We have been officially LID (log in date) for 15 months. Yes, 15 months. For those who are following my journey and aren't very familar with what this means, I'll explan by saying that the countdown for our daughter began the day we were logged in.
We were told when are dossier was stamped with the date 10/27/06 that referrals were being matched from that point, 13-14 months. So we are at 15. We are officially past due from what they told us. This is not a surprise, as you well know. Currently the matches are at about 25 months...and growing...that is the simple explanation.
I lay in bed this morning thinking of the adoption community. The wait is different for all. There are many kinds of families out there....those who suffered with infertility and are childless; those who perhaps had one (or two) child and were unable to bear their second (or third); there are families that are full of children, but long to bring another in by adoption; single parents, who are so strong to me, they know a partner is wonderful, but it is child they long for and will do so with or without another. Some of us are older. (I have a friend who is my age who is almost a grandmom-a young one-but a grandmom none the less.) Some a bit younger.
We all share pain. We all seek miracles. We all wait for our children.
I ache for a little voice calling out for me "mommy, mommy, I love you."
I will be so joyful when my friends become mothers. I won't lie, I envy you all. I want this. I don't feel desperate. I want this in a way that makes me stronger. Like the kind of strong that says "don't get in my way...I know I'm meant to mother."
So, on this 15th "lidversary" I shout out to the world..."watch out...this momma will be and nothing is going to stop me!"
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7 comments:
And so it will be...
you, my friend, are a mommy ... b/c your strength and love for lia-rose are that which only a mommy could have. keep believing ... keep up the strength and the faith... and if you need an added dose of these things anytime, know there are so many of us that are here to give it to you.
How did this get by me today. Here's to one step closer to our girls. You my friend are going to be such an amazing mom!!!!
You go girl :) Lia-Rose is a very lucky little girl!
Yes, you will be a Mommy!! I think you need to be induced...I will help, give me the phone # to China:-) Yes, I think I am more important then I really am!!
You go, momma! Seriously, it's this kind of fortitude that's gonna make you an AWESOME mom.
As for the single mom thing, turns out I need a man more than I thought. Sure, there are step ladders and battery-operated gizmos that have rendered men virtually obsolete, but none of them can take the place of some fat slob to sit on the couch, remote in hand, within earshot of the baby so I can walk the dog for 15 minutes at night!
Sigh.
Wendi, I feel your "ache" when you write the word; I also feel that you ARE a momma. What IS a mom? Someone who cares for you and loves you unconditionally. Your love has no time limits: it is in your heart. Though someday you will hear those words out loud, you can always hear them in your heart when you dream of your child.
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