10-27-07

Dear Lia-Rose,
One year ago today, a neatly package file named Wendi/Joe was brought over to the desk of a hard worker in China. They took a stamp and marked it "Logged in 10/27/06". At the time the file went on the bottom of a very a large pile. And the file sat...getting to know other files. The file right next to Wendi/Joe, in fact maybe even wrapped in a rubberband together was Audrey/Jeff. They became really great friends. Wendi/Joe started meeting other files. There was one called Daniella/Joseph and Joseph Jr. They were right near Wendi/Joe and Audrey/Jeff. They all became wonderful friends.


A month or so later, other files came...and suddenly behind and in front of them were lots and lots of files. You see, Lia-Rose, all of these files were there for the same reason. They weren't just pieces of paper and pictures. These files represent real families. Real people who all in their hearts knew their daughters and sons were in China. They were all looking to be matched with the perfect baby that they are supposed to be with. The perfect child who is meant to be with them. The baby who they will love forever and ever.

But Lia-Rose,when the files first came to China they thought they would only be there for a year to 14 months before they met that perfect baby. But that isn't to be. And this is where the story gets a little scary. They just don't know how long it will be.

But here's the thing Lia-Rose, and this is the moral to this story....these families love their babies in China so much, that they will wait until they are supposed to wait. They are holding tough. They aren't asking that their files be moved. They wait. They pray. They dream. For one day Lia-Rose, this will be all but a story. The story of the long wait for your mommy and daddy's dream to come true. We love you so much already, and our arms can't wait to hold you.

Happy One Year LID to my fellow 10/27/06'ers. (Happy 11th Stephanie!)



xoxo
Mommy and Daddy

Soul Food

I just realized I haven’t posted all week. I hate to say I needed a break, because that is ever so dramatic…”I need a blog break”, but whatever. I just didn’t feel like saying or sharing or just even being online. How bleak do I sound? I just haven’t felt well all week. My cycle is completely messed up which has, and to many of you, thank you for asking, pushed my surgery back a week. It’s so cute, the coordinating surgical nurse from my doctor’s office calls me everyday, “did u get it yet?” My surgery should be next Wednesday.

.O’k, so this may sound immature, but there are two fourteen year olds in my life, who just don’t return an email or a phone call anymore. I hate that. I hate that I am so uncool or whatever that neither of them will take the time to get back to me. I won’t say their names, but I love them both so much. And, I want to hear from them. Thank goodness for a 12 ½ year old and a 6 year old who at least will take my calls!

Tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for. It’s October 27th! I can’t wait. This was the day that I set as a benchmark when I started my diet. I mark the day by eating whatever it is that I want. Now I will not go crazy. There is only one thing that I have been waiting and waiting for. It’s round, it’s soft, it’s creamy and it’s my soul-food. I am splurging with a delicious whole wheat bagel (and it is not small) vegetable cream cheese, lettuce, tomato, lox and onion. Bagel Buffet here I come! It’s my Jewish soul-food baby, and tomorrow I am feeding my soul. It’s our one year log in. Need I say more?

Stranger things have happened

So many of us connect on the internet. I met my hubby...and of course YOU this way.
So I was thinking in twenty years...well maybe 15, do you think this could be a match...this is Daniella's son and my niece Addie. What do you think?

Just too damn cute....

My soccer champion niece Addie!

Well, it got the scale to move

Yikes, I was sick. I do not want to get in details but I was in pain, had a fever and vomiting for about 12 hours. I mean the kind of sick where the only relief at times was lying my head on the bathroom floor. I also found that when trying to decrease a fever and taking tylenol won't work because you throw it up, you can find relief in a bathtub. I jus soaked in my hot hot bath, I'm talking like six times for 30 minutes a pop. I have no idea why, but it helped. It was one of those days that just disappeared. Today, weak but so much better. I did lose a few pounds...not a great way to get the scale to move...but heck it worked. I have brunch plans today in the city...it's turning into a celebration for Susan...although I won't be looking or feeling my best(and certainly can't drink champagne) I'm going to give it a go. On another note, am starting our homestudy update. It's funny,the forms say for homestudy update only submit the * items. How come everyone of them are *?

stuck in traffic

I live about five miles from Times Square, right outside in New JerseyM five miles should take how long? New York City time.... Sometimes forty minutes to 90! No joke. Commuting around this down is draining and I ride the bus.

So I am stuck in traffic, and on my way in to first get a ton of blood tests. I am having minor gyn procedure nxt week. Going back to reproductive doc's office. Lucky me. But, truly lucky me because the procedure is pretty simple. I will just be knocked out nxt Wednesday.

This has been a long week. Joe and I had two sets of visitors from Australia this week. One was my stepdaughter,s best friend and familyM it was really fun to see them. We took them to a great and festive Mexican Restaurant on the Upper West Side, my old hood and favorite neighborhood in NYC. Also home by the way to my friend SusanN who had some incredible miraculous news yesterday!

Other random news, I am stuck on a number on the scale and publically putting out my intention to pick up my activity level. So with gym bag in hand, I will start today! I am feeling great with the weight back to where I should be,bbut losing five to ten more would be great and doable.

My teleconference was a good success. I am actually going to summarize in a seperate post. It was hard to take notes cuz I was the interviewer as well as the hostess.

I am having lunch today with an okd friend who on the side gets bppaid to do psychic readings. She is good...and you know the question I am tempted to ask... Lori it is not E.

AnywayN thanks for riding NJTransit with me. Pulling into Port Authorty now. Will fix typos later!



Addendum. My friends I am sitting at the doctor's office for my pre-op. Remember this is my old reproductive doc who is doing this. Every morning between 7 and 9:30 a they have monitoring hours. I came in the past to test my ovulation or take bloods to check my hormone levels. I do not remember the lobby looking like this. I am overwhelmed to say the least. There must be fifty people here. Men and women. Sassy looking career women, the suburban mom, the classy looking gal from Brooklyn, the couple arguing in the corner. A shared experience by all. There is one woman who brought her two year old son. He is crying right now. As tense as this lobby is, it is ironic that the sound we hear right now is the sound we all long to hear one day. I want to get out of here fast! I just looked at my wrist. Saw my red threads. It will be ok. We are all finding our way to our babies.

Susan...for you!

another day in the wait

It iis ten pm and I am on line at the Port Authority. Had a last minute invite for theatre tonight with a friend. Saw the very incredible Bronx Tale. Amazing that almost twenty characters are acted out by one man. It is just another day in the wait

The weather in the city is caught in between a cool summer day and a warm fall day. Some people are wearing boots and sweaters, others in t shirts and flip flops. It is just another day in the wait.

Tomorrow night is my second teleconference. We are discussing attachment as well as issues we sre facing during this wait. Dr Susan is speaking. It is just another day in the wait.

I spoke to my dear Daniella today. We both have wrists adorned in red threads. We are both pushing to stay strong. It is just another day in the wait.

Ok, I am sitting on the bus and aside from there being no smoking...excuse me but it smells like a Frampton (totally old reference) concert from the seventies... Someone is smoking a joint! LOL...it is just another day in the wait!!!!

Baths, bifocals and breast exams

So last night I tool a very hot long bath. Joe and I have a fantastic big jacuzzi bath in our bathroom. Not that it is that big, but my nieces bring their bathing suits for it.(Plus fill it with bubbles). Anyway, I decided to really meditate. Or at least try.Usually when I meditate I over-think it. But not last night. My mind was silenced. My heart clear. These words came to me.."Your daughter is not in China." I silently gasped. Thought what the hell? I silenced myself again. It took some time and then I heard " she is not yet born". And I heard that several times. I can understand that to be true and I was strangely renewed. Again, if she not yet born, how can I be with her? I also felt a large pregnant belly. Not mine. But a belly....hmmmmm

I got bifocals. I hate them. Can't seem to hold my head the right way.

I had my breast mammogrammed today. Ouch! I kept thinking of the baby. Of staying healthy for L-R. It still hurt like hell...but baby in mind keeps me strong.

From blue to red

Feeling much brighter today. Spent yesterday afternoon with my parents and my aunts and uncles. We spoke about Lia-Rose. It felt real again. We went shopping, and you know what, a few new (size 6 petite, yes me in size 6 petite) pants did help the spirit. Shallow, but true. It feels real again. Came home and my new red threads have arrived. One is already on my wrist. It feels real again. Baby will come home!

A true case of the blues

So I admit it. I have the blues. The kind where you want to cry over a gallon of ice-cream. Where even a shopping spree for new pants cause your old ones are too baggy on you won't cheer you up. The kind that we are all feeling right now. I attribute my blues to the fact that our one year LID is really just around the corner. Instead of feeling happy...'yeah I am 12 months closer', I feel a little disillusioned and detached. We all know the story, we have heard it on numerous accounts. The wait times have increased, and the scary part is they keep increasing. It's the strangest way to get to goal that I have ever ever experienced. Usually, you start something, you have the steps in mind to help you get there, you have a timetable for completion, and then it's done. Imagine a football game with no ending. You keep running down the field and there is no goal post in sight. How do u score that touchdown? That's what I feel like today. A quarterback taking the ball and just running...running and running. I have no idea where the football references are coming from my friends, I am so not really a football fan. I guess it's the fall weather and the fact that the town I live in is across the river from Giants Stadium. You can smell football in the air at this time of year.

Anyway, I really want my blues to clear up. I am sick of this nagging feeling. I notice I am doubting more, and I don't want to. I want to continue to believe. Believe that this is going to happen.

My red thread bracelet broke this week. Joe and I had purchased several last year and both have worn them. My stepdaughter Annie too. It was a symbol for me that we were all in this together. And this was happening. Both of their bracelets broke months ago and we got them new ones....mine didn't. I saw that as some sort of sign (you know me, everything is a sign) Anyway...it broke this week. I asked Joe, did he think it meant something. He said yes, it meant that the thread wore out and I needed to get a new one. He is right. It means nothing. I can't change anything. I need to stay true to myself and really believe.

I ordered new red threads and I should get them later today. I think it will just make me feel better seeing them. Anyway, I am rambling right now. And that's o'k too. The best way to beat the blues is to let your feelings out. To share them and to just know that they are feelings. They are not fact. Keep believing...keep believing!

The morning after

So funny. I re-read my blog posting last nite. I purposefully kept the typos in, thought it was funny. It truly was a great night and I am really proud. I have been doing special events and promotions for many many years. I very naturally am a "producer", so I have great joy in running around in high heels with a clip board trying to keep track of a show. Years ago, I worked for a big radio station in town that catered to the hip hop crowd. It's a shame, my niece's and stepchildren (who actually weren't even in my life yet) would have thought I was totally cool back then. I worked with some very well-known artists including Queen Latifah, P-Diddy-Sean Combs-Puff Daddy (whatever you want to call him) and my favorite, Coolio (not that famous, but love saying his name)
. I also worked with some very classic performers such as Ashford and Simpson, Roberta Flack, Issac Hayes
, Barry White and Kool and the Gang. I guess today I am a bit reflective about the all of this today because I am "post event tired" (p.e.t.) I've been doing all of this for a really really long time. One day I will share stories with Lia-Rose....tell her how important it is, especially as a woman, to enjoy your career and to do exciting projects that always keep you energized and challenged. I know that some won't agree with me. But for me, being a working woman, and then working mother, is important. I do not take away anything that Stay at Home Mom's (SAHM's) bring to the table. In fact, I truly admire you for that. For me though, I feel that being a Woman who works, it is a way for me also to help shape the path for other young women for generations to come. I work with alot of younger girls...my interns, the young twenty-something's just starting out in the career. I am glad that I can in a sense be a role model of being a working woman. I think it's important for young girls to know that if they want to work and have a career, it's doable. It wasn't that many years ago that our mothers and grandmom's were not able to have the same advantages in the world that we do. The great news about the world now is that women do have a choice. You can work. Or you can not. It's in your hands to make that choice. Whatever serves you the best. We have the choice. I am so happy to see Hilary Clinton
doing so well in the recent polls. For anyone who knows me well, you know that I love her. (no political discourse here) But this is the first time a woman is really being taken seriously in a Presidential Race. This is great for all of us. (Btw the same for Obama Barak. It's important that children of color know that there are opportunities like this for all of us) Anyway, I have no idea why this post went to this place. But the bottom line is this. SAHM or Working Mom....we are examples for our children. What an incredible responsibility and legacy we can pass on.

newsmakers

Yes, SusanN I am bloggung on my blackberry. Just left you....anyway, in between adoption stuff I have a job. A job that for the past three years entails me producing a big event on 10-10. For the past six to nine months, I had a team of people who helped me find outstanding New YorkersM it is a program I basically built from scratch. Anywya, we found twenty five fantastic people, there has been voting going on. They have been featurd on the radio, online, in the newspaper an on tv. Five were selected as the top and tonight I produced a cocktail party awards reception. So great. So much fun. We had 370 people. Susan was there, and actually Ann Marie did the art work for program and signs. I am tired. But it was fantastic and I had a few pieces of sashimi to celbrate. We made a difference in a lot of people's life tonight! This is the great part of work!

i want to be in the show!

When I was younger and not living my fullest life, I used to feel as though I was the greatest audience. I'd watch other people have these great things happen to them and I would cheer them on. I was the audience member that would laugh at the jokes, applaid the loudest and always demand an encore. Whether it was watching someone get wed or have their first then second child, Their life was star attraction. I was lucky to be an understudy. Anyway, after many years of self growth and many many shifts, I realized I had been on centerstage myself, the whole time. So fast forward to now. I sit, back in the audience filled with others like YOU. We watch the ever unfolding drama, that at many times plays like a tragic comedy, and watch others on the stage moving forward with their plans. Families are growing, plans are being made. Life is happening. For the audience, we applaud those before us and cheer them on, sincerely and honestly. We ache to take part ....a chance to feel what it feels like on that stage. A chance to look over at others and see them cheering for us. I do take a certain comfort in the audience. I have been here before. But whoever is casting this show, I am damn ready for that lead. I am ready to take center-stage!

Feel like I should write something..so I did

It's funny, I feel very compelled to write in my blog, even if I have not much to say, certainly not much about the adoption....nothing has changed. We wait. We love Lia-Rose. We are frustrated with the wait like everyone else....it so is....what it is....nothing more can be said....so I'll ramble. Ramble about whatever comes to my mind. So I did.

It's October and it feels like August 25th. Women in the city today were actually wearing very short halter sun=dresses and sandals. Shorts and flip flops. This is October. My leather coat...opps, I don't have one anymore, but if I did I would want to wear it. I wanna wear my leather boots and a sweater. So I did.

I have plauteaued on my diet (24 pounds). I went to Nutri-System.com and looked up what to do when this happens. They said one idea is to eat dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner. To shift aruond your calories. So I did.

I worked out at the gym tonight and spent more time lifting weights then doing cardio, I heard that on XM Radio, Oprah Show. Heard some author talk about how that's really the way to do. So I did.


I went out to lunch today (I guess it was dinner, reference above) to have my salad. I saw a White woman and her Chinese daughters. I wanted to stare at them. So I did.

I have a huge event that I am producing on Wednesday nite. It's an awards ceremony for something we call 1010 WINS Tomorrow's Newsmakers. Expecting 300 people. (Ann Marie did u do my artwork?) I need my black dress ironed. I don't iron. My husband does. I should ask him. So I did.

I have class tonite. Yes, an Advance Corporate Coaching class. It's a 10pm class. I have to take it. So I did.

I have nothing really important to say. I should stop. So I did.

14! going on...OY!

No not months logged in but the age today of my oldest neice Hayley Rose! Happy birthday my Haylzz. I swear, I remember it like yesterday. "Wendi it is time. You better get down here." My mother said to me as she woke me up at something like five am. The Phillies were in the Playoffs and the whole town had baseball fever but all I cared about when I entered the city of brotherly love on the Amtrak from NYC was that my sister was going to have a baby. I honestly was never so excited. I made it to the hospital just in time, got to see Lori right before labor and soon heard the words that will always be logged into my memory..."It's a girl, It's a girl" shouted throught-out the hallways by Grandmom! Our lives have never been the same! Hayley and then soon after her sisters became a great part of my life. At times for me, everything revolved around them. Hayley is fourteen today and I can hardly believe it. In typical teen fashion, I suppose Aunt Wendi is not as cool as she once was, but our bond is unbreakable. Hayley is sensational. Smart, creative, self-confident in a way that ( and Lori will agree with me) neither of us were.she is a beauty on the inside and out! I want for her happiness and peace in her life. I also want her to remember that she is the prize and I pray she continues to have the self-respect that more importantly than ever we want our young women to have. Hayley and I have an expression that came from a trip we took when she was five and Sydney was 3.5, we kept gettng "stuck" together because Syd just wanted mommy. Haylz and I would look at each other and say, "once again, it's Hayley and Aunt Wendi!" I hope we can look at each other for many years to come, saying the same thing!!! Happy Birthday !!!! And, this year's gift is...drumroll please......Hairspray on Broadway!!! I love Haylzz!





Another thought….

When I was single girl, I read my horoscope every single day….why of course, was I going to meet him today? Anyway, I really stopped checking in to that part of the paper. Today, I was reading the “If it’s your birthday today” part to see what the world had in store for Hayley….and I glanced at mine…..Taurus. Wow…can you say, I believe!

Eventually good fortune makes its way to the Taurean corner of the world. Your ability to PATIENTLY WAIT YOUR TURN makes you one of life’s winners. This steady perseverance can outrun anyone else in the game. When the going gets tough, most people bail out without a second thought. This leaves the playing field free for those who remain….YOU.

Caution, danger zone

This is not one of those cheery posts. Not one of those I feel in control posts. I questioned whether or not to write it and for a number of reasons I decided I would. First off, these feelings are festering inside of me and I need to let it go. Secondly, maybe your feeling the same way today and knowing that someone else is going through a similar emotion will make you feel better. Thirdly, some points of your "pregnancy" are more difficult then others. This is one of those times for me. Please, I know exactly what your thinking and what you are sayin, "it is all going to be ok", "your that much closer"yada yada. I can not hear that today. Today I lack belief. I said it. Today I feel beat up and knocked down. Today I wonder, when? I do not mean to upset you more, because I know that you are going thru the same thing. But today it really hurts. It can not be the "why me" because there are thousands upon thousands of people out there going thru the same thing. There are, more importantly thousands of babies in orphanages looking for their mommies and daddies. Oh why does it have to be so hard to bring us together. Why does it have to take so long? I feel like hiding under a rock today. Like staying in bed all day and sleeping. But, I won't. I will grin and bear this huge pain. I will pretend it doesn't hurt. I will remember there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow maybe there will be a change.

Totally boring pos5t

Hi all. Not much to report. A trickle of referrals came in. There has been no confirmation, but it looks like the referred a few more days worth….11/30/05 cutoff. That is unconfirmed. Everyone is putting out good thoughts that they got in a few days of December ’05. A big group folks logged in December 5, 2005 have not received theirs. But even up to December 4 would feel good. I was telling Audrey that maybe maybe, they can finish up the year of ’05 in ’07 and then start ’08 by referring entire months….that would be exactly a 2 year wait for all of us. Oh please please, something like that would be great. How funny, I am praying for a two year wait! Can you imagine! Good thought good thoughts.

I forgot to report that I had a great date with Stephanie on Friday nite! She is the sweetest and cutest person. We both agreed that our first date went great and we are going to “hook” up again for sure. I can’t say enough how amazing it is all these connections that are happening. I have to say sometimes it does feel a bit like high school…I have my little blogger group…my girls…my BFF’s as the girls say. It is quite possibly the highlight of this whole wait…the wonderful friendships. Anyway….hugs and love to you Stephanie!

And by the way, I am having the hardest time adding links to my page….anyone know how? 

This was like the most boring post ever. But I have to admit…I am a bit tired!

A great and perfect thought for today:

Quote of the Day
"Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence."
– Lin Yutang