Thursday, April 02, 2009


When you want something so bad the thought of it not having just shakes you from the inside out. When apart of you is missing, you ache from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. You get scared. You get frustrated easily. You eat too much. You cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like such a drag. Like such a negative "kvetch". But, this is how I feel. I don't feel confident. I hate that. But, I do know it's because this is the most important thing that has ever happened to me. It has been years of trying. Trying to become a first time mommy. Five years ago we started with some fertility treatments. I had surgeries, tests, dreams. I then gave up on the dream until I realized I couldn't. It wouldn't matter how Lia came to us. She would come the way she was meant to come to us. We started the adoption process three and a half years ago. Meetings, phonecalls, running around, paperwork, dreams, hopes, longing. It went on and on. And then the call, the opportunity that changed our life. The trip I only dreamed of. The face that I cry myself to sleep to. I want my baby. Now, it's a piece of paper that we wait for. Again, we are waiting. And waiting. It hurts now more then ever. Please. I'm ready for this to be over and for my life to begin with my daughter.

1 comment:

Kerri said...

I hope all the waiting and longing is over soon.