She just amazes me

In the past few weeks Lia-Rose has really become less of a baby and more of a little girl. It's just truly amazing how she is just blossoming, exploding with language, growing, learning and just loving life more and more. Sometimes when I look at her and she is quiet I wonder what she is thinking. She claims not to remember much of Taiwan. We ask her often. We talk about her Nanny and the family she has there. Not making it an issue. We want to make it just a natural piece of her life. I wonder if she remembers the neglect she suffered. The tears she must have cried as a baby. The times she ached for someone to hold her and no one came. It's a wonder that this child is as "together" as she really is. Now, Lia has her moments. Moments of sheer exhaustion for me and her. It usually happens when it's Lia, myself and someone else. (never without mommy in the room) She just wants attention. Craves it. She acts up. That's what this is about for her. Having limits. She never did. No one set them for her as a baby. For 2 1/2 years she had no limits. No structure, she was forced to survive and fight her way. Finding anyway to do it. When she acts up it's my job to show her the way. To set the limits and give her focus. She is doing well in school. She does great with her babysitter. It's just her mommy's attention and love that she fights for. I try to tell her that it's not necessary to fight for it. She has it. 100%. But in the meantime, we will work through those moments. Fill them with lots of hugs, and kisses and discipline. It is what she needs, craves and deserves.

I have missed you blog

Wow...seriously long time since I last posted. I completely forgot I had a blog. I loved my blog. I met so many friends through my blog and most importantly I documented my Lia's story on this blog. I just have not had one minute of free time since I brought that little girl into this country exactly one year ago today. Wow. One year she has been home with me. One year of sleeping next to the sweetest little girl (or shall I say falling asleep besides and then waking up in the middle of the night to sleep in my own bed) Facebook had been a great way of informing friends and family of Lia-isms. She is truly FUNNY. But, the whole story is no where to be found and I feel slightly guilty about that. So many mommy's are out there writing all down, I really don't want Lia being left out in the future. Should I make this private or public? I took of the private setting but in light of that will keep names to a minimum. I just don't want to show up in search engines.

So where do I start? Lia is truly incredible. She is very smart. Very beautiful. Huge huge huge personality. The love of my life. She is also extremely exhausting and with one year down in this mommy world I am in now I can honestly say, it didn't necessarily come naturally to me. I don't think I am that great of a mommy. I know I was a great Auntie..but a mommy, I am not sure. Sometimes I feel to tired to make dinner and we go out. Sometimes I don't feel like fighting her to brush her teeth. Sometimes I forget to give her a vitamin. I feel so guilty. It's a horrible thing. This weekend I was exhausted. What did we do. NOTHING. I felt guilty. But, I needed it. SOmetimes I eat her popcorn when she isn't looking. I am so bad. On the plus side, I sit with her everynight and read. No tv after 6:30. We take a warm bath and wash our hair and play games in the bathtub. We take walks outside when the weather is nice. I try to be there every morning to take her to school and every night to pick her up. I think about her all day and miss her about an hour after I leave her. I dream of her. I kiss her constantly and tell her she has made me the luckiest mommy alive. I love this child. I can't be perfect. I can't do it all. But I am trying