Looks like this is really happening!

1. D told me that travel should be first or second week in April (four more weeks!)
2. Got final bill from agency "since travel is getting very close, the orphange donation is due at this time."
3. Webchatted with LTHR and she has a cough. I am panicking that something is wrong -a mother's worries!


OMG !!!

Happy 1/2 Birthday Lia Tsz-Huei Rose

I completely am the worst mother. I forgot that it's my daughter's half-birthday today. She is three and 1/2. We saw her photo about 18 days before she turned three.
I've known you for just over six months my sweetheart. I love you more and more each and everyday. I have such vivid dreams about you. I love them because every single night I am with you.

Tonight Lia sang the ABC's to me with her Nanny on the webcam.It's unreal. I love how she said "o". She was screaming and laughing. She was in a particularly great mood tonight which in fact is Friday morning in Taiwan.

I told everyone at work. It's public now and everyone is so excited for me. As some of you know my office is based in my home with the corporate office being in Boston. They are so supportive of what I am doing. I am truly blessed.

D, my facilator, said we should get final decree anyday now. There is a 10 day waitign period, so theortically we are in that period until early next week. Let's see what happens next week.

In the meantime, we kick ass, work hard and prepare. Our baby is coming.

Designing woman

Lia's bedroom is coming together.
Furniture ordered-beautiful white twin bed, really nice high dresser and a night table. Also in the room is a maple chest that I have to keep. I changed the knobs to white, although,I might change them back. The colors of the room are going to be Mocha brown (one wall) and the three others will be light chiffon pink. Base boards and doors painted white! I love it. I worked with a decorator friend of mine who found this cherry blossom pattern that we are looking to have drapes made. My sister planted the cherry blossom theme in my head and it stuck. The floors are dark wood and I'll get a pretty pink rug. Lia also has a nice size closet walk in closet with half of it now being set up for toys. The girl's room will be nicer then mine when it is all said and done..but she deserves it! It really is so much fun doing this!!! I was scared of this part..I never felt adequate in the decorating department, but it will be so pretty!

She knows

I had the chance to have a surprise webchat with Lia tonight. I saw her online and sent a message. Her fantastic Nanny called me back and I saw my baby. First off, she is gorgeous. Truly. And I'm not just saying that. But, it was like she knew. She knew that I wasn't some lady who screams "I love you" in chinese to her. She knew that I really am her mommy. I felt it. I felt different. She was screaming at the top of her lungs...MOMMY and laughing about it. She also screamed LIA MOMMY. She is now really and truly Lia. The name fits her so well too. She is the Lia-Rose we have been dreaming about for three years. Although I have been dreaming about her for my whole life. This little being that truly completes me. I never knew what that meant. To feel complete. I dare say that I feel it now. SHe is the part of my heart that has been missing. IT's a love that truly feels natural. That truly feels as if it has been a part of me my whole life. I do everything now for her. For her life to be happy. It's about her. She knows. She knows.

Amazing

Last night I typed out two posts. One about my labor pains. I hit publish and my phone rang. It was the word...the good word. About 8p last night as I lay in bed I was overcome with a sense of peacefulness. I felt totally for a few minutes completly at peace and completely complete. The moment passed and I felt it again. I do believe that was truly the universe telling me all was going to be o'k. That I was going to Lia's mother...that I was Lia's mother. It was amazing and it hit me this morning the true enormity of that sign. I bought Lia's bedroom set today. It's beautiful. Painting starts in two weeks. I am going to start shopping. I won't feel completely relieved until she is in my arms...but for now, we are really really close!

We got her!!!! Final decree issued with in a few weeks!!! It's happening!!!!

Labor pains

From what a hear, a woman right before birth goes into labor and it hurts like hell. Perhaps that would explain the massive headache and all that came with it today. I feel so sick it's not funny. I was telling D my facilator this and we laughed...I'm definetly in labor. And hopefully when all is said and done, I'll forget the pain today and of the last three years and embrace my daughter. She was definetly worth the wait. She is the most amazing little girl I have ever met. Right now, exactly right now, there is a court-room filled with people who are on our side. Lia, if you are reading this, your biological daddy came to court. To tell the judge how sorry he was that he was not able to give you the life you deserve. He is telling the judge that he believes we are the right family...the forever family you deserve. There is a social worker there telling the judge that too. There was a lot of paperwork that legally needs to be done. It is complete, stamped, certified and sealed with love. Lia, right now in Taiwan, Ms. Kuo is telling the judge how much we love you ...and that will never ever change. Hopefully we will have final approval very soon. In the meantime, my labor pains continue. I am having a baby and she is YOU Lia Tsz-Huei Rose. I love you. Your daddy loves you. It is time. It is time.

This is the part

I hate. I am so nervous. We are just a few days away. Is it normal to feel nervous and completely lose confidence? Is it normal to feel that you are not good enough for this child? Is it normal to want to eat everything in sight? Is it normal to want to divorce and then remarry your husband? Ugh.

So we wait. Friday is the second hearing. Then a few weeks later final decree. Lia's hair is now past her shoulders. She is almost three and a half. She needs her mama.

Her mama and papa need her.

I CAN"T WAIT TO HAVE HER HOME!

Taking it slowly and ready to not

I've posted this many times before, but I will continue to do again. I was following someone else's blog...pretty exactly where we are in the Taiwanese adoption process...between the first and second hearings. She is having showers, the room is completely done, people are sending her gifts. I feel like a slouch. NO...I AM NOT ASKING FOR LOTS OF GIFTS...DON'T SEND..NOT AT ALL. But, that whole Jewish philosophy of not jinxing anything by bringing a lot in the house is definitely rearing its' head. I just can't do it. Joe too. We agree, we don't buy the furniture till after the 20th, we don't shop, we don't paint. Until the second hearing. I know you might think we are crazy. Everything is basically picked out. Everything is getting in order. But no showers, not gifts, not a thing. It will come...in a big way.

Banana

We webchatted with Lia tonight. She looked gorgeous. Her Nanny gave her a handful of flashcards ( I am pretty sure I bought them for her...in fact, I know I did, I think) anyway...they were pictures and then had the English word on it. She held up a picture of a Banana and simply shouted "Banana"! How smart is my daughter? xoox

Done!

Ok, the weekend escapade is behind us. Paperwork is complete!
Then guess what...second court date: Feb 20th! Hello!!!
Secondly, they believe we will have final final final by March 20th.
Thirdly, I may be going to Taiwan in early April..can someone say best birthday ever!
Fingers crossed....thank you dear god!

My goals for this week

I webchatted with my baby tonight. I have been learning Chinese so I was able to say to her (I think) "I am Mommy"; "You are Lia"; "I love you"; "How are you." and "Doggie"....baby babble for sure, but at least I could communicate.

Anyway, after Saturday's drama....I am now rebooting and taking some control back. That little girl sits there and waits for her mommy and daddy.I am going to make that happen....come on now!

This week I will make sure that everything gets sent to Taiwan. That's it. We just need to the paperwork to leave this country and get to the Judge's office. I will pick up the authenticated Chinese homestudy tomorrow, they will have completed it, I will overnight to my faciliator and she will send to Taiwan. That is it!

I am going to make this happen....whatever I can do...I am going to see that it happens.