Exhausted and really proud!

We did it folks! My support groups first ever live event. It was amazing! It was called to start at 2p and at 1:55pm, my father and husband were getting a little nervous ....hey this is the NYC area, people arrive, albeit, not at the exact time.
By 2:15pm the room was filling up and all my chairs were filled! It was amazing!! Oh I said that already. It was fantastic because of the wonderful people in the room all there for the same reason...our daughters and sons, waiting for us. About 10 or more kids came and we had a nice little arts and crafts area set up downstairs. One of my group members Jean (who I loved in person and on the phone for that matter) bought some beautiful craft products. Her daughter Lian was also beyond words cute and funny as anything. Then my incredibly talented and shrinking sister who we all know and love, Lori and her company Camp Snuggly provided facepainting for the kids as well as Snugglies for giveway. So great! Our speakers were incredible. Susan Scheftel spoke about attachment. I loved how she talked about how it's important for us during the wait to make our babies real, the way we are. This is bonding going on and it's very important. She also talked about how it's really about the parent's attitude in the whole bonding process that makes the difference. I was so busy running around I should have had somebody take notes for me...but I did get the gist of her words. She also told me that I am going to be a great mother...why? Because she saw how my mother worries and cares about me....she said having a mother that feels that way about me...is a great indicator that that's what Lia-Rose will have with me! Very sweet.

The two other speakers were amazing. Jeff Gammage shared with us his story about his daughters. He also noted that he believes the Olympics may in fact have something to do with the slowdown in referrals. And, finally Dr. Goldstein. Not only is she beautiful ...can I say Grey's Anatomy...she is brilliant! I can't belive how lucky I am to have found my daughter's peditrician already! Really great information ....talking about many of the important medical things to look for...special needs (club foot, cleft palate) that might be less of a special need then we think. Everyone was just really impressed!

The people who came were great...I had emailed with so many of them so it was really fun to see them in person. I am really really excited with the support and love everyone shared. And yes, I met my Audrey and her lovely husband Jeff! Audrey, I totally know you are reading this right now...but you are beautiful inside and out and I'm thrilled we will be traveling together to meet our girlies!!!!

After the event I had about 10 people back to the house. Lori and my niece and niece's friend slept over...and we had great chinese food, wine, beer, fortune cookies and just a really lovely time! Special thanks to my friend Susan who schelped out to be there and shared her own adoption story with us all.

I am exhausted but really proud of having created a community with a wonderful group of people. And ...the best part, my parents came up and were part of all also! I am so happy about that. Here's some pictures

That's me addressing the crowd.....


My volunteers Hayley and her bff Halle who helped in the kids area



PS at the top is the wonderful Chloe! Facepainting courtesy of Camp Snuggly!

The week is finally at a close...well the nine to five work week! For those who knew me well, and actually you probably don't realize, I will rephrase, my husband and I know, that part two of my life begins after 6pm...I take off my radio sales/marketing hat and put on my executive coach/behavioral analyst/student/support group leader/dishwasher/lunch maker/dog walker/fitness guru (sometimes) and of course blog writer and reader hat. (PS, to my sister, I just realized that the list making was kinda like your last blog post, just happened that way.) So bottom line, there are very few evenings where I just veg out in front of the television. My husband usually hijacks the plasma 42 incher -which is actually fine as that was his xmas gift last year, or was it birthday?....yes, it was his birthday gift. When I gave it to him I said although it is in a common area, no matter what, you get first choice of tv watching. So back to my point. My after work work life is full. Before I know it it is 11pm, not late for some (Susan) but I wake up at the latest 6am, and it is a long day. I have been going to bed lately at closer to 12midnight. I am beat by Friday. I love all the work I am doing, so that doesn't matter, but the proverbial expression, I need more hours is a day truly applies. And yes, when Lia-Rose arrives, my life/work plan will revolve around her. I am a working mom. I have to say I am not sure I could have it any other way, financially and otherwise, it is what I want....and what it is. Sorry for typos, typing on my blackberry. This weekend is the support group waiting family fall group gathering. I have assembled three panelists-Jeff Gammage author of China Ghost; Dr. Goldstein, international pediatric specialist; and Susan S, psychologist and attachment expert. I have close to forty rsvp's. My sister and niece Hayley are coming up along with Hayley's friend Hallie, to help with a kids area we will have, including face painting! Jeff, lives near my folks so he bringing them! Plus travel group mates Audrey and Jeff, who I can not wait to meet! After the event we are having some people back to our home for Chinese food! Lot to get together over the next 24 hours, but most of it is done. I have done event planning for the last 15 years or so, I have a good system of how I get things done. Anyway, the weary never rest, as someone once said! - if u are in NJ tomorrow come to the event! Ps- I did take a break last nite for an hour...Greys Anatomy!

Addendum:
Ok…a little upset…and I know she didn’t mean it….
We were having a moment at work….there is a gas leak in the building next store and rumor was that the gas was leaking into our building. Everybody started to panic.
One man said,”I have two kids and I gotta go” …I said, yeah “I’m expecting!” He said, really, and this young woman I work with this “she isn’t really”…I said yes I am …I am expecting a baby just like anyone else who is pregnant. I am adopting…I am expecting.” She apologized. Ps There is no gas at this point….oy vey.

Wow One Year DTC 9/27/07

12 months ago tomorrow, three little Jewish ladies, all who live outside of NYC, Manhattan to be exact, and all who were of a certain age, had their very specially prepared files carefully put into an envelope labeled TO CHINA. THey were DTC (dossier to China) and their wait officially began for their first child. The ladies all excitedly emailed one another and expressed how excited they were to know each other and share this special trip. Through the year, some dates were arranged and then as New Yorkers so regularly do, they were cancelled. W & R met up at a conference and shared some Gefilta fish (or at least W did) after the meeting. They missed A so very much that night. One day, W and A got an email from R who told them about her beautiful referral for a little boy! W and A were so happy for her, although they were sad she left their special little group. One year later, A comes back regularly to this little blog to get to know W. They email often as well. They count the days, commiserate about the wait and share the joy in knowing they will be together in China and their daughters will always be sisters.

So, on this day, and although posted on 9/26/07, I wish A or Audrey a very happy one year DTC! And guess what, this weekend A and W will finally meet!!!!

 

And to my Daniella and Stephanie…..Happy 11 month LID-Versary D; and Stephanie….you are finally in double digits Mamma, happy 10^th!

 

Fighting stereotypes

So, in today’s NY Daily News this ran……read it first: Gatecrashers




I sent this reply!

Dear Ben,

I am a big fan of your column, and religiously read it everyday. I was so disappointed into today's "big story." As a Mother to Be waiting to adopt my daughter in China, I do want you to be aware, that you'll be surprised what being Jewish "looks" like. You see, my daughter will go to Temple as I did, and celebrate Passover. She will attend and celebrate her Bat Mitzvah, and yes, she will most probably have all the Jewish Holidays off. Look around many of the Synagogue's in the NY area and I promise you, you will see many beautiful Chinese faces. In fact I know of two Cantors in New Jersey who both just recently adopted their Chinese daughters.

I do realize, there was humor intended in your article. But in a world full of stereo-types, as much as I can protect my daughter to be....I will try. Thank you for letting me speak my piece. I will continue to read and enjoy your column...but lets be careful of stereotypes....it is just truly the one thing the media can really control....so why not?Thank you,

Wendi C


I'll let you know if they reply!

And the reply:

Wendi, thank-you for your very thoughtful and thought-provoking email. I feel very grateful to live in a place where cultures can blend and it is a wonderful thing that you will be able to raise your daughter in your faith. Given that Lucy, as a public figure, is well known as not being Jewish, I didn’t think I was going too much out on a limb to make that joke. But I certainly hope I didn’t offend you, and I promise I meant no disrespect.

I appreciate your feedback.

Ben

Speechless

Wow, I found this....left me completely speechless.....


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

A Day of Atonement.....a day to embrace change

Yesterday was Yom Kippur. This is the most holy of holy days in the Jewish religion. A time for reflection, a time to remember the past and a time to ask god for forgiveness for anyway you may have sinned during the year. We hope to do good in the New Year and of course, remember those in our lives who have passed. We also engage in a fast for 24 hours. As I have said, I am not a traditional or religious Jew. I don't attend attend services regularly, or follow a strict kosher diet. I am a cultural Jew. I love love being Jewish. It definitely defines me in a very "ethnic way." I love what Judaism represents to me...history, family, giving, warmth, political awareness and great sense of self. Not to mention a great sense of humor. This Yom Kippur I spent with my family in Philly. I fasted from 6:30p on Friday nite to just after 5pm on Saturday. (This was not an easy fast, but others suffer more) I reflect about change this High Holiday season. How change is part of our life. To be afraid of change holds you back. It limits you from your greatest potential. I am continuing to embrace change.From the change within me to the change happening around me. It is what is supposed to happen, and what I envision for my life. This is change that I do have control over. I look up right now and in front of me are Chinese letters that spell out the words, "one day at a time." It's so appropriate to me right now. I am taking my life one day at a time. Not being doubtful. Remaining positive and as I've said before, focused. There is huge change in becoming a mother, and as I see it....all that is happening to me is just the preparedness for just that. Spiritually, I am totally there....now we wait for it to manifest into the reality that we can't wait for. We take it....one day at a time!


Addendum: Friends, please visit the following website http://www.sophiaaragon.org/Donations.htm
I urge you to donate. This beautiful baby Sophia is undergoing a blood transfusion. This could be anyone of us. Her parents brought their seemingly healthy little baby home and she really needs help now. Donate. It feels good!

Reality

Before you know it, it is Friday and I have been so busy that I did not even have the time to update my blog! I have so many things to blog about at this moment, but will stick to just a few. First off, it is so funny to me that this blog is at all interesting to anyone other then my sister and I. Yet, I find so many of your blogs completely addictive, why not mine? There are two friends of mine who lurk out there and rarely (it at all) comment...one is Yvette! Yes YOU. Who I have not seen in about two years, yet she pretty much could tell ME what was going on in my life. She logs on everyday or so to catch up on our story. Then there is Debbie, who spent days earlier this week reading every single post since July. Afterall, she had to make sure she didn't miss a thing!
I am the same way with about twenty blogs. From reading normal everyday happenings from other waiting families to heartfelt messages from those who feel discouraged to the erratic highs and lows. It is the reality television phenominan. Regular people are simply, not just regular, but fantastically interesting! Silly stories of weekend adventures or over-eating bliss, could be discussed around the watercooler for hours with fellow lurkers. It is really interesting. My sister told me she enjoyed reading my blog because at points it played out like a soap opera. And now she is playing at her own at her colicwaseasier.blogspot.com. A shameless plug for you to visit her story. Anyway, aside from the interesting cultural happening that blogging has created, it has helped for me to fill a huge place in my heart. Whether you blog or not, I encourage you to take the time for you and jot down your story. Through your words and story take note of how much greatness and blessing you have in your life. Being aware of all the good stuff in your life goes a long way to helping you stay optimistic and focused each day. And that is our goal mamma's keeping our eye on that gorgeous prize, and enjoying this journey. Thank you all for sharing this with me. Alysa and Mommy (yes, I am in my forties and still call her mommy!) I know you are reading too! Xoxo

I AM SO TOUCHED

My dear blogger friend Stephanie nominated me for a NICE AWARD. OMG! I am so touched.
And have to say...you are just a breathe of fresh air. So sweet, nice and I am so excited to hangout with my Stephanie!

Addendum...I just re-read Stephanie's post...that is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. I can't believe it. You are really, really special! I am honored to call you my friend.

(Lori, make sure you read this!)

Also, I hosted my first teleconference for my agency tonite! Wow..it was incredible. We had 33 callers! The speakers just were amazing. I cried many time during the call. If you want to hear more, email me off-line at dashish@aol.com and I'll share some of their thoughts.

Again, Stephanie....I LOVE YOU!

A Post From the Train

Wow. I have had simply a whirlwind of a few days. As this blog is broadcast to the world, I need to keep exact details of where I was and what I was up to at a bare minimum. Trust me it is not that major at all, but for certain reasons I will keep to myself. It was however simply mind-blowing for me. I was surrounded by incredible people who in a sense were kindred spirits. There was an acknowlegement of who I am in a way I never expected. By the way, in complete coincidence, in a room of 12 people one night, there were four of us connected to international adoption. One has two girls from Russia, one a daughter adopted 19 years ago from Portugal, one who is in the homestudy stage and considering adopting from China or Tawain and of course me! What a cool red thread we shared. Anyway, I am currently sitting on a train heading home. I am exhausted both mentally and physically, all in a very good way. I really feel my future manifesting. I am trying to control changes as much as I can. I share this with you all who are waiting with me because this is what we need to do, to move this process forward. I can not wait to share more about what I am doing, and will do that soon....but for now know that I am working hard to manage my life for it is all about that little girl waiting for us in China.

In other more "shallow" news, I pat myself on the back.... There was temptation galore...lots of wine, I managed to have one glass a night.....I really am not a big drinker so that was easy....but there was bagels and cream cheese, thick sandwiches with delicious fillings, plates of cheese, olives and crackers, filets and pastas, french fries, potato chips and nachos, cheese cake, chocolate covered pretzels, birthday cake and cookies.....I maintained....said to myself, it is not worth the temptation.... And just stayed in control. It feels great to say that this is really becoming my lifestyle. I say again...my eye is on China and beiing the best I can be!!!

Happy New Year!

Tonite marks the start of the Jewish observation of Rosh Hashanha. This holiday marks the start of the Jewish New Year. There is very little in common with our New Year's celebration of parties and champagne. This is a more peaceful, solem celebration. Families gather for dinner this evening. Many attend services tonite. Tomorrow is a day filled with prayer and promise. It's a time for us all to look back on the mistakes we made this past year and plan on making changes for the upcoming year. So you know, I am not the most "religious" person. I am deeply spirtitual however. I don't attend Temple regularily, but I pray everyday. This suits me. I am taking this time to attend to some deep reflection. I also will be handling some personal business that will help Joe, Lia-Rose, my stepkids-Adam and Annie,and I. I am working right now on setting us up for our future as a new family. Joe, if you are reading this, thank you for your incredible support. You blow me away sometimes with your strength and courage. My husband has taught me that it's o'k to make big change. It might be scary and overwhelming, but the nerves we feel our natural. We just can not get caught up in them. It's time to step up to the plate and go for it! It's a great lesson for me to think of during this holiday.

I'll be away until Sunday. I wish you all the best holiday season, whether your Jewish or not. It's a new year, a time to start over again. A time to continue doing what is working and making changes in what we need to. L'shanah tovah (a wish you a wonderful New Year)!

We remember Tuesday, September 11th

It's been six years. I remember it like yesterday. I can't find the link to this photo that I originally posted...but this was me...a few blocks away,about a week after 9/11/01. This photo is in an exhibit called "Here is New York." I am part of history now.


I will never forget. Let's all have a peaceful day tomorrow.

In this moment

At this moment I am nervous about something. It's not bad, it's something good. I am just nervous. Why do I doubt? Why do I wonder if it will work out? It always does. I am just putting this out there as a way to release the anxiety and just let it all work out, the way it is supposed to! And so...it's out there!

My friend

I am so happy because I am meeting the most incredible people through this adoption journey, and specifically this whole blogging craze. It’s so incredible that each and everyday we write words and read others’ words. We share so much together. Our journeys are similar in so many ways. Our feelings totally understood. How lucky are we to connect like this!

Last night I finally “met” my log-in partner and blog friend Daniella. We chatted on the phone for what seemed like a short time, but I think it was way longer then that. It was so much fun to get to know each other, although we know so much about each other already. We laughed about how we are obsessed with blogging and shared stories of some of our fav blogs out there. We commiserated about the wait. And excitedly imagined that we will be in China together I love this girl! Sometimes you read someone’s words and story and you imagine that when you actually have a conversation with them or meet them they are going to be exactly the same way as you imagine they are from their blog….and sometimes you think, hmm, they aren’t really what I thought they would be like….well Daniella is exactly as I imagined, she is wonderful, warm, funny and totally gets me! I am so so lucky to now call her my friend! xoxoox

Control

I am fine. I am sorry for the last post. I sounded so negative and I felt it for that moment. And I know that you know this…..because YOU would be the first to tell ME, it’s o’k to feel crappy. It’s all part of this journey.

I was coaching a colleague today. We were talking about being in that space where it just feels like nothing is going your way. She was feeling very anxious about her current work situation and really unsure about how to move forward. Being in that place was really debilitating to her. It was impeding her success and progress The more she stayed in that place, the harder it is was to move forward The key is to shift yourself out of that space. It’s really a challenge. I really empathized with her. I related to her how I was feeling yesterday about the referrals, or lack there of. I felt so bad. I let myself feel bad but then for my own purposes of sanity I very consciously shifted my thinking to a more a positive one. I had to get out of that “place”. It takes a lot of strength and courage to force yourself to do it. But it is possible and we as a Waiting Family community have got to do this. We can’t sit there in a heap of negativity. We must continue to move forward. Keep ourselves positive and kick ourselves in our butts when we find ourselves in “the place”. Let’s stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Get over the frustration. Whether you are an older first time mommy like me, or one with three kids and waiting on your fourth. The frustration is the same. I am not sugar coating any of this. This wait completely sucks. It’s terrible that it is happening to us right now. But, life is not perfect. This is our story, and I’m sure that one day it will all make complete sense. Take control. Be happy. Stay positive….it’s the one big thing you can take charge of here. As Nike says, Just Do It. So, I look over at my work colleague now, she is making phone calls with a smile on her face. She is taking control of her destiny. I wish us all the same….

The treadmill

I try to keep this blog a positive place to come to. A refuge from rumors and negativity...but, this morning I read about new referrals. A whole four days bunch. To give you some perspective for those not in the adoption world....in the past 12 months, they have referred roughly 4.5 months worth of dossiers for waiting families ...from 2005. We aren't even into December 05 yet. I guess the positive spin on this is that we are still just shy of two years. You know how I feel. I am on a treadmill...and I am trying to get down the block, but it's hard on a treadmill to get to the end of the street...I am running faster, I am running uphill and then down...but I am getting nowhere. My heart is beating faster, I am breaking out into a sweat, but I am not getting any closer to the end of the street...just staying in one place.

Seasons of Love

I had to post again tonite. I had such an incredible feeling overcome me earlier. I went for a walk/run on the track at the High School. I plugged in the Ipod and started listening to the soundtrack from RENT."Seasons of Love" in particular. 500 25 thousand 600 minutes....moments so dear. How do u measure a year in a life? How about love.....seasons of love. .... I kept listening, and listening, in fact four times around the track worth of listening!! It got me thinking. What a year this has been. I do equate this time of year now with the official beginning o my journey to Lia-Rose. I realized how incredibly blessed I am with my life right now. This year. This weekend with my family. My stepchildren in Australia...I miss them so and hope they know how wonderful I truly think they are. My husband. We do have our moments, as all healthy couples do...I love him so deeply. He really is my best friend. And, I know how much he really loves me. My sister...she is my most deepest and trusted friend in the whole wide world. I only want for her happiness and health. My parents...nothing more can be said. They are just outstanding and loving and beautiful....my brother in law...he is like a a real brother to me. My nieces...my daughters in another life. My friends, in "real life" and in this cyber world. I adore you all, you help me through this long long crazy time. A year.Measure my life in a year. What's it look like? What's it made up of? A whole year is going by...soon it will be 11 months, then 12 months LID. One year closer to the deepest love I hold in my heart right now-my Lia-Rose.

I will hold onto this feeling. I will remember it when I get down. When I think that life is just getting in the way of my reunion with my daughter. I say reunion because deep down somewhere, we are connected already.

Wow, one jog/walk around a track can turn into a great moment. A great song can lead you to remember, to a feeling and a knowlege of how blessed your are. I tuned in and heard it loud and clear. If I were to measure my life in love, I am the luckiest person in the whole wide world.

Weekend update

Yikes, I am tired. This morning we got home from an afternoon and nite of cruising on the Norgwiegan Spirit,a huge cruise liner. We cruised about 100 miles east ( I guess) of New York City and from what I read today,the shark infested waters of NYC.Anyway, it was a celebration for my mother's birthday which they were not supposed to treat us to, but they did. What a lovely night, we had. Dinner in a private area, a beautiful view of the waters, a great cabaret show (which Lori and I were almost a part of as we danced in our seats and sang every Broadway tune they performed)we lost a bit in the casino, there was way to much food, and my nieces had a few moments of "kvetching"...all and all, a great time was had by all. Thank you mommy and daddy and most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! ....Oh yes, the karoke, Lori rocked the house with her rendition of "Hit Me with Your Best Shot"...she knows every word as she has been singing it for 20 years...and then Mom, Lori and I rocked the house with "Proud Mary" as everyone applauded my mother for her "29th Birthday!". I will post photos when I can find them....but thank you thank you!

So, I am tired. Sleeping on a boat is great...but suddenly at like 4:30am I awoke to the boat just jamming it back to the City...it rattled, and roared (or so it sounded) but I was up pretty much until I had to get up. Everyone came back here...I cleared out my make-up cabinent for my nieces and gave them extras, shared some books, bought some bagels and hesitated to say goodbye as I love having a household. But anyway.....I could go on a rant a bit about certain blog really- to me being a bit unnessarily negative, but I am too tired to discuss this right now. I do have to thank my dear friend Ann Marie and the very lovely thing she said about this blog. I think she is amazing and any sort of compliment from her, has tremendous meaning to me....you rock and I thank you always for you words and wisdom. And finally, if you have a second, read my sister's blog...especially if you are a parent already, perhaps you can share some insight.


PS: My hyperlinks are not working! Ann Marie is www.comeundone.typepad.com and Lori is www.colicwaseasier.blogspot.com