Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
It's a damn roller coaster of a process! My fellow waiting parents can attest that this is truly an almost next to impossible task we face. The WAIT. It's excruciating. One minute there are incredible rumors that things are picking up and that the next referral is going to to be a big one. Then the crushing news that this may not be true. And we continue to creep along. I feel so frustrated. I am angry. I am questioning everything! I want to hide in my corner and pull a blanket over my head. I will not eat. I will not binge on nuts and popcorn. I will not cry and scream. I will remain strong and keep focused on the prize. I know the best things in life take time and patience. Today, two people who never ask me how the baby is coming along, asked. I felt stupid when I answered "well we are seven months down but I have no idea if I have 12 or 16 or 20 to go!" I wish I wish i wish we knew. Please someone come out with a statement that definitively answers how long this wait will be. Someone tell us that the referrals will be x amount a month. Someone tell us something. Reading rumors online is not the answer. The good rumors are awesome, the bad are like being punched really hard in the stomach. I think the entire Waiting Family community would be thrilled knowing more then we do. No complaints. The wait is the wait. The time will pass and we will be with our children. I just want to be able to have some idea when this dream that I share with so many will come true.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Lori's lastest entry is all about the Raccoon. A Raccoon that by her very efforts of saving and protecting her babies, she lost them forever. Of course, this is the greatest sacrifice a parent can make. As a waiting parent , I imagine that Lia-Rose's birth-mother will share the same fate as the lovely Raccoon. It's very sad, but joyous in the fact that thru this deep sacrifice the greatest love of all is shared. Please make sure to read the story!
I love you Lori and you are amazing, but I've always known that.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
PS Go to www.colicwaseasier.blogspot.com
I am very proud of my sisters blog
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
While walking tonite, to stifle the hunger that was creeping over me, I had one of those "Aha" moments. (By the way, I seem to be having them more often, it is definitely a benefit of growing older-must be a pre-menopausal thing) I realized that my entire life is all about my ability to be patient.
Let's see...when I younger and just out of school I so desperately wanted a career in NYC.
I was turning 26 (or maybe it was 27) and finally an opportunity. I applied for a job as a Promotion Director at a radio station here (the old WYNY for any radio geeks out there). It came down to two people. me, and a guy. You guessed it, the guy got it (not because he was a guy mind you just because he had a bit more experience). However the point of this story is that I clearly remember the General Manager saying to me, "be PATIENT Wendi. You'll be here in NYC soon and be very successful. A year later, I was here.
I married later in life. I so wanted to meet my soul mate, the man of my dreams. I dated a lot, was the queen of the blind date, and everyone used to say to me, "be PATIENT Wendi. Your love is out there." (Now that was patience, I married at 42 years old!)
When Joe and I first met, we were separated for months because of Immigration stuff. Joe had to head back to Australia to await his Fiancee visa to return. . My family said, "be PATIENT" Wendi, Joe will be back. Before you know it you'll be wed." Our Fourth anniversary is on June 1st.
And now, obviously, the biggest patience test of my life. Waiting for you, Ms. Lia-Rose. The only wait in history where as each month passes, another is added on (not that I am complaining, I am grateful for this!) The point is, I have to dig deep inside of me. As deep as any feeling can be. You are nestled in my heart, buried in my soul. The strength is you Lia_Rose"inside of me" accounts for any and all patience that I have. As I look back on my life, I do know that when I was patient, my goals and dreams came to fruition. I don't doubt that the same thing will happen now. Patience : the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient. That's me because of you, Lia-Rose.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Here's old pics of Joe and I that my dad just found, Not the greatest photos of Lia-Rose's mom and dad, but u get the point.This was about 3 years ago. I was wearing my hair semi-trying to be curly back then. Summer frizz time for sure!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Although I LOVE it when it's completed. I go thru the new seasonal wardrobe, and although I had enough clothes to wear the year before, it never seems like I have anything now. I have so much stuff to trash, it's not even funny. Did I tell you I HATE THIS. Right now the townhouse we are living in has two bedrooms, big closets in each room and one large walk-in downstairs. The large walk-in downstairs is now my large walk-in office in a closet.We have a computer and shelves in here. I have plenty of junk in here as well. I HATE IT. However, we will be building a "home office" unit in our kitchen. We are working on the design now but it should be great. Beautiful built-ins that match the cabinets in my kitchen. This way we gain the use of this big closet downstairs so I can clear the closet upstairs for my Lia-Rose's stuff. Which by the way I am starting to slowly accumulate, only when I see something really cute. Anyway, do u realize what I am doing right now? I am prograstinating. I have heaps of clothes on my bed right now which need to put away. Me, however, I sit here typing this and dream that when I go upstairs my closet will look like this but with more ladies clothes.
Anyway I better get back to work now! It's still early enough to finish and enjoy the rest of my afternoon. By the way, I started Nutri-System today, so far so good! I guess I am spring cleaning not just my closets, but my body as well. I like that thought!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
In the last 24 hours some amazing things happened to me. Well amazing might be stretching it for you…but for me they really were. First off, I had dinner last nite with a client of mine…I should say a friend. The lovely Debbie S. She informed me that she had been reading this blog and I got to tell you , that made me feel so special. To know that my words are being shared with others and even evoking some emotions from them, is truly AMAZING. Debbie and I had a great dinner last night and talked about babies, adoption husbands, The DISC, our common client, and of course weight loss! What else to do women talk about J. The DISC by the way is a behavioral assessment tool which I am being trained on. Anyway…I left Debbie and headed home. After watching my taped American Idol episode and voting for Melinda (5x) and Blake (4x), sorry not a Jordan fan, I turned on my taped daily episode of “Adoption Story”. It airs everyday at 7am on the Discovery Channel. It was a story about a family who were adopting their beautiful baby girl Phoebe from Korea. I was very touched by their story. This was their second child and they were both in their 40’s. The baby was gorgeous and delicious. But it was more then just what I saw. I started sobbing. I ran up to bed and woke Joe up. I screamed, “something is happening today with Lia-Rose. I just know it”. I know I have had this feeling before. BUT this was much deeper. I felt her. I felt something was happening with her. I don’t know if she was just conceived, just born or maybe arriving at the orphanage. There is movement in this soul’s life. The steps are being set in motion for her to come to us. I know it. I felt it more then ever last nite. Joe said, in his sleep probably, “Lia-Rose is coming…she will be here. “Then we both prayed. We prayed for her to find her way safely to us. To know that she is loved and that all of us….my stepkids, my sister, my brother in law, my nieces, my parents and aunts and uncles, are waiting for her. We made sure to also bless her birthmother. I feel asleep, and I wasn’t sure what I dreamt of…but it felt like something really BIG and AMAZING had just happened. Anyway, this morning I woke up early for a client event that I produce. I haven’t been feeling great physically. I mean, I have been working out and nothing is happening. I saw this morning three people who I hadn’t seen for a few months. Between them all, there is probably a 60 pound weight loss. I spoke to one of them, Kate, who is my age and asked her what she did. She said….NUTRI SYSTEM. I lost 15 pounds on Nutri-System. I want to lose weight and tone up for my daughter. I want to look good in those pictures!!!. So, I called Joe and said…”I am doing it. I need your support”. He said go for it. So…I announce to my Blog friends that I just signed up for it and let’s give it a go….amazing, who knows? For me…something big is happening…..for Lia-Rose…Mommy knows it is happening too!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
There are some positive rumors circulating out there that referrals can in fact be much larger then usual…..everyday I really do feel more like this is going to happen and that I am in fact becoming a mother. My feelings of love for this child are so huge and it’s o’k. I am not crazy. In fact, most waiting parents are like me…we just adore this baby that we are creating in our hearts and souls. So, I will stay positive. I will focus on the fact that each day is moving on…I can not change what can’t be changed and most of all, why am I worrying about things I have no control over ?
My friend Ann Marie (comeundone.typepad.com) is days away from heading to Russia to pick up the most handsome baby boy in the world….Baby Bee. This is hope.
My friend Susan isn’t that far way either from meeting her baby girl. This is hope. Mother’s Day came and went.. Everyone honored me for being the “waiting mom” that I am. This is hope.
When I saw my pregnant relative, I greeted her with tears. She let me hold her and touch her belly. I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t envious. I wasn’t pissed off. I was an expectant mom like she was. This is hope.
And yesterday my niece Addie whispered to me that she had something to tell me…..I bent closer and she said “I love you". –I knew then for sure, this is hope!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
I started thinking about the whole world of racial identity. It’s obviously a hot topic right now with the whole Imus debacle. Keep in mind I work in the media and have mixed feelings about freedom of speech issues, etc. I think certain things are funny, and in a sense when certain personalities say things, we are basically just making fun of ourselves and the stupidity of stereotypes. But then I sit back and think as a mother. I cringe now when I hear certain jokes about Chinese people. Someone at work was imitating a Chinese accent. I was insulted. Where did this come from? Why am I so on edge about this? My daughter and I will be of different racial backgrounds. To the stranger looking at us the first thought they will always have is that this child is Chinese. That will always be the first thought they have of her. If they happen to be Chinese, White, Black, and Hispanic,-they will see her with me and first thought, she must be adopted. This will always cross people’s minds. It will be a reality that we will always have to live with. Who knows what her classmates will say. Will they make fun of her and her family or be supportive? . My job now is to make sure she never feels different. Let her know that she is loved by me as deeply and as passionately as she would be if she looked exactly like me. Let her know that she is an incredible person who can do and be whatever it is she wants to.
Looking back on my life I can honestly say there were times that I felt different. For whatever reasons, I felt like I didn’t fit in or that I was somehow very different then the others around me. There was also a time when most of the people around me were of different ethnicities and races. That time in my life was fantastic in the sense that it truly helped me try to live my life in a “different skin”. I realized how lucky I was to be able to have people judge me for me, and not for the color of my skin. This story sticks out for me- I was sitting in a business meeting with a group of African American women. The leader of the meeting, a good friend at the time, started the meeting and said, “Welcome my sisters. She went on to talk about the particular project we were working on and then made a comment that as “black women it’s important that we all come together on this” (or something like to that effect). Then she stopped, and laughed, and looked at me and said, “g-d Wendi, I keep forgetting you are white. You are just Wendi, my sister.” She saw me for me at that moment. I had made an impression on her and I was just Wendi. I want the world to see my daughter for everything that she is. Not how she is on the outside, and how different the rest of her family look….but for the whole package. This is what I will fight for. This is what will make me cry. This is what will help me make a difference in this world.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
In other completely non-adoption news....my niece Addison had her first homework assignment ever today..although she was too busy doing her homework I never found out exactly what it was...for my niece Sydney's 12th birthday the crew is coming up to see Legally Blonde...which got crappy reviews but who cares, it's Broadway and it's PINK! My step-daughter Annie is happy and great and playing netball and looking gorgeous as usual...and finally, in the ever changing world of my niece Hayley who is 13 1/2 thinking she is 25, apparently she wants to go to a tanning booth! (Her mom said no, of course!) but she ended up putting self-tanner on herself....god knows how that came out! Anyway...bottom line...these kids are just growing way to fast. O'k, that's it..I am somewhat delirious and I have to work tomorrow....by the way, I have a small crush on Blake from American Idol....go figure!