I can’t get into many details. I would like to keep that part private. For a few hours I knew what it would feel like. I had the file in front of me. The pictures. The information. I looked closely to see if I recognized that face. What the connections to us were.
In the end, it was both surreal and overwhelming. The prospect was scary and doubt filled my mind. I gathered my resources together, quickly. Some great friends came to the forefront with help and information and support. My husband was open and wonderful. My parents, scared at first, showed that they were there for me as well. My sister, was as supportive as ever. 24 hours of falling in love with a picture. Looking at my future and seeing it differently. The fact finding comes quickly. You fight for this child that could be yours. In the end you do what is best for that child. You realize it is not you. You are not meant to be, but for a moment you were. And I loved how that felt.