Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hi

I haven't posted here in quite sometime. For several reasons. One of which I will keep to myself right now. I feel optimistic, but yet, still wary. I just said to Joe..I can't take this anymore. He said to me. No. We start something ...we finish it and no matter what the hurdle is, we will finish it. I thank him for that encouragement, I needed it now.


Anyway, besides getting into a political discussion, which I will not, I have nothing more to say. It's almost exactly two years we have been logged in. Amazing.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Just to say hi

But not much to say. Hope you are well. Ugh.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Keeping busy

I am busy. Staying very busy and focused. Not much to say anymore, right now. But all is really GREAT...so stay tuned.

Just a word, as I don't think this is a necessarly the place to share my political beliefs,but most of you know that I am a Democrat and support the Obama/Biden ticket. I am a Democrat through and through, and what I see happening on the other side of the ticket truly frightens me. How sad, the first woman I could actually vote for, for this high office. I can not. I have grown up in a different generation of women. One where we have had many wonderful opportunities that the generations of women before us didn't have. We could work, have a family...do it all if we chose. I love having Choice.

I have been in the workplace for 25 plus years and have seen many women move up the corporate ladder. But yes, the good old boys club always exisisted. I would sit in meeting as the only woman (mind you as a Manager) and be the one they would ask to plan the staff parties or deal with the unhappy salespeople in a more maternal way. That is who I was naturally, and I guess they saw that in me.

Now the company I work for is run by a woman and there are many good women in key managment roles, it will be interesting to see the difference in tone. Regardless, as much as I know that women, by nature, are great at multi-tasking, at taking care of business, at fighting harder then anyone else on the team, I still can not vote for Sarah Palin. We come from different places. I am nothing like her. Her view points are so to the right, and I veer so much more to the left. I can't compromise here, and nor will she. I won't get nasty. I am tired of that. I have berated her as I used to berate the really pretty girl who worked in our office. She batted her eyes, and on the outside looked like the perfect sales person. She said the right stuff. Made the boys feel really good about themselves...fought for what she believed in and at the end of the day, we fired her. She lied to us. Had us all fooled. She was nothing like she made herself out to be. I keep thinking of her everytime I look at Sarah Palin.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Yes we can!

Finishing up my training in Boston. So excited about my new job...and I have entered the modern ages and now am becoming officially an
Email Marketing expert. It's so very cool. Really nice people, I am so lucky. I told my boss about the adoption and she was so happy for me. I was worried. I don't know. I am just starting a new job and who knows, I will need a maternity leave someday soon. But, she couldn't be happier and even agreed that the flexiblity of this new position will be really helpful as a new mommy! I am trully blessed with such a supportive company and boss. She is fabulous.

Watching the Democratic convention all week. Michelle Obama, who I hadn't really connected with, was incredible. Hilary Clinton, who I have always loved, was fantastic. And Bill...he was my old Bill again. There are a few Clinton haters I know who are reading this. I mean Democratic Clinton haters...it's time for us all to move on. Stop blaming the Clintons and move on. They were sincere, they were real, they were fantastic. We had two great choices. Do I belive one is a better more experienced leader then the other? Yes. But we move on.

Anyway, how fantastic to know that my daughter. My daughter who will be of another race, will know that here in America, a man of color finally has the same opportunity as white men have had forever. YES WE CAN. We can change the world! We can show children that they really don't have to be limited by race or color. This is so exciting to me and the most important Presidential campaign of my lifetime. Yes we can! For you Lia-Rose. For you!


HOLY COW! I just realized...today marks 22 months...22 frigging months since our dossier was logged into China. 23 months since it was sent. Unreal.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A cool message

Yeah, our really close friends Tim and Chris got their referral and approval. Welcome to the family MacKenzie Sue You (spelled out phonetically. She is five and has been in an orphanage since she was two. She is amazing. A real survivor. Tim and Chris are truly our bestest friends who met through this wild journey. I feel so excited to be part of that little girl's life. Chris has taught me about keeping the faith. She almost gave up until we decided to just let it be. Truly, a few days later she got the call!!! Mazel Tov!!!

My new job is going well. Very into training right now and head out to Boston again tomorrow. I also will publically pronouce that I am back on my good eating plan. Not that I was awful....just not as strict. I was also not feeling well at all the past few weeks. I hate to say this, but I am quite sure that I am the first expectant mother who is also definetly menopausal. There are probably a few of us out there...but it's crazy. Oy vey! I see my doctor soon, but I'm quite sure that it's a coming!

Anyway...I received this message by email the other day....keep the faith!


Imagining pure joy and happiness when you visualize, Wendi, but not following those feelings up with action on a regular basis, is as silly as imagining a I now am a mother of my child, Wendi, and not physically preparing for its inevitable arrival.

Tally-go, go, go -
The Universe

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Quick check in

My new job rocks! It's fantastic. The company is completely proactive and positive. Did you hear me ...it's POSITIVE! I love that. I haven't been in an environment like this in forever. I am very happy this has happened to me. I feel so blessed.

In other news..my wonderful daddy turned 80 this week. On Thursday and I feel horrible that I wasn't there to celebrate. We are all getting together tomorrow. I love you daddy...you are the greatest!

This was an email message I received on 8-8-08. I meant to post this that day, so I will post it now. I love this message.

It really is easy, Wendi. You really are powerful. I really do love you.

You can have it all. You will live forever. And the best is yet to come.

You're already rich. There's more on the way. It's closer than you think.

There've been no mistakes. You've never been judged. And all things are playing out in your favor.


More to come soon...all is FINE.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Stuck at the airport

I have been stuck for 8 hours heading to Boston for day one of my new job. I have eaten lunch-salad and dinner-greek salad and one frozen yogurt, have had a cup of coffee, diet coke and a sushi roll. I bought a three magazines, one book and a pair of pants on sale at Brooks Brothers just in case my luggage doesn't make it. I am now sitting next to a lovely woman from Tawain and we are chatting about a few things. I am tired. I am excited. I am anxous to get there. My battery is almost running out.

Today a wonderful old co-worker passed away, Isaac Hayes. I had the pleasure of working with this icon in the mid-90's. He was awesome and down to earth. One big memory I have of him is when we were doing a concert at Madison Square Garden. I told him, "Issac, you must end by 10:30 or else it's going to cost us a ton." I said that to him one or two times and made the poor guy so nervous, that he cut the concert off early, literally in the middle of his famous "Shaft." Another time, he came to me and asked for some help. I said, "Sure, what can I do for you." He said, "Would you ask (don't remember her name) if she would be interested in going out with me?" I looked at him like he was crazy. And he wasn't! It was so cute. Anywy, Issac, god bless you. I will always fondly remember those years we worked together. You were the greatest.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Eight-Eight-O-Eight

Today is the day that has been on my mind for over a year and half. When the adoption process began to show huge evidence of a slowdown, everyone pointed to the Olympics as one of the reasons. Today, 8-8-08, the Olympics in Beijing begin. All the world is talking or thinking about China. I've watched a ton of documentaries about China and have heard from so many people who have said to me, "I was thinking of you today when I was watching a show on China."

My neighbors Yo and Jace told me that in China this day is "very very lucky".

Here's to a peaceful and joyous Olympics and "very very lucky" blessings to all those little babies waiting for us. Maybe we are heading to the other side of this now....just maybe?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

If this happens, I'll scream. I will throw up and I'll cry. COME ON! First off, China has closed adoptions to single women...Angelina is not married. Also, if you are married and one person is divorced (aren't they both) you need to be married at least five years to your new spouse. Also, you can't have more then six children! Please. I think it's so nice of you Angie...but how about helping us waiting families. Why not advocate and use your wonderful voice to help us bring more kids home. I am so sorry to sound like a bitch...but this just bugs me.

Angelina Jolie is reportedly considering adopting a child from China.

The 'Tomb Raider' star -- who gave birth to twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline on July 12, her fifth and sixth children with partner Brad Pitt -- was so affected by footage of the recent earthquake in China she is contemplating giving a home to a child orphaned in the natural disaster.

A source revealed, "Angelina is devastated over the earthquake that occurred in China in May. She has been in constant touch with relief workers as part of her UN involvement, and even got her hands on photos of a few orphaned kids.

"She's made overtures offering a home to one earthquake orphan, or even two if they are siblings."

As well as the twins, she and Pitt, 44, also have three adopted children -- Zahara, three; seven-year-old Maddox; and Pax, four, as well as biological daughter Shiloh, two.

Angelina, 33, recently revealed her newborn babies are keeping her busy, but she is getting plenty of help from the rest of her family.

She said, "It is chaos, but we are managing it and having a wonderful time. Shiloh calls the twins her babies. She and Zahara pick out their clothes, help change and hold them. It's sweet - they are like little mommies."

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Tick tock

Looking at my little ticker above I see that it's three more days till the Bejing Olympics begin. Amazing. I remember thinking how far off '08 was and the first time I saw a bus billboard in Manhattan promoting "Visit China '08" and thought wow, I will probably be visiting China in '08. It's time. Yes time, that moves quicker then you can imagine. The summer is almost over. Fall is upon us. My daddy turns 80 in a week and half. My niece Addie will be in second grade. Joe and I married over 5 years. Annie and Adam my stepchildren, one an adult- the other looking like an adult. Hayley my niece entering High School, Syd in her last year at Middle School. It moves quickly.

Last night before I fell asleep I was snuggling my hubby. He was snorning away and I a huge memory of when we had been parted by Immmigration. As you know (or maybe not) Joe is Australian and in order for us to marry and for him to legally be in this country we had to go through the Immigration process. We actually were apart for over six months as we sorted through paperwork and the process. It felt so long. It felt like it would never end.

Time, isnt' it funny that the same 60 minutes can either be so drainingly slow or fanatasticly fast.

I dont' know what the end of the Olympics will bring to us Waiting Families. It does mark the passage of time...and hopefully, will mark a speed up. But wouldn't it be nice to be able to speed up ...but stay young and healthy and exactly how I am at this moment. We shall see..

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Olympics and Adoption

Well, we all know that some of the speculation is that the Olympics may be one of the reasons for the slowdown. I believe that if that is so, they are doing it for PR reasons....here is an interesting report from Lester Holt at NBC News. This report doesn't address the Olympics being the holdup....but, it addreses the fact that there are less available children. This is exactly the PR I was talking about. The Chinese knew that the press would be exploring all kinds of stories while in China. They wouldn't want them to be saying that there our thousands of babies available. Instead..here is how the story shapes out.

Friday, August 01, 2008

I am back

In a different way. Welcome to my private world. It took a while to make this private, the cutting and pasting of email addresses. Oy. Anyway, first things first, why I took this blog private. I have a new job! On 8/10 I start a very cool job with Con-t Contac. (spelled wrong on purpose...I am so paranoid) I will be the Regional Development Director for NYC and the company will be marketing me to the general public. I will in a sense become the public face for the company here and it started making me nervous that my name (and face-I'll have my very own website with the company) would be out there...I'll be doing a lot of public events and workshops, speaking and training. This blog is too personal and my baby is too important to be just out there. And with my name being out there more, I didn't want to take a chance. So that is it. Several friends-and you know who you are, thought maybe it was some other great reason...but no.

I think the intention of my blog changed. I want to get back to when this was about Lia-Rose. A journal for her to follow one day. I want to keep it true to that.

Anyway, I don't even know where to start. It's been a really busy time. A crazy journey. I had a big dissappointment with work, but the Universe takes care of me.I was able to find this new position. One of the key things I needed from my work is the ability to work from home....and bingo, my new office is based at home. The work will be challenging and fun, and I'm thrilled.

My stepdaughter and her BFF were here for three weeks. It was great fun. I loved playing mom..although being a mom to two 15 years old can be challenging...but, I know Annie is reading this, and we both can say....we had a great time. I need to definetly get back to my good eating plans. Annie always seems to inspire lots of french fry and chicken fingers eating. It was so much fun!

So, nothing is really happening on the adoption front for me. But some great stuff for my friends. Paul and Denice returned home with Olivia. I won't mention yet, but my other really close friends have accepted a Waiting Child referral. My Anonnie also is headed to her baby girl very soon....things are moving forward.

Now, please a rule here. I don' want any comments that say..."it's going to happen etc." Not now. I am sorry, those comments make me nausous. Two years ago almost I started this blog. And two years later, we are really not that much closer. So please, I really do not want to hear anything like that. I know what the reality is...and I am definetly sure that this will happen. It is just to fluffy for me now....o'k?

I have a very close friend who is reading this blog. I won't get into details, but this person is truly amazing. Her family is facing a very challenging situation. Her spirit, strength and positive vibe simply amaze me. I am beyond proud of you. And you are teaching me about what being a mother is all about.

I love you all...and am glad to be back blogging....keep checking in. There are some great people reading this. Introduce yourself. It's a small Lia-Rose community here...so thank you for your support and love.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Privacy please

Hi friends. I am looking forward to blogging again. Maybe I need to to remind myself that one day a baby will come. I HAVE to go private. It's not that mysterious why, and when we are private I'll explain. In fact it's really great why. Anyway, some of you I know, others I don't. I need your email addresses. Either email me at dashish@aol.com or just leave it in the comments. Look forward to seeing you in my private world!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

For awhile

All is fine. I need to take a very long blog break. No updates. It is what it is...so I'm closing down shop here. Not much left to say on the topic...be back soon when we have something to report! (I'll be making this private soon, so don't think I am blocking you out.) Take care!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

What if

I try not to worry. Yeah, right. I am the biggest worrier there is…besides my mommy. She taught me well J I worry when I call my husband's cell and he doesn't answer. I worry when my parents don't answer their phone. I worry when I hear about an accident in Ohio and wonder if anyone I know is near there. I am a worrier. The what ifs can make you crazy and I do try, as hard as it may be, to rise above the feelings of worry and remember that all will be o'k. But those what ifs can keep you down. This adoption process has turned into a complete mess for myself and thousands of others. The what ifs are huge. What if the program dissolves? What if my health status changes? What if , What if, What if. I even challenged myself last night. I thought to myself-What if I am not supposed to be a mother? I let that sink in for a bit. I must tell you, it didn't feel right. It wasn't right.

I am upset. I hide it well. I keep it hidden in the deepest parts of me, so deeply that sometimes I don't even feel it anymore. What do we do? Do we keep hanging on to some false hope that this is all going to change after the Olympics? Do we just move forward every day optimistically thinking this is really going to happen? I don't have any more answers. I am angry. I am frustrated. I have to let those feelings go. The bottom line is….it doesn't look like this is happening soon. I can't feel punished. It's not just happening to me. I can't feel sorry for myself. It's not just happening to me.

Dear G-D, I just want my baby. All I want is ONE baby. I am here to mother a child that needs mothering. I know you have more to worry about then me. I am so grateful for so much that life has offered me. I just know that I am meant to be someone's mother. I need your help up there …

So friends, I am taking a bit of a blog break (and not at all to be dramatic or anything) I just have nothing left to say. One day L-R when you read this, at this point in your mom's life she was feeling that she needed to just let all of this go and trust the universe that you would be in her arms soon.

My stepdaughter arrives on Monday, the next few weeks will be busy and occupied with fun times with Annie and her friend Mel. I'll be back soon…thanks for reading and following this adventure…but right now I need to say to myself-"What if I just let it be".

I love you all.


 

Monday, June 30, 2008

Watch this

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/06/26/lah.quake.adoption.cnn?iref=videosearch

(Cut and paste in your browser...you will love this story!)

Friday, June 27, 2008

20

We are 20 months LID today.

As Tom Petty says…"the waiting is the hardest part".

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I may have posted this before

I think I have...can't remember, but lately I felt so blessed to have so many great friends in my life. I have reconnected with a few friends who I have missed so much,and have become closer with some others. I can't thank you enough. I miss my sister who I can't talk to as much because of the bad reception at camp, but I have so many sister (and actually brother) friends and it really helps. I can truly say that "I have been changed for good". Thank you all for showing me that life is pretty o'k...especially because I got you!!! All is good...and so it will be!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Oy, it ain’t easy

No one said life was just ice cream and apple pie. It's tough and it's challenging. I am in an interesting place. Put it this way, you know that expression are you having fun yet…well I am not. And truly, things are not THAT bad, they just aren't what I want them to be. So much of it is out of my control. Some of it I can control. I am tired and working hard. Trying to resolve some professional issues that have left me feeling disappointed yet inspired. Personally, I just cannot seem to relax. The adoption seems so unreal now. I guess I need to be in the place to get to the other side.. Please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself. For I am not. Today I learned that someone I knew growing up passed away at the ripe old age of 45. That is a tragedy. For me, it's a moment of self reflection. A chance to challenge my fear. A time to appreciate, and know that change is on the way. I am not complaining. Rest in peace MW.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Thanks for prayers

So far so good with my friend who I mentioned below. She seems to have avoided the "big c" although has a very strange strange infection that we need to be concerned about. Her spirit continues to inspire me...she is so positive and remains so faithful. I am completely in awe of her.

In other news, my nieces have left for overnight camp. I had a huge argument or let's say disagreement - with Sydney over the weekend (Syd will make an outstanding lawyer one day). She thinks that all kids must go to overnight camp and that it is awful that I wont' consider it for my daughter to be. First off, I told her, not all kids go to overnight camp (Trust me, she has no idea how hard my sister works to make that happen) and secondly, I told her, I will have waited for Lia-Rose for so long there is no way I'm not going to spend as much of her childhood with her! Not sure Syd got that, but I give the kids lots of credit for her strong opinion. Addie was delish, and I still can't imagine how hard it is for my sister and bro-in law not to see that kid every night ...Hayley was Hayley...beautiful yet tooo cool for me...but I still adore her and trust she will be Hayley again with me soon.

Anyway, Annie my stepdaughter and her bff arrive in a few weeks. I have spent alot of time cleaning up closets and such. My house looks great on the outside...pretty neat and uncluttered...but if you open some doors and drawers what lurks behind is scary. Not so much anymore though. Annie and Mel will be sleeping in Lia-Rose 's room to be ...so I cleared Lia's stuff and put it neatly in the closet. I don't have that much, but it sort of made me sad. One day soon, both of them will have their own bedroom, but for now they share.

Went to my next door neighbor's 6th grade graduation...our other neighbor who is 8 joined us. O'k, yes she is Chinese too and yes, you know what I pretended to be. Who cares, it was fun!