The blessing that is Sydney

I haven't been blogging over the past few days because I was preoccuppied with family. My sister, her hubby and the girls came in and we had a great time. It was also great way to stay off the computer and not obsess about the adoption or Joe's surgery....Lori and crew left on Saturday morning, but I got to "kidnap" my niece Sydney for the nite. Sydney is 11 1/2 and this was the first time we had just "Wendi and Sydney" time. She usually is stuck with one of her sisters, or just didnt' want to be a part from them. This time was just for us! However, Sydney spent the last 24 hours "teaching" me the top things that I need to know about motherhood and being a mommy to my daughter, Lia...I will share with you, this were pretty much all direct quotes from her (smile)

1. Never hug her in person in the middle of Garden State Plaza
2. Never kiss her cheek or head in public places
3. Take her to the Bagel Buffet
4. Buy her clothes from Abercrombie and Finch never at Walmart
5. Make sure her hair is a bob cut when she is around five, then it should be long from 10 on
6. Make sure that I brush her hair for her when she asks
7. Let her have bubble baths every nite in our big jacuzzi style bathtub
8. Do not under any circumstances share with anyone in public that she is cute or that she made the cheerleading squad
9. Do not hold her hand unless it's a matter of safety
10. DO NOT ever speak Yiddish in public or sing or dance! (No Gut ta nus!)

I am telling you, I learned alot this weekend! And last nite, when Sydney asked me to sleep with her and snuggle. She let me wrap my arms around her and she said, "Wendi you are going to be the best mommy in the world!"

Nasty mommy

O'k, I admit it. I am a foul mood. Yes, there is a ton of things going on in my life....too many too mention, but adding to that is the fact that my hormones are complety out of wack. I am a 45 1/2 year old woman.....so my guess is that my PMS is coupled with Pre Menopause, so as you can imagine it "ain't' great. In fact, it's pretty terrible. And it's been going on for days...in fact fourteen of them!!! Don't ask, but it seems like it is never going to end. So I admit...I have limited will power.....forget counting Weight Watchers points...I want to count how bags of popcorn are left. Additionally, I get mad at the smallest things....think everyone hates me...wonder if I am ever going to see my baby and from time to time, I think the world is crazy and I am the only sane one! There is this woman who rides the bus with me and every morning she seats next to her friend. And, imagine it's 7am, your still half asleep, you just want to relax and you hear constant chatter about ridiculous things! I wanted to physically bunch her in the fact this morning!!! That would be great...an adoptive mommy to be on charges of physical assault....g-d, forgive me...I am a Premenopusal, pre-menstrual mother to be!!!

The movie the cook and the blog

Joe and I had a great day today. He works a lot of weekends, but today we had a chance to just be together. Of course, tomorrow he is working, but today it was just nice to hang out with him.

We saw a funny, hysterical, not for the children movie (Borak) and then believe or not I made dinner. I say believe it or not because I am not known for my cooking, but I did make a lovely salad, my sister's greek salad recipe, pasta and veggies. Including homemade tomato sauce. When my step kids are here for the holidays I promise myself to cook more. Plus when Joe is recovering from the hip replacement, he deserves some good cooking....maybe we should order out after all! Oy! I have to become somewhat more domestic especially by next fall, when Lia day is approaching.

I changed the look of this blog tonite. I feel that it symbolizes the next stage in this process...who am I kidding, I was bored and playing around with templates....what do you think? Notice the counter on the bottom, that will track are Log In Date to referral. I can't wait till it says 300 days...hopefully the referral will be just around the corner. I am also adding some links to some of my favorite blogs. Make sure to check them. It does get addicting.

Some of the other loves of my life

For anyone that knows me well, you know that I adore my nieces. They are growing up quickly, right before my eyes! I am so proud of them all! I just want to congratulate my nieces Hayley and Sydney who made their middle school cheerleading team. Here's a conversation I had with Halzz when she told me. "Wow, that is great that you made the team Hayley, but can I be honest with you? " I asked. "Sure', she replied. I went on, "I never thought of you as a cheerleading type, more of the athletic type." (Hayley plays soccer, softball and other assorted jocky sports). "Yeah," she replied, "But Wendi, cheerleading is not what it used to be in the olden days." "Oh really", I answered. "Yes", Hayley continued, "It's evolved!" Here's a photo from Halloween! That's Sam on the left my "step niece", Sydney, Hayley and Little Addie as Dorthy.

Half way through

I started realizing today that we are really half way through this journey. I can't really believe how far we have come. I don't think a year ago at this time I realized that this would happen. Not at all, in fact.I was actually thinking that motherhood was never in the picture. There was this big huge hole inside of me that not a thing could fill. I was with my friend Kristen Johanson tonite. We had a few drinks to celebrate her new job and my LID date. I told her that there is no doubt in my mind that I was meant to have this baby this very way. There was some discussion on some message boards today that some felt it wasn't right to tell their adopted child that "they were meant to come together this way." Those that felt this way explained that they thought this was cruel because this would mean that it was meant to be that these babies were left on on the streets and given up. I understand where they are coming from. But, things happen in our lives (good and bad) sometimes for us to get to the place where we are supposed to be. My baby and I are two souls that belong together. I look at it spirtually for that explanation. I truly believe that this is a purpose that I was destined for. I didn't care to see it before, but the fact that it feels so right confirms this for me. The same way that I met a stranger from another country and a year and a half later, I marry him, he is my soulmate...that is the same way I can explain this daughter of mine. Lia Rose may not be a "real" person right now, but in my heart she is as real as the baby sleeping in my neighbor's crib. It's real love that I am feeling, and however long it takes, she is the baby that was meant to be for me.

Congratulations to those who got referrals.

Today families logged in 8/10-8/25/05 got their babies!!! That marked a bit of increase in the numbers of referrals. I am looking at some of the babies now...they are wonderful!!! It's so exciting to be able to follow along with these parents as they meet their babies. Congraulations!My hubby's hip replacement surgery is set...November 22nd...my parent's annivesary. Looks like we will be eating turkey at the hospital this year! Next, closer to a referral!

LID

It's done, we are logged in officially 10/27/06. I've been celebrating so much along the way that no one outside of the adoption community really understands the significance of this. But this is the big one....basically, we are told that it is "about 14 months" from this date to referral. Let's hope the line speeds up...somewhere in China my file sits on the bottom of hundreds of others. And what is equally as strange is that there is a file of babies, and Lia Rose is one of them..today was an interesting day besides this huge news. My hubby is going to go ahead and get a hip replacement...in three weeks. O'k, if anyone knows me well, they know that I am the type of person that really plans things out, organizes and does tons of research. My hubby is basically one of those types that doesn't dwell...and once he makes up his mind, it's done. So, it's going to be an interesting four weeks before surgery. The good news is that he will feel better. My step kids will be here in six weeks, so he can relax with them and recover. It is the less invasive surgery, so the recovery is much quicker. He has really put up with the pain in this hip for far to long. It's our hope that when Lia Rose is here...he can keep up with her. Tonite was also my first "cyber shower"...a bunch of us in Yahoo DTC group got together, mailed each other gifts and then opened them tonite. I got my first gifts for Lia..three beautiful books which I read out loud and pretended to read to her. I know, I am nuts.

I miss you

I am feeling incredibly sad tonite. I will blame it on a bit of PMS...but, I realized the moment I stop doing something...I think of Lia. Tonite the feeling was overwhelming. In fact it brought tears to my eyes. I feel that she is really out there ...and I miss her so much. There is this little baby out there waiting for her mommy, and I can't do anything about it except sit here and wait.
The referrals that were expected last week, never arrived. Right now they are saying this week, and no one has any idea of how many days they will match. It's such a roller coaster of a ride. I won't get off of it though. This is what I am meant to do. I think my husband does make some sense in the way he is dealing with the wait. He pays no attention to it. He knows that Lia will be here when she is supposed to. Me, I am online...networking with other moms and dads...reading blog after blog. I have to do it this way. For me that is the right way, for my husband, he has his own. Tonight though, I really miss you Lia. I am sorry I can't be there for you ...but you are in my heart. Please someone, take care of her for me. Please.

My first Halloween party as a "mom"

A new friend of mine Marcia, invited me to join her friends and family at a Halloween Party. Marcia is awesome. She has a beautiful daughter named Catarina that was adopted from China four years ago. There were a few other families there with their adopted daughters, and it was so awesome to feel connected. They know exactly how I am feeling now, and I gotta tell you, it felt great to be apart of something. I always envied my sister and husband and the huge group of friends they have in the "hood". I can see how my adoptive community will only grow as time goes by. Right now, I am completely into. I am excited for Joe to become a part of it with me! Last nite I had so many dreams. In one of them , my step children were meeting Lia for the first time. In the dream Lia was older, maybe 9 or 10. My stepson Adam was playing with her and hugging her. Annie was buying her jewerly. I had another dream about this family I follow online. They just are in China now meeting their twin daughters. In my dream, I was meeting the twins as well. Tonite I may find out about more referrals. FIngers crossed they match a larger group...remember, positive affirmations! The families I met today encouraged me that during their process there were tons of rumors as well and the time frame just kept changing. They also said, before you know it, she will be here!

For once in my life

I just figured out how to add music to this blog. Tonite I added, "For Once In My Life". This was actually my wedding song with my husband....but I think it's so appropriate to my impending mommy-hood! I just can't imagine what it is really going to feel like to have someone 100% dependent on me. Someone to love so unconditionally. Pretty overwhelming, that is for sure.

I wrote my agency yesterday concerning the LID (Log In Date)...she emailed me tonite and said no word yet. But the good news is it looks like referrals are coming in this month, and it might be a big month of referrals, which is what we need! More to come, but let's keep those positive affirmations!

The good news is that it's almost the end of October...this month flew by. I will keep staying productive and hopefully they all will!

The power of positive affirmations

So, we are still waiting for our LID..Log In Date. I am guessing we might know for awhile, but that doesn't mean it isn't logged in. It just means we haven't been informed. Once the LID is set, that is really the official start of the referral countdown. I have to say it gets so overwhelming to think how long it could be. I really have to think very positive thoughts. In fact, if you are reading this now, I ask you to think or even say out loud..."Referrals for Chinese adoptions are begining to pick up now. All those little beautiful innocent babies are getting placed right now with their forever families. The thousands of waiting families are getting their daughters."
Who knows maybe we can change things just simply believing that they are true.
Not much more going on...just trying to stay busy, productive, happy and healthy during this lovely (you see a positive affirmation!) wait!
Thanks for your good thoughts!

Thanks Madonna!

Ok, I have to admit. It really is unfair how Madonna was able to just go and get her baby.
I mean, god bless her for trying to the right thing and help this boy (although I do feel if she wanted to help him so much, why not give the father some money to go and make a better life for his son-something isn't right here) but there is no way it could take under one month to adopt a child. Perhaps we will find out that she filled out an adoption application, submitted it to an agency, did a homestudy, had her fingerprints taken, had medicals done, had letters of refererence written, submitted photos of her family life, did a letter of intention as to why she wanted to adopt a child, then submitted an I600 form to obtain an I171 to bring the orphan back into the USA....but perhaps she didn't need to do the last part since she lives in England!!! Hmmm, I don't think so!

Last week I attended a dinner for a friend who was getting an award. I saw a lot of old business associates who I hadn't seen in some time....I of course was just thrilled to share my news of my adoption...but almost everyone I told cracked a few jokes..."ha ha, are u adopting your African baby now"...or "oh you are trying to be just like Madonna, huh? " I found myself defending my baby. And what I was doing. I know no one meant to hurt my feelings, in fact I know they were thrilled for me...but the jokes were hurtful, and as mom waiting for her baby....it really isn't funny....

Anyway, on a lighter note, I went out today and bought Lia a few things...I know, I shouldn't ...but I couldn't help it, and I have to say they look nice hanging in the closet. It feels really 'real" when I see them there. Plus, I had to get a gift for my "cyber shower" buddy in my Yahoo September DTC Group...we are officially known as "The Red Threads of September"...each month, we will buying each other gifts!!! This month theme is zoo....

Lucky gal I am

This is a picture of my beautiful step daughter Annie.
Words can not describe how special this young woman is. She has a maturity far beyond her 13 1/2 years. She has a sweetness in her soul that is unmatched. Needless to say, I adore her. Annie lives in Australia with her mom and my stepson Adam. This holiday season, they are all mine! And, of course my hubby's. I can not wait! I haven't see the kids in almost two years. Last holiday season, Joe went without me to spend a solid month with the kids. This year, we will all be together here. This year, we will share the great news about the upcoming arrival of their sister Lia Rose. I hope they will be as happy about it as we are. I think they will.

No new news on the adoption front. The wait continues. New referrals are being announced next week. The bummer is that they make referrals once a month...and they are only doing about two weeks at a time. In other words, this month they will refer dossiers that were logged in August 15-28. If you were logged in on the 29th of August, you have to wait until November for the referral. Crazy stuff. They need to do one whole month of log ins at a time!

My yahoo message group-September DTC is having a cyber shower...we all send each other gifts....I am waiting on my buddy. I am anxious to do this as this will be my first baby gift giving to me by someone other then me...ever. So excited.

What is fair and what is not

I am feeling angry and sad. I am feeling incredibly sorry for myself. I am feeling pissed off.
I want my daughter. I want her home with me now! And it can't be. I want to feel like a mother. I want to take care of my child. I don't want this to be just an idea any longer, but reality.

How does one feel like a mom when she doesn't even know when she will see her child?
How does one continue to stay optimistic thru this long wait. I want to bring this baby home today. She needs me and I need her. It's time...and I hope the time moves quickly and life stays somewhat the same.

I have no idea what I am doing!

Yesterday I babysat my friends' Simone and David's six month old beautiful baby Nyla. I had always thought of myself as a great babysitter. And I was. But while I was taking care of her I realized that in a year or so I will be doing this for my own daughter.....and I actually got nervous! I have no idea what I am doing. O'k, so what happens when you have to go to the bathroom? Do you sit there with there with the baby all day long or can you walk away if they are in a playarea or something? How do u know they are hungry? How do u know how much milk and food to give them? What if they have a cold...? A fever? How do you give them a bath? How the heck to you fold up that stupid baby carriage? Why did I feel that baby's tummy to see if it was moving when she took a nap...? Am I always going to wonder if the baby has stopped breathing!!!! Oh my gosh...so much to learn!!! Help !!!!!

Happy Birthday Haylzzz

Hayley Rose is my sister oldest daughter. My first born niece. She was 13 yesterday! I can't believe how time flies. From the minute this child was born, we had a special relationship. Although she cried everytime I held her or looked at her for the first 11 months of her life, I know everything would be o'k when her mommy asked her at the age of 1, "What does your Aunt Wendi say?" ....Hayley, the beautiful baby, proudly said "GUT"...(an abbrievation of a silly phrase I must say about 1200 a day...GUT TA NU, Yiddish for something like..."my god I love you so much) Hayley and I have a special relationship. From talking on the phone....pretty much constantly since she was about 2....to IMing on the computer....to hanging out with her friends, especially her best friend Samantha....I believe that my relationship with her is deeper then just niece and aunt. We are friends. And, I know that friendship will grow. Hayley was the first to really teach me what love meant. The first to make me feel like I could be a mommy.
Now do not get me wrong, I am equally in love with her two sisters, my Sydney and Addison. Hayley was just the first. Happy birthday to my darling niece Hayley. You are not only beautiful, but adventuresome, talented, smart and most of the time ...very very sweet. I will always be there for you. When I got my I600 approval in the mail, I called my hubby first, and then the girls...Sydney was screaming. Hayley was screaming...and she said to me, "Wendi, you are going to be the best mom ever!" Thanks Haylzz...I couldn't have done any of this without you.

The waiting game...it really begins

It's really the first time in this whole process where there is not a thing to do. There is no copying of papers, no scheduling of appointments, not even a criminal check to do. There is nothing to check my mailbox for. I have nothing to do! For a person like me who is very much a control freak, this is kinda of freaky. We still wait for our LID date, but I suspect I won't hear much on this for a least a month. So, what do I do....I am promising myself to be very productive. I am planning on reading up on chinese culture, continue to connect with the wonderful women I am meeting on the Yahoo Message boards . I have also be introduced via email to Audrey and Rose. Our agency sent our dossiers together, so there is a real chance we will actual travel together to China! One thing that I am going to monitor myself from doing is getting to caught up on reading the "rumors" and "ranting" that can go on in the Yahoo groups. Although a wonderful support system, I have to take certain things and not read to much into them. Today I read a post from a woman who complained about the long wait, and for some reason I got really upset. I have to manage my time on these boards to not make myself to nutty. So, I will put out there to all you my friends, family and fellow bloggers...I promise to be productive during this time...educate myself, work on some of my professional endeavors (while I still have time)...work out, take time for myself and just put out the good vibes that baby Lia will be here soon enough.

My day of atonement

Tonite is the most holy nite in theJewish religion, it marks the beginning of Yom Kippur when as Jews we ask g-d to forgive us for our sins. We also remember those who have past. Although I am not the most religious Jew, I take Yom Kippur very seriously. We Jews, begin a fast and for the next 24 hours I will not eat or drink. I usually use this time to really thank g-d for all that I have been blessed, and ask that g-d help me become a better person. I also spend the time being reflective and look to really organize matters in my life. With the arrival of my daughter in the near future, I am so grateful. I know that g-d will bring me the child that I am supposed to raise and love. I will mark this day very quietly, by myself. I will think , I will read, I will walk and I will reflect about how lucky I really am.

This is interesting

When babies are left at the orphanages in China, the law requires that the caregivers must try to find their families. I am not sure of the exact rule behind this, so forgive me, but I do know that the Government places these finding outs. It lists where and when the babies were found, and I suppose where they are now. What is amazing is that these sometime are the first photos that parents receive. There is actually a company that goes and and finds the ads for you once you get your referral.