The matches

Yeah, more referrals were made today! The referrals were for families logged in August 26, 2005 thru September 8, 2005. As you can see that is about 15 months. For those outside of adoption community, in the past, the matches would cover an entire month, say all of September. For the last year or so, it's been these partial matches, thus the slow down. There seems to be matches on average of every 29 days...sometimes less, sometimes more. We have to hope that there is a bit of pick up over the next few months. This morning I was very angry when I saw the small group that was matched. There had been rumor that all of September would go, but not the case this time around. I started feeling incredibly sorry for myself. Here I am a 45 year old (young) woman, trying to become a mommy for the longest time....and "it's just my luck" that the referrals are just dragging on...oh poor Wendi...boo hoo hoo. I was angry, frustrated, mad at the entire world. Then suddenly, like someone smacked me from above, I realized, Wendi this is so not about you. It's about the babies in the orphanages all over China. The little lost souls, waiting to be found by their forever family. As sad as it is for me, with this long wait, it's sadder for these children. Suddenly my anger and frustration disappeared, my sadness remained, but a peacefulness overcame me as I realized that Joe and I are doing something to make a difference in someone's life. It is not at all easy this wait. In fact, it's so unbelivably hard for me. It's absolutely a roller coaster ride. But, my god, at the end of this long ride, I keep the faith that the most amazing and miraculous blessing will come into our life. Our entire family will be so blessed.

Grandmom and Granddad

These are my parents, Joyce and Aaron. Aren't they cute? I don't know about you, but my mother calls me two, maybe three times a day! It's funny, she will call my office phone in the morning..if I don't answer there, she will call my cell, if I don't answer there, she will call my home phone. Since I am always at work and not home, by this point she starts paniking that somthing is wrong and she will then call my sister and ask her if she has heard from me. (I know by the way my mom is going to read this and say that I am full of dog doo, but this actually happened) My dad, well, I gave him a cell phone last Hanukah and now he calls me about once a day too! "Wendi, it's your father, call me." Click.(And by the way, I admit, if my parents, sister or husband don't answer their phones, I tend to think that something awful happened to them as well :) ) My sister and I were chatting yesterday. My parents happen to be away right now on a 10 day cruise in the Caribbean. Lori and I were both saying that we really miss them!!!! In fact, with all that is going on right now with Joe, the adoption stress and everything, I really need my mommy and daddy to talk to! Lori agreed...we missed them! But not to worry, my parents found a way to call us both...me twice today....from the ship! God bless them....they are adorable and I love them with all my heart. Now have fun on your cruise, and come home soon!!! I miss you!!! And when Lia comes, they are going to absolutely eat her up!!! They love their grandchildren!!!

One month down

I just realized that we are one month since our LID....I guess we can say, honestly 12 to 13 more to go...but we do have one behind us. And two since DTC. I just have to hold on to the thought that time will go quicky, and when I start feeling anxious about the wait remember how much time has actually passed. There should be a stack of referrals coming this week, and rumor has it it could be a large batch. I will hold the hope that this is true.

Joe is home from the hospital now. We ended up spending two nights in a hotel as our heater broke! I was concerned that the house was to cold, and in combination with the steps he had to climb to get in here, this worked out as the best option. He slowly walked up the steps to get in here, and I am quite sure that each day will be easier.

No new news on my Auntie. It's her 88th birthday today and I just send her so much love and prayers. I spoke to her daughter last nite to check in with her. She told me how much her mother loved me. I know that we both hold special places in our hearts for each other. God willing she will pull through and be there next year when Lia comes home.

A heavy heart

As I write this post, one of my most favorite and beloved relatives is sick in a hospital. She has always been so special to me. Right now, she is "giving up". She physically is ailing but not in a way that should make her as sick as she is right now. The doctors can't explain it and are only saying that this is what happens to people when they get older. Please Auntie...don't give up. You are so special and so loved by so many. I wish I could be there to tell you this in person, but I can't right now, as I have to take care of Joe....but I need you know how much you are loved by me and by our entire family. You have always been like a great piece of birthday cake to me.....a sunny day after many rainy ones.....a blanket on a warm bed. You are my Aunt Reeva. You have lit up my life and my heart since I was just a young girl...and when I became an adult, we shared so many fun times. I spoke to you two weeks ago and you asked me when my baby was coming....I told you that she wouldn't be here for at least a year. Please know how much I want you to meet our new angel. You will always be a part of my life and my baby's....please stick around so she can feel your warmth as I always have..do not give up the fight! We love you way to much.

A Chinese Orphanage

This is a video of filming inside of a Chinese Orphanage. Can you believe this is how Lia Rose maybe living right now.....oh baby, we will be there soon. Mommy, Daddy, Adam, Annie, Grandmom, Grandad, God Grandad Mikey and God Grandmom Dorothy, Auntie Lori, Uncle Greg, Hayley, Cece, Addie and Molly!

Daddy gonna walk soon

Oh poor Joe, he is in alot of day after surgery pain...but all to be expected. As I write this at 10pm on Thanksgiving nite, I sure am hoping he is getting some sleep. It's really hard to see the one you love in so much pain. At one point, I actually cried to one of the nurses. It really broke my heart. I just wanted to put myself into the bed and be the one in pain. When I left tonite he was feeling a bunch better, so hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for him to really get walking. Next to him in the room is an old man, about 83. He has been in the hospital for four weeks...once he learned that Joe and I would listen, he wouldn't shut up! But, I was glad we were there for him. He seemed so lonely and it was good to be able to just lend your ear and realize what a difference that might mean to someone. We told him about our upcoming baby adoption and he asked "Why not in America"...(us China adoptive moms and dads hate that question) I looked him in the eye and simply said, because that is where my daughter is. He said to me....I get it! By the way, I have to make a huge admission to my sister, my nieces and Kristen Johanson...I ate a piece of low fat, pumpking pudding pie tonite! It's a holiday!!!! I just said on the this blog that I wasn't going to eat sweets, and I did!!! O'k, I start a gain tomorrow....my friend Daria who lives around the corner from invited me to some turkey and stuffing tonite...on my way home from the hospital, I didn't feel like being alone and joined her family...and indulged!!! I needed it. Happy Thanksgiving to you all....(By the way, the Rumor Queen website www.chinaadopttalk.com is reporting referrals next week! And they may refer a huge batch.....this is very good reason to be thankful!

Thanksgiving thanks to Dr. Unis

Yeah!!! Joe's hip surgery was a success. He was able to receive a minimally invasive procedure that our doctor does. It will save him hopefully weeks of recovery. We had a long day at the hospital but when I left him he was drowsy and had already walked today. Tomorrow, instead of Turkey we will be walking the halls of St. Lukes helping him become stronger... the pain should start to subside....Joe is ready to be the "old Joe" again. Can you imagine how it must feel to be in such pain that you have start loosing perspective on what is is like to feel good? To be limited in your activity level. A huge thank god that we were able to have this procedure done. I hope it changes his life for the better.....in other news, it's my darling parents 47th Wedding Anniversary! Happy happy Anniversary Grandmom and Granddad.....

Chocolate or lack of

Time does seem to move quickly. I mean, I have a ways to go in this incredible wait, but it's almost one month since our Log In Date! So much of this process is behind me....it's really awesome to look at it that way. I have decided to set up some goals for myself during this waiting period. I am absolutely not going to go crazy and buy baby clothes and furniture. I just can't do it. And like I mentioned earlier in this blog, in my Jewish upbringing that is a no no anyway. However, that doesn't mean that if I see something really really special that I won't pick it up....I will and then hide it! (smile)
Some of the things I am intend to do are:

Get myself into a good, not break the habit, habit of working out each day. By working out I do mean some sort of cardio activity. Perhaps it's not a heavy duty workout at the gym, but at least 30 minutes of walking. In fact, my friend/neighbor Simone and I have begun walking early in the morning. This morning we were out at 5am, yes, 5am. I had to go to sleep last nite at 8pm to do so, but it felt good this morning. I think it's important for me to get into this habit now, so that when Lia arrives I have some good patterns set up. Also, I want to be as healthy as possible and energetic when she gets here, so exercise is absolutely essentially.

I have also decided to give up sweets...I am talking about cookies, cakes, pies, chocolate and ice cream...until she gets here. I know, I am crazy, but first off, it's a good way to lose some weight, but secondly, it will give me something to focus on rather then the craziness of focusing on the long weight, I mean wait (freudian? )...I'll focus on will power and being strong and not breaking to eat that delicious piece of apple pie with brown sugar and ice cream...yikes!!! Can I really do this? I have to admit, that I might from time to time have a Weight Watchers treat...but they don't count! I know, I am absurd, that's just me

And most importantly, I want to find my niche professionally that I'll be able to continue to earn a nice income, with the benefit of some time working from home so I can take care of my daughter (more on this topic later)

Anyway, enough for now. Joe is upstairs sleeping. He is nervous about surgery, so I am letting him rest. I can't wait till he feels good again! So much to look forward to.

Blogger is acting up

Hi all. It's been awhile since I posted, but I have been having Blogger issues.
Not much to report on the adoption front. It's the wait...the cool thing is we are very close to being one month closer to Lia....although, not sure how many more months to go.
Joe's surgery is this coming Wednesday. I must tell you, the guy has been in so much pain. It's unbelievable actually how he has put up with it. I think he just came to the point where he couldn't stand it anymore. Plus, we have so much in life to look forward to, and it's important that he can enjoy life to the fullest. The surgery is the day before Thanksgiving, and then we will spend the Thanksgiving weekend at the hospital. I'm optimistic, that all will go well, and he will be bouncing back before we know it. On December 16, my stepkids will arrive. That is something we have both been looking forward to for so long. We will tell them about Lia. I can't wait...it's the news we both have been waiting to share. I am hopeful they will be as excited about it as I want them to be. Anyway, more later....

The blessing that is Sydney

I haven't been blogging over the past few days because I was preoccuppied with family. My sister, her hubby and the girls came in and we had a great time. It was also great way to stay off the computer and not obsess about the adoption or Joe's surgery....Lori and crew left on Saturday morning, but I got to "kidnap" my niece Sydney for the nite. Sydney is 11 1/2 and this was the first time we had just "Wendi and Sydney" time. She usually is stuck with one of her sisters, or just didnt' want to be a part from them. This time was just for us! However, Sydney spent the last 24 hours "teaching" me the top things that I need to know about motherhood and being a mommy to my daughter, Lia...I will share with you, this were pretty much all direct quotes from her (smile)

1. Never hug her in person in the middle of Garden State Plaza
2. Never kiss her cheek or head in public places
3. Take her to the Bagel Buffet
4. Buy her clothes from Abercrombie and Finch never at Walmart
5. Make sure her hair is a bob cut when she is around five, then it should be long from 10 on
6. Make sure that I brush her hair for her when she asks
7. Let her have bubble baths every nite in our big jacuzzi style bathtub
8. Do not under any circumstances share with anyone in public that she is cute or that she made the cheerleading squad
9. Do not hold her hand unless it's a matter of safety
10. DO NOT ever speak Yiddish in public or sing or dance! (No Gut ta nus!)

I am telling you, I learned alot this weekend! And last nite, when Sydney asked me to sleep with her and snuggle. She let me wrap my arms around her and she said, "Wendi you are going to be the best mommy in the world!"

Nasty mommy

O'k, I admit it. I am a foul mood. Yes, there is a ton of things going on in my life....too many too mention, but adding to that is the fact that my hormones are complety out of wack. I am a 45 1/2 year old woman.....so my guess is that my PMS is coupled with Pre Menopause, so as you can imagine it "ain't' great. In fact, it's pretty terrible. And it's been going on for days...in fact fourteen of them!!! Don't ask, but it seems like it is never going to end. So I admit...I have limited will power.....forget counting Weight Watchers points...I want to count how bags of popcorn are left. Additionally, I get mad at the smallest things....think everyone hates me...wonder if I am ever going to see my baby and from time to time, I think the world is crazy and I am the only sane one! There is this woman who rides the bus with me and every morning she seats next to her friend. And, imagine it's 7am, your still half asleep, you just want to relax and you hear constant chatter about ridiculous things! I wanted to physically bunch her in the fact this morning!!! That would be great...an adoptive mommy to be on charges of physical assault....g-d, forgive me...I am a Premenopusal, pre-menstrual mother to be!!!

The movie the cook and the blog

Joe and I had a great day today. He works a lot of weekends, but today we had a chance to just be together. Of course, tomorrow he is working, but today it was just nice to hang out with him.

We saw a funny, hysterical, not for the children movie (Borak) and then believe or not I made dinner. I say believe it or not because I am not known for my cooking, but I did make a lovely salad, my sister's greek salad recipe, pasta and veggies. Including homemade tomato sauce. When my step kids are here for the holidays I promise myself to cook more. Plus when Joe is recovering from the hip replacement, he deserves some good cooking....maybe we should order out after all! Oy! I have to become somewhat more domestic especially by next fall, when Lia day is approaching.

I changed the look of this blog tonite. I feel that it symbolizes the next stage in this process...who am I kidding, I was bored and playing around with templates....what do you think? Notice the counter on the bottom, that will track are Log In Date to referral. I can't wait till it says 300 days...hopefully the referral will be just around the corner. I am also adding some links to some of my favorite blogs. Make sure to check them. It does get addicting.

Some of the other loves of my life

For anyone that knows me well, you know that I adore my nieces. They are growing up quickly, right before my eyes! I am so proud of them all! I just want to congratulate my nieces Hayley and Sydney who made their middle school cheerleading team. Here's a conversation I had with Halzz when she told me. "Wow, that is great that you made the team Hayley, but can I be honest with you? " I asked. "Sure', she replied. I went on, "I never thought of you as a cheerleading type, more of the athletic type." (Hayley plays soccer, softball and other assorted jocky sports). "Yeah," she replied, "But Wendi, cheerleading is not what it used to be in the olden days." "Oh really", I answered. "Yes", Hayley continued, "It's evolved!" Here's a photo from Halloween! That's Sam on the left my "step niece", Sydney, Hayley and Little Addie as Dorthy.

Half way through

I started realizing today that we are really half way through this journey. I can't really believe how far we have come. I don't think a year ago at this time I realized that this would happen. Not at all, in fact.I was actually thinking that motherhood was never in the picture. There was this big huge hole inside of me that not a thing could fill. I was with my friend Kristen Johanson tonite. We had a few drinks to celebrate her new job and my LID date. I told her that there is no doubt in my mind that I was meant to have this baby this very way. There was some discussion on some message boards today that some felt it wasn't right to tell their adopted child that "they were meant to come together this way." Those that felt this way explained that they thought this was cruel because this would mean that it was meant to be that these babies were left on on the streets and given up. I understand where they are coming from. But, things happen in our lives (good and bad) sometimes for us to get to the place where we are supposed to be. My baby and I are two souls that belong together. I look at it spirtually for that explanation. I truly believe that this is a purpose that I was destined for. I didn't care to see it before, but the fact that it feels so right confirms this for me. The same way that I met a stranger from another country and a year and a half later, I marry him, he is my soulmate...that is the same way I can explain this daughter of mine. Lia Rose may not be a "real" person right now, but in my heart she is as real as the baby sleeping in my neighbor's crib. It's real love that I am feeling, and however long it takes, she is the baby that was meant to be for me.

Congratulations to those who got referrals.

Today families logged in 8/10-8/25/05 got their babies!!! That marked a bit of increase in the numbers of referrals. I am looking at some of the babies now...they are wonderful!!! It's so exciting to be able to follow along with these parents as they meet their babies. Congraulations!My hubby's hip replacement surgery is set...November 22nd...my parent's annivesary. Looks like we will be eating turkey at the hospital this year! Next, closer to a referral!

LID

It's done, we are logged in officially 10/27/06. I've been celebrating so much along the way that no one outside of the adoption community really understands the significance of this. But this is the big one....basically, we are told that it is "about 14 months" from this date to referral. Let's hope the line speeds up...somewhere in China my file sits on the bottom of hundreds of others. And what is equally as strange is that there is a file of babies, and Lia Rose is one of them..today was an interesting day besides this huge news. My hubby is going to go ahead and get a hip replacement...in three weeks. O'k, if anyone knows me well, they know that I am the type of person that really plans things out, organizes and does tons of research. My hubby is basically one of those types that doesn't dwell...and once he makes up his mind, it's done. So, it's going to be an interesting four weeks before surgery. The good news is that he will feel better. My step kids will be here in six weeks, so he can relax with them and recover. It is the less invasive surgery, so the recovery is much quicker. He has really put up with the pain in this hip for far to long. It's our hope that when Lia Rose is here...he can keep up with her. Tonite was also my first "cyber shower"...a bunch of us in Yahoo DTC group got together, mailed each other gifts and then opened them tonite. I got my first gifts for Lia..three beautiful books which I read out loud and pretended to read to her. I know, I am nuts.