Thursday, January 08, 2009
Real honesty here
I am scared, petrified, feel weak in my knees, am questioning practically everything in life, making excuses, finding it hard to sleep, arguing with my husband, looking at my life and thinking that it is not good enough ....bottom line....next week is the court date and these weird feelings are manifesting...I'm just plain old nervous that something will go wrong...my gut says she is my daughter...my heart says it loud and clear....but why should I be so lucky to become her mother. Why me...? Isn't there someone better? A better mother? A better father? Why is this the right life for her? I hate these feelings. I admit it. I'm weak..I'm scared. A few days a go some good friends got some bad news. They didn't deserve that. Do we deserve this. I know I'm nuts. I know I sound crazy. It's just that...well it's just that...I so deeply love Lia Tsz-Huei Rose. I love being her mommy. And it doesn't feel real. I am so scared something will go wrong. I am such a believer in the power of attraction in our lives....yet this negativity is seeping through. I just want this week to fly by. But, then I don't ....I'm so anxious. On Sunday I leave for a business trip...I won't even be with Joe when we get the news....awful. STOP being so negative. Stop it Wendi now. This self talk isn't working. I look at her picture and cry. I want my daughter. I want my Lia-Rose. I love you baby...I am your mommy.
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5 comments:
I don't think there is ever any way you will not feel panicked until you have made it through immigration in the US with your beautiful girl. Even then, it will take a little while for it to sink in that she's really your's and here to stay.
Thanks Kerri.. I know you have been through this...so I appreciate your words. xo
Hi Wendi,
I have those feelings too, that I am not good enough to be Kelsey's Mom, that she deserves someone younger, happier, who has more $$$ and can give her siblings...
But Kelsey loves ME and I am her Mommy and her whole world. The way Lia-Rose is coming to love you.
And bottom line, we are good people who love our children with all our hearts and souls...we deserve this!
Sooooooooooo normal! I felt this way with my boys and also before getting to Mia - you are anxious and this is how it's all coming out. You will be fine...I have a feeling you will be amazing :)
Thank you both thank you.
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