Sunday, September 30, 2007
We did it folks! My support groups first ever live event. It was amazing! It was called to start at 2p and at 1:55pm, my father and husband were getting a little nervous ....hey this is the NYC area, people arrive, albeit, not at the exact time.
By 2:15pm the room was filling up and all my chairs were filled! It was amazing!! Oh I said that already. It was fantastic because of the wonderful people in the room all there for the same reason...our daughters and sons, waiting for us. About 10 or more kids came and we had a nice little arts and crafts area set up downstairs. One of my group members Jean (who I loved in person and on the phone for that matter) bought some beautiful craft products. Her daughter Lian was also beyond words cute and funny as anything. Then my incredibly talented and shrinking sister who we all know and love, Lori and her company Camp Snuggly provided facepainting for the kids as well as Snugglies for giveway. So great! Our speakers were incredible. Susan Scheftel spoke about attachment. I loved how she talked about how it's important for us during the wait to make our babies real, the way we are. This is bonding going on and it's very important. She also talked about how it's really about the parent's attitude in the whole bonding process that makes the difference. I was so busy running around I should have had somebody take notes for me...but I did get the gist of her words. She also told me that I am going to be a great mother...why? Because she saw how my mother worries and cares about me....she said having a mother that feels that way about me...is a great indicator that that's what Lia-Rose will have with me! Very sweet.
The two other speakers were amazing. Jeff Gammage shared with us his story about his daughters. He also noted that he believes the Olympics may in fact have something to do with the slowdown in referrals. And, finally Dr. Goldstein. Not only is she beautiful ...can I say Grey's Anatomy...she is brilliant! I can't belive how lucky I am to have found my daughter's peditrician already! Really great information ....talking about many of the important medical things to look for...special needs (club foot, cleft palate) that might be less of a special need then we think. Everyone was just really impressed!
The people who came were great...I had emailed with so many of them so it was really fun to see them in person. I am really really excited with the support and love everyone shared. And yes, I met my Audrey and her lovely husband Jeff! Audrey, I totally know you are reading this right now...but you are beautiful inside and out and I'm thrilled we will be traveling together to meet our girlies!!!!
After the event I had about 10 people back to the house. Lori and my niece and niece's friend slept over...and we had great chinese food, wine, beer, fortune cookies and just a really lovely time! Special thanks to my friend Susan who schelped out to be there and shared her own adoption story with us all.
I am exhausted but really proud of having created a community with a wonderful group of people. And ...the best part, my parents came up and were part of all also! I am so happy about that. Here's some pictures
That's me addressing the crowd.....
My volunteers Hayley and her bff Halle who helped in the kids area
PS at the top is the wonderful Chloe! Facepainting courtesy of Camp Snuggly!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Ok…a little upset…and I know she didn’t mean it….
We were having a moment at work….there is a gas leak in the building next store and rumor was that the gas was leaking into our building. Everybody started to panic.
One man said,”I have two kids and I gotta go” …I said, yeah “I’m expecting!” He said, really, and this young woman I work with this “she isn’t really”…I said yes I am …I am expecting a baby just like anyone else who is pregnant. I am adopting…I am expecting.” She apologized. Ps There is no gas at this point….oy vey.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
12 months ago tomorrow, three little Jewish ladies, all who live outside of NYC, Manhattan to be exact, and all who were of a certain age, had their very specially prepared files carefully put into an envelope labeled TO CHINA. THey were DTC (dossier to China) and their wait officially began for their first child. The ladies all excitedly emailed one another and expressed how excited they were to know each other and share this special trip. Through the year, some dates were arranged and then as New Yorkers so regularly do, they were cancelled. W & R met up at a conference and shared some Gefilta fish (or at least W did) after the meeting. They missed A so very much that night. One day, W and A got an email from R who told them about her beautiful referral for a little boy! W and A were so happy for her, although they were sad she left their special little group. One year later, A comes back regularly to this little blog to get to know W. They email often as well. They count the days, commiserate about the wait and share the joy in knowing they will be together in China and their daughters will always be sisters.
So, on this day, and although posted on 9/26/07, I wish A or Audrey a very happy one year DTC! And guess what, this weekend A and W will finally meet!!!!
And to my Daniella and Stephanie…..Happy 11 month LID-Versary D; and Stephanie….you are finally in double digits Mamma, happy 10th!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I sent this reply!
I am a big fan of your column, and religiously read it everyday. I was so disappointed into today's "big story." As a Mother to Be waiting to adopt my daughter in China, I do want you to be aware, that you'll be surprised what being Jewish "looks" like. You see, my daughter will go to Temple as I did, and celebrate Passover. She will attend and celebrate her Bat Mitzvah, and yes, she will most probably have all the Jewish Holidays off. Look around many of the Synagogue's in the NY area and I promise you, you will see many beautiful Chinese faces. In fact I know of two Cantors in New Jersey who both just recently adopted their Chinese daughters.
I do realize, there was humor intended in your article. But in a world full of stereo-types, as much as I can protect my daughter to be....I will try. Thank you for letting me speak my piece. I will continue to read and enjoy your column...but lets be careful of stereotypes....it is just truly the one thing the media can really control....so why not?Thank you,
I'll let you know if they reply!
And the reply:
Wendi, thank-you for your very thoughtful and thought-provoking email. I feel very grateful to live in a place where cultures can blend and it is a wonderful thing that you will be able to raise your daughter in your faith. Given that Lucy, as a public figure, is well known as not being Jewish, I didn’t think I was going too much out on a limb to make that joke. But I certainly hope I didn’t offend you, and I promise I meant no disrespect.
I appreciate your feedback.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Addendum: Friends, please visit the following website http://www.sophiaaragon.org/Donations.htm
I urge you to donate. This beautiful baby Sophia is undergoing a blood transfusion. This could be anyone of us. Her parents brought their seemingly healthy little baby home and she really needs help now. Donate. It feels good!
Friday, September 21, 2007
I am the same way with about twenty blogs. From reading normal everyday happenings from other waiting families to heartfelt messages from those who feel discouraged to the erratic highs and lows. It is the reality television phenominan. Regular people are simply, not just regular, but fantastically interesting! Silly stories of weekend adventures or over-eating bliss, could be discussed around the watercooler for hours with fellow lurkers. It is really interesting. My sister told me she enjoyed reading my blog because at points it played out like a soap opera. And now she is playing at her own at her colicwaseasier.blogspot.com. A shameless plug for you to visit her story. Anyway, aside from the interesting cultural happening that blogging has created, it has helped for me to fill a huge place in my heart. Whether you blog or not, I encourage you to take the time for you and jot down your story. Through your words and story take note of how much greatness and blessing you have in your life. Being aware of all the good stuff in your life goes a long way to helping you stay optimistic and focused each day. And that is our goal mamma's keeping our eye on that gorgeous prize, and enjoying this journey. Thank you all for sharing this with me. Alysa and Mommy (yes, I am in my forties and still call her mommy!) I know you are reading too! Xoxo
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
And have to say...you are just a breathe of fresh air. So sweet, nice and I am so excited to hangout with my Stephanie!
Addendum...I just re-read Stephanie's post...that is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. I can't believe it. You are really, really special! I am honored to call you my friend.
(Lori, make sure you read this!)
Also, I hosted my first teleconference for my agency tonite! Wow..it was incredible. We had 33 callers! The speakers just were amazing. I cried many time during the call. If you want to hear more, email me off-line at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll share some of their thoughts.
Again, Stephanie....I LOVE YOU!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
In other more "shallow" news, I pat myself on the back.... There was temptation galore...lots of wine, I managed to have one glass a night.....I really am not a big drinker so that was easy....but there was bagels and cream cheese, thick sandwiches with delicious fillings, plates of cheese, olives and crackers, filets and pastas, french fries, potato chips and nachos, cheese cake, chocolate covered pretzels, birthday cake and cookies.....I maintained....said to myself, it is not worth the temptation.... And just stayed in control. It feels great to say that this is really becoming my lifestyle. I say again...my eye is on China and beiing the best I can be!!!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tonite marks the start of the Jewish observation of Rosh Hashanha. This holiday marks the start of the Jewish New Year. There is very little in common with our New Year's celebration of parties and champagne. This is a more peaceful, solem celebration. Families gather for dinner this evening. Many attend services tonite. Tomorrow is a day filled with prayer and promise. It's a time for us all to look back on the mistakes we made this past year and plan on making changes for the upcoming year. So you know, I am not the most "religious" person. I am deeply spirtitual however. I don't attend Temple regularily, but I pray everyday. This suits me. I am taking this time to attend to some deep reflection. I also will be handling some personal business that will help Joe, Lia-Rose, my stepkids-Adam and Annie,and I. I am working right now on setting us up for our future as a new family. Joe, if you are reading this, thank you for your incredible support. You blow me away sometimes with your strength and courage. My husband has taught me that it's o'k to make big change. It might be scary and overwhelming, but the nerves we feel our natural. We just can not get caught up in them. It's time to step up to the plate and go for it! It's a great lesson for me to think of during this holiday.
I'll be away until Sunday. I wish you all the best holiday season, whether your Jewish or not. It's a new year, a time to start over again. A time to continue doing what is working and making changes in what we need to. L'shanah tovah (a wish you a wonderful New Year)!
Monday, September 10, 2007
It's been six years. I remember it like yesterday. I can't find the link to this photo that I originally posted...but this was me...a few blocks away,about a week after 9/11/01. This photo is in an exhibit called "Here is New York." I am part of history now.
I will never forget. Let's all have a peaceful day tomorrow.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Last night I finally “met” my log-in partner and blog friend Daniella. We chatted on the phone for what seemed like a short time, but I think it was way longer then that. It was so much fun to get to know each other, although we know so much about each other already. We laughed about how we are obsessed with blogging and shared stories of some of our fav blogs out there. We commiserated about the wait. And excitedly imagined that we will be in China together I love this girl! Sometimes you read someone’s words and story and you imagine that when you actually have a conversation with them or meet them they are going to be exactly the same way as you imagine they are from their blog….and sometimes you think, hmm, they aren’t really what I thought they would be like….well Daniella is exactly as I imagined, she is wonderful, warm, funny and totally gets me! I am so so lucky to now call her my friend! xoxoox
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I was coaching a colleague today. We were talking about being in that space where it just feels like nothing is going your way. She was feeling very anxious about her current work situation and really unsure about how to move forward. Being in that place was really debilitating to her. It was impeding her success and progress The more she stayed in that place, the harder it is was to move forward The key is to shift yourself out of that space. It’s really a challenge. I really empathized with her. I related to her how I was feeling yesterday about the referrals, or lack there of. I felt so bad. I let myself feel bad but then for my own purposes of sanity I very consciously shifted my thinking to a more a positive one. I had to get out of that “place”. It takes a lot of strength and courage to force yourself to do it. But it is possible and we as a Waiting Family community have got to do this. We can’t sit there in a heap of negativity. We must continue to move forward. Keep ourselves positive and kick ourselves in our butts when we find ourselves in “the place”. Let’s stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Get over the frustration. Whether you are an older first time mommy like me, or one with three kids and waiting on your fourth. The frustration is the same. I am not sugar coating any of this. This wait completely sucks. It’s terrible that it is happening to us right now. But, life is not perfect. This is our story, and I’m sure that one day it will all make complete sense. Take control. Be happy. Stay positive….it’s the one big thing you can take charge of here. As Nike says, Just Do It. So, I look over at my work colleague now, she is making phone calls with a smile on her face. She is taking control of her destiny. I wish us all the same….
Monday, September 03, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
I will hold onto this feeling. I will remember it when I get down. When I think that life is just getting in the way of my reunion with my daughter. I say reunion because deep down somewhere, we are connected already.
Wow, one jog/walk around a track can turn into a great moment. A great song can lead you to remember, to a feeling and a knowlege of how blessed your are. I tuned in and heard it loud and clear. If I were to measure my life in love, I am the luckiest person in the whole wide world.
So, I am tired. Sleeping on a boat is great...but suddenly at like 4:30am I awoke to the boat just jamming it back to the City...it rattled, and roared (or so it sounded) but I was up pretty much until I had to get up. Everyone came back here...I cleared out my make-up cabinent for my nieces and gave them extras, shared some books, bought some bagels and hesitated to say goodbye as I love having a household. But anyway.....I could go on a rant a bit about certain blog really- to me being a bit unnessarily negative, but I am too tired to discuss this right now. I do have to thank my dear friend Ann Marie and the very lovely thing she said about this blog. I think she is amazing and any sort of compliment from her, has tremendous meaning to me....you rock and I thank you always for you words and wisdom. And finally, if you have a second, read my sister's blog...especially if you are a parent already, perhaps you can share some insight.
PS: My hyperlinks are not working! Ann Marie is www.comeundone.typepad.com and Lori is www.colicwaseasier.blogspot.com