Four weeks today

So the hearing was four weeks today. We are really in the homestretch here.
1. The couple right before us got their final decree this week.
2. I was told that the Orphanage Director has been in touch with the courts daily to push the decree through.
3. Lia's Nanny was told by my Orphanage Director to go get her passport picture taken.
4. Girls, I know we are really almost there. I am so excited.

She is really growing

Just received some recent photos from Taiwan. My baby is growing. I bought her those pants. When she wore them in November they were just touching her sneakers. Now, they are almost to her ankles. I love this photo. The bag in her hand is a big bag of Animal Crackers I had sent her. Her hair is also getting really long. I WANT MY BABY. Soon...it's happening very very soon. Oy vey!

The room is almost done!

Check it out! So proud and I love it!

http://sharing.theflip.com/session/cb1c35028e4056f9af7945743df6a27a/video/3436500



Also, here is a picture of our webchat tonight. The excel spread sheet you see how's a list of almost 100 chinese words that I have learned.

Final stages of labor?

From my neck to my feet I hurt. Every bone aches. My back is killing me. I sleep at night and wake up in pain. I carry alot around with me everyday...laptops, projectors, boxes filled with stuff for my workshops. I know that I lift to much at times. I think between that and my general state of anxiety right now, I'm knocked out. Really in pain.

It hurts more at the end. Right before you get to your goal. The final lap around the track. The final mile in a marathon. As you get closer, you know it's real and you know it's almost over, and you are just not quite there yet. It hurts. You push, you push, you just want to exhale but you aren't quite there yet. That is how I feel this morning. So almost there, but just not quite. And it does hurt. It's almost over. I can breathe soon. The watched pot doesn't boil. I need to stop thinking of this, but how can I? Soon soon. In the meantime, I'll take a tylenol and try to relax.

Thank you

My sister throw a beautiful shower for me on Sunday. I'll post some photos later. Thank you so much Lori. It was so perfect. It felt surreal and Lia-Rose got some beauitful gifts. Thanks to my parents as well for helping out. It was all overwhelming.

The furniture arrives tomorrow. The closet is filling up. I'm so anxious to get this decree that I feel sad. Lori said it best, I've been so used to waiting that sometimes it's hard for this to feel real.

I spoke to Dina my faciliator on Friday. She said, "anyday now!" My stomach is in nuts.

It will be here this week!!!! I am putting that out to the Universe. Here comes that decree!!!

Connection

Is this not both sad and amazing. But truly joyful. Lia's nanny wrote me and said that "Lia cried last night because she misses her mommy and daddy." It broke my heart yet filled me with joy to know that she knows us and misses us as much as we miss her. I will never ever not be there for you Lia. I'm so sorry that the distance and the judge is keeping me away from you. We will be together soon my baby. Soon.

Please decree

Dear decree, won't you come for me? I wait so anxiously. I love little Lia Tsz-Huei!

This is supposed to rhymne...so pronounce her name as Lia Tsz-HEEEE

But seriously...getting anxious, what else new? Soon...very very soon.

Pink and Brown

We painted the room today. Suddenly my little guest room is now a "Big Girl" room for LTHR! Here are the colors...I love it! Next week the furniture!




I am finally "nesting" and it feels great!

Looks like this is really happening!

1. D told me that travel should be first or second week in April (four more weeks!)
2. Got final bill from agency "since travel is getting very close, the orphange donation is due at this time."
3. Webchatted with LTHR and she has a cough. I am panicking that something is wrong -a mother's worries!


OMG !!!

Happy 1/2 Birthday Lia Tsz-Huei Rose

I completely am the worst mother. I forgot that it's my daughter's half-birthday today. She is three and 1/2. We saw her photo about 18 days before she turned three.
I've known you for just over six months my sweetheart. I love you more and more each and everyday. I have such vivid dreams about you. I love them because every single night I am with you.

Tonight Lia sang the ABC's to me with her Nanny on the webcam.It's unreal. I love how she said "o". She was screaming and laughing. She was in a particularly great mood tonight which in fact is Friday morning in Taiwan.

I told everyone at work. It's public now and everyone is so excited for me. As some of you know my office is based in my home with the corporate office being in Boston. They are so supportive of what I am doing. I am truly blessed.

D, my facilator, said we should get final decree anyday now. There is a 10 day waitign period, so theortically we are in that period until early next week. Let's see what happens next week.

In the meantime, we kick ass, work hard and prepare. Our baby is coming.

Designing woman

Lia's bedroom is coming together.
Furniture ordered-beautiful white twin bed, really nice high dresser and a night table. Also in the room is a maple chest that I have to keep. I changed the knobs to white, although,I might change them back. The colors of the room are going to be Mocha brown (one wall) and the three others will be light chiffon pink. Base boards and doors painted white! I love it. I worked with a decorator friend of mine who found this cherry blossom pattern that we are looking to have drapes made. My sister planted the cherry blossom theme in my head and it stuck. The floors are dark wood and I'll get a pretty pink rug. Lia also has a nice size closet walk in closet with half of it now being set up for toys. The girl's room will be nicer then mine when it is all said and done..but she deserves it! It really is so much fun doing this!!! I was scared of this part..I never felt adequate in the decorating department, but it will be so pretty!

She knows

I had the chance to have a surprise webchat with Lia tonight. I saw her online and sent a message. Her fantastic Nanny called me back and I saw my baby. First off, she is gorgeous. Truly. And I'm not just saying that. But, it was like she knew. She knew that I wasn't some lady who screams "I love you" in chinese to her. She knew that I really am her mommy. I felt it. I felt different. She was screaming at the top of her lungs...MOMMY and laughing about it. She also screamed LIA MOMMY. She is now really and truly Lia. The name fits her so well too. She is the Lia-Rose we have been dreaming about for three years. Although I have been dreaming about her for my whole life. This little being that truly completes me. I never knew what that meant. To feel complete. I dare say that I feel it now. SHe is the part of my heart that has been missing. IT's a love that truly feels natural. That truly feels as if it has been a part of me my whole life. I do everything now for her. For her life to be happy. It's about her. She knows. She knows.

Amazing

Last night I typed out two posts. One about my labor pains. I hit publish and my phone rang. It was the word...the good word. About 8p last night as I lay in bed I was overcome with a sense of peacefulness. I felt totally for a few minutes completly at peace and completely complete. The moment passed and I felt it again. I do believe that was truly the universe telling me all was going to be o'k. That I was going to Lia's mother...that I was Lia's mother. It was amazing and it hit me this morning the true enormity of that sign. I bought Lia's bedroom set today. It's beautiful. Painting starts in two weeks. I am going to start shopping. I won't feel completely relieved until she is in my arms...but for now, we are really really close!

We got her!!!! Final decree issued with in a few weeks!!! It's happening!!!!

Labor pains

From what a hear, a woman right before birth goes into labor and it hurts like hell. Perhaps that would explain the massive headache and all that came with it today. I feel so sick it's not funny. I was telling D my facilator this and we laughed...I'm definetly in labor. And hopefully when all is said and done, I'll forget the pain today and of the last three years and embrace my daughter. She was definetly worth the wait. She is the most amazing little girl I have ever met. Right now, exactly right now, there is a court-room filled with people who are on our side. Lia, if you are reading this, your biological daddy came to court. To tell the judge how sorry he was that he was not able to give you the life you deserve. He is telling the judge that he believes we are the right family...the forever family you deserve. There is a social worker there telling the judge that too. There was a lot of paperwork that legally needs to be done. It is complete, stamped, certified and sealed with love. Lia, right now in Taiwan, Ms. Kuo is telling the judge how much we love you ...and that will never ever change. Hopefully we will have final approval very soon. In the meantime, my labor pains continue. I am having a baby and she is YOU Lia Tsz-Huei Rose. I love you. Your daddy loves you. It is time. It is time.

This is the part

I hate. I am so nervous. We are just a few days away. Is it normal to feel nervous and completely lose confidence? Is it normal to feel that you are not good enough for this child? Is it normal to want to eat everything in sight? Is it normal to want to divorce and then remarry your husband? Ugh.

So we wait. Friday is the second hearing. Then a few weeks later final decree. Lia's hair is now past her shoulders. She is almost three and a half. She needs her mama.

Her mama and papa need her.

I CAN"T WAIT TO HAVE HER HOME!

Taking it slowly and ready to not

I've posted this many times before, but I will continue to do again. I was following someone else's blog...pretty exactly where we are in the Taiwanese adoption process...between the first and second hearings. She is having showers, the room is completely done, people are sending her gifts. I feel like a slouch. NO...I AM NOT ASKING FOR LOTS OF GIFTS...DON'T SEND..NOT AT ALL. But, that whole Jewish philosophy of not jinxing anything by bringing a lot in the house is definitely rearing its' head. I just can't do it. Joe too. We agree, we don't buy the furniture till after the 20th, we don't shop, we don't paint. Until the second hearing. I know you might think we are crazy. Everything is basically picked out. Everything is getting in order. But no showers, not gifts, not a thing. It will come...in a big way.

Banana

We webchatted with Lia tonight. She looked gorgeous. Her Nanny gave her a handful of flashcards ( I am pretty sure I bought them for her...in fact, I know I did, I think) anyway...they were pictures and then had the English word on it. She held up a picture of a Banana and simply shouted "Banana"! How smart is my daughter? xoox

Done!

Ok, the weekend escapade is behind us. Paperwork is complete!
Then guess what...second court date: Feb 20th! Hello!!!
Secondly, they believe we will have final final final by March 20th.
Thirdly, I may be going to Taiwan in early April..can someone say best birthday ever!
Fingers crossed....thank you dear god!