Feelings

My blog is to document this journey to my daughter. I capture the good, the bad, and the ugly. So today, I share, I feel so depressed. Truly blue. I feel unsettled by some events in my life. Confused. Insecure. It is where I am today. I dreamt last night that I had to stand before a Board of Directors and tell them why I was supposed to have a child. In the dream I was renewing some sort of application with a few other families. I was selected to represent them. However, when I stood up, I instead announced that I was representing my husband and myself. I said to the Board, "all my life I wanted to be a mother. Please allow me to be." A few of the Board members smiled at me and nodded. I set down and realized how selfish I was, there were others in the same boat and I spoke about myself. I felt like a jerk. And, I woke up feeling guilty. Tommorrow is our fifth year wedding anniversary. Not as long as many, but longer then others. It does go fast. But something is missing for me. I know what it is. It is the child that was supposed to be apart of the dream we shared on our wedding day. Things have slowed down in China. We know that. But my only hope is that this is the slowest it will be. We are so close to the Olympics. I feel sad. Life is moving on, I still feel like I am constantly trying to prove myself to be a decent enough person to be a mother. To deserve this blessing. I wish I could fight the sadness away. I wish I did not feel so much. But I do.

AMAZING

It was a fantastic and incredible night. Lori and I both had a ball! Where do we start? Lori arrived at about 1...we ran out and did the big hair blow-out..came home changed and headed into the city. I live so close, but was scared with rain due and looming traffic..I didn't want to get caught. We got in early early..and were in the Will call line about two hours early. We put our time to good use and got to know the security guards who made sure we were #1 and #2 in line and also chatted it up with two other sisters..the assistant costume designer's sisters. We were about 20 feet away from the Red Carpet..I mean the Pink carpet...so we could see the crowds and photographers. After getting our tickets we went in and grabbed a box of free popcorn and Pink Vitamin Water...we then showed the usher our tickets and she informed us that we were in the same row, but on completely different sides of the hall. UGH. I walked Lori to her seat and promised to sit with her until the movie started...but, yeah, my friend arrived and we realized that the whole row was made up of people from the same group and two had cancelled. Perfect! I stayed. Anyway,we watched large big screens that were set up broadcast the happenings on the red carpet...we saw Donald Trump, Fergie, Nicki Hilton, Jennifer Gardner, Bette Midler, Ashley (or MaryKate) Olson, Mario Cantone, Willie Garson, Chris Noth, Cynthia Nixon and Carrie..I mean Sarah Jessica arrive....then they hit the lights and the President of New Line Cinema game out. It was all a fundraiser for the Fund For Public Schools, so that crew came out and introduced their organization...then brought on the writer, and Executive Director...Michael Patrick King, who's assistant is the reason we were there. He introduced them all....they were all in the Audience...we saw them from a far...there were over 5000 there...then the girls came out...they are beautiful...gorgeous...all looked fantastic. Sarah spoke..and then ...we heard it..that familiar soundtrack...that voice..."My Name is Carrie Bradshaw"...goosebumps.

WE LOVED THE MOVIE. It was a fan's dream. No spoilers...but I have to say..we all know that Charlotte adopted a beautiful Chinese girl...Lily...seeing her...made us cry. ...there is one other significant goose bump thing about Charlotte's family...but I will leave it at that...I'll say it after it opens.

It's fun..we cried..we laughed..we cried again. I LOVED IT SO. Afterwards, we went back out as the place emptied...we ran into my old friend Mario Cantone, who of course plays the wedding planner..Lori screamed his name. He looked up and said like we were in the grocery store "Oh hi Wendi"...then we were inches from Jerry Seinfeld. Lori took several pictures, and I swear to you that he gave her the dirty eye.

It was a great night. I loved that my sister was with me. That was the best part of the night for me. She lost my umbrella and her shoes...but we had the bestest time....now go see the movie...so we can talk. My hair looked better it does HERE..it was humid out!

live from radio city

We are here...we waited over twe hours..made friends with the costume designers assistant and the security dudes who flirted with us. We got frr popcorn and vitamin water...the big news is our seats are great..but seperate!!! Oh well...we are sitting together now.. So far we see mario cantone...mary kate olsn..fergie...the guy with the long hair from e...more when we can..so excited and it all aboiut the shoes...

live from radio city

We are here...we waited over twe hours..made friends with the costume designers assistant and the security dudes who flirted with us. We got frr popcorn and vitamin water...the big news is our seats are great..but seperate!!! Oh well...we are sitting together now.. So far we see mario cantone...mary kate olsn..fergie...the guy with the long hair from e...more when we can..so excited and it all aboiut the shoes...

A few things

Hi all. Happy Memorial Day! Another kick-off to summer. This time, the weather is fanastic. Just came in from a long walk, and told my husband that no matter how many times I might say I want to move, I really don't. It's so pretty here. We live on the river, nestled in little inlets. Yes, it's also true that I leave a few miles from the Lincoln Tunnel. And the City.
But for a minute, you forget, you look around and see the river, the paths, the pool, the park, the tennis court and you think you are miles away on vacation. I am very grateful for that. Oh is Lia-Rose going to love it here! Joe always says it will be so safe for her to play and for us to take strolls along the paths. Needless to say, I can't wait.

We had a very nice weekend filled with family, friends and food. My folks just left and we spent two days together. Yesterday we went to Ellis Island, which was certainly adventure. Very emotional to think that so many people came through those doors. In fact, many of my family.



We had two great dinners...one night in the City with our friend Gary and last night our friends Chris and Tim joined us. We are stuffed. For some reason, when we all get together, we eat!




And, a happy happy birthday to the sweetest friend around...my little KJO!!! She been such a great great friend. Through so many big things in my life. I love her and wish her the happiest day. I LOVE YOU LITTLE KJO!

Oh, is there anything else to talk about...not really sure...hmmm, let me think...oh yeah, I am going to a small little thing tomorrow...I AM GOING! Lori and I are set to get on that red carpet and join Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte...I'm wearing understated City Chic...I think I made that up..a really trendy Anne Klein suit with very high strappy sandals...not over done...but I will feel perfect. And, no spoilers here..we won't talk much about the movie beyond what is out there publically. So no need to worry. Did I mention, so excited!!!!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend. So life hits you hard sometime. We have all seen that with some recent events. I too, face a few minor bleeps..but all will be fine. I have my husband, my parents, my sister and my friends...both old and NEW ...who are there for me. Thank you. And when all else fails, just looking at one special face in this picture just makes me feel o'k!

What a tragedy

So much bad news lately that really hits the Chinese adoption community hard. Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife have been huge proponents for Chinese adoption. They adopted three girls from China. Last night this little girl, Maria was accidently killed in her own driveway. Horribly sad. I feel so badly for this family....I know the whole adoption community is thinking about them today.

And the dream shall never die

A few weeks ago I blogged about "My Mother and the Senator". I was so proud that my mom was honored by Senator Kennedy at a recent political event. In 1980 my mother was a delegate for him and proudly supported him at that year's convention...I still hear her shouting " We Want Ted."

Fast forward to 2008 and my mom shows up at a Rally with a dozen Kennedy for President buttons on her and the Senator, well, he got a big kick out of it and of her.

Yesterday when I heard the news about his cancer, I felt so sad. Especially for my mother. I knew how upset she would be.

Whether you agree with him or not, the Senator is a fighter. He is to be admired for all the hard work he has done and the changes he has battled to see happen.


I am so happy that my mother has this special memory with him. Here's to you Ted!

Sex, the City, Lori and Wendi

Newsflash..more to come...I am going to the Sex and the City Premiere with my sister!!!! Yes...the f'ing PREMIERE! We both are freaking out!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! We were screaming so much that my brother-in-law thought we got our referral!



See Lori's blog to see what a little Photoshop and a lot of imagination looks like. (Especially Susan!)

Sweet 13

She sparkles when she talks.

When she makes a point, SHE MAKES A POINT!
She is funny and serious at the same time.

She is warm and cuddly.

She is beautiful on the outside and inside.

She never hestitates to point out when her Aunt Wendi says something stupid.

She is fantastic at anything to do with computers and the internet.

She is very talented and has a beautiful singing voice.

She studied so hard for her Bat Mitzvah and made us all proud.

She is caring and concerned about her friends and family.


She is a great sister.


She is a fantastic niece.


She is my Sydney, and she is 13 years old today.

Dearest Syd, don't grow up to fast. Other 13 year olds I have known suddenly are too cool for me. So, even though you are really really cool, remember, I think I am cool.

I love you so much my Syd, CeCe, Sydney. You are my heart. Happy 13th Birthday!!!!

(PS This is what you get for taking a 100 pics on my computer!!! I love you Ce!)

Happy Birthday Da Bro

I am so lucky and blessed to have the greatest brother in law in the world….he is a wonderful father, husband, and friend. A great friend, a fabulous man!

Happy Birthday to you dear Gregg!

Thanks for putting up with us for all these years!!!!

 

Love, Wendi and of course Joe

Grief

I post this photo on my blog because it haunts me. For so many reasons. The parents grief, the baby that lies in their arms.I can't get my mind off of this picture. It is in today's NY TIMES, on the front page. I cried when I first saw it.

I post it to keep it here for Lia-Rose to see. Your country is in crisis. Families like your birth family are torn apart. I mourn for them. I think of you my dear daughter to be. You are in my heart today, as always.

Hundreds of miles away, yet deeply in our hearts.

A powerful earthquake today killed at least 107 people in central China, state run media reported. The quake also buried nearly 900 students, according to the Xinhua news agency. The report had no other details on the fate of the children. developing story From CNN.com

Wow...what a world. My heart is aching tonight. Our babies. Did they feel the tremors? Did someone hold them? Did they survive? It's so scary. 10,000 dead. 10,000 injured. The massive tremor was felt hundreds of miles away. My Agency has families there ....I have been communicating with one of them. Received an email yesterday in fact. They are o'k. 900 teenage girls buried. This was the strongest quake that China ever felt. China has been very open about scope of this quake, which is different then they were years ago during their last quake. No word on the pandas. 80% of the world's Pandas are there. Families sleeping outside. Usually when far away event occur, you listen. You feel bad. This is different. Our babies are there. My Lia-Rose. My friends Paul and Denise, their recent referral, Olivia. I pray someone was holding her if she felt the quake. Up and down the roads people are sleeping outside. Anxiety abounds. My China family. The family that gave life to Lia-Rose, I pray you are all o'k.

My last Mother’s Day as a Waiting Mother

This is it. I have to believe it. And so it will be!

And in the meantime, to my mother, I love you.

To my sister, you inspire me.

To my Ann Marie, Susan, Stephanie, Jocelyn and Alysa, Happy First Mother's Day. I wish you a wonderful memory filled day.

To Daniella enjoy Joseph…next year Mimi will be there.

To Anonnie, she is almost there.

To anyone else I missed, I wish you a wonderful day.

 

Join with me to celebrate Mother's Day

So I figured out how I am celebrating my Mother's Day this year....bY helping raise awareness that being an Adoptive Mother is exactly the same as having your baby biologically. Thank you to Ann Marie who pointed the fact that NBC is running a promotion Americas Favorite Mom sponsored by Teleflora. One of the categories was NON-MOM-The definition Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody. Yes, you have read correctly, a NON MOM. Plus, Adoptive Moms have been put in the same category as Grandmom and stepmom....isn't a MOM A MOM?

Anyway, thanks to Ann Marie, they have changed the name...and if you go to the site, they indicate this...NON MOM to "Adopting Mom" Lovely, right. Just adds more salt to the wound. This new category is an insult to adoptive parents, children, siblings, adoption agencies,advocates and anyone at all who is touched by the process. This is the year 2008 people...what kind of stupid jerk created the category name "NON MOM". And to top it off...it has already ran on NBC as NON MOM. They ran all the nominees last week. The big show...and the category change from NON to Adopting will run tomorrow night.

We need to use this opportunity to spell out the NBC, TELEFLORAL and the World.......ADOPTIVE OR BIOLOGICAL MOMS...are that...they are MOMS. This category is absolutely insulting to millions of families. Matt, Meredith, Ann, Al, Donnie and Marie...you need to become aware of this and help us get this message across.

NBC, I demand you make a statement about this. This is unacceptable. Take this opportunity to talk about adoption ...but do not categorize adoptive families as being different. A mother's love is a mother's love. Whether my child comes through me or to me....she is mine. She is love.


There's a campaign going on...and I stole this information from another blog:

A phone number to call and complain (1-800-Teleflora - 1-800-225-7435) and this information if you want to write a complaint-AFM TV LLC
11444 W. Olympic Blvd., 10th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90064
Attn: Chief Legal Officer
Fax: (310) 966-5758

People are emailing the Today Show - Today@NBCUNI.com and some are even emailing Donnie and Marie to send complaints. Someone called this number 212-664-4249 and got a live person to complain to (whom she said agreed with her).

Sex and the City: Alternate Ending 1 (HBO)

So, not that there are not more important things going on in the world. But, I think, in moments of pure stress, I remember, that THE movie is coming out soon and I get really really happy. I can't wait...so I was fiddling about on Youtube, by the way who fiddles about? Any way, I was playing around and found this. It's an alternate ending to the series. But, I guess seeing this,and seeing Charlotte...and thinking of what we are all going through. It made me cry. I love it. Not that Carrie might have married the Russian...but the Charlotte part. Which was in the actual ending, but seeing it now...really hit home.

Anyway....the big news is, I know who Anonnie is (wink).

KJo, I know you are about to email me to ask who! My lips are sealed ....

Welcome Olivia

As I mentioned a few posts back, friends that we met through this process finally received their referral. Their wonderful daughter is now almost home! Pictures posted here! How great to have back to back posts with my friend's babies!

By the way...last night my hubby said he dreamt we were in London. We were walking and I was coming around a corner with a pram and a beautiful Chinese baby in it! I love that he is dreaming of her too!

Mazel Tov and Welcome Home to Miles

Stop by and see my friend Stephanie's handsome new addition! Go here!

Am I wrong?

I have been reading a ton of blogs lately, some with log in's right before me, others several months after...so many of you are shopping and preparing. Painting the nursery, buying clothes and making plans. Family members are giving gifts and helping with the planning. I have to tell you, aside from a few outfits and books, nothing happening here. I have mentioned before that as Jews it is not customary to begin bringing things into the house until the baby is born, but regardless of that, I am not compelled to do more right now. Is that being negative. Should I be doing more? I feel so badly and worried that even though thus is one hell of a long pregnancy, I will one day be completely unprepared. But regardless, the optimisim I read on the blogs that are activily preparing is so wonderful. I want to feel that way too....u believe. I need to again.

Yeah...someone I know got a referral!

Thank god! Finally. Our friends P&D are proud parents today! They received a referral! They were sort of a benchmark for a few of us. We actually had several get togethers with them...counting down the days. They waited approximately about 27 months for referral. A one year old baby is going to be in their arms soon....we hope!

For my birthday I got a check and giftcard ...I spent the money wisely and bought this painting
....from an auction for Love Without Boundries...all money raised goes to Orphans in China. If you notice, in the corner a piece of paper. It's actually from a Fortune cookie I just opened...it says "your plans will succeed".