I just need an outlet

It's funny. I wasn't going to post how I feel. I mean express it to the general world. But I really need to. It's not quite the world, just this blog. And so few people have been reading it, it doesn't matter. I just need to get this off my chest. I am completely drained and depressed. First off, there is nothing worse then being told something is going to happen "anyday" and everynight you put the phone by your bed and you wake up all night going on line to see if you got the message. I finally found out yesterday...they can't say "anyday" now. Just have patience. This might not even be complete in April. Secondly, when you think all your paperwork and running around is done...ha ha...joke's on you. Again, I have to get some documents authenticated. At least this is for the American Embassay for exit, but still. I feel like someone is playing with my heart and emotions I am very very angry. My period is 14 days late...no chance on being pregnant...it's just stress...so my hormones are out of control. I am depressed. Anxious. Feeling really horrible. I am also extremely exhausted and burnt out. I want to feel better...to feel optimistic. Right now I don't.

A great idea

Hear me oh hear me great old Universe. Today, March 24, 2009 will be the very last time I post a "when will this happen" post on this blog. My next post here on out will contain all the fantastic information about our travel, bringing Ms. LTHR home and all that life will be when she is here. I am so freaking tired of this WAIT. ENOUGH. It's over...the days of wondering when are completed UNIVERSE. Lia is coming home NOW.

I am thinking postively and am ready to put this in motion and in action. Looking forward to finally saying the words....it is done!

Four weeks today

So the hearing was four weeks today. We are really in the homestretch here.
1. The couple right before us got their final decree this week.
2. I was told that the Orphanage Director has been in touch with the courts daily to push the decree through.
3. Lia's Nanny was told by my Orphanage Director to go get her passport picture taken.
4. Girls, I know we are really almost there. I am so excited.

She is really growing

Just received some recent photos from Taiwan. My baby is growing. I bought her those pants. When she wore them in November they were just touching her sneakers. Now, they are almost to her ankles. I love this photo. The bag in her hand is a big bag of Animal Crackers I had sent her. Her hair is also getting really long. I WANT MY BABY. Soon...it's happening very very soon. Oy vey!

The room is almost done!

Check it out! So proud and I love it!

http://sharing.theflip.com/session/cb1c35028e4056f9af7945743df6a27a/video/3436500



Also, here is a picture of our webchat tonight. The excel spread sheet you see how's a list of almost 100 chinese words that I have learned.

Final stages of labor?

From my neck to my feet I hurt. Every bone aches. My back is killing me. I sleep at night and wake up in pain. I carry alot around with me everyday...laptops, projectors, boxes filled with stuff for my workshops. I know that I lift to much at times. I think between that and my general state of anxiety right now, I'm knocked out. Really in pain.

It hurts more at the end. Right before you get to your goal. The final lap around the track. The final mile in a marathon. As you get closer, you know it's real and you know it's almost over, and you are just not quite there yet. It hurts. You push, you push, you just want to exhale but you aren't quite there yet. That is how I feel this morning. So almost there, but just not quite. And it does hurt. It's almost over. I can breathe soon. The watched pot doesn't boil. I need to stop thinking of this, but how can I? Soon soon. In the meantime, I'll take a tylenol and try to relax.

Thank you

My sister throw a beautiful shower for me on Sunday. I'll post some photos later. Thank you so much Lori. It was so perfect. It felt surreal and Lia-Rose got some beauitful gifts. Thanks to my parents as well for helping out. It was all overwhelming.

The furniture arrives tomorrow. The closet is filling up. I'm so anxious to get this decree that I feel sad. Lori said it best, I've been so used to waiting that sometimes it's hard for this to feel real.

I spoke to Dina my faciliator on Friday. She said, "anyday now!" My stomach is in nuts.

It will be here this week!!!! I am putting that out to the Universe. Here comes that decree!!!

Connection

Is this not both sad and amazing. But truly joyful. Lia's nanny wrote me and said that "Lia cried last night because she misses her mommy and daddy." It broke my heart yet filled me with joy to know that she knows us and misses us as much as we miss her. I will never ever not be there for you Lia. I'm so sorry that the distance and the judge is keeping me away from you. We will be together soon my baby. Soon.

Please decree

Dear decree, won't you come for me? I wait so anxiously. I love little Lia Tsz-Huei!

This is supposed to rhymne...so pronounce her name as Lia Tsz-HEEEE

But seriously...getting anxious, what else new? Soon...very very soon.

Pink and Brown

We painted the room today. Suddenly my little guest room is now a "Big Girl" room for LTHR! Here are the colors...I love it! Next week the furniture!




I am finally "nesting" and it feels great!