Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year !!!!

Hearing is set!!!! January 16th, 2008!

Can I say excited!!!!

Happy Happy New Year!

Monday, December 29, 2008

I was thinking that before I knew who Lia was I was constantly blogging. Telling her how much I loved her. Expressing my feelings and thoughts. Now that I know who she is...why aren't I feeling the need to blog? It's is certainly not because I don't love her...but what is is I believe that I'm nervous. Scared. And frankly, holding back a bit. I know it makes no sense. I am beyond in love. But, this journey has been so filled with ups and downs I think not talking about it is a bit easier for me right now. I do want her to know when she reads this one day that I loved her from the moment I set eyes on her. Lia, you and I were born to be mother and daughter. I am so certain of this. I am beyond in love with you child. I love that you know us. I know you don't understand what this all means when they tell you that we are your mommy and daddy. But know that we are going to be there for you for the rest of your life. I pledge to be the best person I can be. To give my all for you and to you. You are every single breath I take. Every dream I have. Ever move I make. (I know I sound like a song from the Police, I just realized that.) Lia Tsz-Huei I love you. I'd be there tomorrow if I could'll be here soon.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

We were suppose to chat tonight with Lia but the webcam gave us issues....I emailed Grace the translator to tell her that we were having issues and to let Nanny and Lia know we were trying to get them. Among other things, this is what Grace told me in her reply... "Nanny said Lia is very happy about all the stuff you sent, she keep telling other kids at the school about Daddy and Mommy sending her these stuff. ( show off, I guess. Ha! Ha! )"

That is my girl. How awesome is this!

No word on courtdate...our faciliator and I spoke and she explained that when the notification came from the courts they assumed it was the court date...not that more information was needed. But, she also said she isn't concerned and that we should have soon.

I also started filling out more paperwork for "exit" and it was surreal to actually be filling it in with her name...albiet a very long Lia is her first name and her middle name is officially Tsz-Huei Rose. Or is it Lia-Rose officially as the first name and Tsz-Huei as the middle....ugh! Poor kid. Any suggestions...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Chrismaskah

Lia Tsz-Huei will be raised Jewish, with a daddy who is not. She will celebrate all the holidays...yes, Christmas too...more for the fun of it. She deserves it all.
Joe and I were just saying this is the weirdest night ever. I am still sick. He is in bed sleeping. We have no plans. We are waiting for Lia...for next year when our plan is to celebrate with her in Australia.

Lia Tsz-Huei...we love you and are just waiting for you ....any day now..any day now.
Happy Holidays all...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Good energy, please

No wonder. No wonder nothing is happening. I am putting out such negative energy. Anxiousness, fear, mistrust. Not a way to be thinking. I am trying so hard to put myself back into the positive zone. I am still not feeling well. Just so tired. Achy, yucky.

I did hear from Dina..the Facilitator ...who basically said what I knew...she doesn't have the date now because they needed some more information from us. I am was too tired to get into it with her. I know they are working on it.

I have Lia's little pink coat. What I saw her wearing when we first met. I accidentally took it home with me and I love having it here. It makes her more real for me. It's hanging in my room now. It gives me comfort to think of her in it.

Anyway, I am really too tired to write...but I just want to start put out the good energy again...and so it will be.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I am sick

I mean chills, aches, exhaustion and basic yuckiness. No fever, although I feel like I have one. I'm also sick with worry. Part of me says relax, the other says, you don't know what's going to be. I'm so scared something will go wrong. Still no word back from my facilitator. I know why. She probably is embarrassed that the date was not set in stone, so she is waiting until it is to email me back. My contact in Taiwan told me that she had to re-translate some of our paperwork. I guess the good news is that the fact that they asked means they are processing our paperwork. Someone looked and saw they needed some more information. I just feel totally paralyzed. It's awful.I have so much to do. I'm scared to do it. I saw my baby girl on Friday night as a nice surprise, not a great connection. I started to cry. She screamed Mommy, and I cried. I just want to breathe, to enjoy this period of time. Be excited about her coming. I'm just fearful and I hate that. It's my immediate reaction. When I sit back and think about it, I know all will be o'k...but it takes me time to get to that feeling. I feel guilty too. I feel guilty that I've been so blessed to find her. But then I realize , it's not about's about this little beautiful little girl finding her family. There is nothing to feel guilty about. Anyway...I feel sick. Not sure if it's brought on my all this emotional stressful thinking of if the fact that I'm working ALOT and am exhausted is the reason. I just want to get into the holiday spirit and enjoy!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Maybe not!

There may have been a miscommunication ...I have way to many sources :)
The translator wrote me that the court had needed some more information on the least that was the correspondance she saw.She in fact translated something for them. I am waiting to hear if there was another letter giving court date that she wasn't aware of. My facilator said there was yesterday. I know it's confusing...back to being in a holding pattern, feeling sick and being optimistic!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

First Hearing date!!!

January...waiting on when..but January!

Yes!!!! xoxo

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The problem with me

I have a way about me that people feel that can share with me....everything. This is a very nice attribute to have, but at times too much information is simply that...too much information. I can't discuss details, and I don't want to put out a panic, but I've learned something that is making me so worried. I know it will be fine...but I do worry and I'm trying not too. The fact of the matter is this is not about Joe or me anymore, it's about Lia Tsz-Huei that is who I think and worry about. I feel a bit paralyzed by it...but it will be o'k. Don't ask me, even you my shish. I just need to put this to bed for awhile and not worry on it. This post will serve as that...a put it out there and put it away. All will be fine. This is our story...not someone else's.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It's hard webchatting

Slow connection, bad sound..but I love it. I want them to get much better, but every second of seeing her is so worth it... we heard lots of love yous and she did our famous 1-2-3-4-5...give me 5! We are head over heels and can't wait till our next conversation

Oh did I mention, I love my daughter!! you think I should do the room Pink and Brown..I am so stupid and bad at this...KJo will u do it for me? Lori??? Help!

Today is four weeks

Today is exactly four weeks we have been in line for our court date in Taiwan. They tell us it takes between four to eight weeks to get the hearing date....basically, depending on the judges schedule. So...I can say now, any day now.

I'm really going through Tsz-Huei withdrawal. I miss her. Yikes, I have to get over this quickly as I have alot to do...but I feel sad, I miss her and I am so happy I can talk to her tonight. The truth is my baby is happy. She doesn't miss us or cry for us. I dreamt last night I saw her and she ran away. She wanted to be with her Nanny. THat's o'k. I just want her to be happy. And if means running away from me right now, that's o'k.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

I am not complaining

But I miss Lia Tsz-Huei Rose...oy vey I can't stand it!!!!
Ok...enough...I gotta stop looking at her photos, watching the video...need to work, so I don't think about her...but I can't...oh well. It ain't possible. I love that kid ...I want that kid. I can not wait for her!!

We have a date...every Sunday and Wednesday night at 7p...our webchat!!! I am also going to email some new photos...(Lori Caplan-Clark aka Ahi..please please please send me photos and something from Addison Michaela. )

Back to work...

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Alot to do

I have officially declared myself burnt out. Truly tired, exhausted and emotionally drained. It's also that time of the month so it works well that my cramps have kicked me on my back, into my big comfy bed. But I have a lot to do, and feel at this moment, a little overwhelmed. So when I feel this way, I give myself a break and take it step at a time.

Here's what I have to do..I'm sure there is more, but suddenly I'm feeling that you my sweet little Lia Tsz-Huei will be sooner rather then later, and we better get ready.

1. Start cleaning out closets and drawers. Throw away everything that you haven't worn in the last year. Donate it to Goodwill. Get it out of the house. This includes shoes, boots and handbags.

2. Decide what color you want the room to be. What color you want the furniture to be and make a decision and stick to it. I keep going back and forth between keeping the room the color it is (lavender=ish) which in fact I painted that color four ears ago with the intention that this would be my child's room. However, I am drawn to the pink and brown theme as well-although that is way to "in" and everyone is doing it. I also love the darker furniture-it's classy and will last a lifetime. We are getting a trundle vs a double bad. Right into a grown up bed by the way, she is ready. With sides of course.

3. Makes some decisions on childcare. Start looking for a great babysitter, check out all the schools and daycares. (I have started this process by the way)

4. Learn chinese. I have to.

5. Get a head of the game with work,so I can take off a little longer.

6. Save, save and save money. Btween the economy faltering and the adoption expenses, it makes me nervous and want to make sure we have lots of cash on hand. Note to shish and family, not going crazy with Haunnukah gifts this years. O'k?
I know me, I probably won't abide by this.

7.Send another care package to my love. I sent her one this weekend. I'd like to send every few weeks. Along with cards.

8. Babyproof the place for a very active three year old.

9. Get my butt into the gym no less then four days a week. Been slacking and not eating as good. Stress. But no excuse, and I need to get back on the wagon. So, this officially puts it out there and I'm going to do it. I need to be in tip top shape when this very active three year old gets her.

10. Carve out special time with the husband. It's important.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

One week closer.

We are back from Taiwan a week now. Remember how everything revolved around our LID of 10-27-06. That means nothing to me know. The date that counts is 11/13/08. That was the day we were logged into the Taiwanese court system. So now we wait for our first court date. The day our Power of Attorney walks in (that is the Orphanage director by the way) and says, we want Tsz-Huei. They court will ask questions, she might ask for birthmother to show. We don't know. The judge will rule that day and then we will wait I think 10 days for a final ruling. Once that is done. We are off to Taiwan.

I spent the day with Dina today. The faciliator. She thinks it will happen within just few months! Fingers crossed. We are almost there.

I went furniture shopping today. I am going to do the room in Pink and Brown. More on this soon..but very exciting.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Modern technology

I webchatted with my daughter tonight! How great is that ...they rang me and I saw that face and heard that little voice. it will keep me going...thank god for that. Thank god. We are so lucky.

She said I love you mommmy and I love you daddy.
She squirmed, she screamed, she laughed. She was my Lia Tsz-Huei!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Lia says her name and mama and papa too!

Playing Peek-a-Boo..Lia style

What a difference a day makes (day two)

This was from day two in Taiwan!!!

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Spoke to my baby

We spoke to Lia tonight! The webcam wasn't working but we heard her voice. Someone there could type in English. They told us that ...she kisses our picture every night, plays with our toys and misses us! O'k, I'm crying now..gotta go :)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I love this picture

If you look on top of heap of shoes you'll see a tiny pair of sneakers....Lia Tsz-Huei Rose decided to put her sneakers in the closet with her mommy' she throw them in...I loved it! I love her.

Good news...we get to webchat with her tomorrow night! I can't wait.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Some things I learned about my daughter

She likes crunchy foods-crackers, chips, animal cracker cookies
Not so big on chocolate
Loves juices, tea, water, sprit
Hates milk
Ate squid, oysters, sushi, eggs, noodles, hotdog, dumplings, rice, chicken, french fries (well actually the ketchup on the French Fry) fruit, cereal
Ate cereal with chopsticks and thought it was really funny
Doesn't like onions or peppers
May or may not know how to brush her teeth
Loves taking baths
Loves mechanical toy rides
Will walk up to strangers and hugs babies
Squeals really loud when she is really happy
Makes "strawberry" sounds
Not interested in television
Can count to five in English 1-2-3-4-5 ...Give me Five!
Can count to five in Chinese and then say in english...Give me Five!
Can be very bossy
Loves to run
Loves her Mama to hold her
Loves her new teddy bear and blanket we gave her
Sleeps across the bed

I keep pinching myself

I have jet lag. Haven't slept through the night since we got home. So I lay awake and I keep pinching myself. Is this real? Could this be? I watch the video over and over. I have her little toothbrush that we used when she stayed with me. The pj's she wore. The little outfit she left behind. I can't believe it. I remember when Joe and I were seperated due to immigration. We were engaged and then he had to leave the country to apply for his Visa. We were apart for six months. We spoke at least twice a day. Emails in between. Yet, I still worried. I still doubted. I guess it's just my psyche. The neurotic jew in me. I feel the same way now. I get this anxious feeling. She is so far away and I can't do anything for her except wait the next few months out. At least this wait has an end in sight. I am thanking god for that, yet, I do keep pinching myself....but this is real! She needs us. Lia Tsz-Huei Rose we will be there soon.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

My Lia-Rose

She is everything I ever dreamed her to be. She is smart, she is sassy, she is beautiful, she has personality, she has a strength that neither her father or I have. We have met our Lia-Rose. I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to post this story here. I was feeling cautious. But we just got off of a plane after spending a week in Taiwan, the birth country of our daughter. On 8-8-08 of this year Lia-Rose's file was presented to us. The chance to adopt from Taiwan came out of the blue and we are so grateful to our agency for presenting us this chance. Her photo caught us by surprise. We both recognized her at once. She is our girl. She is three years old (as of August 26th) and is a cute as a button. I will keep Lia's story to ourselves, but the wonderful news is that we truly know her story. I love that one day I'll be able to share with my daugther some of the good and perhaps the not so good of losing your birthfamily. But there is a sense of completeness that I can share with her.

Once we were given the sign-off from the appropriate people in Taiwan, we were told it would be o'k if we visited her. Note, it is not mandatory in Taiwan, but we felt that any chance to meet our daughter was a chance we wouldn't not pass up. We left last Saturday and just got back. Oh my god. I can't tell you what a trip this was.
Lia is being looked at by a Foundation (sort of like an orphange). She lives right now with a Nanny and her husband and another little girl in Foster Care. She is well taken care of and loved. She is a very well-adjusted child for someone who has been through quite a lot in her three years. We met with her Social workers and doctors. They wanted us to know everything. To make us feel secure. Then, the best part, we got three days with Lia. Three days on our own. We went to the zoo, to the museum, out to eat, shopping. Played in the hotel suite. We just enjoyed each other's company. It was amazing!

The process isn't over yet. We now wait a court date (about 4-8 more weeks). Once the judge signs off (and they believe this should be fairly quickly) we await a visa from the US Embassy in Taiwan. This might be the hold-up but this could be another 12-15 weeks. Note, we are saying weeks...sounds much faster that way!

Anyway, there are alot stories. I will begin to blog regularily here again.

And now, we unveil to my blog family...little Miss Lia Tsz-Huei Rose Carroll! (By the way, they are officially calling her Lia Tsz-Huei now!)

Friday, November 21, 2008

I am meeting my daughter to be

in three days!

I will be able to unveil her soon! THANK YOU.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Something that may surprise you

Well...some of you know this already. I have been just dying to post here...but am just be cautious as any little good jew is...we are superstitous and a little neurotic about this...but I have to say it!!! Yes, we have a referral! We have seen our little girl. And it's a long story...a miracle actually. She is not in China. She is near China however. And, in less then twenty days we are meeting her. I will report more when we are back, and even post her picture. She is beautiful and sweet and special and incredible. Thank you for making this journey so much easier. I can't tell you how excited and how incredibly blessed I feel.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

President Elect Obama

This one is for you Lia-Rose. You will come to America at a time when our culture has shifted. When people will feel and know that no matter what color your skin is, shape your eyes are, or what country you came from-anything is possible. I am so excited to bring you home to a country led by President Obama. Some, don't agree with his policies. Some supported others. But, at the end of the day, we come together-that is what makes America so great. This one is FOR YOU.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Hi out there

I can't say. I wish I could. But not yet. Soon. SHE IS HAPPENING. Unbelievable. More soon....thank you to you and you and you and you.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

My friends

It is two years (Tomorrow) that I have been LID in China. I haven't given up hope.
Bear with me...I can fill you in soon. I hope you have all been well.

I have been "Bright" and Nice".

Will explain you all..if anyone is still out there :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I haven't posted here in quite sometime. For several reasons. One of which I will keep to myself right now. I feel optimistic, but yet, still wary. I just said to Joe..I can't take this anymore. He said to me. No. We start something ...we finish it and no matter what the hurdle is, we will finish it. I thank him for that encouragement, I needed it now.

Anyway, besides getting into a political discussion, which I will not, I have nothing more to say. It's almost exactly two years we have been logged in. Amazing.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Just to say hi

But not much to say. Hope you are well. Ugh.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Keeping busy

I am busy. Staying very busy and focused. Not much to say anymore, right now. But all is really stay tuned.

Just a word, as I don't think this is a necessarly the place to share my political beliefs,but most of you know that I am a Democrat and support the Obama/Biden ticket. I am a Democrat through and through, and what I see happening on the other side of the ticket truly frightens me. How sad, the first woman I could actually vote for, for this high office. I can not. I have grown up in a different generation of women. One where we have had many wonderful opportunities that the generations of women before us didn't have. We could work, have a it all if we chose. I love having Choice.

I have been in the workplace for 25 plus years and have seen many women move up the corporate ladder. But yes, the good old boys club always exisisted. I would sit in meeting as the only woman (mind you as a Manager) and be the one they would ask to plan the staff parties or deal with the unhappy salespeople in a more maternal way. That is who I was naturally, and I guess they saw that in me.

Now the company I work for is run by a woman and there are many good women in key managment roles, it will be interesting to see the difference in tone. Regardless, as much as I know that women, by nature, are great at multi-tasking, at taking care of business, at fighting harder then anyone else on the team, I still can not vote for Sarah Palin. We come from different places. I am nothing like her. Her view points are so to the right, and I veer so much more to the left. I can't compromise here, and nor will she. I won't get nasty. I am tired of that. I have berated her as I used to berate the really pretty girl who worked in our office. She batted her eyes, and on the outside looked like the perfect sales person. She said the right stuff. Made the boys feel really good about themselves...fought for what she believed in and at the end of the day, we fired her. She lied to us. Had us all fooled. She was nothing like she made herself out to be. I keep thinking of her everytime I look at Sarah Palin.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Yes we can!

Finishing up my training in Boston. So excited about my new job...and I have entered the modern ages and now am becoming officially an
Email Marketing expert. It's so very cool. Really nice people, I am so lucky. I told my boss about the adoption and she was so happy for me. I was worried. I don't know. I am just starting a new job and who knows, I will need a maternity leave someday soon. But, she couldn't be happier and even agreed that the flexiblity of this new position will be really helpful as a new mommy! I am trully blessed with such a supportive company and boss. She is fabulous.

Watching the Democratic convention all week. Michelle Obama, who I hadn't really connected with, was incredible. Hilary Clinton, who I have always loved, was fantastic. And Bill...he was my old Bill again. There are a few Clinton haters I know who are reading this. I mean Democratic Clinton's time for us all to move on. Stop blaming the Clintons and move on. They were sincere, they were real, they were fantastic. We had two great choices. Do I belive one is a better more experienced leader then the other? Yes. But we move on.

Anyway, how fantastic to know that my daughter. My daughter who will be of another race, will know that here in America, a man of color finally has the same opportunity as white men have had forever. YES WE CAN. We can change the world! We can show children that they really don't have to be limited by race or color. This is so exciting to me and the most important Presidential campaign of my lifetime. Yes we can! For you Lia-Rose. For you!

HOLY COW! I just marks 22 months...22 frigging months since our dossier was logged into China. 23 months since it was sent. Unreal.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A cool message

Yeah, our really close friends Tim and Chris got their referral and approval. Welcome to the family MacKenzie Sue You (spelled out phonetically. She is five and has been in an orphanage since she was two. She is amazing. A real survivor. Tim and Chris are truly our bestest friends who met through this wild journey. I feel so excited to be part of that little girl's life. Chris has taught me about keeping the faith. She almost gave up until we decided to just let it be. Truly, a few days later she got the call!!! Mazel Tov!!!

My new job is going well. Very into training right now and head out to Boston again tomorrow. I also will publically pronouce that I am back on my good eating plan. Not that I was awful....just not as strict. I was also not feeling well at all the past few weeks. I hate to say this, but I am quite sure that I am the first expectant mother who is also definetly menopausal. There are probably a few of us out there...but it's crazy. Oy vey! I see my doctor soon, but I'm quite sure that it's a coming!

Anyway...I received this message by email the other day....keep the faith!

Imagining pure joy and happiness when you visualize, Wendi, but not following those feelings up with action on a regular basis, is as silly as imagining a I now am a mother of my child, Wendi, and not physically preparing for its inevitable arrival.

Tally-go, go, go -
The Universe

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Quick check in

My new job rocks! It's fantastic. The company is completely proactive and positive. Did you hear me's POSITIVE! I love that. I haven't been in an environment like this in forever. I am very happy this has happened to me. I feel so blessed.

In other wonderful daddy turned 80 this week. On Thursday and I feel horrible that I wasn't there to celebrate. We are all getting together tomorrow. I love you are the greatest!

This was an email message I received on 8-8-08. I meant to post this that day, so I will post it now. I love this message.

It really is easy, Wendi. You really are powerful. I really do love you.

You can have it all. You will live forever. And the best is yet to come.

You're already rich. There's more on the way. It's closer than you think.

There've been no mistakes. You've never been judged. And all things are playing out in your favor.

More to come soon...all is FINE.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Stuck at the airport

I have been stuck for 8 hours heading to Boston for day one of my new job. I have eaten lunch-salad and dinner-greek salad and one frozen yogurt, have had a cup of coffee, diet coke and a sushi roll. I bought a three magazines, one book and a pair of pants on sale at Brooks Brothers just in case my luggage doesn't make it. I am now sitting next to a lovely woman from Tawain and we are chatting about a few things. I am tired. I am excited. I am anxous to get there. My battery is almost running out.

Today a wonderful old co-worker passed away, Isaac Hayes. I had the pleasure of working with this icon in the mid-90's. He was awesome and down to earth. One big memory I have of him is when we were doing a concert at Madison Square Garden. I told him, "Issac, you must end by 10:30 or else it's going to cost us a ton." I said that to him one or two times and made the poor guy so nervous, that he cut the concert off early, literally in the middle of his famous "Shaft." Another time, he came to me and asked for some help. I said, "Sure, what can I do for you." He said, "Would you ask (don't remember her name) if she would be interested in going out with me?" I looked at him like he was crazy. And he wasn't! It was so cute. Anywy, Issac, god bless you. I will always fondly remember those years we worked together. You were the greatest.

Friday, August 08, 2008


Today is the day that has been on my mind for over a year and half. When the adoption process began to show huge evidence of a slowdown, everyone pointed to the Olympics as one of the reasons. Today, 8-8-08, the Olympics in Beijing begin. All the world is talking or thinking about China. I've watched a ton of documentaries about China and have heard from so many people who have said to me, "I was thinking of you today when I was watching a show on China."

My neighbors Yo and Jace told me that in China this day is "very very lucky".

Here's to a peaceful and joyous Olympics and "very very lucky" blessings to all those little babies waiting for us. Maybe we are heading to the other side of this now....just maybe?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

If this happens, I'll scream. I will throw up and I'll cry. COME ON! First off, China has closed adoptions to single women...Angelina is not married. Also, if you are married and one person is divorced (aren't they both) you need to be married at least five years to your new spouse. Also, you can't have more then six children! Please. I think it's so nice of you Angie...but how about helping us waiting families. Why not advocate and use your wonderful voice to help us bring more kids home. I am so sorry to sound like a bitch...but this just bugs me.

Angelina Jolie is reportedly considering adopting a child from China.

The 'Tomb Raider' star -- who gave birth to twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline on July 12, her fifth and sixth children with partner Brad Pitt -- was so affected by footage of the recent earthquake in China she is contemplating giving a home to a child orphaned in the natural disaster.

A source revealed, "Angelina is devastated over the earthquake that occurred in China in May. She has been in constant touch with relief workers as part of her UN involvement, and even got her hands on photos of a few orphaned kids.

"She's made overtures offering a home to one earthquake orphan, or even two if they are siblings."

As well as the twins, she and Pitt, 44, also have three adopted children -- Zahara, three; seven-year-old Maddox; and Pax, four, as well as biological daughter Shiloh, two.

Angelina, 33, recently revealed her newborn babies are keeping her busy, but she is getting plenty of help from the rest of her family.

She said, "It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time. Shiloh calls the twins her babies. She and Zahara pick out their clothes, help change and hold them. It's sweet - they are like little mommies."

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Tick tock

Looking at my little ticker above I see that it's three more days till the Bejing Olympics begin. Amazing. I remember thinking how far off '08 was and the first time I saw a bus billboard in Manhattan promoting "Visit China '08" and thought wow, I will probably be visiting China in '08. It's time. Yes time, that moves quicker then you can imagine. The summer is almost over. Fall is upon us. My daddy turns 80 in a week and half. My niece Addie will be in second grade. Joe and I married over 5 years. Annie and Adam my stepchildren, one an adult- the other looking like an adult. Hayley my niece entering High School, Syd in her last year at Middle School. It moves quickly.

Last night before I fell asleep I was snuggling my hubby. He was snorning away and I a huge memory of when we had been parted by Immmigration. As you know (or maybe not) Joe is Australian and in order for us to marry and for him to legally be in this country we had to go through the Immigration process. We actually were apart for over six months as we sorted through paperwork and the process. It felt so long. It felt like it would never end.

Time, isnt' it funny that the same 60 minutes can either be so drainingly slow or fanatasticly fast.

I dont' know what the end of the Olympics will bring to us Waiting Families. It does mark the passage of time...and hopefully, will mark a speed up. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to speed up ...but stay young and healthy and exactly how I am at this moment. We shall see..

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Olympics and Adoption

Well, we all know that some of the speculation is that the Olympics may be one of the reasons for the slowdown. I believe that if that is so, they are doing it for PR is an interesting report from Lester Holt at NBC News. This report doesn't address the Olympics being the holdup....but, it addreses the fact that there are less available children. This is exactly the PR I was talking about. The Chinese knew that the press would be exploring all kinds of stories while in China. They wouldn't want them to be saying that there our thousands of babies available. is how the story shapes out.

Friday, August 01, 2008

I am back

In a different way. Welcome to my private world. It took a while to make this private, the cutting and pasting of email addresses. Oy. Anyway, first things first, why I took this blog private. I have a new job! On 8/10 I start a very cool job with Con-t Contac. (spelled wrong on purpose...I am so paranoid) I will be the Regional Development Director for NYC and the company will be marketing me to the general public. I will in a sense become the public face for the company here and it started making me nervous that my name (and face-I'll have my very own website with the company) would be out there...I'll be doing a lot of public events and workshops, speaking and training. This blog is too personal and my baby is too important to be just out there. And with my name being out there more, I didn't want to take a chance. So that is it. Several friends-and you know who you are, thought maybe it was some other great reason...but no.

I think the intention of my blog changed. I want to get back to when this was about Lia-Rose. A journal for her to follow one day. I want to keep it true to that.

Anyway, I don't even know where to start. It's been a really busy time. A crazy journey. I had a big dissappointment with work, but the Universe takes care of me.I was able to find this new position. One of the key things I needed from my work is the ability to work from home....and bingo, my new office is based at home. The work will be challenging and fun, and I'm thrilled.

My stepdaughter and her BFF were here for three weeks. It was great fun. I loved playing mom..although being a mom to two 15 years old can be challenging...but, I know Annie is reading this, and we both can say....we had a great time. I need to definetly get back to my good eating plans. Annie always seems to inspire lots of french fry and chicken fingers eating. It was so much fun!

So, nothing is really happening on the adoption front for me. But some great stuff for my friends. Paul and Denice returned home with Olivia. I won't mention yet, but my other really close friends have accepted a Waiting Child referral. My Anonnie also is headed to her baby girl very soon....things are moving forward.

Now, please a rule here. I don' want any comments that say..."it's going to happen etc." Not now. I am sorry, those comments make me nausous. Two years ago almost I started this blog. And two years later, we are really not that much closer. So please, I really do not want to hear anything like that. I know what the reality is...and I am definetly sure that this will happen. It is just to fluffy for me now....o'k?

I have a very close friend who is reading this blog. I won't get into details, but this person is truly amazing. Her family is facing a very challenging situation. Her spirit, strength and positive vibe simply amaze me. I am beyond proud of you. And you are teaching me about what being a mother is all about.

I love you all...and am glad to be back blogging....keep checking in. There are some great people reading this. Introduce yourself. It's a small Lia-Rose community thank you for your support and love.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Privacy please

Hi friends. I am looking forward to blogging again. Maybe I need to to remind myself that one day a baby will come. I HAVE to go private. It's not that mysterious why, and when we are private I'll explain. In fact it's really great why. Anyway, some of you I know, others I don't. I need your email addresses. Either email me at or just leave it in the comments. Look forward to seeing you in my private world!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

For awhile

All is fine. I need to take a very long blog break. No updates. It is what it I'm closing down shop here. Not much left to say on the back soon when we have something to report! (I'll be making this private soon, so don't think I am blocking you out.) Take care!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

What if

I try not to worry. Yeah, right. I am the biggest worrier there is…besides my mommy. She taught me well J I worry when I call my husband's cell and he doesn't answer. I worry when my parents don't answer their phone. I worry when I hear about an accident in Ohio and wonder if anyone I know is near there. I am a worrier. The what ifs can make you crazy and I do try, as hard as it may be, to rise above the feelings of worry and remember that all will be o'k. But those what ifs can keep you down. This adoption process has turned into a complete mess for myself and thousands of others. The what ifs are huge. What if the program dissolves? What if my health status changes? What if , What if, What if. I even challenged myself last night. I thought to myself-What if I am not supposed to be a mother? I let that sink in for a bit. I must tell you, it didn't feel right. It wasn't right.

I am upset. I hide it well. I keep it hidden in the deepest parts of me, so deeply that sometimes I don't even feel it anymore. What do we do? Do we keep hanging on to some false hope that this is all going to change after the Olympics? Do we just move forward every day optimistically thinking this is really going to happen? I don't have any more answers. I am angry. I am frustrated. I have to let those feelings go. The bottom line is….it doesn't look like this is happening soon. I can't feel punished. It's not just happening to me. I can't feel sorry for myself. It's not just happening to me.

Dear G-D, I just want my baby. All I want is ONE baby. I am here to mother a child that needs mothering. I know you have more to worry about then me. I am so grateful for so much that life has offered me. I just know that I am meant to be someone's mother. I need your help up there …

So friends, I am taking a bit of a blog break (and not at all to be dramatic or anything) I just have nothing left to say. One day L-R when you read this, at this point in your mom's life she was feeling that she needed to just let all of this go and trust the universe that you would be in her arms soon.

My stepdaughter arrives on Monday, the next few weeks will be busy and occupied with fun times with Annie and her friend Mel. I'll be back soon…thanks for reading and following this adventure…but right now I need to say to myself-"What if I just let it be".

I love you all.


Monday, June 30, 2008

Watch this

(Cut and paste in your will love this story!)

Friday, June 27, 2008


We are 20 months LID today.

As Tom Petty says…"the waiting is the hardest part".

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I may have posted this before

I think I have...can't remember, but lately I felt so blessed to have so many great friends in my life. I have reconnected with a few friends who I have missed so much,and have become closer with some others. I can't thank you enough. I miss my sister who I can't talk to as much because of the bad reception at camp, but I have so many sister (and actually brother) friends and it really helps. I can truly say that "I have been changed for good". Thank you all for showing me that life is pretty o'k...especially because I got you!!! All is good...and so it will be!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Oy, it ain’t easy

No one said life was just ice cream and apple pie. It's tough and it's challenging. I am in an interesting place. Put it this way, you know that expression are you having fun yet…well I am not. And truly, things are not THAT bad, they just aren't what I want them to be. So much of it is out of my control. Some of it I can control. I am tired and working hard. Trying to resolve some professional issues that have left me feeling disappointed yet inspired. Personally, I just cannot seem to relax. The adoption seems so unreal now. I guess I need to be in the place to get to the other side.. Please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself. For I am not. Today I learned that someone I knew growing up passed away at the ripe old age of 45. That is a tragedy. For me, it's a moment of self reflection. A chance to challenge my fear. A time to appreciate, and know that change is on the way. I am not complaining. Rest in peace MW.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Thanks for prayers

So far so good with my friend who I mentioned below. She seems to have avoided the "big c" although has a very strange strange infection that we need to be concerned about. Her spirit continues to inspire me...she is so positive and remains so faithful. I am completely in awe of her.

In other news, my nieces have left for overnight camp. I had a huge argument or let's say disagreement - with Sydney over the weekend (Syd will make an outstanding lawyer one day). She thinks that all kids must go to overnight camp and that it is awful that I wont' consider it for my daughter to be. First off, I told her, not all kids go to overnight camp (Trust me, she has no idea how hard my sister works to make that happen) and secondly, I told her, I will have waited for Lia-Rose for so long there is no way I'm not going to spend as much of her childhood with her! Not sure Syd got that, but I give the kids lots of credit for her strong opinion. Addie was delish, and I still can't imagine how hard it is for my sister and bro-in law not to see that kid every night ...Hayley was Hayley...beautiful yet tooo cool for me...but I still adore her and trust she will be Hayley again with me soon.

Anyway, Annie my stepdaughter and her bff arrive in a few weeks. I have spent alot of time cleaning up closets and such. My house looks great on the outside...pretty neat and uncluttered...but if you open some doors and drawers what lurks behind is scary. Not so much anymore though. Annie and Mel will be sleeping in Lia-Rose 's room to be I cleared Lia's stuff and put it neatly in the closet. I don't have that much, but it sort of made me sad. One day soon, both of them will have their own bedroom, but for now they share.

Went to my next door neighbor's 6th grade graduation...our other neighbor who is 8 joined us. O'k, yes she is Chinese too and yes, you know what I pretended to be. Who cares, it was fun!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Somewhere out there

The night before my niece Sydney was born 13 years ago I was with my friend *, who I mentioned below. We kept singing this song to each other...and the next day Sydney Juliana was born...and my friend * certainly announced it to the world...I found this, and thought it was so appropriate to hear as I continue to send * my love and prayers.
(To OLM..I snagged this from you...but want to wish your sister only the best...)
And so it will be....

Monday, June 16, 2008

An open pray for you my friend

Dear G-D, I ask you to hold my friend * in your arms tonight. * just told me that there are a few spots on her lungs that the doctors are concerned with. * is not worried, she knows it is in your hands.

G-d I ask you to take care of her for me. For us all. She is truly one of those special people. Someone who has made a huge difference in my life and many others. A dear friend, who although I haven't seen lately, she is truly one of my best friends. I LOVE HER. I don't want her to be in pain or to be sick. Only healthy and happy. G-d, please bless her. Give her strength. Give the doctors the best tools and resources. Give her husband strength and support. Give her family love and faith.

Dear Blogger friends. I ask you to picture sunshine, smiles, giggles and love. That's my friend *. She lights up a room, brightens up a dreary day. She is truly magnificent. She is talented, brilliant, loving and oh so filled with peace. I haven't seen her in sometime.. but know, she means the world to me.

Dear *…I love you. I saw the world with you for the first time, cried with you over many broken hearts, laughed and jumped for joy with you when we both met our soulmates. We have danced together, sang together, prayed together, laughed together and supported each other for many many years. This will pass. You will be fine. My prayers go out to you…and I know you'll have many many others from all those who read these words.

You will be fine….and so it will be.

Just like this.

Friday, June 13, 2008

So sad

As someone who loves the news and politics, I am so stunned to have just heard that my favorite political newsman Tim Russert passed away. He was only 58 years of age. I feel so sad about this. Please all...take care of yourself. Life is so fleeting. This man, so filled with life and knowledge, gone. So shocking and sad.


I have mentioned before that I have new next door neighbors that are Chinese. The father has been here for over a year, but his wife and daughter arrived about five months ago. They are all just learning English and the American ways. I love having them so close by, they are extremely nice and of course, they are also educating me on many Chinese cultures and traditions. The best part is that the Mom, Yo, knows how excited I am to become mommy to Lia-Rose. She let's me "pretend" that her daughter Jacey is mine J. Jacey is unreal. She is 11 years old, but already stands 5'5. She is looks a good five years older then she is and is, as she told me, "the tallest kid in the school!" She is also brilliant. She plays classical piano, speaks Chinese, English and Japanese, is very outgoing and saavy and just has the most refreshing spirit. I actually forget how young she is. She has a maturity about her that is truly remarkable. Her mother tells me that in China all her friends play piano, and although here she seems so talented, her mom tells me that in China, she is just average. I can't believe that.

Anyway, last night Jacey came over to visit. I know, I know, I am very weird, but it was so beautiful to see a young Chinese girl in my house. She wanted to see the baby's room. Right now, it's a combo of my stepdaughter's room and baby to be's. There's a big bed, but lots of stuffed animals and books. Jacey told me it will be perfect. This morning she was running late for the school bus and I picked her up and drove her down the street.. She got out of my car in front of all the other kids and their moms. I kissed her and said, have a great day sweetie!!! She said, "Bye, I love you!" Then I looked down at my key chain. (Jacey gave me her school picture, which they produced in a number of sizes, including making some into key tags, one is now on my key chain) Her little beautiful face smiled up at me. For a few minutes, I saw the future. And it was so nice to pretend!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Dear Hayley and Sydney,

My two oldest nieces, I miss you guys. Once upon a time, not so long ago, I was on the top of your BFF list. You called me first when something great happened. We spent hours gabbing on the phone. Now, you both are busy with school and a big social life. I am proud of you both, but my love for you is so big, and I have to say, I miss you! I hope you have a great summer at camp, and you better write.

At least Addie still digs me :)

Love you both,
Aunt Wendi aka Wendi

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The brickwalls that in are in the way are there to show us how much we want something.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

This song

I recently bought the SATC soundtrack. I can't stop listening to this song. The words speak loudly to me. Really a good song to narrate my journey to you Lia-Rose.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

A Moment for the History Books Lia-Rose

Tonight I sit before the television set watching a man of color, the same age as me, being nominated to be the Democratic nominee for President. Behind him, a room filled with people of all different colors, shapes and sizes. This is overwhelming. Senator Obama will be our nominee for President. Wow. I have tears flowing down my face. And not because Hillary lost, but because, right now, at this very moment so many lives will change. Children will see there are no limits to what you can do. It doesn't matter what color your skin is, or shape your eyes are, or what religion you are. You too can someday be President. I was on the fence about him. I was a Hillary person and in the end voted for him. I have to believe. I have to believe. THIS IS AMAZING. Maybe the world will see us differently now. Maybe people will look at each other differently now. Maybe Obama can really change the world….for you Lia-Rose .. for you Annie and Adam… for you Hayley, Syd and Addie. ..for you Miles and Alana and Hao and the Czar. For you Joseph and Mimi... For you Olivia, for you Mia, for you Pacey, for you sweet baby Vera... for you BabyAnonnie. For us all.

..."and this was the moment!"

Sunday, June 01, 2008

June 1 2003

"Congratulations Aunt Wendi and Uncle Joe. We love you."

That is a direct quote from my Build a Bear Bride doll...the voices were courtesy of my two little nieces at the time, 9 1/2 year old Hayley and 8 year Sydney. It was five years ago. It was my wedding day.

Happy Anniversary. I love you my husband. Thank you for all you do. Especially how very hard you work. You are simply the best.

And our dreams....they are our goals. We will get there soon.

Saturday, May 31, 2008


My blog is to document this journey to my daughter. I capture the good, the bad, and the ugly. So today, I share, I feel so depressed. Truly blue. I feel unsettled by some events in my life. Confused. Insecure. It is where I am today. I dreamt last night that I had to stand before a Board of Directors and tell them why I was supposed to have a child. In the dream I was renewing some sort of application with a few other families. I was selected to represent them. However, when I stood up, I instead announced that I was representing my husband and myself. I said to the Board, "all my life I wanted to be a mother. Please allow me to be." A few of the Board members smiled at me and nodded. I set down and realized how selfish I was, there were others in the same boat and I spoke about myself. I felt like a jerk. And, I woke up feeling guilty. Tommorrow is our fifth year wedding anniversary. Not as long as many, but longer then others. It does go fast. But something is missing for me. I know what it is. It is the child that was supposed to be apart of the dream we shared on our wedding day. Things have slowed down in China. We know that. But my only hope is that this is the slowest it will be. We are so close to the Olympics. I feel sad. Life is moving on, I still feel like I am constantly trying to prove myself to be a decent enough person to be a mother. To deserve this blessing. I wish I could fight the sadness away. I wish I did not feel so much. But I do.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


It was a fantastic and incredible night. Lori and I both had a ball! Where do we start? Lori arrived at about 1...we ran out and did the big hair blow-out..came home changed and headed into the city. I live so close, but was scared with rain due and looming traffic..I didn't want to get caught. We got in early early..and were in the Will call line about two hours early. We put our time to good use and got to know the security guards who made sure we were #1 and #2 in line and also chatted it up with two other sisters..the assistant costume designer's sisters. We were about 20 feet away from the Red Carpet..I mean the Pink we could see the crowds and photographers. After getting our tickets we went in and grabbed a box of free popcorn and Pink Vitamin Water...we then showed the usher our tickets and she informed us that we were in the same row, but on completely different sides of the hall. UGH. I walked Lori to her seat and promised to sit with her until the movie started...but, yeah, my friend arrived and we realized that the whole row was made up of people from the same group and two had cancelled. Perfect! I stayed. Anyway,we watched large big screens that were set up broadcast the happenings on the red carpet...we saw Donald Trump, Fergie, Nicki Hilton, Jennifer Gardner, Bette Midler, Ashley (or MaryKate) Olson, Mario Cantone, Willie Garson, Chris Noth, Cynthia Nixon and Carrie..I mean Sarah Jessica arrive....then they hit the lights and the President of New Line Cinema game out. It was all a fundraiser for the Fund For Public Schools, so that crew came out and introduced their organization...then brought on the writer, and Executive Director...Michael Patrick King, who's assistant is the reason we were there. He introduced them all....they were all in the Audience...we saw them from a far...there were over 5000 there...then the girls came out...they are beautiful...gorgeous...all looked fantastic. Sarah spoke..and then ...we heard it..that familiar soundtrack...that voice..."My Name is Carrie Bradshaw"...goosebumps.

WE LOVED THE MOVIE. It was a fan's dream. No spoilers...but I have to say..we all know that Charlotte adopted a beautiful Chinese girl...Lily...seeing her...made us cry. ...there is one other significant goose bump thing about Charlotte's family...but I will leave it at that...I'll say it after it opens.

It's fun..we cried..we laughed..we cried again. I LOVED IT SO. Afterwards, we went back out as the place emptied...we ran into my old friend Mario Cantone, who of course plays the wedding planner..Lori screamed his name. He looked up and said like we were in the grocery store "Oh hi Wendi"...then we were inches from Jerry Seinfeld. Lori took several pictures, and I swear to you that he gave her the dirty eye.

It was a great night. I loved that my sister was with me. That was the best part of the night for me. She lost my umbrella and her shoes...but we had the bestest go see the we can talk. My hair looked better it does was humid out!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

live from radio city

We are here...we waited over twe hours..made friends with the costume designers assistant and the security dudes who flirted with us. We got frr popcorn and vitamin water...the big news is our seats are great..but seperate!!! Oh well...we are sitting together now.. So far we see mario cantone...mary kate olsn..fergie...the guy with the long hair from e...more when we excited and it all aboiut the shoes...

live from radio city

We are here...we waited over twe hours..made friends with the costume designers assistant and the security dudes who flirted with us. We got frr popcorn and vitamin water...the big news is our seats are great..but seperate!!! Oh well...we are sitting together now.. So far we see mario cantone...mary kate olsn..fergie...the guy with the long hair from e...more when we excited and it all aboiut the shoes...

Monday, May 26, 2008

A few things

Hi all. Happy Memorial Day! Another kick-off to summer. This time, the weather is fanastic. Just came in from a long walk, and told my husband that no matter how many times I might say I want to move, I really don't. It's so pretty here. We live on the river, nestled in little inlets. Yes, it's also true that I leave a few miles from the Lincoln Tunnel. And the City.
But for a minute, you forget, you look around and see the river, the paths, the pool, the park, the tennis court and you think you are miles away on vacation. I am very grateful for that. Oh is Lia-Rose going to love it here! Joe always says it will be so safe for her to play and for us to take strolls along the paths. Needless to say, I can't wait.

We had a very nice weekend filled with family, friends and food. My folks just left and we spent two days together. Yesterday we went to Ellis Island, which was certainly adventure. Very emotional to think that so many people came through those doors. In fact, many of my family.

We had two great night in the City with our friend Gary and last night our friends Chris and Tim joined us. We are stuffed. For some reason, when we all get together, we eat!

And, a happy happy birthday to the sweetest friend little KJO!!! She been such a great great friend. Through so many big things in my life. I love her and wish her the happiest day. I LOVE YOU LITTLE KJO!

Oh, is there anything else to talk about...not really sure...hmmm, let me think...oh yeah, I am going to a small little thing tomorrow...I AM GOING! Lori and I are set to get on that red carpet and join Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte...I'm wearing understated City Chic...I think I made that up..a really trendy Anne Klein suit with very high strappy sandals...not over done...but I will feel perfect. And, no spoilers here..we won't talk much about the movie beyond what is out there publically. So no need to worry. Did I mention, so excited!!!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Happy Memorial Day Weekend. So life hits you hard sometime. We have all seen that with some recent events. I too, face a few minor bleeps..but all will be fine. I have my husband, my parents, my sister and my friends...both old and NEW ...who are there for me. Thank you. And when all else fails, just looking at one special face in this picture just makes me feel o'k!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

What a tragedy

So much bad news lately that really hits the Chinese adoption community hard. Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife have been huge proponents for Chinese adoption. They adopted three girls from China. Last night this little girl, Maria was accidently killed in her own driveway. Horribly sad. I feel so badly for this family....I know the whole adoption community is thinking about them today.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

And the dream shall never die

A few weeks ago I blogged about "My Mother and the Senator". I was so proud that my mom was honored by Senator Kennedy at a recent political event. In 1980 my mother was a delegate for him and proudly supported him at that year's convention...I still hear her shouting " We Want Ted."

Fast forward to 2008 and my mom shows up at a Rally with a dozen Kennedy for President buttons on her and the Senator, well, he got a big kick out of it and of her.

Yesterday when I heard the news about his cancer, I felt so sad. Especially for my mother. I knew how upset she would be.

Whether you agree with him or not, the Senator is a fighter. He is to be admired for all the hard work he has done and the changes he has battled to see happen.

I am so happy that my mother has this special memory with him. Here's to you Ted!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Sex, the City, Lori and Wendi

Newsflash..more to come...I am going to the Sex and the City Premiere with my sister!!!! Yes...the f'ing PREMIERE! We both are freaking out!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! We were screaming so much that my brother-in-law thought we got our referral!

See Lori's blog to see what a little Photoshop and a lot of imagination looks like. (Especially Susan!)

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Sweet 13

She sparkles when she talks.

When she makes a point, SHE MAKES A POINT!
She is funny and serious at the same time.

She is warm and cuddly.

She is beautiful on the outside and inside.

She never hestitates to point out when her Aunt Wendi says something stupid.

She is fantastic at anything to do with computers and the internet.

She is very talented and has a beautiful singing voice.

She studied so hard for her Bat Mitzvah and made us all proud.

She is caring and concerned about her friends and family.

She is a great sister.

She is a fantastic niece.

She is my Sydney, and she is 13 years old today.

Dearest Syd, don't grow up to fast. Other 13 year olds I have known suddenly are too cool for me. So, even though you are really really cool, remember, I think I am cool.

I love you so much my Syd, CeCe, Sydney. You are my heart. Happy 13th Birthday!!!!

(PS This is what you get for taking a 100 pics on my computer!!! I love you Ce!)

Friday, May 16, 2008

Happy Birthday Da Bro

I am so lucky and blessed to have the greatest brother in law in the world….he is a wonderful father, husband, and friend. A great friend, a fabulous man!

Happy Birthday to you dear Gregg!

Thanks for putting up with us for all these years!!!!


Love, Wendi and of course Joe

Thursday, May 15, 2008


I post this photo on my blog because it haunts me. For so many reasons. The parents grief, the baby that lies in their arms.I can't get my mind off of this picture. It is in today's NY TIMES, on the front page. I cried when I first saw it.

I post it to keep it here for Lia-Rose to see. Your country is in crisis. Families like your birth family are torn apart. I mourn for them. I think of you my dear daughter to be. You are in my heart today, as always.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Hundreds of miles away, yet deeply in our hearts.

A powerful earthquake today killed at least 107 people in central China, state run media reported. The quake also buried nearly 900 students, according to the Xinhua news agency. The report had no other details on the fate of the children. developing story From

Wow...what a world. My heart is aching tonight. Our babies. Did they feel the tremors? Did someone hold them? Did they survive? It's so scary. 10,000 dead. 10,000 injured. The massive tremor was felt hundreds of miles away. My Agency has families there ....I have been communicating with one of them. Received an email yesterday in fact. They are o'k. 900 teenage girls buried. This was the strongest quake that China ever felt. China has been very open about scope of this quake, which is different then they were years ago during their last quake. No word on the pandas. 80% of the world's Pandas are there. Families sleeping outside. Usually when far away event occur, you listen. You feel bad. This is different. Our babies are there. My Lia-Rose. My friends Paul and Denise, their recent referral, Olivia. I pray someone was holding her if she felt the quake. Up and down the roads people are sleeping outside. Anxiety abounds. My China family. The family that gave life to Lia-Rose, I pray you are all o'k.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

My last Mother’s Day as a Waiting Mother

This is it. I have to believe it. And so it will be!

And in the meantime, to my mother, I love you.

To my sister, you inspire me.

To my Ann Marie, Susan, Stephanie, Jocelyn and Alysa, Happy First Mother's Day. I wish you a wonderful memory filled day.

To Daniella enjoy Joseph…next year Mimi will be there.

To Anonnie, she is almost there.

To anyone else I missed, I wish you a wonderful day.


Saturday, May 10, 2008

Join with me to celebrate Mother's Day

So I figured out how I am celebrating my Mother's Day this year....bY helping raise awareness that being an Adoptive Mother is exactly the same as having your baby biologically. Thank you to Ann Marie who pointed the fact that NBC is running a promotion Americas Favorite Mom sponsored by Teleflora. One of the categories was NON-MOM-The definition Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody. Yes, you have read correctly, a NON MOM. Plus, Adoptive Moms have been put in the same category as Grandmom and stepmom....isn't a MOM A MOM?

Anyway, thanks to Ann Marie, they have changed the name...and if you go to the site, they indicate this...NON MOM to "Adopting Mom" Lovely, right. Just adds more salt to the wound. This new category is an insult to adoptive parents, children, siblings, adoption agencies,advocates and anyone at all who is touched by the process. This is the year 2008 people...what kind of stupid jerk created the category name "NON MOM". And to top it has already ran on NBC as NON MOM. They ran all the nominees last week. The big show...and the category change from NON to Adopting will run tomorrow night.

We need to use this opportunity to spell out the NBC, TELEFLORAL and the World.......ADOPTIVE OR BIOLOGICAL MOMS...are that...they are MOMS. This category is absolutely insulting to millions of families. Matt, Meredith, Ann, Al, Donnie and need to become aware of this and help us get this message across.

NBC, I demand you make a statement about this. This is unacceptable. Take this opportunity to talk about adoption ...but do not categorize adoptive families as being different. A mother's love is a mother's love. Whether my child comes through me or to me....she is mine. She is love.

There's a campaign going on...and I stole this information from another blog:

A phone number to call and complain (1-800-Teleflora - 1-800-225-7435) and this information if you want to write a complaint-AFM TV LLC
11444 W. Olympic Blvd., 10th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90064
Attn: Chief Legal Officer
Fax: (310) 966-5758

People are emailing the Today Show - and some are even emailing Donnie and Marie to send complaints. Someone called this number 212-664-4249 and got a live person to complain to (whom she said agreed with her).

Friday, May 09, 2008

Sex and the City: Alternate Ending 1 (HBO)

So, not that there are not more important things going on in the world. But, I think, in moments of pure stress, I remember, that THE movie is coming out soon and I get really really happy. I can't I was fiddling about on Youtube, by the way who fiddles about? Any way, I was playing around and found this. It's an alternate ending to the series. But, I guess seeing this,and seeing Charlotte...and thinking of what we are all going through. It made me cry. I love it. Not that Carrie might have married the Russian...but the Charlotte part. Which was in the actual ending, but seeing it now...really hit home.

Anyway....the big news is, I know who Anonnie is (wink).

KJo, I know you are about to email me to ask who! My lips are sealed ....

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Welcome Olivia

As I mentioned a few posts back, friends that we met through this process finally received their referral. Their wonderful daughter is now almost home! Pictures posted here! How great to have back to back posts with my friend's babies!

By the way...last night my hubby said he dreamt we were in London. We were walking and I was coming around a corner with a pram and a beautiful Chinese baby in it! I love that he is dreaming of her too!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Mazel Tov and Welcome Home to Miles

Stop by and see my friend Stephanie's handsome new addition! Go here!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Am I wrong?

I have been reading a ton of blogs lately, some with log in's right before me, others several months many of you are shopping and preparing. Painting the nursery, buying clothes and making plans. Family members are giving gifts and helping with the planning. I have to tell you, aside from a few outfits and books, nothing happening here. I have mentioned before that as Jews it is not customary to begin bringing things into the house until the baby is born, but regardless of that, I am not compelled to do more right now. Is that being negative. Should I be doing more? I feel so badly and worried that even though thus is one hell of a long pregnancy, I will one day be completely unprepared. But regardless, the optimisim I read on the blogs that are activily preparing is so wonderful. I want to feel that way too....u believe. I need to again.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Yeah...someone I know got a referral!

Thank god! Finally. Our friends P&D are proud parents today! They received a referral! They were sort of a benchmark for a few of us. We actually had several get togethers with them...counting down the days. They waited approximately about 27 months for referral. A one year old baby is going to be in their arms soon....we hope!

For my birthday I got a check and giftcard ...I spent the money wisely and bought this painting
....from an auction for Love Without Boundries...all money raised goes to Orphans in China. If you notice, in the corner a piece of paper. It's actually from a Fortune cookie I just says "your plans will succeed".

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Everyone keeps saying that China is really going to slow down its referrals through the Olympics. I have added a counter at the top.

Come on...let's get it moving....only three months more of this...and then, maybe we will see some changes.....

The torch is in Hong Kong..we are getting close.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Back to reality

The joyfulness of the last few days was such a great break for me. I am so tired and exhausted my friends. I feel spent. This adoption process is truly the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I just read that they have halted adoptions in Vietnam. I feel so sorry for those families who were patiently in line waiting, and all their dreams have been squashed. It's so unfair. And I am so god-damn tired of being angry. But it's so unfair that there are children who need families. And, we wait. We sit and we move through life and remain faithful...but who the hell knows anymore. I sound angry. I am. I am tired. So tired of just dreaming. Of always being the one who dreams about it. I am tired of remaining optmistic. I am tired of saying "it will happen". I am tired of this. What if it doesn't? I spoke to my Agency today. They have no updates. Everyone is at a loss for words. This hurts more then you can imagine...although I know there are so many of you out there that understands. I am crying. I am tired. I don't know anymore. Back to reality.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Birthday "hangover" and 18 months!

Wow....what a whirlwind weekend of birthday celebration and just "good times" I have had. I can't thank the wonderful people in my life who made this weekend so special to me. It started Friday night with a gathering of some great friends at a favorite restaurant of mine, Calle Ocho. The Latin inspired menu and ambiance created a huge party atmosphere. The food was great...the company of wonderful friends...some who have known for years, others, in the last few. We had a blast.

Earlier in the day, my new neighbors, who recently moved here from China, surprised me with a beautiful gift.
Direct from Beijing. I have already hung up near Lia-Rose's bedroom. It was so sweet. The mother, who speaks in broken English said to me, "Wendi, you do not have to go to China to get your baby." I looked at her thinking "What?"...she then pointed to her 12 year old daughter (who is about 5'6) and said, "I will give you mine!"

Yesterday, my cousins surprised me with a fantastic lunch at the Plaza Hotel, along with a beautiful bracelet and specially made birthday dessert! Dinner across the street last night at my friends' home....(it's his birthday today) and more great food, wine and cards.

I got flowers and chocolates and a brand new Ipod, and candles, and a great book about motherhood and a toy for Lia-Rose. I got gift certificates and checks. I got earrings. I got homemade artwork from my friend's daughter. It was a wonderful, and perfect birthday, with the love that was given to me...the greatest gift of all.

And today, it's 18 months we are logged in....19 months since are file was sent to China, and two years since the whole process started. I heard Barack Obama say that the campaign is so long that babies who were born when it started are now walking and talking. Same thing here. In fact, we could have gone through two pregnancies!
Anyway...thanks to all who made my day so special.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

My birthday party!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Another year

When we started this process I had just turned 45 years old. Somewhere in China my dusty file sits. Inside it talks about how this 45 year old woman, who has never had children, cannot wait to bring her little Baby home from China. Somewhere there is a picture of me in China. Maybe my hair is less gray (although truth be told I color it every four weeks), I was certainly a bit heavier, and most definitely a bit younger. Tomorrow, that same woman whose file is in China, turns 47 years old. I truly can't believe it. You know how when you were 32 and 45 seemed so old. Now, it's so young to me. Now 50 is young to me!

So, I won't freak out that so many years have gone by since I started this adoption process. Honestly, the baby making process started long before our file was sent to China. So actually, it's much longer than two years that I've been trying to bring my family together. More like 5 years. But, that is not the point.

I will celebrate tomorrow night with some great friends at a favorite restaurant on the Upper West Side. I can't wait. I hope this is the last year I celebrate without you Lia-Rose. You are the only gift I want.

Thank you my sister for a wonderful this!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The wonders of the Universe

As I get older or perhaps more grounded in who I am, the ability to trust the Universe becomes increasingly easier. The old adage, when one door closes five doors open has never been truer for me. The people who I needed to show up amazed me and appeared. This week I am blown away that in a mere matter of hours, things I needed.

Roadblocks lifted, tolerations banished, change happening. It overwhelms me, this wonderful sense of truly watching these wonderful opportunities pan out. This, if you wonder, is not about the adoption. But, the magic of these much needed miracles help me remain more faithful then ever that my daughter will be my daughter… when she supposed to be.

Monday, April 21, 2008

My Annie

It is my step-daughter Annie's 15th birthday today.
I haven't seen in about a year and half...(she lives in Australia!) and I can't wait till this Summer when she is here with us for a few weeks. She is a sensational person. Mature, beautiful and extra special. I am blessed to be her Step-mum!

Happy Birthday my Annie!!!!

I love you.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

When you set out on a journey and have a clear vision of what it is you want, even the bumps in the road are just used to pepper your story. They add the flavor to the meal so to speak. It seems lately that although my goal is so clear, things arise that catch me by surprise. I am proud of myself for really staying the course, but it is all very challenging none the less. Although this may read cryptically, I realized this week, that sometimes people are not who you really thought there were, words on paper are sometimes not what you think they read and that sometimes just relying on yourself and on what your instincts tell you truly are the best course of action.

Anyway, a Happy Passover to all. I celebrated the first night of the holiday with my family in South Jersey. My poor husband was sick to his stomach and although I wanted to stay home with him, he insisted that I go....he was missed. I told Addie that this year would be the last year she was the youngest at the Sedar dinner. Next year Lia will be with us hopefully. This was the third year in a row that she was in my thoughts on Passover. I hope that next year she will be at the table beside me.

My birthday is this week and I am turning another year older. Perhaps another year wiser. Between Passover and my birthday, this season is always very special and memorable to me. It's my step-daughter's birthday tomororw as well as the 5th birthday of when we brought the loveable Molly, my dog, home. Spring brings me promises of happiness and reflection. It always truly feels like rebirth. So, may this be my last Spring without you dear little Lia-Rose. Next Spring you'll be home...oh please oh please ...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Lost in translation

So as you may or may not know, last week (see April 9th post) an article ran about the Chinese adoption wait times and I was quoted. I googled myself, just because I have nothing better to do, yeah right, and a bunch of new links came up. Apparently the article was picked up by a bunch of news outlets. I told Joe to Google me, and he did, finding a Chinese news website carrying the story. I got really excited. Who knows who could see it! So we decided to translate the article expecting it to read exactly as it did in English. Except…it didn't. Here's how it translated by Google translator=

Also with the same predicament of the 46-year-old Wendi Caplan-Carroll. 儘管Wnedi經歷了兩次婚姻,但她膝下並沒有子女。 Despite Wnedi went through two marriages, but she below knee and without children. 最初,她希望收養手續能在13個月裏完成。 Initially, she hoped that adoption procedures in the 13 months to complete. 但現在,整個流程已經走了整整2年了,還看不見結束的那一天。 But now, the entire process has been taking a full two years, also see the end of the day. "有些人已經放棄了,另外的家庭改為收養衣索比亞兒童了。我們不會滿世界的尋找孩子,我們把所有心思都押在中國的機會上面了。當你想孩子已經想瘋了的時候,再說放下已經很難了。" "Some people have given up, and the adoption of Ethiopia to the family of the children. We would not be complacent about the world looking for their children, we all thought were remanded in China the opportunity to above. When you want to have children to crazy time has been difficult to put aside a repeat. "


Now I realize that the translator is not exact, but two marriages! Yikes!!! For the record…I've been married once, and my knees above and below are just fine. You just never know what gets lost in translation!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sex and the Weekend

How very inappropriate for my adoption blog! Now what were you thinking. I was referring to the fact that I spent a good portion of some "down" time this weekend watching old Sex and the City reruns. I can't tell you how spending that time took me back about 8 years. Back to the days of living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, living in my 400 square foot fourth floor brownstone walkup on West 81st Street. I loved that little (and I mean little) apartment. To me it was my sanctuary, my castle in the sky. I used to love climbing up the fire escape onto the roof and spy down on all the backyards of the brownstones below. My life then was good, albeit, lonely at times. I dated, I saw my friends, I worked, I drank cosmopolitans (no joke), I dreamed of a steady boyfriend. I shopped, I worked in political campaigns and fell in love with these little babies –my nieces who entered my life during these days.

It definitely was a simpler time. I had literally no food in my apartment. Why cook for one when the Shining Star diner was two blocks away? They knew me by name and had my favorite meal –Chicken on top of a big salad, pickles, decaf and melba toasts on the side (Yep, I guess not everything has changed) ready before I even sat down.

Life was about dreaming. Dreaming of my future. Longing for my partner. I related so much to the girls in Sex and the City. It seemed like their lives were imitating parts of my own. I had my Mr. Big definitely two Bergers and I believe that Joe in a sense, is my Aidan.

When I watched this weekend, it came all back to me. I felt like that thirty-something year old again. I felt the angst. The excitement. The hysteria. I am so happy that my life is where it is today. I wonder; when the movie comes out, will the girls seem settled. Will their dreams come true? I know that Charlotte has a daughter from China. I find that wonderfully ironic.

But the big takeaway I came away with this weekend is this…when I was in my thirties and living in the City , I was WAITING for a man. I felt at times like my life was on hold. I didn't realize how much I had back then. I enjoyed it, but why not more? I was waiting for my life to begin-or better stated-waiting to meet Mr. Right. I spent far too many hours not enjoying what I had then but merely focused on what I didn't have. They truly were the good old days. So as I wait for my baby, and dream for what it will be with her, I need to savor every moment of this..right now and enjoy. For one day, this too shall be the good old days…waiting or not.

Friday, April 11, 2008


As you may know, I love to document any important dreams I have may have. I had one last night. Maybe less of a dream, and more of a "vision". I was drifting to sleep, in fact, I may have been asleep dreaming that I was drifting to sleep. Joe was away last night so I was sleeping in my big bed by myself. As I was falling asleep I felt a presence. There were four men..older Chinese men, wrapped in very ancient robes. (No joke) I remember not feeling scared at all. In fact, very very safe. They said to me..."we are your daughter's ancestors. Her grandfathers and great-grandfathers. We will bring her to you but wanted to make sure you were safe. We wanted to know who you are."....that's it...I don't remember anymore, but woke up feeling much less anxious and strangely confident.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

An article.....and yes that is me.

I am glad that Lia-Rose will see this article one day. I had been interviewed several weeks ago by an AP reporter.

NEW YORK (AP) -- China remains the country of choice for thousands of Americans seeking to adopt a child, but the time frame for new applications is now often triple what it was a few years ago and many families are enduring uncertain, emotionally draining waits.
"I've gone up and down with it - like a roller coaster ride," said Barbara Duarte Esgalhado, a single mother in Manhattan. She has a 7-year-old daughter adopted from China and filed paperwork in January 2006 for a second adoption that has yet to materialize.
"You find yourself rethinking it a lot more - is this still a good idea?" said Duarte Esgalhado, a 50-year-old writer and psychologist.
Her daughter, Uma, was a big fan of getting a sister when the idea surfaced three years ago. Now, she's ambivalent. "A 4-year-old thinks differently about a sibling than an 7-year-old," her mother said.
The longer waits - projected at three or four years for many new applicants - officially are attributed to the large number of foreigners trying to adopt from China coupled with a smaller pool of available children and a slower review process. The China Center of Adoption Affairs, long respected for its ethics and efficiency, avoids specific promises about how long applications might take.
Infant girls by the thousands are abandoned every year in China, and the nation has been America's top source of foreign adopted children since 2000. But the annual total fell to 5,453 last year, down from a peak of 7,906 in 2005, and further declines are expected as part of an overall drop in foreign adoptions.
Texas-based Great Wall China Adoption, one of the largest agencies focusing on China, says its annual caseload is down by half.
"Unfortunately we've had families who have decided to withdraw from the process," said Great Wall spokesman Leigh Ann Graf. "We have some families who are very angry about the wait times - and others looking at the time as a way to get all those things in that they won't be able to do after they become parents."
The uncertainty has fueled rumors and speculation within the tight-knit community of Americans who have adopted from China or hope to do so. Some believe the longer waits are part of a temporary Chinese effort to scale back international adoptions ahead of the Beijing Olympics in August. Others wonder if China may be phasing out foreign adoptions almost entirely.
"Our agency made clear our wait could be three years, four, five - they just don't know," said Mike Suomi, a Manhattan architect. He and his wife, Jenn, have applied to adopt a second child to become a sister to 5-year-old Olivia, whom they adopted from China in November 2003.
"China is becoming an economic powerhouse," Suomi said. "As far as we know, there's an embarrassment factor to having an inability to take care of your own children."
The Suomis are working with Spence-Chapin, a venerable New York-area adoption agency whose caseload for China has dropped sharply due to the delays. Ann Hassan, the agency's China coordinator, said the wait can be much shorter if parents agree to adopt a child with a physical handicap such as a cleft palate or congenital heart disease.
The Suomis, both in their early 40s, are willing to consider such a child, depending on specifics of the impairment. They also considered adopting from elsewhere in the Far East but found South Korea, Vietnam and Taiwan unworkable for varying reasons.
"China always was the top preference," said Jenn Suomi. "There's no funny business, no corruption, no black market."
They're intent on persisting with the China application, and they work hard to help Olivia handle the longer-than-expected wait for the sibling she wants to call Mei Mei - "little sister" in Mandarin.
"Let's say we wait four years - Olivia will be 9," said her father. "We'll be four years older. That's very hard for us. ... We're ready now, and now we have to wait."
Steve and Katherine Curtis, who live in the Long Island town of Babylon, are trying to adopt a second daughter from China to be a sister to Amelia, who was adopted in September 2006 and turned 2 in December.
"We're always thinking of her," said Steve Curtis, an auto company executive. "Absolutely we think it would be helpful for her to have someone to have a shared experience with."
Their new application was registered last October. They have no clear idea how long it will take.
"We're braced for fact it could be three more years," Curtis said. "You do all you can. Then it's up to the powers that be."
Some applicants feel they're in a particularly precarious position. Theresa Fierro, a third-grade teacher from Clifton, N.J., is a single mother who - like Barbara Duarte Esgalhado - got her current application filed in 2006 shortly before China changed its rules to exclude most single parents.
"The wait is causing some fear," said Fierro, 50, who has a 5-year-old daughter adopted from China. "And it's tough to plan. ... Should I work summer school or not? Should I go on vacation or not?"
For Joann Nix, 48, of Mastic Beach, N.Y., the wait adds to frustrations that had been building up over years of futile fertility treatments.
She and her husband registered two years ago to adopt a Chinese child. They now fear the slowdown could hurt their chances of seeking a second adoption later on.
"It gets torturous some times," Nix said. "There are thousands of kids in this world who need good homes. We want just one."
In a similar predicament is Wendi Caplan-Carroll, 46, of Secaucus, N.J. She has no children of her own, though her husband has two from a prior marriage. She initially hoped an adoption from China could be completed in about 13 months. Now the process has been under way for two years, with no sure end in sight.
"I know some people who gave up, others who decided to adopt from Ethiopia," she said.
"We're not shopping around - we have our heart set on China. It's hard to give up when you want something so desperately."