my wedding song with my husband....but I think it's so appropriate to my impending mommy-hood! I just can't imagine what it is really going to feel like to have someone 100% dependent on me. Someone to love so unconditionally. Pretty overwhelming, that is for sure.

I wrote my agency yesterday concerning the LID (Log In Date)...she emailed me tonite and said no word yet. But the good news is it looks like referrals are coming in this month, and it might be a big month of referrals, which is what we need! More to come, but let's keep those positive affirmations!

The good news is that it's almost the end of October...this month flew by. I will keep staying productive and hopefully they all will!

The power of positive affirmations

So, we are still waiting for our LID..Log In Date. I am guessing we might know for awhile, but that doesn't mean it isn't logged in. It just means we haven't been informed. Once the LID is set, that is really the official start of the referral countdown. I have to say it gets so overwhelming to think how long it could be. I really have to think very positive thoughts. In fact, if you are reading this now, I ask you to think or even say out loud..."Referrals for Chinese adoptions are begining to pick up now. All those little beautiful innocent babies are getting placed right now with their forever families. The thousands of waiting families are getting their daughters."
Who knows maybe we can change things just simply believing that they are true.
Not much more going on...just trying to stay busy, productive, happy and healthy during this lovely (you see a positive affirmation!) wait!
Thanks for your good thoughts!

Thanks Madonna!

Ok, I have to admit. It really is unfair how Madonna was able to just go and get her baby.
I mean, god bless her for trying to the right thing and help this boy (although I do feel if she wanted to help him so much, why not give the father some money to go and make a better life for his son-something isn't right here) but there is no way it could take under one month to adopt a child. Perhaps we will find out that she filled out an adoption application, submitted it to an agency, did a homestudy, had her fingerprints taken, had medicals done, had letters of refererence written, submitted photos of her family life, did a letter of intention as to why she wanted to adopt a child, then submitted an I600 form to obtain an I171 to bring the orphan back into the USA....but perhaps she didn't need to do the last part since she lives in England!!! Hmmm, I don't think so!

Last week I attended a dinner for a friend who was getting an award. I saw a lot of old business associates who I hadn't seen in some time....I of course was just thrilled to share my news of my adoption...but almost everyone I told cracked a few jokes..."ha ha, are u adopting your African baby now"...or "oh you are trying to be just like Madonna, huh? " I found myself defending my baby. And what I was doing. I know no one meant to hurt my feelings, in fact I know they were thrilled for me...but the jokes were hurtful, and as mom waiting for her baby....it really isn't funny....

Anyway, on a lighter note, I went out today and bought Lia a few things...I know, I shouldn't ...but I couldn't help it, and I have to say they look nice hanging in the closet. It feels really 'real" when I see them there. Plus, I had to get a gift for my "cyber shower" buddy in my Yahoo September DTC Group...we are officially known as "The Red Threads of September"...each month, we will buying each other gifts!!! This month theme is zoo....

Lucky gal I am

This is a picture of my beautiful step daughter Annie.
Words can not describe how special this young woman is. She has a maturity far beyond her 13 1/2 years. She has a sweetness in her soul that is unmatched. Needless to say, I adore her. Annie lives in Australia with her mom and my stepson Adam. This holiday season, they are all mine! And, of course my hubby's. I can not wait! I haven't see the kids in almost two years. Last holiday season, Joe went without me to spend a solid month with the kids. This year, we will all be together here. This year, we will share the great news about the upcoming arrival of their sister Lia Rose. I hope they will be as happy about it as we are. I think they will.

No new news on the adoption front. The wait continues. New referrals are being announced next week. The bummer is that they make referrals once a month...and they are only doing about two weeks at a time. In other words, this month they will refer dossiers that were logged in August 15-28. If you were logged in on the 29th of August, you have to wait until November for the referral. Crazy stuff. They need to do one whole month of log ins at a time!

My yahoo message group-September DTC is having a cyber shower...we all send each other gifts....I am waiting on my buddy. I am anxious to do this as this will be my first baby gift giving to me by someone other then me...ever. So excited.

What is fair and what is not

I am feeling angry and sad. I am feeling incredibly sorry for myself. I am feeling pissed off.
I want my daughter. I want her home with me now! And it can't be. I want to feel like a mother. I want to take care of my child. I don't want this to be just an idea any longer, but reality.

How does one feel like a mom when she doesn't even know when she will see her child?
How does one continue to stay optimistic thru this long wait. I want to bring this baby home today. She needs me and I need her. It's time...and I hope the time moves quickly and life stays somewhat the same.

I have no idea what I am doing!

Yesterday I babysat my friends' Simone and David's six month old beautiful baby Nyla. I had always thought of myself as a great babysitter. And I was. But while I was taking care of her I realized that in a year or so I will be doing this for my own daughter.....and I actually got nervous! I have no idea what I am doing. O'k, so what happens when you have to go to the bathroom? Do you sit there with there with the baby all day long or can you walk away if they are in a playarea or something? How do u know they are hungry? How do u know how much milk and food to give them? What if they have a cold...? A fever? How do you give them a bath? How the heck to you fold up that stupid baby carriage? Why did I feel that baby's tummy to see if it was moving when she took a nap...? Am I always going to wonder if the baby has stopped breathing!!!! Oh my gosh...so much to learn!!! Help !!!!!

Happy Birthday Haylzzz

Hayley Rose is my sister oldest daughter. My first born niece. She was 13 yesterday! I can't believe how time flies. From the minute this child was born, we had a special relationship. Although she cried everytime I held her or looked at her for the first 11 months of her life, I know everything would be o'k when her mommy asked her at the age of 1, "What does your Aunt Wendi say?" ....Hayley, the beautiful baby, proudly said "GUT"...(an abbrievation of a silly phrase I must say about 1200 a day...GUT TA NU, Yiddish for something like..."my god I love you so much) Hayley and I have a special relationship. From talking on the phone....pretty much constantly since she was about 2....to IMing on the computer....to hanging out with her friends, especially her best friend Samantha....I believe that my relationship with her is deeper then just niece and aunt. We are friends. And, I know that friendship will grow. Hayley was the first to really teach me what love meant. The first to make me feel like I could be a mommy.
Now do not get me wrong, I am equally in love with her two sisters, my Sydney and Addison. Hayley was just the first. Happy birthday to my darling niece Hayley. You are not only beautiful, but adventuresome, talented, smart and most of the time ...very very sweet. I will always be there for you. When I got my I600 approval in the mail, I called my hubby first, and then the girls...Sydney was screaming. Hayley was screaming...and she said to me, "Wendi, you are going to be the best mom ever!" Thanks Haylzz...I couldn't have done any of this without you.

The waiting game...it really begins

It's really the first time in this whole process where there is not a thing to do. There is no copying of papers, no scheduling of appointments, not even a criminal check to do. There is nothing to check my mailbox for. I have nothing to do! For a person like me who is very much a control freak, this is kinda of freaky. We still wait for our LID date, but I suspect I won't hear much on this for a least a month. So, what do I do....I am promising myself to be very productive. I am planning on reading up on chinese culture, continue to connect with the wonderful women I am meeting on the Yahoo Message boards . I have also be introduced via email to Audrey and Rose. Our agency sent our dossiers together, so there is a real chance we will actual travel together to China! One thing that I am going to monitor myself from doing is getting to caught up on reading the "rumors" and "ranting" that can go on in the Yahoo groups. Although a wonderful support system, I have to take certain things and not read to much into them. Today I read a post from a woman who complained about the long wait, and for some reason I got really upset. I have to manage my time on these boards to not make myself to nutty. So, I will put out there to all you my friends, family and fellow bloggers...I promise to be productive during this time...educate myself, work on some of my professional endeavors (while I still have time)...work out, take time for myself and just put out the good vibes that baby Lia will be here soon enough.

My day of atonement

Tonite is the most holy nite in theJewish religion, it marks the beginning of Yom Kippur when as Jews we ask g-d to forgive us for our sins. We also remember those who have past. Although I am not the most religious Jew, I take Yom Kippur very seriously. We Jews, begin a fast and for the next 24 hours I will not eat or drink. I usually use this time to really thank g-d for all that I have been blessed, and ask that g-d help me become a better person. I also spend the time being reflective and look to really organize matters in my life. With the arrival of my daughter in the near future, I am so grateful. I know that g-d will bring me the child that I am supposed to raise and love. I will mark this day very quietly, by myself. I will think , I will read, I will walk and I will reflect about how lucky I really am.

This is interesting

When babies are left at the orphanages in China, the law requires that the caregivers must try to find their families. I am not sure of the exact rule behind this, so forgive me, but I do know that the Government places these finding outs. It lists where and when the babies were found, and I suppose where they are now. What is amazing is that these sometime are the first photos that parents receive. There is actually a company that goes and and finds the ads for you once you get your referral.

Today was a big day Lia

One day when our Lia is reading this she will know that today was a very big day.
It came in a simple email from the agency "Wendi we received your I 700 from the Consulate...you are DTC today!!!" Those few words have literally sent me flying!!! The work is down...all of our paperwork for our daughter is on its way to China!!!!

I'm going to be a mommy. A real mommy with the most loved and special little girl in the whole world.

I am so excited for you Lia. Your daddy and I love you so much. I want to share this with my stepchildren, Adam and Annie...but we are waiting to tell them in person when they are with us over Christmas!! Lia completes our circle..and I pray that they are as happy about this as I am.

I came home from work tonite...and there was a big vase of roses. A simple card said..." To the best mom in the world!" xoxoxo

Of course, it was from my husband Joey....I love you sweetie.

GUESS WHAT

DTC!!!!

DOSSIER TO CHINA!!!

9/27/06

A warning for all

O'k, I might not have my baby in my tummy. But, I think that I may have "Paper-Pregnancy" symptoms. I had an argument with my sweet momma...sorry mom. I was freaking out! Basically, we need to get the I700 (let's call it the visa) certified by the Chinese consulate. The agency sent it and it takes four to five days. Then we are bound for China...anyway, it didn't come in today. She promises that it will be there tomorrow...but I was upset...and I started to whine! I needed to "kvetch". My mother said "Calm down, Calm down"...I barked back at her and actually hung up the phone. Then she had my poor sweet dad call me back and try to calm me down. Oh they mean well...and they love me...but you know what people...WHEN A PREGNANT WOMAN WITH A BIG FAT TUMMY CARRIES ON..SHE GETS AWAY WITH IT BECAUSE "SHE IS PREGNANT!"....Over the course of the next year, I know that I will be nuts. I am warning everyone that is around me....from Kristen J in my office to my sister Lori to my nieces to my step children to my parents and of course to my husband....please don't say CALM DOWN! I am "paper-pregnant" and my moods are going to be up and down. They are going to keep me up at nite and I bet, yes I bet that I will have a few cravings as well! It's just the same ....I am worried, I am anxious, I am excited. I want my baby to be healthy and happy. I want to hold my baby. Sounds like a pregnant mom, right? I love you all and I apologize up front for any craziness.

One more thing

I found this photo on line. It makes me so sad, yet happy to know that our daughters seem to be so well taken care of. Thank god for all the "aunties" who watch our babies. They are very special people. Please god, make sure that our Lia Rose Carroll is being watched over tonite. Make sure she is well fed, warmly dressed, and hugged when she cries.

The wait

Today was a good day for so many. The referrals I'm learning come once a month. In the past several months they have only been matching about a week and a half's worth (or something like that) Do the math, that can mean a very long wait time. However, today's match was over two weeks worth! So this is some positive movement. I am obsessed. I realize that. I literally can spend 24 hours a day on the internet reading blogs and message boards. There is so much great information and it's wonderful to read about families getting their referrals. It gives you so much hope. I woke up in the middle of the nite and snuck a look on the Rumor Queens site. This is the coolest website -www.chinaadopttalk.com. She (or he come to think about it) is a waiting mom or herself. She tracks down all the latest news and rumors. It can become a bit addictive and at times upsetting to read the site...in fact my agency yelled at me and told me to relax and read more about Chinese culture and less Rumor Queen :) ....She posted right away the referral timing directly from the CCAA site. It was good to see this positive movement.

I called my agency again....and I'll call everday this week if I have to....they said "you will definetly be DTC" this week. It might not sound like a big deal to some if it's this week or next...but every single day counts. She told me that my agency had seven referrals today and that they were all so cute!!!! Please keep your fingers crossed for us. Baby L we are coming for you soon!!!

Lia's family, mom's side

A silly picture from Rosh Hashana, taken by Grandad...that's Uncle Greg, Daddy, Auntie Lori and Mommy, Hayley, Sydney, Grandmom and Uncle Ray and Aunt Myra in front. The cute little girl on the left is Addie! (not sure why Daddy isn't smiling, might be from my sister's cooking!)

This mom is back

I was away in Palm Beach for a few days on a business trip. We had tons of time to relax, so it was just what the doctor ordered. I tried not to think about the adoption, yeah sure. I couldn't do anything but! I told everyone there I was going to be a mom...and the reception was so warm and so genuinelly happy for me. When I got home, I called my agency to check up on my paperwork....I was told that we should definetly be "DTC" this coming week!!!! This is a very big deal...what this means is Dossier to China....all the papers are sent to the CCAA which manages all the adoptions. Then a few weeks later, we will receive the "LOG IN DATE" ...then the official wait begins. I know that this doesn't make sense for those outside the adoption community, but for those of us in it....this is HUGE....we are officially "pregnant" and the countdown is on. The work is done, and now we wait. Today I had lunch with Chris (Hi Chris, if you check the blog). It was wonderful! We met online thru the adoption message boards. She lives very close by, so it was good to finally get together. It was fabulous to talk to someone who totally understands. Her and her hubby have a LID of late May, so I can't wait to watch her get her referral next Spring/early Summer.... these connections are huge for us and for our daughters. It's very exciting, and I can't wait to meet the others. I am hoping that my hubby can join me at some of the special events that are held for "waiting families", he is always so busy with work, but for both of us, these opportunities will just make the time go by and the fact that we are having a baby together, be more "real"...we are having a baby!!! Baby L...can't wait till you are here!!!!

Not a bad time

Lucky me. I am on a business trip in Palm Beach Florida. Right now I am staring out the window at the simply beautiful Atlantic Ocean. I hear the waves, I see the vast open space as the ocean just reaches far out into the world. It's amazing this world. It brings us altogether in ways we can't even imagine...how lucky are we to experience this.

Anyway, I spoke to the agency yesterday...Ruthie, the agency director, emailed and said that she felt for sure that we would be DTC this month. The bummer is that it will be another 14 months from Log in date to placement....but you know what, stranger things have happened and I am going to keep an open heart and open mind that this could change and become a faster referral. Lia will be with us when she is supposed to. In the meantime we have alot to do. I want to solidify some professional things I need to..(which I'll keep to myself for now)...my hubby has a bad hip, and we need to fix that. Most importantly,we will also get my step kids used to this idea of a little half sister.....which I am sure they will be happy about....I want to share this great news with them....and look forward to the holidays when we can!

A moment of great clairty

For for too long I longed for a family. My life felt so incomplete. I needed to be a mom.
I met my husband almost five years ago (yes, can you believe it's that long) and my life changed so much. I moved out of a small walk up apartment in New York City. I actually bought Real Estate in New Jersey...and love it. I am of course about to be a mommy....and the list could go on and on. I want and need a family. Giving "birth" to my daughter will be the final step I need to take. Tonite however, I had a great moment of clairty. I do have that family that I crave, Lia is just the missing piece. On our Yahoo message boards our signatures tell a quick story about each of us. I looked at mine, and in a moment of great clairty I saw how full my life really was...I'm surrounded by the children I crave and need. I thank my husband for giving me everything that I desire. Joey, you are my dream come true and I love you so very much. Thank you for giving us Lia....to join the rest of the crew!

Dh Joe> Awaiting DTC> Mom to be to Lia Rose, my first...and I'm 45! >
Stepmum to Adam (19)> Stepmum to Annie (13 1/2)>
Mom to Molly (my doggie)>
Auntie to Hayley, Sydney and Addie (13, 11, and 5)

Jewish Neurosis

I really can't believe this is happening. I think it is really feeling "more real". The approval means the package goes to China, and then we wait for her. I will not let myself think of how anything can go wrong. There, I said it. But I won't anymore. It's all about positive energy and positive thinking. Like any mother with a baby due, you worry. As a Jewish person, I worry more :). No seriously, Jewish expectant moms don't even tell anyone until three months. And you really aren't supposed to bring anything into the house. There is a Yiddish expression I use. I am totally mis-spelling and maybe even using it incorrectly it but I will write it out phonetically---"ken-a-her-a "you don't want to "kenahera" it, but I'm going to have a baby!!!!" (Translation: you don't want to jinx it, but I'm going to have a baby) So the question for me will be when do I actually start buying stuff?....I see others are already doing it...But I am still a neurotic Jewish gal, and I'm not sure I should. Yet, I want to. I guess , it can't hurt!!!!

Officially expecting!

Look at the sonogram!!! It's true!

One step closer!!!!!!

APPROVAL!!!!

We got it!!!! We got the approval to bring an orphan into this country!!!! This is it people...the last step before it gets sent to China...the next very important date is the DTC ...Dossier to China date....that's when the countdown really begins.

I can't tell you how happy I am. It's a huge relief to get this!!!! I am actually very proud of the work that it took us to get to this point. I have probably been a huge pain in the butt to my dear husband (dh) Joe, because I've been so stressed to get this all together...but we did it!!!!

I called everyone...first of course , Joe...who was hard at work, as usual....they I called my nieces....Hayley and Sydney, they were so excited...Hayley told me that "you will be the best mom Aunt Wendi"...and Sydney was screaming....of course the baby , Addison was sleeping, so we didn't want to wake her, but apparently, she is a "little jealous" because Lia will be spoiled and she won't anymore! I also called my parents, my friends Judy, David, Amy, Alysa, Kristen B, Kristen J, and of course my sister. My mom and I also called my Aunt and Uncle Dorothy and Mike...I've been waiting for the special time to tell them that we are naming them Lia's godgrandparents! They don't have grandkids, so I want to make sure, like me not having a child...they get their granddaughter! I am soooo excited...I was dieing to share this information with my stepkids, Adam and Annie, but we are waiting until they are here...to share the big news....

Now, this is so remarkable to me...but the date of approval was 9/11/06. The day is so important to me for so many reasons. There is the obvious...and that day changed my life as well as everyone's but I feel that after going thru that days' events, I opened my heart, and met my true love...my husband, just a few months later...almost to the day. It's so symbolic, that this day will mark a pivotal day in our daughter and our life. Then, another "sign" to me ...and I didn't realize this until my mom pointed it out...but 9/11 was my grandmom Rose Leah's wedding anniversary....who knows, another fitting sign, that Lia Rose is one step closer!!!

These are the wonderful faces of newly placed babies...aren't they beautiful.I put these all together to focus on the future and visualize what Lia Rose may look like.I love this. I hope you enjoy that face, that face that marvelous face!

Not getting excited yet

So yesterday was the saddest day in the world. 9/11. Isn't it strange, that for those 24 hours, you remember ever feeling and emotion that you felt during that awful day. I decided yesterday that I wanted to make something wonderful happen...so, I called immigration. It's the Orphan office or something like that. I very nicely asked for Yowanda, the woman in charge. She actually answered the phone. In the sweetest voice I could muster I said....hi, I was wondering if you had any idea when my I71 would be ready....I gave her my name and my hubby's...she put me on hold, and I prayed. And the words I needed to hear came out of her mouth..."it's right here on my desk and it should go out this week!!!!" I actually told the woman I loved her!!!! I called my agency right away and told them the news....if all works out o'k...and I hate to say this, because I don't want to jinx...we could be DTC within two weeks!!!! That is a pivotal day in our journey. So, I'll write no more about this until it actually happens...but keep the good thoughts coming our way. Lia Rose, just another step closer to you baby girl!!!

September 11

So sorry I haven't written. I haven't been feeling great. I pulled my back out and really have been in pain. I think I needed sometime from sitting up on the computer, and that did the trick. I also am in a state of denial. I am so overwhelmed with fear that something will go wrong with this adoption. Maybe that is why I am avoiding the Blog. I love this little girl so much, and I'm afraid that it won't happen. Tomorrow is September 11th. I am in denial about that as well. That day changed everything. But the good that came out of it for me was that I opened up my heart, and soon after met my husband. I remember reading all the profiles about the victims. How they had full lives with loves and families. That is what I wanted as well. And I hope to god that I am on my way to creating that. I am staying calm now. I have to. For what else can I do. I love the idea of Lia, and I hope to create the reality of her. In a celebration of life, we must go on and fulfill our dreams. Please god help me fulfill mine.

Translation: Daughter

My mind can't stop thinking

My mind can not stop thinking. It's hard to sleep....it's hard to concentrate...it's hard to stop thinking about this baby. What a strange time this is. I do well at work, I think. I really try to concentrate on the job at hand, while checking into the Yahoo Message groups through-out the day. It's just hard. I have to admit, I have so many worries. What if this baby doesn't come through? What if what if what if. I have to turn it off. I spend my evenings online. I don't even turn the television on, or put on music. I read blogs, I read adoption website. I read about the wonderful stories. I read about the rumors. I read and try to learn as much as possible. In the meantime, my poor husband must want to kill me....but he knows how important this is for me to do. No updates today. Just still waiting on the I171. Four weeks next week...we are getting closer. Please say a few prayers for us.

Referrals

A bunch of parents got there referrals this week. It's so wonderful for them. In the brief research that I did, it looked like most came in at around 12 to 13 months. The babies that I heard about were all under a year...and so beautiful. There is a wonderful website www.julydragonflies.com that lists a ton of referrals and beautiful pictures. It was so awesome to read their stories and see their photos. I have to admit, I pretended one or two of the babies were mine. There were two named Lia. Spelled the same way too... Just so special!

I am getting anxious to get my forms!!! It's been three weeks today....the countdown continues.

Quick inspirational moment

Quote of the Day"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."– Steve Jobs

Pickles at nite

There are rumors all of the message boards that state that the CCAA is changing the rules as of January '07. For all those that don't know,the CCAA is the organization that controls adoptions in China. Right now referrals are backed up and it is taking more then 12 months to get referred to your baby. A few years ago it was six months. In order to control the numbers, the rumor is they are going to change the requirements. Basically limit single parent adoptions (very sad), age restrictions, financial, and health...to name a few. I should be logged in, please god, way before this...Not even sure how it would effect us, although possibly the age could. I am just pretty nervous that something will go wrong with my paperwork, the restrictions will be enforced and I'll become ineligible. This is what is driving me nuts! .I make so many scenarios up in my head. I have to stop and start being positive! .We are well on are way, and if it takes longer then expected, so be it. (All I know is that it is 12:34am on a Sunday nit, I can't sleep, I am stressing. I am also hungry and just ate three pickles ...I know gross, but there are no calories. ) I wrote the director of my agency today, and shared my concern...Below is her response...

The stuff on the internet is just rumor. Nothing has been changed at this time and certainly won't be until January, if ever. Try not to worry, nothing has changed. Ruthie