Occupancy in 2008

So it's the new year almost. The year 2007. Pretty unbelievable if u ask me. How does time go so quickly. This year will mark for me the last year that I am not with my daughter. It just hit me that this is the last year that I will ever have to wonder, what will it be like to be a mom. The last year, of dreaming of what it will feel like. The last year of feeling like something huge was missing from my heart. A year goes by quickly. In a blink of an eye it's another day. Today I was in Hoboken. A huge new hotel/condo is going up. I noticed it said, occupancy in 2008. I stood there and stared at that building. Watched the construction workers pass bricks to each other. The whole base of the building was just being completed. You could see the makings of a beautiful structure. I started looking at that building from the inside out. Like me, it was in the beginnings of something very extraordinary. Over the course of the next year, floors and ceilings would be added on. It would grow into the gorgeous structure that the designers envisioned. In 2008, it will be complete. ..a new building will be born. For me each month that passes, it's like another floor being added on to that building. I can watch it grow and change with each passing day. The more the days pass, the closer I will be to feeling complete. In 2008 I will be ready for occupancy.

Happy Hannukah!

May the miracles begin for us all!

Words from my mother

My mother posted this in my last entry's comment box, I hope she doesn't mind...but these are great words to share:

Joe is absolutely correct Wendi, stop, stop, stop looking for the negative.I've learned in life that the negative things you fear NEVER happen.It's just your imagination going wild. I think you have to pause and take a deep breath and just wait. Center your thoughts and emotions on the coming days and the arrival of the kids and the wonderful holiday time you are planning. Do not let unsubstantiated information and imaginings put a damper on your life right now.Your loving mom

A true rollercoaster ride

Ummm, this is really hard. This is a friggin roller coaster. I guess that whether this baby was inside me growing, or growing a zillion miles away, motherhood ain't easy. Not to get into to much detail...but today sucked. I was up and down with my emotions a zillion times. I have to tell you, it ain't fun. We received an email from the agency explaining the changes a bit more. They are true. The line that freaked me (and my buddies in my Group Rose and Audrey) is that the email ended with a statement something like "we will wait and see how these new rules effect waiting families." Yikes, effect us? What the heck! We all panicked, and thank goodness for my girls...all of them Susan, Marcia, Ann Maria.,Christine and the aforementioned Audrey and Rose.....we talked this thing out....how could we not be grandfathered in? Can we still get bumped? Ugh! I ended up calling the agency and spoke to one of the girls there. She explained that the history of rule changes has excluded the logged in families. O'k, this is good. She also said, that China's program has been very fair, and they aren't like, let say Russia, who change the rules at the drop of a hat. We are waiting for the final posting by the CCAA. But, I have faith, we will be o'k....and kudos to my husband, who told me to stop looking at this like the glass is half empty. We after all ...logged in. O'k so I'm going to say something...and make sure who ever you are, hold me to this. I think this is all about taking my attention off the increasingly long wait times...this baby isn't coming before '08...so, once I learn that my Dossier is still safe and sound...I will never and I mean this, never ever complain about the long wait. I may allude to it, or simply whisper it...but I won't dwell on it. I am just grateful for the chance to hold my daughter, my Lia Rose in my arms!!! Bring it on!

Panic stricken...not me

I continue to be completely neurotic that these rule changes are going to apply to us. My agency keeps saying that they assume it won't...but my god, you know what happens when you assume sometimes. I am keeping my heart open. My daughter is in China, and I'm going to bring her home in 12, 14, 16, 18 months!!! Anyway, enough of this "kvetching". Please watch this story...it is heartwarming! About two Chinese adoptees who found out they were twin sisters....just by coincidence. http://cbs2chicago.com/video/?id=21649@wbbm.dayport.com

The rules are a changing....

Well, it looks like the rules applying to Chinese adoption are really changing. It's pretty drastic in several of the categories. Fortunately, it seems as if we are o'k, but I'm still overwhelmed by the feeling that I am just really lucky. If for instance I had waited exactly one year to go paper chase, we would have been out of luck. Thank you dear god for allowing us this opportunity now. I am sorry to those this affects. My heart sincerely goes out to you. Hopefully, there is a good reason for this, and I pray that you find your daughter or son...they are out there! Now to find out exactly what the rules are...and how it may apply to us. If at all...not be selfish, but I have to be right now. I also read that the CCAA is saying that referrals right now are going to be at that 15 to 16 month mark..I swear I can take that...but hurry up 2008...I'm ready for my Lia!!!! A friend of mine Ann Marie (http://comeundone.typepad.com/come_undone/) who is also adopting, and come to find out is adopting from the same agency as me....claims to be a little "clairvoyant" and states that she believes my adoption will come thru quicker! O'k, girlie, you better be right!!!! And yours will be right behind me.....there is something so special about this process...I am bonding with the most amazing woman...Ann Marie and I have known each other professionally for years, and come to find out that we are both going through this process.....it's truly amazing...if our work emails could talk! Yikes....our companies would fire us both for the time we spend chatting about this process...but who cares, we need each other! There is also so many others...Marcia, Mary Beth (who I've only emailed with), Frances (who is also another email pal, who is about to get a referral, and I'm going to meet when she comes through NY), the girls Audrey and Rose from my LID group, the ladies in my DTC group, Chris, Susan- who is also my coaching pal....and so many more...I hope I didn't forget you! Oh and of course my mom and sister, who have shown me incredible support. My sister, is also addicted to reading the blogs now! It's the funniest thing....especially Shana's blog and the story of Sophie, Isabella and Oliver...check out link on the left...Waiting for Sophie! My sister wakes up each day and jumps on it...like it's a reality show!!! Anyway, my babbling is going on far to long. My step kids are arriving on Saturday! We can't wait...any suggestions on how to tell them the big news...it would be most appreciated!!!

Princess Addison

Princess Addison getting ready for Sammi's Bat Mitzvah! She is just the cutest little girl in the world!

Date is wrong

The last post should read: December 11, 2006, not sure how that happened

Boy this is rough

...but then I guess all good things are. It's been a rough weekend for me...first off, I was set to attend the Bat Mitzvah of my "niece" Samantha. Sam is actually a "BFF" of my niece(s) Hayley, Cece, and Addie....I'm her "Auntie Wendi". She is an incredible young lady, much more mature for her age then the average 13 year old. In fact, sometimes I forget she is only 13. Anyway, I got up at 7:30, showered, ran to to the hair dressers for a blow out..came home, make up on, dressed up and puked. We got in to the car to drive down to the party (it's about an hour and half from me) and I nearly passed out at the wheel. I looked at Joey he looked at me and we knew, there was no way we could go. I spent the next 14 hours in bed or in the bathroom (to much information, I know)...a headache that wouldn't quit. It's 4am Sunday, and I'm finally feeling human...slight headache still, but better. Sammi, I'm so sorry I wasn't there!!! Now on top of that ...there is just craziness arupting in the Chinese Adoption world....word was on Friday that a whole list of new rules will be implemented. Apparently there are more dossiers for parents then paper-ready babies. The rules aren't in effect until May '07-or so they say. It is so sad and personally frightening. To those of you reading, please understand, that right now nothing has been confirmed except that there are rule changes...here's what the guess is of what's coming-1. No singles! (Incredibly sad. There are so many fantastic families out there headed up by single moms! I just find this so sad. Also, what about gay couples. Many of these "single" mom families are in fact being raised in very loving gay families. I find this so heart breaking.) 2. Couples must be between the ages of 30-50. Even if one is under 50, you are counted out. (Gotta tell you, this is scary. First off, I have met the most amazing moms to be out there who are over 50. SOme are first time mommies others are adopting first time with second marriages....50 is the new 40! Come on! Secondly, this would rule Joe and I out! The word is that once again does not go into effect until May '07, but my god, truly scary, we would have been ineligible!) 3. If there were divorces in your relationships, you must now be currently married five years! (O'k, another one which would have counted us out...we have been together 3.5 years( married) and Joe was divorced...) 4. Families with more then five kids are no eligible (sorry, that one I get-sorry, if I offended anyone) 5. You must have a body weight of 40 BMI and under (weight discrimination?) 6. No history of depression or anxiety (come on now! who hasn't been. I admit to the world ...I have! What infertile woman hasn't! Who doesn't feel it when they are PMS????-no more comments on this one) 7. All must have high school or beyond diplomas 6 . I think it's a $80,000 in net assets. My heart is breaking for those it effects. I am praying it won't effect me, and I have to say that if the Rumors are true, it won't. How this effects the dossiers logged in prior to May '07. Perhaps some people will drop out voluntarily. Perhaps some won't submit. It is so sad. Though they say that there are less babies then waiting parents, what they mean is there are less paper-ready babies. There are thousands of kids now who will be left in the orphanages, for longer times. I know it's no ones fault. And I know the folks at the CCAA know what they are doing in the end...but, does it have to be this rough?

Some updated information

I emailed my agency director today to get her take on the whole waiting game here. I've posted some of the highlights....
Hi Wendy: Good hearing from you. I share your angst. We all wish there was more information to share, but unfortunately there just isn't much new. The process moves forward ever so slowly at the moment. My feeling is with the current longer waits, less people will apply and soon the waiting time will decrease because there are fewer dossier. Maybe this is just wishful thinking, but China has always had periods when the waits were unbearable but eventually it turns around because they delay the process and it discourages families from applying. I know alot of families that are looking into other options because they can't bear the length of time the process is currently taking in China. Do I thnk your wait will be 18 months, I certainly hope not, but I guess anything is possible. ..... so, not sure if this makes me feel better or worse....but I guess it's just knowing something that helps...

A Quick Note

Joey is feeling so much better today! Amen!!!!

Keep it up baby!

The matches

Yeah, more referrals were made today! The referrals were for families logged in August 26, 2005 thru September 8, 2005. As you can see that is about 15 months. For those outside of adoption community, in the past, the matches would cover an entire month, say all of September. For the last year or so, it's been these partial matches, thus the slow down. There seems to be matches on average of every 29 days...sometimes less, sometimes more. We have to hope that there is a bit of pick up over the next few months. This morning I was very angry when I saw the small group that was matched. There had been rumor that all of September would go, but not the case this time around. I started feeling incredibly sorry for myself. Here I am a 45 year old (young) woman, trying to become a mommy for the longest time....and "it's just my luck" that the referrals are just dragging on...oh poor Wendi...boo hoo hoo. I was angry, frustrated, mad at the entire world. Then suddenly, like someone smacked me from above, I realized, Wendi this is so not about you. It's about the babies in the orphanages all over China. The little lost souls, waiting to be found by their forever family. As sad as it is for me, with this long wait, it's sadder for these children. Suddenly my anger and frustration disappeared, my sadness remained, but a peacefulness overcame me as I realized that Joe and I are doing something to make a difference in someone's life. It is not at all easy this wait. In fact, it's so unbelivably hard for me. It's absolutely a roller coaster ride. But, my god, at the end of this long ride, I keep the faith that the most amazing and miraculous blessing will come into our life. Our entire family will be so blessed.

Grandmom and Granddad

These are my parents, Joyce and Aaron. Aren't they cute? I don't know about you, but my mother calls me two, maybe three times a day! It's funny, she will call my office phone in the morning..if I don't answer there, she will call my cell, if I don't answer there, she will call my home phone. Since I am always at work and not home, by this point she starts paniking that somthing is wrong and she will then call my sister and ask her if she has heard from me. (I know by the way my mom is going to read this and say that I am full of dog doo, but this actually happened) My dad, well, I gave him a cell phone last Hanukah and now he calls me about once a day too! "Wendi, it's your father, call me." Click.(And by the way, I admit, if my parents, sister or husband don't answer their phones, I tend to think that something awful happened to them as well :) ) My sister and I were chatting yesterday. My parents happen to be away right now on a 10 day cruise in the Caribbean. Lori and I were both saying that we really miss them!!!! In fact, with all that is going on right now with Joe, the adoption stress and everything, I really need my mommy and daddy to talk to! Lori agreed...we missed them! But not to worry, my parents found a way to call us both...me twice today....from the ship! God bless them....they are adorable and I love them with all my heart. Now have fun on your cruise, and come home soon!!! I miss you!!! And when Lia comes, they are going to absolutely eat her up!!! They love their grandchildren!!!

One month down

I just realized that we are one month since our LID....I guess we can say, honestly 12 to 13 more to go...but we do have one behind us. And two since DTC. I just have to hold on to the thought that time will go quicky, and when I start feeling anxious about the wait remember how much time has actually passed. There should be a stack of referrals coming this week, and rumor has it it could be a large batch. I will hold the hope that this is true.

Joe is home from the hospital now. We ended up spending two nights in a hotel as our heater broke! I was concerned that the house was to cold, and in combination with the steps he had to climb to get in here, this worked out as the best option. He slowly walked up the steps to get in here, and I am quite sure that each day will be easier.

No new news on my Auntie. It's her 88th birthday today and I just send her so much love and prayers. I spoke to her daughter last nite to check in with her. She told me how much her mother loved me. I know that we both hold special places in our hearts for each other. God willing she will pull through and be there next year when Lia comes home.

A heavy heart

As I write this post, one of my most favorite and beloved relatives is sick in a hospital. She has always been so special to me. Right now, she is "giving up". She physically is ailing but not in a way that should make her as sick as she is right now. The doctors can't explain it and are only saying that this is what happens to people when they get older. Please Auntie...don't give up. You are so special and so loved by so many. I wish I could be there to tell you this in person, but I can't right now, as I have to take care of Joe....but I need you know how much you are loved by me and by our entire family. You have always been like a great piece of birthday cake to me.....a sunny day after many rainy ones.....a blanket on a warm bed. You are my Aunt Reeva. You have lit up my life and my heart since I was just a young girl...and when I became an adult, we shared so many fun times. I spoke to you two weeks ago and you asked me when my baby was coming....I told you that she wouldn't be here for at least a year. Please know how much I want you to meet our new angel. You will always be a part of my life and my baby's....please stick around so she can feel your warmth as I always have..do not give up the fight! We love you way to much.

A Chinese Orphanage

This is a video of filming inside of a Chinese Orphanage. Can you believe this is how Lia Rose maybe living right now.....oh baby, we will be there soon. Mommy, Daddy, Adam, Annie, Grandmom, Grandad, God Grandad Mikey and God Grandmom Dorothy, Auntie Lori, Uncle Greg, Hayley, Cece, Addie and Molly!

Daddy gonna walk soon

Oh poor Joe, he is in alot of day after surgery pain...but all to be expected. As I write this at 10pm on Thanksgiving nite, I sure am hoping he is getting some sleep. It's really hard to see the one you love in so much pain. At one point, I actually cried to one of the nurses. It really broke my heart. I just wanted to put myself into the bed and be the one in pain. When I left tonite he was feeling a bunch better, so hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for him to really get walking. Next to him in the room is an old man, about 83. He has been in the hospital for four weeks...once he learned that Joe and I would listen, he wouldn't shut up! But, I was glad we were there for him. He seemed so lonely and it was good to be able to just lend your ear and realize what a difference that might mean to someone. We told him about our upcoming baby adoption and he asked "Why not in America"...(us China adoptive moms and dads hate that question) I looked him in the eye and simply said, because that is where my daughter is. He said to me....I get it! By the way, I have to make a huge admission to my sister, my nieces and Kristen Johanson...I ate a piece of low fat, pumpking pudding pie tonite! It's a holiday!!!! I just said on the this blog that I wasn't going to eat sweets, and I did!!! O'k, I start a gain tomorrow....my friend Daria who lives around the corner from invited me to some turkey and stuffing tonite...on my way home from the hospital, I didn't feel like being alone and joined her family...and indulged!!! I needed it. Happy Thanksgiving to you all....(By the way, the Rumor Queen website www.chinaadopttalk.com is reporting referrals next week! And they may refer a huge batch.....this is very good reason to be thankful!

Thanksgiving thanks to Dr. Unis

Yeah!!! Joe's hip surgery was a success. He was able to receive a minimally invasive procedure that our doctor does. It will save him hopefully weeks of recovery. We had a long day at the hospital but when I left him he was drowsy and had already walked today. Tomorrow, instead of Turkey we will be walking the halls of St. Lukes helping him become stronger... the pain should start to subside....Joe is ready to be the "old Joe" again. Can you imagine how it must feel to be in such pain that you have start loosing perspective on what is is like to feel good? To be limited in your activity level. A huge thank god that we were able to have this procedure done. I hope it changes his life for the better.....in other news, it's my darling parents 47th Wedding Anniversary! Happy happy Anniversary Grandmom and Granddad.....

Chocolate or lack of

Time does seem to move quickly. I mean, I have a ways to go in this incredible wait, but it's almost one month since our Log In Date! So much of this process is behind me....it's really awesome to look at it that way. I have decided to set up some goals for myself during this waiting period. I am absolutely not going to go crazy and buy baby clothes and furniture. I just can't do it. And like I mentioned earlier in this blog, in my Jewish upbringing that is a no no anyway. However, that doesn't mean that if I see something really really special that I won't pick it up....I will and then hide it! (smile)
Some of the things I am intend to do are:

Get myself into a good, not break the habit, habit of working out each day. By working out I do mean some sort of cardio activity. Perhaps it's not a heavy duty workout at the gym, but at least 30 minutes of walking. In fact, my friend/neighbor Simone and I have begun walking early in the morning. This morning we were out at 5am, yes, 5am. I had to go to sleep last nite at 8pm to do so, but it felt good this morning. I think it's important for me to get into this habit now, so that when Lia arrives I have some good patterns set up. Also, I want to be as healthy as possible and energetic when she gets here, so exercise is absolutely essentially.

I have also decided to give up sweets...I am talking about cookies, cakes, pies, chocolate and ice cream...until she gets here. I know, I am crazy, but first off, it's a good way to lose some weight, but secondly, it will give me something to focus on rather then the craziness of focusing on the long weight, I mean wait (freudian? )...I'll focus on will power and being strong and not breaking to eat that delicious piece of apple pie with brown sugar and ice cream...yikes!!! Can I really do this? I have to admit, that I might from time to time have a Weight Watchers treat...but they don't count! I know, I am absurd, that's just me

And most importantly, I want to find my niche professionally that I'll be able to continue to earn a nice income, with the benefit of some time working from home so I can take care of my daughter (more on this topic later)

Anyway, enough for now. Joe is upstairs sleeping. He is nervous about surgery, so I am letting him rest. I can't wait till he feels good again! So much to look forward to.

Blogger is acting up

Hi all. It's been awhile since I posted, but I have been having Blogger issues.
Not much to report on the adoption front. It's the wait...the cool thing is we are very close to being one month closer to Lia....although, not sure how many more months to go.
Joe's surgery is this coming Wednesday. I must tell you, the guy has been in so much pain. It's unbelievable actually how he has put up with it. I think he just came to the point where he couldn't stand it anymore. Plus, we have so much in life to look forward to, and it's important that he can enjoy life to the fullest. The surgery is the day before Thanksgiving, and then we will spend the Thanksgiving weekend at the hospital. I'm optimistic, that all will go well, and he will be bouncing back before we know it. On December 16, my stepkids will arrive. That is something we have both been looking forward to for so long. We will tell them about Lia. I can't wait...it's the news we both have been waiting to share. I am hopeful they will be as excited about it as I want them to be. Anyway, more later....