I am feeling incredibly sad tonite. I will blame it on a bit of PMS...but, I realized the moment I stop doing something...I think of Lia. Tonite the feeling was overwhelming. In fact it brought tears to my eyes. I feel that she is really out there ...and I miss her so much. There is this little baby out there waiting for her mommy, and I can't do anything about it except sit here and wait.
The referrals that were expected last week, never arrived. Right now they are saying this week, and no one has any idea of how many days they will match. It's such a roller coaster of a ride. I won't get off of it though. This is what I am meant to do. I think my husband does make some sense in the way he is dealing with the wait. He pays no attention to it. He knows that Lia will be here when she is supposed to. Me, I am online...networking with other moms and dads...reading blog after blog. I have to do it this way. For me that is the right way, for my husband, he has his own. Tonight though, I really miss you Lia. I am sorry I can't be there for you ...but you are in my heart. Please someone, take care of her for me. Please.
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It's amazing that after a three year plus wait, the most unbelievable little girl is in our arms....now we are trying to catch our breathe! The party is just beginning!
1 comment:
Dear Wendi,
I am getting worried about you! I don't know how to tell you to 'hang in there' since I am almost in the same boat. Only think of past "I can't wait" events. Was there a time when you thought "will I ever go to/graduate school/college?" or "get the job I want" or ever marry?? and suddenly, you make these things happen and they become part of you, part of your life story. So it will be with Lia...meanwhile, maybe take a break from all these blogs & websites and work on a project unrelated to the adoption. Just my humble suggestion...I know that PMS and other daily happenings can make the wait seem worse.
Lia is FINE in China, being cared for by a nice nanny in a great orphanage...that's why we chose China, huh? Just as later you will have to trust her with MANY caregivers, we as moms are just one of many. I find looking at others'blogs makes me a little envious...I want their lives! their beautiful children! but then I think of all I have, and try to concentrate on doing whatever for the next 12-18 months until we can bring our little one(s) home, then a whole NEW chapter of our lives begins.
I hope these words give you something to think about, options for when the waiting gets bad. And as with your many other waiting adoptive parent 'new friends', you can always email me!
Tot ziens, and be well.
Mary Beth in Amsterdam
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