An Early Happy 2007

Just waiting for my sister Lori and family to join us for the New Year's celebration. We have big plans for the kids....months ago my mother and I bought all of us tickets to see Wicked on Broadway! My nieces are obsessed with the music and they are super psyched to see the show. I am also thrilled to introduce my stepdaughter to the wonder of Broadway. We are going tommorow to the matinee, so on the way out we will get a glimpse of the craziness of Times Square. What a year this has been for me! Truly remarkable. Honestly, a year at this time, I had no idea that I'd be blogging about the upcoming adoption of my baby girl. It really is pretty incredible. One of the big reasons we made the decision to adopt came from a conversation I was having with my coach Cindy. We were talking about life choices, and my decision to possibly accept the fact that I wouldn't have a child. She posed the following question to me: "Wendi, what are you more afraid of ....having a child? or NOT having a child. The answer took me probably 1 second...it was so clear to me....not having a child was far more frightening. Once I really accepted the fact that I desired motherhood (I kept making excuses) more then anything in the world....it was very easy for us to make the decision that this adoption from China was the way to bring our child to us. Thank god for that simple, most profound question. It was a major wake up call that I needed this year. I wish for us all, a Happy and a very Healthy 2007. Whether our babies come this year or not, we can count on the fact that as each day passes, we are one day closer to having our dreams come true!!!!!

Cute girl singing

O'k...I've been meaning to post this for the longest time...my Cyber bud Mary Beth beat me to it :). How cute is this little girl....?

Interesting

This is a very interesting interview to listen to.....http://www.wnyc.org/shows/bl/episodes/2006/12/28

Better

LOL, my sister says that she loves my blog because it's becoming like a soap opera! Ha ha! This soap opera is my life, and I'm just documenting what's going on.....anyway, I do want to let you know that all is o'k with my stepson. I got a very heartfelt, sincere apology and we kissed and made up! I think we both needed the space, and my husband made sure that his son was responsible for his own actions. I feel much better. And, I know Adam does as well....in just a few, we are going ice skating...all of us....so hopefully he will enjoy this day!

The good and the bad

Sometimes situations aren't always perfect. You wonder here in the Blogosphere, where your life is an open book, how much do u share? What do u leave out? Tonite, I share with you that I had a difficult time with my stepson.....he was in a mood, and basically let it out on me. I felt so hurt that I asked my husband for the nite off....which he gave me. I cried. I cried deeply. Not only about the circumstance between Adam and I (which had nothing to do with Lia for those of you wondering), but I cried deeply for the fact that you try so hard to love someone and do right ,and sometimes, right isn't always the right way for someone. And I cried for Lia. My baby...who I needed so much tonite. That feeling of unconditional love. The feeling of total forgiveness...I wanted it as mother from my child. It was not to be had tonite.....and I ache for her so very much. the situation between Adam and I will pass....he is a growing up, and misses his dad, and is just going thru that stage of thinking he is a man, but is not quite there yet. I prayed for him to find some peace tonite. For forgiveness and for happiness.

Do u see ours?

This is a picture of dossiers at the CCAA in China! Pretty freaky to think we are one of those files and that Lia Rose is in another!

2 Months since log in

Today marks exactly two months since log in. Despite the ups and downs of the past two months...it really has gone quickly. I guess that is the story of life. Time moves quickly. When we are in the moment, it might not feel that way, but when we look back....it goes way to fast! We are also on referral alert....the next batch should be announced at any moment.....fingers crossed for all of you out there. I have one Cyber friend, Frances, who is using the same agency as me....her referral is due!!! I can't wait for her, and I'm praying that the next few days move quickly for her.....

From the minds of babes.....

I think this blogging thing is catching on....my almost six year old niece Addie has created a blog. Check the link on the link list....absolutely the cutest thing ever. She wrote a fictional tale about meeting Lia Rose, which I include below. Please note, the picture on her website...that baby sure is damn cute! From your mind Addie to G-d's ears.....
The First Time I Met Lia by Addison
The first time I met Lia Rose she cried hard. She was cuter than a baby that was one years old. Shake your head Lia. She pee'd in her pants and her mommy changed her diaper.And then, her mom gave her a big present. It was a big fluffy teddy bear.And she smiled so much that she hugged her mommy

Just trying to think of some things to say

I'm feeling a bit removed as of late from feeling like this baby is really coming. So many of my fellow bloggers received a ton of Holiday presents for their babies who are waiting for them. I'm not complaining, as I once mentioned, that as a Jew, we really don't do the whole present thing until the baby arrives....but I feel sad about it. Tonite I read about a single mom who is Paper chasing who received a bunch of gifts for her daughter. Does her family believe more then we do? Or am I being silly? I did get a gift from my December Cyber Shower buddy....I'll tell you about them tomorrow, when we open them "officially". Joe gave me a small book, "Inspirations for Moms", so that counts as well...otherwise, I have been very busy playing mom to my stepchildren. It's been fun. I realize how it's a mom's job to do the wash, make sure the kids are fed (Joe has been most helpful here) and to do all the Christmas shopping...whether your stepson likes his gifts or not. Also, it's the mom who gives up the television when the rest of the family is watching the other sets. Additionally, I've learned that most kids would rather eat burgers and fries then taking them for nice dinners of steaks and lamb chops. I've also learned that it's truly a step-mom's business to spoil her step kids, including buying her gorgeous thirteen year old stepdaughter DKNY Jeans, Ugg Boots and a fancy manicure complete with nail tips and a french manicure. Oh to be a mommy! I can't wait!!

1000

1,000! I am so queer, but I just hit 1,000 hits on this page. I do realize that I am probably most of them, but I thank you ...my dear readers (smile)! And tomorrow marks exactly two months since our LID....who knows how long the wait goes, but remember, I promised not to complain about that, and I won't! More later....

Hope this family doesn't mind...they just met up with their beautiful daughter Julia in China! I have been reading their blog for awhile now, and fell in love with this little girl! http://sandiegosiegel.blogspot.com

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!

Some pictures

Annie and her daddy. They make an awesome duo!!!!

Annie and her daddy

Adam and Annie

You are constantly in my thoughts

The new rules officially came out. They are pretty much what we have known. Now it's official. The documents state the those of us logged in are o'k. Thank god. I am numb knowing that I could just as easily be out. But we are in. I am not going to rehash any of those discussions right now. We have started the holiday celebration. Last nite we were down at my sister's celebrating the last nite of Hanukkah. I think the kids enjoyed themselves. It was Adam and Annie's first celebration. It's funny. I and everyone else is being very careful to not talk about Lia. My nieces, were especially careful. They usually talk about her constantly. It's just important to Adam and Annie, that we respect this time of them getting used to the whole new sister idea. But to all of my friends out there in Blog land...it's hard for me. I want to talk about her constantly. I've found myself whispering to my sister and my mother when I told them the rules officially came out. My sister and I made a private to toast to Lia last nite, celebrating her joining our family. Even though I am not speaking of her out loud, she is in my heart and thoughts constantly.

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The Press

The press is all over the rule changes story. In fact yesterday a Wall Street Journal reporter contacted me for interview,(he found this blog!) which I was unable to do. Pretty wild...I do feel good, because all press reports indicate that we are o'k, since we are grandfathered in. My agency reiterated that as well. Here's a press clipping from the NY Times:


December 19, 2006
China Tightens Adoption Rules, U.S. Agencies Say By JIM YARDLEY
BEIJING, Dec. 20 — China is planning to issue new, tighter restrictions on foreign adoptions of Chinese children, which would prohibit adoptions by parents who are unmarried, who are obese or who are older than 50, according to adoption agencies in the United States.
The new regulations, which have not yet been formally announced by the state-run China Center of Adoption Affairs, are to take effect on May 1, 2007, and seem certain to slow the rapid rise in applications by foreign parents to adopt Chinese babies.
"This is absolutely going to affect a percentage of our clientele," said Heather Terry, a spokesperson for the Great Wall of China Adoption Agency in Austin, Texas. "This will probably affect quite a lot of people in 2007."
Ms. Terry said that foreign adoption agencies learned of the new regulations at a Dec. 8 meeting in Beijing with officials from the adoption-affairs center. Chinese officials told the foreign agencies that applications had begun to exceed the number of available babies, and that the new rules were partly intended to address that imbalance.
Ms. Terry added that China also wanted to slow foreign adoptions because "they are opening up domestic adoptions now."
The adoption-affairs center declined requests in recent weeks by The New York Times for an interview on adoption policy. An unnamed official cited by the Associated Press confirmed that the government is considering new guidelines, but declined to discuss any specifics.
Even so, adoption agencies in the United States are already telling prospective parents about the rule changes or posting the guidelines on their websites. "C.C.A.A. has decided to both reduce the number of dossiers accepted by applying stricter standards to potential adoptive families and to increase the number of children available for adoption by improving the situation of children in China’s orphanages," Jackie Harrah wrote in a letter posted on the website of Harrah’s Adoption International Mission in Spring, Texas.
Adoption agencies were told that China intended to increase the supply of adoptable children by creating a new charity named Blue Skies, which would focus on improving health care for medically fragile infants or premature babies at orphanages. An initial goal of this charity would be to buy incubators for many of the country’s orphanages, according to the Harrah’s Adoption website.
Ms. Terry said that the most significant rule change is the new ban against single parents. Up to now, Ms. Terry said, China has allowed single parents to make up as many as 8 percent of all referrals; the new rules would eliminate that quota. The age restrictions also have been tightened; China now allows people up to 55 to be considered.
Some of the new rules focus on the fiscal, physical and psychological health of prospective parents. People who are taking medication for anxiety or depression can be disqualified under the new rules. Couples will be disqualified if either person has a body fat measurement exceeding 40 percent (30 percent is generally considered obese). And a prospective adoptive family’s net worth must now exceed $80,000.
China will also disqualify families that already have more than four children in the home.
Ms. Terry said that her agency has already started applying the new guidelines. "We’re no long accepting singles," she said. "That is the most significant change."
Single parents who are already involved in the application process and can complete and file their paperwork before May 1 can remain eligible for a Chinese child.
Ms. Terry said she believed that Chinese officials were trying to act in the best interests of the adopted children. "All the agencies worldwide have to abide by these guidelines now," she said.

Her brother and sister

Well, we finally told Adam and Annie about Lia Rose. I think Joe was really nervous, and I understand why. The kids arrived yesterday afternoon from Aussie. First off, they are awesome. Annie is thirteen, but looks like she is 20. She is fantastically beautiful. Adam is almost 20 and has really matured. I am really enjoying his company. He even told us that he would like to work here for a year. He will be completely trained in Auto Mechanics in a year! I'd love to have him do that...and glad that he is open to it. I'd be so excited!!! Anyway, Joe didn't want to tell them the day of their arrival. He thought it would be too much. I was bursting with the news. And, really had a hard time not talking about it...but I had to be considerate. Finally, this afternoon, I said, Joe it's time. He said go ahead. I called them into the living room and said Adam and Annie I have some really great news for you, you are going to be shocked, so here it is..before I said it, Adam asked if I was pregnant...I said, no but close, we are adopting a baby We went on (mainly me) to tell them all about the adoption, why China and how having this baby for us means "completes the circle". Adam looked like he was in shock, and I understand. I told him that I really need her to have a big brother. He said he would be glad to do it, except when she gets in High School :) we hugged....Annie was thrilled! She was in shock, and ran over to Joe and hugged her daddy and then we hugged. I gave her the Mei Mei book, with photos of the adoption. Tonite, I gave her a lady bug bracelet. They loved the name, and why we named her Lia. And all and all I think they are really happy for us all. It will take time, and I can't expect them to be all into it ....I told them that we have a year and half to get used to the idea....and how much I'd love them to be with us when we go to China. As the weeks go on, while Annie's here, I'll fill her in on more. But for right now....let the information sink in. I am so glad they know now, and that my Lia has them.

Occupancy in 2008

So it's the new year almost. The year 2007. Pretty unbelievable if u ask me. How does time go so quickly. This year will mark for me the last year that I am not with my daughter. It just hit me that this is the last year that I will ever have to wonder, what will it be like to be a mom. The last year, of dreaming of what it will feel like. The last year of feeling like something huge was missing from my heart. A year goes by quickly. In a blink of an eye it's another day. Today I was in Hoboken. A huge new hotel/condo is going up. I noticed it said, occupancy in 2008. I stood there and stared at that building. Watched the construction workers pass bricks to each other. The whole base of the building was just being completed. You could see the makings of a beautiful structure. I started looking at that building from the inside out. Like me, it was in the beginnings of something very extraordinary. Over the course of the next year, floors and ceilings would be added on. It would grow into the gorgeous structure that the designers envisioned. In 2008, it will be complete. ..a new building will be born. For me each month that passes, it's like another floor being added on to that building. I can watch it grow and change with each passing day. The more the days pass, the closer I will be to feeling complete. In 2008 I will be ready for occupancy.

Happy Hannukah!

May the miracles begin for us all!

Words from my mother

My mother posted this in my last entry's comment box, I hope she doesn't mind...but these are great words to share:

Joe is absolutely correct Wendi, stop, stop, stop looking for the negative.I've learned in life that the negative things you fear NEVER happen.It's just your imagination going wild. I think you have to pause and take a deep breath and just wait. Center your thoughts and emotions on the coming days and the arrival of the kids and the wonderful holiday time you are planning. Do not let unsubstantiated information and imaginings put a damper on your life right now.Your loving mom

A true rollercoaster ride

Ummm, this is really hard. This is a friggin roller coaster. I guess that whether this baby was inside me growing, or growing a zillion miles away, motherhood ain't easy. Not to get into to much detail...but today sucked. I was up and down with my emotions a zillion times. I have to tell you, it ain't fun. We received an email from the agency explaining the changes a bit more. They are true. The line that freaked me (and my buddies in my Group Rose and Audrey) is that the email ended with a statement something like "we will wait and see how these new rules effect waiting families." Yikes, effect us? What the heck! We all panicked, and thank goodness for my girls...all of them Susan, Marcia, Ann Maria.,Christine and the aforementioned Audrey and Rose.....we talked this thing out....how could we not be grandfathered in? Can we still get bumped? Ugh! I ended up calling the agency and spoke to one of the girls there. She explained that the history of rule changes has excluded the logged in families. O'k, this is good. She also said, that China's program has been very fair, and they aren't like, let say Russia, who change the rules at the drop of a hat. We are waiting for the final posting by the CCAA. But, I have faith, we will be o'k....and kudos to my husband, who told me to stop looking at this like the glass is half empty. We after all ...logged in. O'k so I'm going to say something...and make sure who ever you are, hold me to this. I think this is all about taking my attention off the increasingly long wait times...this baby isn't coming before '08...so, once I learn that my Dossier is still safe and sound...I will never and I mean this, never ever complain about the long wait. I may allude to it, or simply whisper it...but I won't dwell on it. I am just grateful for the chance to hold my daughter, my Lia Rose in my arms!!! Bring it on!

Panic stricken...not me

I continue to be completely neurotic that these rule changes are going to apply to us. My agency keeps saying that they assume it won't...but my god, you know what happens when you assume sometimes. I am keeping my heart open. My daughter is in China, and I'm going to bring her home in 12, 14, 16, 18 months!!! Anyway, enough of this "kvetching". Please watch this story...it is heartwarming! About two Chinese adoptees who found out they were twin sisters....just by coincidence. http://cbs2chicago.com/video/?id=21649@wbbm.dayport.com

The rules are a changing....

Well, it looks like the rules applying to Chinese adoption are really changing. It's pretty drastic in several of the categories. Fortunately, it seems as if we are o'k, but I'm still overwhelmed by the feeling that I am just really lucky. If for instance I had waited exactly one year to go paper chase, we would have been out of luck. Thank you dear god for allowing us this opportunity now. I am sorry to those this affects. My heart sincerely goes out to you. Hopefully, there is a good reason for this, and I pray that you find your daughter or son...they are out there! Now to find out exactly what the rules are...and how it may apply to us. If at all...not be selfish, but I have to be right now. I also read that the CCAA is saying that referrals right now are going to be at that 15 to 16 month mark..I swear I can take that...but hurry up 2008...I'm ready for my Lia!!!! A friend of mine Ann Marie (http://comeundone.typepad.com/come_undone/) who is also adopting, and come to find out is adopting from the same agency as me....claims to be a little "clairvoyant" and states that she believes my adoption will come thru quicker! O'k, girlie, you better be right!!!! And yours will be right behind me.....there is something so special about this process...I am bonding with the most amazing woman...Ann Marie and I have known each other professionally for years, and come to find out that we are both going through this process.....it's truly amazing...if our work emails could talk! Yikes....our companies would fire us both for the time we spend chatting about this process...but who cares, we need each other! There is also so many others...Marcia, Mary Beth (who I've only emailed with), Frances (who is also another email pal, who is about to get a referral, and I'm going to meet when she comes through NY), the girls Audrey and Rose from my LID group, the ladies in my DTC group, Chris, Susan- who is also my coaching pal....and so many more...I hope I didn't forget you! Oh and of course my mom and sister, who have shown me incredible support. My sister, is also addicted to reading the blogs now! It's the funniest thing....especially Shana's blog and the story of Sophie, Isabella and Oliver...check out link on the left...Waiting for Sophie! My sister wakes up each day and jumps on it...like it's a reality show!!! Anyway, my babbling is going on far to long. My step kids are arriving on Saturday! We can't wait...any suggestions on how to tell them the big news...it would be most appreciated!!!

Princess Addison

Princess Addison getting ready for Sammi's Bat Mitzvah! She is just the cutest little girl in the world!

Date is wrong

The last post should read: December 11, 2006, not sure how that happened

Boy this is rough

...but then I guess all good things are. It's been a rough weekend for me...first off, I was set to attend the Bat Mitzvah of my "niece" Samantha. Sam is actually a "BFF" of my niece(s) Hayley, Cece, and Addie....I'm her "Auntie Wendi". She is an incredible young lady, much more mature for her age then the average 13 year old. In fact, sometimes I forget she is only 13. Anyway, I got up at 7:30, showered, ran to to the hair dressers for a blow out..came home, make up on, dressed up and puked. We got in to the car to drive down to the party (it's about an hour and half from me) and I nearly passed out at the wheel. I looked at Joey he looked at me and we knew, there was no way we could go. I spent the next 14 hours in bed or in the bathroom (to much information, I know)...a headache that wouldn't quit. It's 4am Sunday, and I'm finally feeling human...slight headache still, but better. Sammi, I'm so sorry I wasn't there!!! Now on top of that ...there is just craziness arupting in the Chinese Adoption world....word was on Friday that a whole list of new rules will be implemented. Apparently there are more dossiers for parents then paper-ready babies. The rules aren't in effect until May '07-or so they say. It is so sad and personally frightening. To those of you reading, please understand, that right now nothing has been confirmed except that there are rule changes...here's what the guess is of what's coming-1. No singles! (Incredibly sad. There are so many fantastic families out there headed up by single moms! I just find this so sad. Also, what about gay couples. Many of these "single" mom families are in fact being raised in very loving gay families. I find this so heart breaking.) 2. Couples must be between the ages of 30-50. Even if one is under 50, you are counted out. (Gotta tell you, this is scary. First off, I have met the most amazing moms to be out there who are over 50. SOme are first time mommies others are adopting first time with second marriages....50 is the new 40! Come on! Secondly, this would rule Joe and I out! The word is that once again does not go into effect until May '07, but my god, truly scary, we would have been ineligible!) 3. If there were divorces in your relationships, you must now be currently married five years! (O'k, another one which would have counted us out...we have been together 3.5 years( married) and Joe was divorced...) 4. Families with more then five kids are no eligible (sorry, that one I get-sorry, if I offended anyone) 5. You must have a body weight of 40 BMI and under (weight discrimination?) 6. No history of depression or anxiety (come on now! who hasn't been. I admit to the world ...I have! What infertile woman hasn't! Who doesn't feel it when they are PMS????-no more comments on this one) 7. All must have high school or beyond diplomas 6 . I think it's a $80,000 in net assets. My heart is breaking for those it effects. I am praying it won't effect me, and I have to say that if the Rumors are true, it won't. How this effects the dossiers logged in prior to May '07. Perhaps some people will drop out voluntarily. Perhaps some won't submit. It is so sad. Though they say that there are less babies then waiting parents, what they mean is there are less paper-ready babies. There are thousands of kids now who will be left in the orphanages, for longer times. I know it's no ones fault. And I know the folks at the CCAA know what they are doing in the end...but, does it have to be this rough?

Some updated information

I emailed my agency director today to get her take on the whole waiting game here. I've posted some of the highlights....
Hi Wendy: Good hearing from you. I share your angst. We all wish there was more information to share, but unfortunately there just isn't much new. The process moves forward ever so slowly at the moment. My feeling is with the current longer waits, less people will apply and soon the waiting time will decrease because there are fewer dossier. Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but China has always had periods when the waits were unbearable but eventually it turns around because they delay the process and it discourages families from applying. I know alot of families that are looking into other options because they can't bear the length of time the process is currently taking in China. Do I thnk your wait will be 18 months, I certainly hope not, but I guess anything is possible. ..... so, not sure if this makes me feel better or worse....but I guess it's just knowing something that helps...

A Quick Note

Joey is feeling so much better today! Amen!!!!

Keep it up baby!