Happy nite before my 4th wedding anniversary

Wow, tomorrow will be four years since Joe and I got married. (June 1st, 2003) I've been a wife for four years! It's really amazing considering I was single for 42 years and never ever thought I'd get married. A long time ago I met a very spiritual man. He looked at me and said "why aren't u married?" I laughed and answered, "I can't even get the guy I am dating to take the R train from Queens to see me on a Tuesday night. A man to marry me! Yeah, sure." This very enlightened soul said to me, "you are meant to be a wife and a mother. That is who you are. It will happen because it is supposed to." I think I was in my early thirties when I met this man, but I held on to his words to carry me through those lonely times.

It was right after 9/11 when I met Joe. The world had changed and I guess you can say both of our hearts were open. Our love story is truly remarkable and one day I'll share the whole story. I swear it could be a movie! Or at least a movie of the week. When we met, this man who was visiting NY from Australia and me-this NYC single gal, we visited Ground Zero. I remember I had maybe been in Joe's presence for less then a total of 8 hours. When we were down there, the site still had smoke around it and the air smelled of death. I however, never felt more alive. I wanted to hold his hand so badly (we didn't!). This man made me feel safe and sound. When he left me a few hours later I wrote in my dairy "I have just met someone that in less then 12 hours has shown me what I am supposed to feel like when I am in the right relationship." At that moment I had no idea what would end up happening between us. Bottom line, our relationship has always been about hope. The hope that dreams can and will come true. The hope that at the end of the day our love for each other will carry us through, no matter what our differences may be. The hope that You plus me=Lia-Rose.

Happy Anniversary "Giggle"...I love you!

Congratulations to my friend (in real life and in the blog world) Ann Marie who got her court date and now can travel to Russia to pick up her Baby Bee. The cutest, most loving little boy in the world. Ann Marie has been so special and supportive of all my craziness. I am so happy that the process is almost over for her and she can be that mommy she has so desperately wished to be. I can't wait to meet the little Bee! This is when all of our agonizing is forgotten. When we see our friends find their way to their babies it really does make the horror of the roller coaster not so bad. In other news apparently my niece H was checking out the Middle School Lacrosse Team in her Bikini top ...along with the rest of her 13 year old friends. Good going girls! (sarcastically). Boy does my sister have her hands full. She blogs about it at colicwaseasier.blogspot.com.

UGH

This 'ain't' no picnic!

It's a damn roller coaster of a process! My fellow waiting parents can attest that this is truly an almost next to impossible task we face. The WAIT. It's excruciating. One minute there are incredible rumors that things are picking up and that the next referral is going to to be a big one. Then the crushing news that this may not be true. And we continue to creep along. I feel so frustrated. I am angry. I am questioning everything! I want to hide in my corner and pull a blanket over my head. I will not eat. I will not binge on nuts and popcorn. I will not cry and scream. I will remain strong and keep focused on the prize. I know the best things in life take time and patience. Today, two people who never ask me how the baby is coming along, asked. I felt stupid when I answered "well we are seven months down but I have no idea if I have 12 or 16 or 20 to go!" I wish I wish i wish we knew. Please someone come out with a statement that definitively answers how long this wait will be. Someone tell us that the referrals will be x amount a month. Someone tell us something. Reading rumors online is not the answer. The good rumors are awesome, the bad are like being punched really hard in the stomach. I think the entire Waiting Family community would be thrilled knowing more then we do. No complaints. The wait is the wait. The time will pass and we will be with our children. I just want to be able to have some idea when this dream that I share with so many will come true.

Being in control of something

So it's been a week and two days on NutriSystem. I can't tell you how much I've lost, because I haven't gotten on a scale. I know that this might be anti-proper dieting behavior but for me, it's the right way. I must say that at the gym this morning, I didn't wince so much when I looked at myself in the mirror.

Last summer I did Weight Watchers. I got on the scale every single day, maybe five times a day. And the frustrating part was that the scale wasn't moving. I honestly was following the plan and counting my points. Every week I'd go to the meetings and lose an ounce or two. But nothing to brag about. One week, I gained weight and I had followed the plan 100%. It was the most frustrating thing. I began to question whether or not I could ever lose weight and I believe with that mindset, u can't. I am one who is very active for the most part. I walk at least 30 minutes a day five or six days a week. Lately I've been visiting the gym at least four times a week. I'll start biking this afternoon in fact. I suppose my downfall this past year has been two factors: 1 Just noshing in the evenings-even if it's just 100 calorie popcorn, I'll have two bags and then add some raisins 2. Feeling like I have no control over anything at times.

I am really proud of myself as this has been so far a very easy process. I know the reason. I am really in control of something for a change and I really believe I am going to lose the weight I need to lose. My goal is at least 15 pounds, maybe 20. I know I am a 46 year old pre-menopuasal woman now, and my metabolism isn't what it used to be. But when my size 8's turn into 10's, this is not good for me. I am only 5'3 (maybe) and I have to be very careful. I for the rest of my life, really am going to have to watch everything that goes into my mouth. Not get neurotic about it, but really watch what I put in there. What Nutri-System is teaching me is that anything can be eaten. It's really a matter of portion sizes. I believe that is true with Weight Watchers as well as Jenny Craig. It's all the same. Eat less. Exercise more. Bottom line, that's what we have to do.

Just some stuff

Some stuff to share:

Read this book. Amazing!

Interesting article in today's

Philadelphia Inquirer

(thanks Mom)

Cute article found on AOL (Thanks Mom)

Seven Dwarfs
Seven candle holders

A Seven baseball jersey

Seven astronuts

Seven flowers

AND 7 MONTHS LID TODAY!!!! (Plus, just hit over 7,ooo on the blog!)

The Raccoon

This week my sister Lori dealt with the ups and downs of her daughters becomming teenagers; the daily activity of a very active (and the cutest kid in the world) 6 year old; managing her household (and husband) and in a sense, finding herself. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this with the blog-world, but Lori has started a remarkable journey. She is finding her voice. I encouraged her to blog a few weeks ago, and proud to see that everyday over the last two weeks she is making entries and adding to her growing blog. This exercise in spilling your guts out of the world wide web may seem over-whelming for some. Is this the right way to put your thoughts out? Should so many have access to what seems like the deepest of emotions sometimes? For some, I am sure it's not the right place. For others, it's the only place that works. For my sister, it truly is a place of enlightment and of exploration. She called me the other day and said, "I am a writer." She explained that she never had known this part of herself. One where by simply turning on the computer and logging on to blogger.com she could unleash herself and learn more in those moments then possibly a year of therapy. I am beyond proud of her. And, as a trained coach, one who's life mission will really be to help develope people to their fullest potential, I highly recommend writing down your thoughts. You will never know where these words can take you and who you might find when you write the last sentence down. Everyone has a story.

Lori's lastest entry is all about the Raccoon. A Raccoon that by her very efforts of saving and protecting her babies, she lost them forever. Of course, this is the greatest sacrifice a parent can make. As a waiting parent , I imagine that Lia-Rose's birth-mother will share the same fate as the lovely Raccoon. It's very sad, but joyous in the fact that thru this deep sacrifice the greatest love of all is shared. Please make sure to read the story!



I love you Lori and you are amazing, but I've always known that.

Girls nite out

I wanted to send big hugs and kisses to Heather( My Blog pimper), Chris and Shannon. We all met last nite and had a ball. Yikes, I got home on a "school nite" at 11:30pm...boy can we talk. It's wonderful having this adoption common ground. The idea that our daughters will be friends too, is wonderful. Shannon has a beautiful daughter, Chloe. I thank you for sharing your story. Big huge congrats to Chris. One year today LID! Congrats!
PS Go to www.colicwaseasier.blogspot.com
I am very proud of my sisters blog

I have to say this

I am almost 7 months LID! Unreal how time is flying by when you look at the bigger picture.
It's amazing that if I was biologically pregnant right now, I'd be 2 months away! But, it is moving!

Embarrass a Teenager

As Lori says....Aunt Wendi does it again! And Lori taped it and made this cute little video. Poor Lia-Rose...boy is she in for it! xoxo

Patience is

If I had to describe my life in one word these days it would be "patient". I, by nature, am far from a patient person. If I go to a restaurant and I'm hungry, I want to be served right away. If I am tired and my bus is late, stay away from me. I don't necessarily calmly stand there. At work when I am waiting for an answer from a client or my boss on a big project, I have to step away from my desk because I can't stand looking at my computer screen and not seeing their name pop up. I'd probably be an awful golfer. I have no patience. Tennis is better for me. Jsut wack the ball when it comes.

While walking tonite, to stifle the hunger that was creeping over me, I had one of those "Aha" moments. (By the way, I seem to be having them more often, it is definitely a benefit of growing older-must be a pre-menopausal thing) I realized that my entire life is all about my ability to be patient.

Let's see...when I younger and just out of school I so desperately wanted a career in NYC.
I was turning 26 (or maybe it was 27) and finally an opportunity. I applied for a job as a Promotion Director at a radio station here (the old WYNY for any radio geeks out there). It came down to two people. me, and a guy. You guessed it, the guy got it (not because he was a guy mind you just because he had a bit more experience). However the point of this story is that I clearly remember the General Manager saying to me, "be PATIENT Wendi. You'll be here in NYC soon and be very successful. A year later, I was here.

I married later in life. I so wanted to meet my soul mate, the man of my dreams. I dated a lot, was the queen of the blind date, and everyone used to say to me, "be PATIENT Wendi. Your love is out there." (Now that was patience, I married at 42 years old!)

When Joe and I first met, we were separated for months because of Immigration stuff. Joe had to head back to Australia to await his Fiancee visa to return. . My family said, "be PATIENT" Wendi, Joe will be back. Before you know it you'll be wed." Our Fourth anniversary is on June 1st.

And now, obviously, the biggest patience test of my life. Waiting for you, Ms. Lia-Rose. The only wait in history where as each month passes, another is added on (not that I am complaining, I am grateful for this!) The point is, I have to dig deep inside of me. As deep as any feeling can be. You are nestled in my heart, buried in my soul. The strength is you Lia_Rose"inside of me" accounts for any and all patience that I have. As I look back on my life, I do know that when I was patient, my goals and dreams came to fruition. I don't doubt that the same thing will happen now. Patience : the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient. That's me because of you, Lia-Rose.

Three sisters and an ape

My dad plays around alot. Thru the magic of photo. The cutest is Addie's expression.

Sunday

It's a dreary Sunday morning here in NJ/NY. I say NJ/NY because I still consider myself a New Yorker living in New Jersey. It's been four years and I am a still a New Yorker. Actually, where we live is really closer to Manhattan then Brooklyn is. It's less then 10 minutes to mid-town without traffic. With traffic, a whole different thing. I had no idea what I was going to blog about this morning and am letting my fingers do the talking which is actually a rather cool thing to do. Of course now that Iam thinking about it, nothing all that interesting is coming out of my mind. But I continue to talk. I started my diet yesterday and had a dream that I ate 10 pieces of really delish hot bread. I woke up thinking, did I really do that? Today Joe and I are supposed to go to an FCC sponsored event. That's Families with Children from China. There is a big Dragonboat Race not to far from here. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate. It's not looking so great now.


Here's old pics of Joe and I that my dad just found, Not the greatest photos of Lia-Rose's mom and dad, but u get the point.This was about 3 years ago. I was wearing my hair semi-trying to be curly back then. Summer frizz time for sure!

Spring cleaning

JUST A MESS!

What a mess! My closets that is. I am knee-deep in moving my fall/winter stuff over into my spring/summer stuff. Every year this annual tradition takes place in April/May and October. I HATE IT.


Although I LOVE it when it's completed. I go thru the new seasonal wardrobe, and although I had enough clothes to wear the year before, it never seems like I have anything now. I have so much stuff to trash, it's not even funny. Did I tell you I HATE THIS. Right now the townhouse we are living in has two bedrooms, big closets in each room and one large walk-in downstairs. The large walk-in downstairs is now my large walk-in office in a closet.We have a computer and shelves in here. I have plenty of junk in here as well. I HATE IT. However, we will be building a "home office" unit in our kitchen. We are working on the design now but it should be great. Beautiful built-ins that match the cabinets in my kitchen. This way we gain the use of this big closet downstairs so I can clear the closet upstairs for my Lia-Rose's stuff. Which by the way I am starting to slowly accumulate, only when I see something really cute. Anyway, do u realize what I am doing right now? I am prograstinating. I have heaps of clothes on my bed right now which need to put away. Me, however, I sit here typing this and dream that when I go upstairs my closet will look like this but with more ladies clothes.

Anyway I better get back to work now! It's still early enough to finish and enjoy the rest of my afternoon. By the way, I started Nutri-System today, so far so good! I guess I am spring cleaning not just my closets, but my body as well. I like that thought!

I belong

I never was that type of girl who was in a group. I had lots of friends, but never felt like I was in a special group. Never the sorority type. Yikes not me! But perhaps I've seen Legally Blonde to many times in the last six weeks or maybe I am just tired, but I really feel like, and I've said this before that I am part of something really really big. The waiting mom's club...the adoption community...the trying to stay sane when u think you are just going to go crazy club...whatever we want to call it. I am part of it.

A year ago when we started this process I never ever thought that I'd be blogging...part of Yahoo boards...having lunches and dinners with families from all over who I never met before and sharing my day with so many new friends -who are part of this club or who are just supporting me thru this. It's so cool to have something in common with so many. I am part of something fantastic....I belong!

Birthdays, M&M's, the Bump and Broadway

Happy birthday to my very extra special niece Sydney and a day late blog shout out birthday to her daddy Gregg! The whole fabulous family came up and went to see Legally Blonde. I actually liked it even better the second time. It was so beautiful to see the girls enjoy the fabulous-ness of Broadway! Lori and I always did and to be able to share this with the kids is even greater. Plus I had Addie on my lap for the second act and nothing is more wonderful then that. A few notable memories include a birthday moment at the restaurant complete with both Gregg and Sydney up on chairs with tambourines, walking in the rain to the theater, me doing the "bump" (who can forget that dance? )with a tourist from Columbia who's daughter nearly died from embarrassment, buying 10 pounds of M&M's from the M&M's store, running into a gay couple friend of mine after the show and Sydney asking if they were offended by a certain very silly scene in the show ,seeing the cast of Hairspray exit the theatre when suddenly some super cute teeny bopper boy band type exits the building (Ashley Parker something-see very dark photo above), the girls screaming, Lori and I scream and not know why, then Sydney getting a hug and a picture with the guy and then crying with joy. Hayley and Sydney asking me to find out what Syd's getting for her birthday. Do u think me saying she will be jumping for joy let her on to know that she is getting a trampoline? All and all Sydney said it was the best birthday ever! Happy Birthday to the most delicious 12 year old I know....Oh My God your 12!!!!!! I remember when u were born and I looked at you in the nursery at the hospital. I remember very clearly thinking..."I will love you and be with you forever." Now 12 years later....I love you 120000000 times more! Happy Birthday my little Cece!

Amazing for me...

In the last 24 hours some amazing things happened to me. Well amazing might be stretching it for you…but for me they really were. First off, I had dinner last nite with a client of mine…I should say a friend. The lovely Debbie S. She informed me that she had been reading this blog and I got to tell you , that made me feel so special. To know that my words are being shared with others and even evoking some emotions from them, is truly AMAZING. Debbie and I had a great dinner last night and talked about babies, adoption husbands, The DISC, our common client, and of course weight loss! What else to do women talk about J. The DISC by the way is a behavioral assessment tool which I am being trained on. Anyway…I left Debbie and headed home. After watching my taped American Idol episode and voting for Melinda (5x) and Blake (4x), sorry not a Jordan fan, I turned on my taped daily episode of “Adoption Story”. It airs everyday at 7am on the Discovery Channel. It was a story about a family who were adopting their beautiful baby girl Phoebe from Korea. I was very touched by their story. This was their second child and they were both in their 40’s. The baby was gorgeous and delicious. But it was more then just what I saw. I started sobbing. I ran up to bed and woke Joe up. I screamed, “something is happening today with Lia-Rose. I just know it”. I know I have had this feeling before. BUT this was much deeper. I felt her. I felt something was happening with her. I don’t know if she was just conceived, just born or maybe arriving at the orphanage. There is movement in this soul’s life. The steps are being set in motion for her to come to us. I know it. I felt it more then ever last nite. Joe said, in his sleep probably, “Lia-Rose is coming…she will be here. “Then we both prayed. We prayed for her to find her way safely to us. To know that she is loved and that all of us….my stepkids, my sister, my brother in law, my nieces, my parents and aunts and uncles, are waiting for her. We made sure to also bless her birthmother. I feel asleep, and I wasn’t sure what I dreamt of…but it felt like something really BIG and AMAZING had just happened. Anyway, this morning I woke up early for a client event that I produce. I haven’t been feeling great physically. I mean, I have been working out and nothing is happening. I saw this morning three people who I hadn’t seen for a few months. Between them all, there is probably a 60 pound weight loss. I spoke to one of them, Kate, who is my age and asked her what she did. She said….NUTRI SYSTEM. I lost 15 pounds on Nutri-System. I want to lose weight and tone up for my daughter. I want to look good in those pictures!!!. So, I called Joe and said…”I am doing it. I need your support”. He said go for it. So…I announce to my Blog friends that I just signed up for it and let’s give it a go….amazing, who knows? For me…something big is happening…..for Lia-Rose…Mommy knows it is happening too!

Congratulations

To my sister Lori...for becoming a blogger....please check her out...it's all about life after adoption ...in about 12 years!

www.colicwaseasier.blogspot.com

This is hope

My dear blogger friend Stephanie’s comment prompted me to write this entry. She left a comment on my very frustrating “Frustrated” post below. And Stephanie …u are right! I am positive!!! And I need to be back in that positive zone. In fact, I am.

There are some positive rumors circulating out there that referrals can in fact be much larger then usual…..everyday I really do feel more like this is going to happen and that I am in fact becoming a mother. My feelings of love for this child are so huge and it’s o’k. I am not crazy. In fact, most waiting parents are like me…we just adore this baby that we are creating in our hearts and souls. So, I will stay positive. I will focus on the fact that each day is moving on…I can not change what can’t be changed and most of all, why am I worrying about things I have no control over ?

My friend Ann Marie (comeundone.typepad.com) is days away from heading to Russia to pick up the most handsome baby boy in the world….Baby Bee. This is hope.
My friend Susan isn’t that far way either from meeting her baby girl. This is hope. Mother’s Day came and went.. Everyone honored me for being the “waiting mom” that I am. This is hope.
When I saw my pregnant relative, I greeted her with tears. She let me hold her and touch her belly. I wasn’t jealous. I wasn’t envious. I wasn’t pissed off. I was an expectant mom like she was. This is hope.
And yesterday my niece Addie whispered to me that she had something to tell me…..I bent closer and she said “I love you". –I knew then for sure, this is hope!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS IN THE WAITING FAMILY COMMUNITY, TO THE BIRTH MOTHERS OF OUR BABIES , TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS WHO ARE MOMMIES, TO MY SISTER WHO IS AN AMAZING MOTHER AND MOST OF ALL TO MY OWN MOMMY. THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE ALWAYS.

Love, Wendi

They may not be with us physically, but our babies are in our hearts! WE ARE MOMS!

PS this is one of my favorite blogs....I love how she sums this all up!

http://salsainchina.blogspot.com/

Don't read if u are in a good mood

I am not in a good mood right now. If u are a waiting family, I warn you that this posting may frustrate and upset you. Here's an alert...if u want to remain positive...avoid reading this. TONITE I AM FRUSTRATED. That's with a capital FFFFFF. I am. I did it. I started reading the rumors. I don't like what I see. Why is this happening? Why does this horribly painful wait have to happen to us right now! I think it's me people. I think I am the reason that the wait is extending. I am sorry, but I really think that if I wasn't adopting right now the wait would be shorter. I am the reason we aren't with our babies...I am saying this now...because I can't think of any other reason why this is so horribly long and it keeps getting longer. IT'S MY FAULT! I just know it. Why else? Not to say that it's a case of "poor Wendi"...but the fact is....I have not had much luck at this becoming a mother thing...so why should this be easy? I have infected the entire pool of adoptive families...it's just my luck ...the wait was 13 months when I started.....I was afraid that we wouldn't be here for my nieces' Bat Mitzvah in March of '08....now I wonder if Lia-Rose will be hear by Addie's Bat Mitzvah in 2014! Oh please...I know it's about those little girls ...those innocent children in the orphanages that need to be taken care of and happy and healthy...but I need to say right now.....I WANT TO BE A MOMMY ALREADY my DAUGHTER NEEDS ME NOW......PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...we need some positive vibes and some positive movement. Please a positive rumor...some news that says a speed up is near.....there are tons of us who are ready and waiting....oh dear G-d....please please help us all...the babies and us parents! PLEASE.......we need some positive news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a dolll

I received my first Mother's Day card !!!!!!!! That's right...I am a mom in my heart...so that counts too! Thank you Heather !!!! Her words ring true.....our babies might not be here physically....but they are in our hearts! We are mommies this Mother's Day too!

Thank you Heather for making me feel like one!

A great idea

I received this email and I think this is an amazing idea. Mom's Day for me will be filled with mixed emotions....knowing that all of us Waiting Mom's are together feeling the same way is very reassuring....let's pray for our babies and their birth mom's in China.

The Jan. DTC group is taking a few minutes on Sunday to pause and think about each other. To think about where we have been as a group where we are going. To think of each other as we wait to be parents to our children. We will also be praying/thinking about our children, as we believe that they have been born or are growing in their birth mothers wombs. We will say a special prayer for our children's birth mothers and for the sacrifice they are making to make our dreams come true. If you are interested in participating we are going to do this at 12pm Eastern time.We all think it will be nice to know that at that moment we are not alone in our sadness of not having our children in our arms this year for Mothers day. We think it will be nice to know that so many loving thoughts will be sent to China for our children and their birth mothers.I hope you all will join us and please pass the word on to other DTC groups you may belong to.

In my dreams

I dreamt I got my referral! A eight month baby girl named Macey....and that's the way it was spelled. I saw her photo, she was beautiful. After I got her she turned into a 16 year old gay japanese teenage boy....not sure what that means...he was a great son though! By the way, the debate continues on my post below....read the comments .....

A heated debate

Last nite I had a heated debate with a friend. In fact, she is probably expecting this post this morning....I think she egged me on to get a little action on the blog, but that is another story. We were discussing the fact that a friend of hers is very young unmarried and pregnant. I said it kinda of would pissed me off, She replied, you are just jealous of her and u shouldn't be pissed off at her. I said no, I am pissed off. I am not jealous of this young woman...however, I am pissed off at the situation. Our discussion went on like this for a bit. My friend, believes that when I say I am pissed off, it means I am jealous. She believes that if I am not saying I am jealous because it doesn't sound good. I disagree. Because to me being angry at a situation and jealous are completely different. I am not jealous at all at this person. I feel badly for her in fact. I am just pissed off at the situation. Plain and simple. I am over it. I am not wallowing in anger. If I was jealous, to me that is a completely different feeling. It hurts more. It's deeper. And it last longer. It's more personal. Being pissed off is an immediate reaction for me. Something that I don't linger on. It just one of those things. does anyone get what I am saying?

Every little thing helps!

American Consulate General #1 Shamian South Street

Guangzhou, China 510133

Wendi xxoxxoox-xoxoxoxo

Joseph xoxoxoxo

Dear xoxooxxo, Wendi Gail

Congratulations! the U.S Citizen and Immgration Services recently notified US Consulate Guangzhou that the Department of Homeland Security has approved your petition to adopt an overseas orphan. You must now wait for the China Center of Adoption Affairs to send your agency a referral.....(no shit!)

But the bottom line is...we got our BROWN ENVELOPE today. It's cool only because it's something. It has a whole lot of forms and directions as to what we do when we are there and where everything is. Lia-Rose's medical form to fill out. It's just cool...because, it is one more way to make this feel REAL. Some people don't even get a BROWN ENVELOPE. But we did, and I'm thrilled! (Addendum to the above: I just called my sister to tell her about the BROWN ENVELOPE) Addie answered the phone. I said I have something to tell her mom and needed to talk to her. Addie said she was asleep and I should tell her so she could tell her mom. I said, o'k, tell your mom that I got a BROWN ENVELOPE from China with directions about what I do when I get Lia. She screamed "Mom, Wendi got an envelope about Lia." She then turned to me and asked..."Is she a boy or a girl!"....that's my Addie!

Addie-isms

From my sister: Addie just turned on Sagwa Addie said, I like to watch this because it reminds me that Aunt Wendi is adopting a baby from China.

Babies and mansions

This weekend I did a solo trip to Newport, Rhode Island. Joe is working crazy hours, and gave me the blessing to take the road trip to visit with my friend and work collegue Kathi. Kathi is one of those incredible women. In fact, probably one of the most incredible women I know. She has three beautiful little boys -a five year old and twin one year old boys as well as an incredible career. She started her own very successful Coaching/Training and Consultant firm and she is truly someone I have always looked up to. She was my first coach and inspired me to study coaching. She still continues to inspire me and I just watch her as she handles an incredible home (not the one above), raising incredible babies and an incredible career. I want to be like her!!!! Today I left them, and made my way into the Mansion above. It's the Chateau-su-Mer. A very lavish Victorian style home. Aside from the fact that the family were Republicans (yuck), the home was rather fantastic. Old Italian carvings, deep rich colors, huge rooms and over the top furnishings. Rather interesting and a great way to go back in time. And being with those babies was a great way to look into my future. I couldn't put them down. Watching them I couldn't help but think that one day they will be playing with Lia-Rose. Who knows, maybe way a head in the future they will be dating Lia-Rose :)...but now I jump to far. It was fun being with them....and I loved changing their diapers, smelling their sweet heads, and kissing them all over. A nice way to spend the weekend....

6000

Wow...six months in and over 6000 hits on this page. Granted about 5790 of them are probably me and my sister Lori.....probably "my friend Susan", Ann Marie and I am sure Alysa are good for a few of them...BUT THANK YOU FOR READING MY WORDS....it makes me feel wonderful to know that you are supporting me thru this journey by visiting my blog.....

On my soap box...can't help it

Lately my mind is just in high gear. I can’t stop thinking and each time I think an important thought, or have an “aha” moment, I remember that I must blog about it and put it down. Last nite I said to Joe that I really feel empowered. I feel everyday that with everything I am doing and thinking I am advocating for my child. I never realized I would be one of those over-active mothers, involved in trying to save the world for their child. I mean, I know that I’ll be a good and loving mother, but there is a fire in me right now. I just want to make sure that everything is as good as it can be for this little girl, this innocent baby who will need me to fight for her and raise the bar on my life like never before. I mean she isn’t even with me yet. She quite possibly isn’t even alive yet. But something inside of me just wants to knock one out of the ball park for her.

I started thinking about the whole world of racial identity. It’s obviously a hot topic right now with the whole Imus debacle. Keep in mind I work in the media and have mixed feelings about freedom of speech issues, etc. I think certain things are funny, and in a sense when certain personalities say things, we are basically just making fun of ourselves and the stupidity of stereotypes. But then I sit back and think as a mother. I cringe now when I hear certain jokes about Chinese people. Someone at work was imitating a Chinese accent. I was insulted. Where did this come from? Why am I so on edge about this? My daughter and I will be of different racial backgrounds. To the stranger looking at us the first thought they will always have is that this child is Chinese. That will always be the first thought they have of her. If they happen to be Chinese, White, Black, and Hispanic,-they will see her with me and first thought, she must be adopted. This will always cross people’s minds. It will be a reality that we will always have to live with. Who knows what her classmates will say. Will they make fun of her and her family or be supportive? . My job now is to make sure she never feels different. Let her know that she is loved by me as deeply and as passionately as she would be if she looked exactly like me. Let her know that she is an incredible person who can do and be whatever it is she wants to.

Looking back on my life I can honestly say there were times that I felt different. For whatever reasons, I felt like I didn’t fit in or that I was somehow very different then the others around me. There was also a time when most of the people around me were of different ethnicities and races. That time in my life was fantastic in the sense that it truly helped me try to live my life in a “different skin”. I realized how lucky I was to be able to have people judge me for me, and not for the color of my skin. This story sticks out for me- I was sitting in a business meeting with a group of African American women. The leader of the meeting, a good friend at the time, started the meeting and said, “Welcome my sisters. She went on to talk about the particular project we were working on and then made a comment that as “black women it’s important that we all come together on this” (or something like to that effect). Then she stopped, and laughed, and looked at me and said, “g-d Wendi, I keep forgetting you are white. You are just Wendi, my sister.” She saw me for me at that moment. I had made an impression on her and I was just Wendi. I want the world to see my daughter for everything that she is. Not how she is on the outside, and how different the rest of her family look….but for the whole package. This is what I will fight for. This is what will make me cry. This is what will help me make a difference in this world.

I am up late

I can't sleep. I've just been organizing my September DTC Yahoo Group Cyber Shower. (Don't ask if u don't know, too tired to explain.) I totally know I messed up and probably sent three people the same buddy.Oh well...I'll find out tomorrow. In other wonderful fabulous sensational extraordinary news....referrals did happen...up to November 1, 2005. A bit more then last month which was a really slow month, not that this is that much better...but still...there's photos of babies babies babies...( I admit, I went on the Rumor Queen Site-even though I swore I would stop reading the news...I had to see the babies)...they are gorgeous. All very young...no older then 10 months did I see.....we by the way requested a 10month to 18 month...but if I got a younger referral, I'd be thrilled!

In other completely non-adoption news....my niece Addison had her first homework assignment ever today..although she was too busy doing her homework I never found out exactly what it was...for my niece Sydney's 12th birthday the crew is coming up to see Legally Blonde...which got crappy reviews but who cares, it's Broadway and it's PINK! My step-daughter Annie is happy and great and playing netball and looking gorgeous as usual...and finally, in the ever changing world of my niece Hayley who is 13 1/2 thinking she is 25, apparently she wants to go to a tanning booth! (Her mom said no, of course!) but she ended up putting self-tanner on herself....god knows how that came out! Anyway...bottom line...these kids are just growing way to fast. O'k, that's it..I am somewhat delirious and I have to work tomorrow....by the way, I have a small crush on Blake from American Idol....go figure!

Referrals are on their way!

Congratulations to those who are getting their referrals!!!! This is the best time of the month....when the referrals arrive. I don't have a final word on cut-off...but I am sooo happy for those who will meet their daughters! Don't you love this photo?