Sunday, June 20, 2010

She just amazes me

In the past few weeks Lia-Rose has really become less of a baby and more of a little girl. It's just truly amazing how she is just blossoming, exploding with language, growing, learning and just loving life more and more. Sometimes when I look at her and she is quiet I wonder what she is thinking. She claims not to remember much of Taiwan. We ask her often. We talk about her Nanny and the family she has there. Not making it an issue. We want to make it just a natural piece of her life. I wonder if she remembers the neglect she suffered. The tears she must have cried as a baby. The times she ached for someone to hold her and no one came. It's a wonder that this child is as "together" as she really is. Now, Lia has her moments. Moments of sheer exhaustion for me and her. It usually happens when it's Lia, myself and someone else. (never without mommy in the room) She just wants attention. Craves it. She acts up. That's what this is about for her. Having limits. She never did. No one set them for her as a baby. For 2 1/2 years she had no limits. No structure, she was forced to survive and fight her way. Finding anyway to do it. When she acts up it's my job to show her the way. To set the limits and give her focus. She is doing well in school. She does great with her babysitter. It's just her mommy's attention and love that she fights for. I try to tell her that it's not necessary to fight for it. She has it. 100%. But in the meantime, we will work through those moments. Fill them with lots of hugs, and kisses and discipline. It is what she needs, craves and deserves.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I have missed you blog

Wow...seriously long time since I last posted. I completely forgot I had a blog. I loved my blog. I met so many friends through my blog and most importantly I documented my Lia's story on this blog. I just have not had one minute of free time since I brought that little girl into this country exactly one year ago today. Wow. One year she has been home with me. One year of sleeping next to the sweetest little girl (or shall I say falling asleep besides and then waking up in the middle of the night to sleep in my own bed) Facebook had been a great way of informing friends and family of Lia-isms. She is truly FUNNY. But, the whole story is no where to be found and I feel slightly guilty about that. So many mommy's are out there writing all down, I really don't want Lia being left out in the future. Should I make this private or public? I took of the private setting but in light of that will keep names to a minimum. I just don't want to show up in search engines.

So where do I start? Lia is truly incredible. She is very smart. Very beautiful. Huge huge huge personality. The love of my life. She is also extremely exhausting and with one year down in this mommy world I am in now I can honestly say, it didn't necessarily come naturally to me. I don't think I am that great of a mommy. I know I was a great Auntie..but a mommy, I am not sure. Sometimes I feel to tired to make dinner and we go out. Sometimes I don't feel like fighting her to brush her teeth. Sometimes I forget to give her a vitamin. I feel so guilty. It's a horrible thing. This weekend I was exhausted. What did we do. NOTHING. I felt guilty. But, I needed it. SOmetimes I eat her popcorn when she isn't looking. I am so bad. On the plus side, I sit with her everynight and read. No tv after 6:30. We take a warm bath and wash our hair and play games in the bathtub. We take walks outside when the weather is nice. I try to be there every morning to take her to school and every night to pick her up. I think about her all day and miss her about an hour after I leave her. I dream of her. I kiss her constantly and tell her she has made me the luckiest mommy alive. I love this child. I can't be perfect. I can't do it all. But I am trying

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Jesus, I'm a shitty blogger

:ia-Rose is amazing, beautiful, smart, sassy, tough, exhausting, delightful. lovely, smart, funny, silly, obnoxious, crazy, talented and perfect. She is an incredily strong child with lot's of likes and dislikes.
She is understanding english like crazy...and everyday new words--today it's"excuse me" (She picked that up on a playdate today)..."go back to bed now!" (which she claims Na Na (grandmom) and Ya Ya (grandad) taught her-they didn't...she sings songs-her favorite being Little Red Caboose. She constantly "Boo Yows" which means No..she says "Boo Yow Daddy, Boo Yow Na Na and Booy Yow Ya Ya" in one sentence..basically boo yowing her daddy and grandparents. She loves her babysitter, loving school and loves/hates her doggie Molly. She watches tv shows for 8 year olds-I Carly especially and is getting into Full House. We went to the movies today and she made it thru the previews and a bucket of kid size popcorn. My darn camera is breaking everyday as one little continues to find it and throw it.

As for me, I'm exhausted. Full time/two jobs is tough...I feel like I can't be the greatest at either of them which is frustrating. I am overeating, my hormones are raging, and I don't feel particulary great. Yet, it sort of doesn't matter. My goal in the next week is to get myself together. Try to do three days at the gym and just feel sort of in control. BUT, I LOVE BEING HER MOMMY.

Today we went on our first playdate, she was so bad. So was her friend. We walked out of movie because she started talking back to the movie screen about five minutes into it. We went to Target, she had fun.

Anyway, not the greatest post, but wanted to get something up here...need to find time for this as well!

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

I am going to blog again

Facebook has become my new place to express myself. Those one liners are an easy way to update the world on L-R and not take up to much time. But I feel like such a horrible mother. Years from now kids will be comparing notes on how much (or how little) their parents documented their lives. With all the availablity of blogging, photosharing, video uploading these kids will have a complete documented past. My poor Lia will have nothing. I can't do that to her. So, I will commit to at least three posts a week. That will be easy enough, I think.

Life has definetly been hectic. My FB status tonight was about having not enough hours in the day. How true. I feel like I can never turn myself off. If I'm not working, I'm doing something for Lia. If I'm not Lia'ing I'm doing something for Joe and the house and my dog. I am not complaining but it is hard being a mommmy, holding a busy job and just keeping the house going. Feeling organized is very important to me. Paying my bills on time makes me feel great. The fact that I missed two bills that were sitting in my to open box for the last six weeks makes me sick. Fortunetly they shouldn't hurt my credit or anything like that but I can't let that happen.

Lia has been good. Just a little wound up lately. Tomorrow she goes back to her schedule of three days in daycare and two days at the sitter. I can't wait to get back to the normal schedule. I just have so much to do and it's been hard feeling like I can't get it done. Then I find myself working while she is in the room and she gets upset and throws things or comes over and tries to turn the computer off. It's very frustrating. So the goal will be to work when she is in daycare/school and to be with her when she is not. I need to get her in bed by 8:30 (it's been really hard but with the days getting darker earlier that should help.) If I can have some time to myself from 9p-11p I can get last minute work done and personal work done. Sounds like a plan.

Her cute Lia'ism today was when she was on the toilet. I know TMI but it was cute. Her tummy must have hurt as she poo'ed and she said "mommy no more ice cream no more pizza...Lia full."

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I have been away so long my blog is inactive

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I blogged. This summer has flown by. I waited all that time to bring Lia home and now the time is just slipping away! Unreal. Lia is amazing. Hello, can you say the funniest, smartest, cutest kid in the world. I may be slightly biased but she is pretty sensational. Motherhood is wonderful, hard as hell. Working motherhood, simply challenging. I go to bed late and wake up early. It's a juggling act for sure. I am exhausted and Lia-Rose can be challenging. She loves to throw things and tonight she innocently almost chocked me to death. She of course found it very funny. She really is an amazing, strong child. I love her with all my heart and soul. I want to start blogging again. I just have to find the time. And now I hate the way the blog looks!!! Why did that happen? Anywa, I better shut this off for now and I'll be back...gotta hug my big four year old as she sleeps.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Just so I remember

Some cute things Lia is doing or shall I say saying to express herself:
When she says goodbye it's "Bye bye, Happy Birthday to you, I lub you"
When she see an airplane "Mommy Up-plane..Happy Birthday to you"
When she sees a train "Mommy...choo choo"
When the radio in the car is to loud: "Mommy, baby sleeping"
When she wants something "Lia do Lia do"
When she wants a drink "Lia's coffee" (That's because everytime I drink something I say coffee..thinking she would know what that was!)
When she is bad she screams "Ice-a-cream" because she knows I'm going to say that she can't have any
When she wants Ice cream she pretends she is licking a cone
When she sneaks up behind me and she thinks she is being cute (which she is) she whispers "Hi, how are you?"

She is my life and my love. The feelings just get stronger and stronger each day.

Friday, July 17, 2009

She continues to amaze....

The words are just exploding. She understands, how does that happen? She is so smart.
This morning I left her a daycare and she cried. I nearly lost it but ran out of there quickly. I called the school about 90 minutes later and they said she was fine. I picked her up at 2:30 in the afternoon as she was waking up. One of her classmates screamed, "Lia, your Mommy is here." She was napping quietly and woke up peacefully, not scared at all. Her babysitter (our blessing) Barbara and her 10 year old daughter were with me. We all celebrated with ice cream and iced coffee! I'm so proud of her. The teacher said, she did great. Even knew the alphabet when they started to say it. She is amazing.

Just so proud.

Putting her in daycare makes me sad, but I know the interaction, education and routine is great for her. I want to give her every single advantage in life. I pray that I do.