A great idea

I received this email and I think this is an amazing idea. Mom's Day for me will be filled with mixed emotions....knowing that all of us Waiting Mom's are together feeling the same way is very reassuring....let's pray for our babies and their birth mom's in China.

The Jan. DTC group is taking a few minutes on Sunday to pause and think about each other. To think about where we have been as a group where we are going. To think of each other as we wait to be parents to our children. We will also be praying/thinking about our children, as we believe that they have been born or are growing in their birth mothers wombs. We will say a special prayer for our children's birth mothers and for the sacrifice they are making to make our dreams come true. If you are interested in participating we are going to do this at 12pm Eastern time.We all think it will be nice to know that at that moment we are not alone in our sadness of not having our children in our arms this year for Mothers day. We think it will be nice to know that so many loving thoughts will be sent to China for our children and their birth mothers.I hope you all will join us and please pass the word on to other DTC groups you may belong to.

In my dreams

I dreamt I got my referral! A eight month baby girl named Macey....and that's the way it was spelled. I saw her photo, she was beautiful. After I got her she turned into a 16 year old gay japanese teenage boy....not sure what that means...he was a great son though! By the way, the debate continues on my post below....read the comments .....

A heated debate

Last nite I had a heated debate with a friend. In fact, she is probably expecting this post this morning....I think she egged me on to get a little action on the blog, but that is another story. We were discussing the fact that a friend of hers is very young unmarried and pregnant. I said it kinda of would pissed me off, She replied, you are just jealous of her and u shouldn't be pissed off at her. I said no, I am pissed off. I am not jealous of this young woman...however, I am pissed off at the situation. Our discussion went on like this for a bit. My friend, believes that when I say I am pissed off, it means I am jealous. She believes that if I am not saying I am jealous because it doesn't sound good. I disagree. Because to me being angry at a situation and jealous are completely different. I am not jealous at all at this person. I feel badly for her in fact. I am just pissed off at the situation. Plain and simple. I am over it. I am not wallowing in anger. If I was jealous, to me that is a completely different feeling. It hurts more. It's deeper. And it last longer. It's more personal. Being pissed off is an immediate reaction for me. Something that I don't linger on. It just one of those things. does anyone get what I am saying?

Every little thing helps!

American Consulate General #1 Shamian South Street

Guangzhou, China 510133

Wendi xxoxxoox-xoxoxoxo

Joseph xoxoxoxo

Dear xoxooxxo, Wendi Gail

Congratulations! the U.S Citizen and Immgration Services recently notified US Consulate Guangzhou that the Department of Homeland Security has approved your petition to adopt an overseas orphan. You must now wait for the China Center of Adoption Affairs to send your agency a referral.....(no shit!)

But the bottom line is...we got our BROWN ENVELOPE today. It's cool only because it's something. It has a whole lot of forms and directions as to what we do when we are there and where everything is. Lia-Rose's medical form to fill out. It's just cool...because, it is one more way to make this feel REAL. Some people don't even get a BROWN ENVELOPE. But we did, and I'm thrilled! (Addendum to the above: I just called my sister to tell her about the BROWN ENVELOPE) Addie answered the phone. I said I have something to tell her mom and needed to talk to her. Addie said she was asleep and I should tell her so she could tell her mom. I said, o'k, tell your mom that I got a BROWN ENVELOPE from China with directions about what I do when I get Lia. She screamed "Mom, Wendi got an envelope about Lia." She then turned to me and asked..."Is she a boy or a girl!"....that's my Addie!

Addie-isms

From my sister: Addie just turned on Sagwa Addie said, I like to watch this because it reminds me that Aunt Wendi is adopting a baby from China.

Babies and mansions

This weekend I did a solo trip to Newport, Rhode Island. Joe is working crazy hours, and gave me the blessing to take the road trip to visit with my friend and work collegue Kathi. Kathi is one of those incredible women. In fact, probably one of the most incredible women I know. She has three beautiful little boys -a five year old and twin one year old boys as well as an incredible career. She started her own very successful Coaching/Training and Consultant firm and she is truly someone I have always looked up to. She was my first coach and inspired me to study coaching. She still continues to inspire me and I just watch her as she handles an incredible home (not the one above), raising incredible babies and an incredible career. I want to be like her!!!! Today I left them, and made my way into the Mansion above. It's the Chateau-su-Mer. A very lavish Victorian style home. Aside from the fact that the family were Republicans (yuck), the home was rather fantastic. Old Italian carvings, deep rich colors, huge rooms and over the top furnishings. Rather interesting and a great way to go back in time. And being with those babies was a great way to look into my future. I couldn't put them down. Watching them I couldn't help but think that one day they will be playing with Lia-Rose. Who knows, maybe way a head in the future they will be dating Lia-Rose :)...but now I jump to far. It was fun being with them....and I loved changing their diapers, smelling their sweet heads, and kissing them all over. A nice way to spend the weekend....

6000

Wow...six months in and over 6000 hits on this page. Granted about 5790 of them are probably me and my sister Lori.....probably "my friend Susan", Ann Marie and I am sure Alysa are good for a few of them...BUT THANK YOU FOR READING MY WORDS....it makes me feel wonderful to know that you are supporting me thru this journey by visiting my blog.....

On my soap box...can't help it

Lately my mind is just in high gear. I can’t stop thinking and each time I think an important thought, or have an “aha” moment, I remember that I must blog about it and put it down. Last nite I said to Joe that I really feel empowered. I feel everyday that with everything I am doing and thinking I am advocating for my child. I never realized I would be one of those over-active mothers, involved in trying to save the world for their child. I mean, I know that I’ll be a good and loving mother, but there is a fire in me right now. I just want to make sure that everything is as good as it can be for this little girl, this innocent baby who will need me to fight for her and raise the bar on my life like never before. I mean she isn’t even with me yet. She quite possibly isn’t even alive yet. But something inside of me just wants to knock one out of the ball park for her.

I started thinking about the whole world of racial identity. It’s obviously a hot topic right now with the whole Imus debacle. Keep in mind I work in the media and have mixed feelings about freedom of speech issues, etc. I think certain things are funny, and in a sense when certain personalities say things, we are basically just making fun of ourselves and the stupidity of stereotypes. But then I sit back and think as a mother. I cringe now when I hear certain jokes about Chinese people. Someone at work was imitating a Chinese accent. I was insulted. Where did this come from? Why am I so on edge about this? My daughter and I will be of different racial backgrounds. To the stranger looking at us the first thought they will always have is that this child is Chinese. That will always be the first thought they have of her. If they happen to be Chinese, White, Black, and Hispanic,-they will see her with me and first thought, she must be adopted. This will always cross people’s minds. It will be a reality that we will always have to live with. Who knows what her classmates will say. Will they make fun of her and her family or be supportive? . My job now is to make sure she never feels different. Let her know that she is loved by me as deeply and as passionately as she would be if she looked exactly like me. Let her know that she is an incredible person who can do and be whatever it is she wants to.

Looking back on my life I can honestly say there were times that I felt different. For whatever reasons, I felt like I didn’t fit in or that I was somehow very different then the others around me. There was also a time when most of the people around me were of different ethnicities and races. That time in my life was fantastic in the sense that it truly helped me try to live my life in a “different skin”. I realized how lucky I was to be able to have people judge me for me, and not for the color of my skin. This story sticks out for me- I was sitting in a business meeting with a group of African American women. The leader of the meeting, a good friend at the time, started the meeting and said, “Welcome my sisters. She went on to talk about the particular project we were working on and then made a comment that as “black women it’s important that we all come together on this” (or something like to that effect). Then she stopped, and laughed, and looked at me and said, “g-d Wendi, I keep forgetting you are white. You are just Wendi, my sister.” She saw me for me at that moment. I had made an impression on her and I was just Wendi. I want the world to see my daughter for everything that she is. Not how she is on the outside, and how different the rest of her family look….but for the whole package. This is what I will fight for. This is what will make me cry. This is what will help me make a difference in this world.

I am up late

I can't sleep. I've just been organizing my September DTC Yahoo Group Cyber Shower. (Don't ask if u don't know, too tired to explain.) I totally know I messed up and probably sent three people the same buddy.Oh well...I'll find out tomorrow. In other wonderful fabulous sensational extraordinary news....referrals did happen...up to November 1, 2005. A bit more then last month which was a really slow month, not that this is that much better...but still...there's photos of babies babies babies...( I admit, I went on the Rumor Queen Site-even though I swore I would stop reading the news...I had to see the babies)...they are gorgeous. All very young...no older then 10 months did I see.....we by the way requested a 10month to 18 month...but if I got a younger referral, I'd be thrilled!

In other completely non-adoption news....my niece Addison had her first homework assignment ever today..although she was too busy doing her homework I never found out exactly what it was...for my niece Sydney's 12th birthday the crew is coming up to see Legally Blonde...which got crappy reviews but who cares, it's Broadway and it's PINK! My step-daughter Annie is happy and great and playing netball and looking gorgeous as usual...and finally, in the ever changing world of my niece Hayley who is 13 1/2 thinking she is 25, apparently she wants to go to a tanning booth! (Her mom said no, of course!) but she ended up putting self-tanner on herself....god knows how that came out! Anyway...bottom line...these kids are just growing way to fast. O'k, that's it..I am somewhat delirious and I have to work tomorrow....by the way, I have a small crush on Blake from American Idol....go figure!

Referrals are on their way!

Congratulations to those who are getting their referrals!!!! This is the best time of the month....when the referrals arrive. I don't have a final word on cut-off...but I am sooo happy for those who will meet their daughters! Don't you love this photo?

Time moves on

Today marks exactly one year from when we officially started the adoption process. A year ago today, we had our homestudy. I remember being so nervous. I had the house cleaned and scrubbed, I didn't allow Joe to move anything out of place. I bought a big bag of bagels and fruit. When she pulled up, I ran outside to meet her and saw that she had a bumper sticker on her car for Kerry/Edwards. I felt relief. At least we were both Democrats. She walked up the steps into our unit and got a splinter in her finger on the wooden staircase. I was sure we would "flunk". She walked in and my dog MOlly didn't bark. In fact she snuggled next to her. Perfect I thought. About 5 minutes later she asked me for a cup of coffee. Stupid me...I was so nervous, I had the food out but I forgot to ask her if she wanted a drink. I was going to be the worst mother!!!! Four hours later we were finished. It was kinda of fun...I love talking, so I got my chance. We showed her around the house and she thought it was lovely. About four weeks later, the report was finished, and we were off to the next step! Now it's a year later. We have been logged in since October. Time does move...before you know it, it's another year. Rumor has it that referrals are around the corner. I believe they finally got into November of 05. Slowly but surely, time moves on.....

ONE WORD-or two

SIX MONTHS LID TODAY!!!!!

SLOWLY BUT SURELY.......

Friends

(No this isn't about the television show. But I always try to add an graphic that represents what I am writing about.) Tonite I worked out and then met 'my friend Susan' for dinner at an old diner I used to hang out at, the Shining Star on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. By the way, I was there so many times thru the late '90's and the early 2000's that when I walked in the waiter embraced me and then went on to tell me about MY LIFE....pretty much remembering everything! Anyway, the point of this posting is not about that. It's about that as a by product of this adoption process, I have made some of the most fabulous new friends. Susan, aka "my friend Susan", is someone who I met thru this journey. We actually found each other in a coaching class we were both taking. The International Adoption connection led us together...in fact we actually realized we lived down the street from each other for years!...again, back to the topic. But having this connection. Going thru the ins and the outs of adoption has led to a really great friendship. And she isn't the only one. There's Ann Marie, who I worked with for years. Come to find out, we both are adopting, and that has pulled us together is a strange world that no one really understands except those of us going thru this. There's Tim and Chris who Joe and I are having dinner with this week. Marcia, who I am meeting for dinner next week. My wonderful DTC group...the great ladies Rose and Audrey in my travel group, and the wonderful Danielle, and MaryBeth and Stephanie who found me thru my blog! Heather who designed my blog. And then the whole group of bloggers who I'm meeting with in a big big blogapoloza fest!(By the way, if I've missed anyone..sorry) It's amazing. We are drawn together...some of us adopting from China, others from Russia. We all understand this world we are in. We will all have the same experience in many ways. We help each other thru the easy days, as well as the tougher ones. We are bringing our children into our homes because we need them as much as they need us. I am so happy to have "met" these wonderful people. I hope and pray our children arrive safely and can learn they are not alone in this world....they are part of this wonderful circle of FRIENDS.

PS I realized I forgot my new great friends Christine and daughters Leah and Caroline!!!!!

Happy Birthday from Lori to me

O'k. Before you watch this...you have to understand the joke. About 10 year ago my sister called me very early on my birthday morning. I was outside that morning in Central Park walking and came home to hear a Happy Birthday greeting from my sister in an a very "Broadway", Opera-ish style....it's become a huge joke, and each year she delivers a message. This year I said, I want to post it...and she put together this! How talented she is :)
Also, my niece Sydney said, "Mom, you think you are funny....you are not." That kids doesn't understand humor :) Thanks Lori for embarrassing yourself for me! I love you.

You

Today is my birthday! I am 46 years young and look back on the past few years and see how profoundly my life has changed....for the better.

I met my husband, fell in love and married.

I met my step children fell in love and become a step mum.

I watch my nieces and watch how they have blossomed into nice little girls and beautiful young women.

I have shared many laughs with my sister and my respect for her continues to grow.

I have been blessed with healthy and loving parents, aunts and uncles.

I have worked in a supportive environment and am watching some of my professional dreams become true.

I have studied, read and learned so much.

I have traveled to several cities and visited the most beautiful Perth, Australia.

I have met and fostered some wonderful new friendships with the most amazing people.

I have shared some great times with many oldfriends and grown to love them even more.

I know I am blessed. I am honored to have YOU in my life.

However, the greatest and most important thing that has happened to me over the past few years is the conception in my heart of my daughter Lia-Rose. I do truly believe that by next year at this time we will certainly have a better idea of when we will be holding you...I am waiting for YOU with an open heart.

Happy Birthday to Lia-Rose's "mummy" to be.....ME!

(PS The photo above is from my living room window at sunset. Not a bad view to share your life with :)

A wise man in China say......

I had emailed my agency director "R" last week and just asked her to spread some wisdom during this wait .She reached out to the agency's coordinator in China. He wrote back today and sent me this. Read it a few times and take what you want from it. It took me a few minutes to grasp this concept...but in fact, there is some valuable thinking here....

"Take it as new weds expecting to be pregnant. No telling when that would be happen, right? When we know how long it takes we can not wait. That is human, simply human. So, it is understandable that everybody can not wait.But we have to wait. It is good that we do not exactly know how long we must wait. That helps. That gives us hope. So, why not just let things stay like thatand ask no questions?Thanks for your understanding, W" So for me, I take from this.....the uncertainty of the length of time we wait, just about anything is possible. With possibility there is hope....with hope there is change. I love focusing on the possiblity. And that is what I intend to do.

The toast that almost wasn't

Opps. It’s been a few days since I’ve posted. We had a busy weekend “pre-celebrating” my 46th birthday. Saw some old friends…. got my new Blackberry (I am very cool). The weather is fabulous and I feel really positive. Just keeping focused on the prize at the end of this whole journey. A friend of mine actually got me angry this weekend. We were “toasting” my birthday over brunch and I said “who knows, next year at this time we should have a better idea of when Lia-Rose will be with us.” This friend kind of rolled her eyes. I said why the reaction. Her response, “calm down. You have no idea when this is going to happen “ Her reaction was very protective of me. She doesn’t want me to get hurt. But damn it…and I’ve said this before. I am so entitled to have this gestation period, just like my sister did and every darn woman who had given birth. So I have to wait. So some days are going to be good and others a little harder. That is life. That is having a baby. This is my time to plan, to daydream and to mentally (and physically) prepare for the biggest job I will ever have. I know this friend loves me like a daughter and only wants the best. But if she is reading, please, I AM GREAT. I am not driving my dear hubby crazy over this (maybe over other things J ) All is fine and this is how a normal expectant parent acts. Please let me have that too! So, I’ll toast myself again….”Here’s to hopefully knowing when our dear wonderful daughter is coming by next year at this time!” Amen!

Happy Birthday to My Annie

Today, well tomorrow, but today is Australia is my beautiful step-daughter Annie's 14th Birthday! I love you soooo much Annie Elizabeth! I hope your birthday is as special as you!

In this pic is her "step" sister Ellin. (Doesn't she look like Izzy from Grey's Anatomy)

Happy Birthday Annie....we love and miss you!

A cure for the blues

Nothing is better then a fluffy, pink, fun, and silly new musical to brighten up your adoption blues. I saw Legally Blonde tonite, it's still in previews, but I can't wait to take my sister and nieces. It was so cute, and really helped cheer up my case of the blues....I feel very pink tonite and boy do I love a good Broadway show! That's all now folks....and if u are wondering...no peeks at the Rumor Queen today!!!! My eyes and ears are sealed to anything but staying positive!!! And PINK!

A few things to say, to tired to say them

Nothing new to report on the adoption front.
I had a migraine today.
This nightmare in Virginia is almost to much to bear.
Sanjanya is off American Idol.
It's still crappy out.
My LID group -Rose and Audrey-we have pledged not to go on Rumor Queen blog anymore, it was upsetting us all to read rumors aka the truth.
The sun is supposed to shine this weekend.
My stepdaugther is 14 this weekend.
I am 46 next week.
Please go to http://www.campsnuggly.com. It's my sister's company, which is apparently getting more web traffic from this blog then from Google adwords. We want to test Lori's tracking system so if you can thre, that would be great.

Lessons I've learned

Parenting a baby is one thing, a teenager another. Tonite a certain teenager I know called me in a huff. She wasn't very happy about something she needed to do in her life. It was very clear to me that she was feeling challenged about a new situation and this was her reaction. I got nervous. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I wanted to be sympathetic to her, but I also wanted to show her that I was a grown up who knew a bit more about things then she did. Yikes I thought, I give a lot of credit to her mom! This is challenging! By nite's end we really talked out her situation. I tried to compare what she was going thru to what I am going thru during this long wait for Lia-Rose. I tried to position it that we both need patience, because at the end of both of our journey's something really wonderful is going to happen to us both. I hope she understood it when I put it into that context.She said she did. Bottom line, I learned a big lesson...I need parenting instructions! It's easy to feel like you aren't handling a situation right. How do u know? How do u know that you are doing the right thing by your kids? I wish there was a text book with all the answers. I know there is not. It's just a crap shot I suppose. You hope and prayer you are handling it right. After all, my mom did it. Yours did too. We are pretty o'k. But, if anyone has any lessons in parenting they can share......please post away!

Still Standing...with post script

Sorry for the weird screen shot, but this is just the most wild thing. That sad woman above is me. It was taken about a week after 9/11. If u look behind me I am standing in from of the Stock Exchange. I am holding a banana and a cup of oatmeal is in the bag. I was reading a copy of the NY Daily News about the fact that Rudy may seek a third term as mayor. That morning a photographer stopped me. She asked me if I minded if she took my picture. She was documenting people down on Wall Street going back to work. I said sure, no problem. And she snapped away. A few months later there was an art show called "Here Is New York". It was an exhibit of many photos that captured the moments before and after those planes hit. I received a call from my friend Beth who said her brother saw my picture at this exhibit. I had no idea what picture or the what heck he was talking about. But sure enough...I saw for myself. There I was. It was the picture above. I ended up purchasing a few copies and it hangs in my living room today. A year or so later I get together with the same friend Beth and her brother. He said I saw your picture on the cover of a book! I said, what he heck are u talking about. They had actually taken all the photos from the art show and put it into a book. And sure enough, I was part of a collage of photos on the cover. So....that brings us to tonite. Lori and I were "farting" around online. Just googling people we know...I know we really need to get a life. We googled me and a link in french came up. I said, that's not me...but Lori persisted and we find that this photograph made the cover of the Musee' de l'Eysse'' catalog in 2002. It's probably the worst picture ever of me. I am graying, sad, drained and depressed. But I also know how far I 've come. We should never ever forget what happened to us on 9/11. I will always have this incredible photo to document this moment in time. I emailed the photographer tonite to let her know that I am absolutely still standing!

PS I got a response from the photographer!

Dear Wendi -
Thank you for writing. I am so happy to hear that you are doing well and that the photograph has meaning for you. I think that's the best
a photograph can do in the world.
All best wishes, and congratulations on the baby. You're about to fall in love. How wonderful.
suzanne

Monster, gonna kick his ...

I need to laugh!!!! Here ya go.....

One of those days

We had a bit of health scare with someone in very close to me in my family. ALL IS FINE. But, it was scary and so many thoughts went thru my mind. I have been so disturbed and depressed (yes I said the word) with all the news of the wait times...lack of referrals...yada yada yada, that when I heard that this person was not well....I really was upset. I needed to be with them, and Joe and I made sure we were. At the end of the whole day I am sitting here with a glass of wine and breathing a sigh of relief. It was good to be with family. It was good to know that my family is close and we love each other. It was good to know that my husband was there for me. It was good to know that my work family was supportive. I am blessed. I have so many wonderful things that I am so grateful for. I am truly blessed. I have everything I want and need. There is however, the one huge piece that is just waiting to be filled. It is YOU...it is Lia-Rose. It is my daughter. My child. I hope one day that you read this blog. That you know how much your mother loved you. That you know that your life may not have began inside of me physically, but emotionally, you are right here...right inside my heart. You are growing inside of me. Inside of my heart, my soul, myself. I had one one of those a-ha moments this week. I admit something. I didn't try that hard to get pregnant. What I mean is this. I met Joe when I was 40 (almost 41) and after we knew we were going to marry I went to the Gyno. She tested my hormonal levels and the results came back that my eggs weren't great. I was 41 at this point. She point blank said, you are going to probably need donor eggs. I had also at this point been suffering with fibroid issues and knew that I'd have to do something about that eventually. After we married we tried to get pregnant the natural way. Nothing happened. I saw a fertility specialist and he gave me a round of fertility drugs which would lead to possibly artificial insemination or IVF. I forget exactly what happened here, but know that even with the fertility pills, I was producing may two or three eggs. The doctor said to me at this point....IVF will not work...u can't water a dead plant. Effectively my eggs were old and not viable. So another year or so goes by...we keep trying...of course nothing happens. Could I have continued to do fertility drugs? Could I have tried a round or two of IVF? I know I could have. I didn't. I just didn't feel the drive. I didn't try that hard.
I had to deal with my fibroid and in '05 elected to do so. My options were a laporscopictechnique (but no one can guarantee that this wouldn't effect fertility), a myomectomy which entails major surgery but preserves the uterus and fertility, or of course a hysterectomy. I elected to have the myo..."just in case". And the surgery was great...I felt better...but still didn't' get pregnant...and still wasn't driven to get the fertility meds and all the treatments. At one point after this someone extremely close to me said she would give me an egg. We discussed it and it was the most beautiful thing anyone had everyone wanted me to do. But there would be no guarantees. I dropped it. I didn't try that hard.

O'k, my point in all of this, and truthfully I write this with the hope that in 20 years a beautiful little Chinese American woman is reading this about her mom and her life and she sees that our union was truly meant to be. I was meant to give birth to her thru adoption. I am one of those people who when she wants something ...she gets it. This adoption is meant to be. I know that in my heart....I know that. Lia-Rose....you are the daughter I have dreamt about ...this is the way it's supposed to happen. I have to believe that this wait is here because we are supposed to be together this way and in this time. Remember what the Chinese say about the "red thread"....Chinese wisdom tells us that certain people are destined to come together in this lifetime.When people are so destined, nothing - - not geography, not age, not circumstance - - will change that destiny. These people are thought to be connected by A Red Thread.

Wendi's Book Club

OK, I am not quite Oprah Winfrey, but I like to share interesting books I am reading on Chinese adoption, or on adoption in general. So, I can call this Wendi's Book Club, for no other reason then, I can. Anyway, I am finishing up "From China With Love" by Emily Buchanan. Ms. Buchanan is a correspondent and is well-versed in matters of international politics and has been all over the world covering stories for the BBC. I found the book on Amazon, and of course, it sounded interesting. There were parts of the book that sort of bugged me because she seemed to be a bit "whiny" about her infertility and the long process she had to face before she came to be with her daughters. But, I guess I am kinda of whiny myself at times, so all is forgiven. She brilliantly describes her trips to China as well as other countries around the world where there is discrimination against baby girls. She is also on a mission to learn more about the life her daughter's before they came to be together. This is very interesting and certainly brings light to probably many similar circumstances that our daughters' birth families had to deal with. The book was published in 2006. There are discussions within here about there being less babies being abandoned, and the fact that even if the one child policy was changed, many feel that girls would still be abandoned due to the fact that so many want sons. I am almost finished it and I'd highly recommend it. One of the things I have been trying to do during this wait is to read and learn more about others who have gone thru this experience as well as learn more about China in general. Please let me know if u have read anything of interest.....I am looking for new material!

The two headed woman

Here's another photo of me and my sister. I like this one much better then the one I had earlier posted. Lori thinks it looks like her head is growing out from my neck....not sure about that, but these two sisters love each other very much. We drive each other crazy, although not really at all-although I am positive we drive our husbands a little nuts, but there is no love quite like the love of a sister and the love one has for her "shish" aka sister. (PS, I'm the one with the lighter hair on the left, pre my bangs :) )

Cherrios on the floor

Feeling so much brighter now. Patience is a virtue, and I will strive to continue to have it. But at certain times, I am going to “cry” on here. Thank you to those who left a comment. I really appreciate your love and support, and knowing we are all in this together is very helpful. So, it is true that they only matched the two days worth of dossiers. However, these two days were supposedly huge days, and from what I am reading, although it is only two days, the number of dossiers is actually in line to what has been happening over the past few months. So, this is not indicative of any sort of slowdown….and of course there is no indication of any sort of speed up. It is, what it is, right now. On a different note, Joe and I got a brand new car this weekend! A spanking Moroccan Red Acura RDX. It’s awesome, and I keep imagining my baby seat in the back, probably with Cheerios on the floor! But for now, it is nice a clean, and there is nothing like the smell of a new car to brighten up your day.

Special message for Lori

Happy Shish-ter Day!

Happy Easter, Shish-ter!

and to everyone else who celebrates Easter!

Tears

I have to tell u that I am so sorry to be so down lately. I try to hard to be positive. To think about this adoption from a much bigger place. "the wait is the wait"..."she is definitely going to come." ..."she is there and I am a mommy". All that wonderful stuff that I tell myself and I tell other adoptive families. But, the reality right now is crushing. It truly looks like the most recent referrals-they matched two days! That's two days 10/24/05-10/26/05. That means people with the exact log-in date as ours, one month before, missed a match by one day. That means that they still haven't matched all of the October 05 log-ins. I am not an expert, but apparently this is the lowest monthly match in forever. One theory is that because of Chinese New Year in Feb, they were unable to process waiting babies, so there was limited amounts of "paper-ready" babies. I am frustrated beyond belief. I feel terrible for the waiting families that are so close, and yet so far away. I feel terrible for all the babies that are stuck in orphanages all over the world. I feel really terrible for me! Last nite, I cried. I came home from work, barely looked at my husband, ate two pieces of chocolate (i just had to), took myself up to my bedroom and cried. And cried ...and cried. This is the lowest I have felt about this process. I feel so frustrated and angry. Last nite I also felt this anxiousness that she is there and I can't feel her. That I can't pick her up. I know that at our darkest hours, sunshine prevails quickly. I know I will feel better. I know that things will keep moving forward and change is inevitable. But, right now all I know is Angelina is talking about adopting another daughter by this summer. And we wait and wait and wait.

Some assistance

I need some help here. First off, I am really engrossed in reading the “Secret”. I’ve mentioned it in several postings. It’s about the Law of Attraction. “What you think, is”. I really believe in much of what I am reading. It’s a good way to check myself when I start thinking negatively. I say this all to point out that right now I am thinking very negatively. You see, and I hate to post this on a blog where rumors can start flying all over the place, but it looks like the next batch of referrals was not a big batch. Meaning they only matched a few days of log ins. Now there could be a lot of people logged in those days, but what it means is that it will take three months of referrals to get thru one month of log ins! It’s very very discouraging. I get caught up in the wait and think, my god this is going to take me forever….it’s never ever going to happen, I wasn’t meant to be a mom! I’ll never be a mom. Now, I relate back to the Secret. ….What if we never ever doubted that we were going to be moms….instead of kvetching it’s not going to happen, we will never be…change our mindset to say and think…I am a mom I am a mom …, I am with her. I am a mom. Let’s start believing we have our girls. We are their moms. Like attracts, like. And what is….IS. …maybe we can start moving paperwork!

April Showers

bring snow! It's snowing in April. It's April 5th and there is snow blowing tonite. I came from the gym, yes I worked out tonite, and I hardly could see out the window. What's the deal? I want warm sunshine! It's APRIL!!!! Not much to report. Referrals are supposed to come down for a group (still '05), and we are waiting. Doesn't seem like they may have gotten too far. I had lunch with 'my friend Susan' who as you know recently got her referral. We talked about her baby "A" and what her trip will be like. I keep having visions of her meeting that little round chubby cheeked darling. She really does look like a Gerber baby.....hopefully this will work out as we want it to. And it's 10:30 and now I am wide awake because I worked out. I came home exhausted, had a diet coke and started feeling guilty that I didn't work out. Had a great work out and now I am home...AWAKE. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

Sleep well...and come on April...bring us some warmth!

I am almost to tired but very POPULAR

I am so tired, that I barely can right tonite...that sounds over dramatic, but I am just beat. Lot's of running around the last few days.....first off, Happy Passover! Thanks to my sister for making a wonderful, yet eventful, sedar. Between family members running late and our Sedar leader's bloody nose, it was a bit out of control at times, but Lori aka "The Hostess with the Mostest" truly pulled it off. Thanks 'da-shish!'....In other news......this is just a small world story....I was sitting in a diner today having lunch. Two 30-something men were chatting away. My ears perked up when I heard China. I listened closer, and one mentioned to the other that him and his wife were adopting a baby girl. I of course am very unshy and leaned over and said...sorry to easedrop..but me too! So we begin to talk and find out that they are a few months logged in before us....that they are using the same agency as we are ...and I had connected with his wife on our agency chat board! That is a small world!! Anne Marie and her husband are on their way to Russia to meet Baby B! Great great luck!!!! And finally, I finally made the "A" team! When I was in school I was far from popular. I was shy, akward and downright pathetic at times. Well, now I am in! I am by far one of the most popular girls in the 7th grade of my niece's middle school! Hayley set me up on MYSPACE http://www.myspace.com/auntwendic and "totally all of Hayley's friends are on my friends list!" I am sooooo cool!

April Fool

Not that I really have anything to April Fool about. I did tell Joe he had dirt on his butt. Didn't fool him though :). Apparently my niece Addison wanted to play an April Fool on her grandmom. My sister Lori asked her what she would tell Grandmom and six year old Addison said..."Let's tell her Aunt Wendi is dead!" That's my little prankster Addie! Anyway, Susan got good news from the Adoption Doctor (who Angelina and Brad used as well by the way) and she is hopefully off to Russia to meet her Baby A in the next few weeks. Ann Marie and her hubby are all set and flying off to Russia on Tuesday! It's so amazing. Last nite baby Nyla (12 months) and her mommy Simone stopped over to visit. Joe was at work. We had such a good time. They live about 100 feet away from me and we don't see each other enough. Nyla was running all over the place including up and down the stairs. I showed her some of the little stuffed animals I have bought Lia-Rose and she "approved". I realize how desperatly I need to baby-proof this place. I've got lots to do! Anyway, I am completely pooped. I did a ton of errands this morning including working out, grocery shopping, two loads of wash and bills! And that is no April Fool!

To Ann Marie and Susan

I am so excited for you both! I pray if these referrals are meant to be...they will be. You both are teaching me to have patience and to believe! And yes, to those who may follow this blog, both of my friends got referrals this week. They are both as Susan has said "cautiously optimistic". The Russian referral system if very different from China. They both received referrals and now have to get their butts to Russia to meet their bundle of joys. If all works out o'k, they peition the courts for the adoption and have to return in a few months to go thru the court system and adopt their babies. I wish them both the best! And I am so excited for them!

Beyond Good Intentions

I am reading a book about International Adoption. "Beyond Good Intentions" by Cheri Register. It's "reflections on raising Internationally Adopted Children". It's essays that really highlight both the joy and the risk of adoption. It's interesting. And she seems to be brutally frank. Adoption is way more that cute little babies dressed up in ladybug outfits. There are harsh realities that I need to understand. My goal is to provide Lia-Rose with whatever we need to make our family life as "normal" as possible. With an inter-racial adoption, it's always going to be obvious that Joe and I aren't Lia-Rose's birthparents. I want her to feel comfortable with that. If she needs one day to try to learn more about her birthparents (which is very difficult in with Chinese adoption) I will support her 100%. There are also some interesting articles on Adoption in O Magazine. One story was written from the adoptive mother's point of view when her daughter was searching out her birthmother. Very interesting. I believe that god gives us what we can handle, and I truly believe that we will be able to deal with and provide whatever it takes to make sure that Lia-Rose grows up self-assured, happy and confident. And, I'm never ever afraid to ask for help!

I am calm and no more angst

Suddenly it hit me this morning and a calm came over me. Yesterday was rough. I just felt so frustrated about this adoption and the waiting game. A friend of mine, Teri wrote me some very calming words, “Lia is already your daughter... she will come when the time is right..you are where you are meant to be at this moment in time, everything works out for your good..” So I thought about it. My heart tells me that when we get LIa-Rose’s referral, she will be about12 months old. Now, if we aren’t getting this baby for at least another year or so….of course I can’t be with Lia-Rose. She isn’t even born yet! I feel that Lia-Rose is just now in her birth mommy’s belly. She is developing in this wonderful woman in China’s womb. Maybe she kicked today…or blinked an eye (can they blink). Maybe her China mama is tired today and has to rest a bit more. Maybe her China mom has swollen ankles and can’t walk as far as she used to. Maybe she is beginning to show or is popping out already. I can’t be with Lia-Rose right now…regardless of the adoption waiting game, I truly don’t think my baby is born. And as my dear and brilliant friend Teri said, when the time is right, you will be together. For some reason, really understanding and acknowledging this, has taken some of yesterday’s angst away. (PS I like adding pictures. I googled "Calm" and got that picture above!)

I can be blue!

Some days being a waiting parent is much harder then others. For me…today is very much that day. I am feeling extremely blue. How do I manage to not think about this baby girl? How do I say that I need to be strong? That I need to just put thoughts of Lia-Rose in the back of my mind and just focus on today? That my feelings for the expectation of this baby aren’t as real and as deep as I would have if she was growing inside of me. I don’t think about it all day. I do concentrate on my work. I keep busy. I try to work out as much as I can and spend time with family and friends. Plus I am a Coach and working with a list of clients who I share my time with. Bottom line….I am very much active and keep forging ahead with life and with current plans. But this waiting is very tough today. I want my baby. I want to know when I can see her. I am sorry for complaining…

Dianjiang SWI

This is special to me. I found this on You Tube. Thank you so much to the person that posted this. These are waiting babies in an orphangage in Dianjiang. Look at these faces. Watch how the nannies look after them. At the end, one of the caretakers turns the baby in her arms around and looks a the camera and says "this is one of the ones waiting...."

5 months logged in!

A crazy day for my friends

Without mentioning names, as it's not my place, two of my buddies had very crazy days today regarding their quest for mommy-hood. Adoption is not easy. Don't be fooled. We might not put up with midnight cravings (o'k we do but have no hormonal excuse for it), gain weight (that too), and have painful labor.. but this method of having a baby really is tough. There's always paperwork, there is always anxiety that some system is going to fail you and of course there is this complete feeling of "no control" because once you put the paperwork in, you have really little control. Anyway these two special friends, made tremendous headway today.
One got her referral over the weekend!!!! (Not from China) and now has to scramble to get her butt to this particular country in a week! Meanwhile, her paperwork is not finished because of her stupid homestudy agency and other assorted nonsense...but today she worked the phone and faxes and it's going happen! (And the baby is very sweet) Now my other friend, this poor lass (who the hell calls anyone a lass anymore, that just came out), well anyway, this poor lass has been waiting a very very long time for her referral. She re-did her dossier about a thousand times....and still no baby (not from China either)...today she worked the phones as well...and finally there is going to be some action! The agency admitted that her case wasn't being treated right, and hopefully they are going to put on the heat and as they promise...bring her little girl to her! These two ladies give me such hope and I am living thru their experiences to carry me thru to my own referral. Here's hoping to a quick and seamless next few weeks for them both! Congrats guys...you are both in your final hours of gestation ...here's to much easier deliveries!

My hubby

Happy Birthday to Annie's daddy, Joe!

Happy Birthday to Adam's dad, Joe!

Happy Birthday to Molly's daddy and morning dog walker, Joe!

Happy Birthday to Aaron and Joyce's son-in-law, Joe!

Happy Birthday to Lori and Greg's brother-in-law, Joe!

Happy Birthday to Hayley's, Sydney's, Addie's, Helen's, Lee's, Neil's, and Bethany's Uncle Joe!

Happy Birthday to Lia-Rose's daddy to be, Joe!

Happy Birthday to my best hubby (in fact only hubby), best buddy and favorite mate...my Joey!

Something I didn't want to bring up

I have been very careful not to complain about the wait. After all, I recogonize how fortunate and blessed we are to be in the line....after all, as most of you know with the rules changes, Joe and I would have probably been ineligible to adopt from China. Lia-Rose is there, and I know I have to be patient. But I do have something I have to bring up....and it's this constant feeling of getting three steps a head...and then five steps behind. I am a very optimistic person and believe in attracting positive thoughts to all of this...but everytime another month passes (we are almost at 5 months into this wait!) it seems with lengthening wait times, that instead of saying 10, 9, 8, 7, we are just stuck at 12 or 14 more to go....it's a bit frustratrating ....and I am reading about how time is all just kinda of happening at once....but I'd like for once to feel that we are getting a little closer. O'k, that's it. My complaint, observation and just plain rant...I put it out there...now move on...but if any of you are feeling the same way....please comment below and share!

Spring has sprung

YES! It's spring...that's two seasons down in our wait...maybe 5 more to go?
More later....happy and a healthy spring!

A walk down memory lane

Tonite I had an appointment downtown. Instead of hopping on a subway to get to the Port Authority, I decided to walk. It was a nice nite, relatively and I had some time. I purposefully turned off my phone and kept quiet. I walked up Fifth Ave...over 14 Street...up 6th Ave...over 23rd street, up 7th Ave. over 27th street, back down to 8th and up to 42nd Street. Along the way, I passed stores I hadn't shopped in in years, saw people that reminded me of old friends, spotted restaurants that I forgot how great their food was. I thought of things that I hadn't thought about it in years. I remembered when I was just a 28year old girl arriving in New York City with thoughts and dreams. I remembered the 35 year old girl who was just longing for love. I saw myself today..almost 46 years old and being in a happy relationship with my special husband and waiting for my baby girl. Today I spoke to my old friend Teri. We worked together years ago and had a very unique friendship. She is black, I am white, and we always felt that we were so much alike. I thought a lot about her tonite as I walked. Teri just recently got engaged to a man who she said " was right there in front of me" the whole time. It made me think tonite as I walked down memory lane...all the time I was dreaming of what I wanted my future to be, it is really right there in front of me right now. It all came down to this perfect time in my life. Waiting for my daughter is just part of this time .Part of the journey down the long road ahead of me.

A new tool

We just downloaded a new program called Picasa....it captures all of our pictures in a neat file. And, it you can link directly you your blogger account. I found this great picture of my sister. This is Lori laughing the evening before my wedding. This is soooo my sister. I love her so much!!!!

Just a mention

Lia-Rose's name has been modified a bit. Earlier on we were planning on naming her Lia Rose (last name). I always call her Lia-Rose when I refer to her. Plus, Grandmom Rose was one of my most favorite people in the entire world. I guess I also am loving saying the name. Anyway, I was reading People Magazine (I admit it) and there was an article about Johnny Depp. His daughter is Lily-Rose (note the hyphen). I thought it looked so pretty. Then another article about Terrie Hatcher and her daughter Emerson-Rose (note-hyphen). I thought it looked so pretty....and since we always are saying Lia-Rose anyway...why not make that her official first name. I love how it looks and Joe was quite fine with it. Plus, it's important to honor Lia-Rose's heritage...so her middle name will be her chinese name. So it will be Lia-Rose (Chinese Name) (Last name)!

Like my friend AnnMarie says, "When she is a teenager they will call her Lee/or L anyway!" at least as a kid we can stick to the Lia-Rose! Heck my family calls me everything from Wen to Wen-da-la to DASHISH! For now she is and will be Lia-Rose!

One of those moments.... a letter to my daughter

Dear Lia-Rose,

I am so ready to be your mommy. I think of you all the time. I can not wait till I meet you. I am exited to give you a great life. A life filled with love, laughter, security and comfort. I have been waiting for you a very long time. And I don't mean the adoption wait. In my heart I always knew I wanted a baby. A daughter. A dream come true. I know that you are going to be special. Our life will be filled with challenges and adventures. You come to me thru my prayers and thru my dreams. You are everything I always wanted. The missing piece in my heart that needs to be filled. I will wait patiently for you my Lia-Rose. I will wait as long as it takes. But when you are put into my arms, I will never ever let go. We have more months until we are together. I hope that you are comfortable and warm. Your life is a big huge adventure Lia-Rose....it's just starting and the best is yet to come! I love you my beautiful baby girl. Can't wait to hold you.

Love ,Mommy

O'k

I've calmed down. I'm happy for the little new Jolie. Happy that he has a home. From what I have read she may have started the process after Shiloh was born in May...so less then a year she has him...that's o'k. I can be angry. I can be jealous...but I do think that the media is painting a picture that is not good for the international adoption community. The system may or may not favor Ms. Jolie...I've stopped my complaining...life is unfair sometimes. My daughter (and the daughters and the sons of so many others ) is possibly living as an orphan right now. My baby and the babies of others has no mommy or daddy, sister, brother , grandparent , aunt , uncle or cousin to hold them. Our children are longing for love and comfort and a chance for a wonderful future. Life isn't fair. The very rich and famous may get advantages. Life isn't fair...my daughter will be separated from her birth mother and made to wait for her forever mother. Life isn't fair. But, it is what it is. And instead of complaining I'll move on and dream of the day that life is a little fairer for Lia-Rose and the rest of the daughters and sons of the world who deserve a happy and a forever family.

Meet Angelina's new son

I am very angry

O'k, aside from being very premenstrual...I know, to much information....but it will explain a little bit of my state...I am upset, furious and down right hysterical over the latest news that Vietnam is speeding up the Jolie adoption. God bless this child. He deserves a home...but Ms. Jolie...get in line....I know tons of wonderful parents who would adopt this kid in a second. Why are u helping continue to pait the picture that internation adoption is easy! That all you need is money and poof ...a child! Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I am sick of the jokes I hear...oh you are adopting a baby ...just like Angelina... ha ha..buying a kid Wendi!? Wrong! I don't think it's right that the rules are one way for some and one way for others. Do you know that with Vietnam adoptions you need to stay in the country for 2 weeks before u can come home...how come Angelina is flying there tonite and the press is saying she will be home this weekend with her son! Wrong! How come an unmarried, living with her partner out of wedlock, gone thru relationships like its no one's business, blood drinking ( Not sure where I got that one), making out with her brother, horrible relationship with her father, marriage breaking person gets priority....it's wrong wrong wrong!

The 1010 Rule

I didn't visit this blog all day yesterday or today (well until now) and I watched my counter and see that others did! It's the coolest to know that people are out there actually reading this blog. I have to say thank you! I attended a big adoption conference over the weekend...the biggest thing I came away with is this (well lots more and I'll cover it later)....and for those who know me well...u will see how funny this is.....we were talking about how hard this waiting period is. We are expectant parents, but in a different way then if I was carrying my baby...anyway, the Social Worker said that she applies the 1010 Rule. Once again, for those who don't know me well...the rule itself is great advice....for those who know me personally....how funny is this..she said that the 1010 rule means thatone is thinking about adoption ....24 hours a day....all adoption all the time.. like that local radio station 1010 wins-all news all the time ... this was not a good thing! We have to limit our adoption thinking....say for 22 minutes or less!!!! (because this particular radio station delivers the news in 22 minutes or less!) Anyway, she actually didn't say the last part about the 22 minutes....but maybe it does make sense....like a watched pot doesn't boil....or watched phone doesn't ring.......the less u think about something....the quicker it seems to happen! Yeah, right! I'm not going to think about this!!!! (Smile) Read Ann Marie's recap of the event: http://comeundone.typepad.com!

Various blabbing

It's been a long week....and a fast one. I must say the days are going more quickly as I've been sooo busy at work. My offices is moving in Summer of '08 and there is lots of talk about the renovation of a building we are leasing. I enjoy hearing this, because, selfishly I know that (fingers crossed) summer of '08 I'll be either home with Lia Rose, or in China getting her. I like that we are working on projects that are in this same time frame. The big issue is that the office is in downtown Manhattan and not a hop skip and a jump from the bus I take to Jersey. I'll have to figure it out, I want quick routes back to my baby when she is here. Anyway, I have no idea how I got off onto that tangent. What is cool about my blog is sometimes, like now, I have no idea what I'm going to write about and I just let my fingers do the talking. Last nite I saw "Spelling Bee" with "my friend" Susan.http://www.slinky37.blogspot.com/ I told her today that during the show I peeked over at her. Susan is by the way waiting for her baby from Russia. Anyway, she is a very beautiful young 40 something New York chick. She is hot, bottom line...anyway, I looked over at her during the play and for the first time she glowed like a mommy. I can not wait for her referral. She should getting it soon. It is certainly time! I know she is ready. On another note, this Sunday "my friend" Susan and Ann Marie (another great lady-we have been work colleagues for years-adopting from Russia http://comeundone.typepad.com/- are attending an International Adoption Conference this weekend. We are all looking forward to getting together, learning more about adoption and special issues associated with International Adoption and generally just making fun of people and of ourselves. (Smile) But seriously , looking forward to it. Now u may ask, where is Joe in all of this? The poor man is working. The business he works in is in busy season so I barely see him. I just opened a beautiful bottle of Australian Chardonnay and I'm waiting for him to come home to relax. Tomorrow, it is little Nyla's birthday. Nyla is turning one. Her dad and I have been friends for 20 years, and I feel like I know her mommy that long too. They are awesome. Live about 100 feet away. I hope they still are living here when Lia comes. Nyla and Lia will be almost the same age and hopefully they can spend a lot of time together. Anyway, enough...this ramble babble has gone on long enough. One other thing though.... yesterday, March 8 is exactly one year until my niece Hayley and Sydney's Bat Mitzvah. Isn't ironic that yesterday post was about a Chinese adoptee celebrating hers? Really cool connection...or maybe it's just me!

Mazel Tov Bat Mitzvah

This is out today's NY Times, Metro Section. (Go to the website, they have an incredible video as well)

Of the 613 laws in the Torah, the one that appears most often is the directive to welcome strangers. The girl once known as Fu Qian has been thinking about that a lot lately.
Three weeks ago, she stood at the altar of her synagogue on the Upper West Side and gave a speech about it.
Fu Qian, renamed Cecelia Nealon-Shapiro at 3 months, was one of the first Chinese children — most of them girls — taken in by American families after China opened its doors to international adoption in the early 1990s. Now, at 13, she is one of the first to complete the rite of passage into Jewish womanhood known as bat mitzvah.
She will not be the last. Across the country, many Jewish girls like her will be studying their Torah portions, struggling to master the plaintive singsong of Hebrew liturgy and trying to decide whether to wear Ann Taylor or a traditional Chinese outfit to the after-party.
There are plenty of American Jews, of course, who do not “look Jewish.” And grappling with identity is something all adopted children do, not just Chinese Jews.
But seldom is the juxtaposition of homeland and new home, of faith and background, so stark. And nothing brings out the contrasts like a bat mitzvah, as formal a declaration of identity as any 13-year-old can be called upon to make. The contradictions show up in ways both playful — yin-and-yang yarmulkes, kiddush cups disguised as papier-mâché dragons, kosher lo mein and veal ribs at the buffet — and profound.
Yet for Cece, as everyone calls Cecelia, and for many of the girls like her, the odd thing about the whole experience is that it’s not much odder than it is for any 13-year-old.
“I knew that when I came to this age I was going to have to do it, so it was sort of natural,” she said a few days before the ceremony at Congregation Rodeph Sholom, a Reform synagogue on West 83rd Street where she has been a familiar face since her days in the Little Twos program. Besides, she said with a shrug, “Most of my Chinese friends are Jewish.”
As Zoe Kress, an adoptee in Mt. Laurel, N.J., said about her approaching bat mitzvah: “Being Chinese and Jewish is normal for me. Thinking about being Chinese and Jewish is a little strange.”
Olivia Rauss, a girl in Massachusetts who celebrated her bat mitzvah last fall on a day when the Jewish harvest festival of Sukkot coincided with the Chinese autumn moon festival, said she saw no tension between the two facets of her identity either.
“Judaism is a religion, Chinese is my heritage and somewhat my culture, and I’m looking at them in a different way,” she said. “I don’t feel like they conflict with each other at all.”
While no statistics are kept on the number of Chinese children adopted by Jewish families, over all, there were about 1,300 Chinese children adopted into American families from 1991 to 1994, another 17,000 in the second half of the ’90s, and 44,000 since then, according to the State Department.
Cece was born on Jan. 29, 1994, in Jiangxi Province in southeastern China. She was abandoned to an orphanage because of China’s one-child rule, and adopted by a lesbian couple, Mary Nealon and Vivian Shapiro. (The couple later adopted another Chinese girl, Gabie, now 5.) Cece has been drawing double-takes for a while, like when she used to ride on Ms. Shapiro’s lap on a packed crosstown bus and would burst into the Passover standard “Dayenu.”
Ms. Shapiro, an advertising buyer, was brought up by atheistic Jews; Ms. Nealon, a school nurse, was raised a Roman Catholic. But after they met, they were drawn to Judaism and decided to give Cece a relatively traditional upbringing.
“That was my hope when I started her in day school,” Ms. Nealon said, “that when she got up on the bimah” — the lectern where the bat mitzvah girl reads from the Torah — “she would feel like she had the right to be there.”
The countdown to the big day was the typical blur of lessons and studying, sit-downs with cantors and tutors, caterers and party planners. There was a thick dossier of Jewish history to master — history that Cece confessed did not feel like hers. “I just really try to learn it,” she said. “I don’t try to think of whose history it is.”
And, of course, there was shopping to be done.
“In my fantasy,” Ms. Nealon said, “we’d take her to Chinatown and have this incredibly beautiful Westernized Chinese dress made.”
But Ms. Shapiro said: “She wanted no part of it. For her, this has nothing to do with being Chinese.”
Cece set her cantor’s reading of her Torah portion to “repeat” on her iPod. She met with the head rabbi at Rodeph Sholom, Robert N. Levine, an affable, animated man with an office full of books and baseball memorabilia.
“So, Cece,” Rabbi Levine said, “what do you connect to most about your Judaism?”
Cece had transformed into the archetypal opaque teenager.
“I think I like the holidays, and, um, yeah,” she said, looking down.
The rabbi asked her to recite for him. She did.
“I love it,” Rabbi Levine said. “You have a beautiful voice. Your Hebrew is perfect. The only thing I need you to do, Cece, is project. Just give me a ‘Baruch’ like you’re singing in the shower.”
“Baruch,” Cece said, a bit louder.
On Feb. 17, nearly 200 of Cece’s friends and relatives filed into the vast Romanesque sanctuary of Rodeph Sholom. A box of commemorative yarmulkes with the yin-and-yang pattern sat by the door. Six alumnae of Cece’s orphanage — they call themselves the Fu sisters — had flown in from all over the country.
To the side of the altar, on a red throne, sat Cece, resplendent in a long black patterned dress with a scoop neck.
Ms. Shapiro laid a prayer shawl over Cece’s shoulders, a symbolic transfer of power. Cece and the other bat mitzvah girl that day, Sadie Friedman, lifted their voices and let loose a Hebrew welcome song that Cece had sung with the synagogue choir from the time she was 7.
Rabbi Levine preached from the day’s reading: “ ‘Let the stranger in your midst be to you as the native, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.’ ”
Cece and Sadie approached the ark, the enclosure, flanked with marble columns and topped by carved lions, where the Torah scrolls are kept. The cantor, Rebecca Garfein, handed them the oversize scrolls, dressed in maroon and gold fabric. The girls held them like bagpipes.
Cece laid her scroll on the bimah and read in Hebrew, in a loud, clear voice, from Chapter 21 of Exodus, a compendium of commandments on the treatment of servants and slaves.
Then she moved to her English speech.
“This long journey to becoming a bat mitzvah today has provided me with so many ways of learning,” she said. “The part that will always stay closest to me is the importance of caring for strangers. Just like Jews were once strangers in the land of Egypt, we have all been, or will be strangers at some point in our lives.”
Cece finished, touched the fringe of her shawl to the Torah and kissed it. She returned to her throne and sat down, cheeks red, looking exhausted and relieved.
That night — the eve of the Chinese year of the pig, as fate would have it — Cece and her guests reconvened at the Faculty House at Columbia University. The outer room was set up like a casino, with Cece-backed playing cards and Cece-faced play money. Inside, the music throbbed, the D.J. yelled, the fog machine billowed. Cece and her friends traded their shoes for white socks and pogoed across the floor.
After dinner — kosher Chinese for the kids, steak for the adults — the D.J. cranked up “Hava Nagila.” Cece, in a chair in the middle of the dance floor, was lifted up, up, up until she bumped her head on the Chinese umbrellas hanging off the chandelier.
Then she was back on the floor, dancing with her mothers and little sister and singing along with the recording: “Hava neranena, venis’mecha,” or: Let us sing

Specifically to Alysa and to "my friend Susan"

I will not be posting photos of my bangs :)
More to come later....been in proposal writing mode!

Referrals

Another batch of referrals came into today. This month it looks like they are only up to October 24, 2005. Note that is 2005. Remember we are October 27, 2006. This is wonderful fantastic news for those families getting their referrals. The issue for the rest of us is that they didn't seem to get very far in this batch. O'k, one month at a time, but collectively, pray for a speed up and let's get those babies home!

Love, Wendi

Nia singing Can't Hide Love by Earth Wind and Fire at age 4

Besides being one of my favorite songs, I had to share. This little girl was all over the local papers. She is adorable. Watch her expressions! You go girlie!

Just a time out

Nothing new to report. We had a good weekend. We met up with Chris and Tim who live near by us and are adopting their baby girl from China as well. A good time was had by all, and I just loved their home! It was a nite filled with great wine and great sushi! I can't wait till our girls are together one day soon! Sunday I went to a 50th birthday for an old and dear friend (and when I say old I mean longtime) Sharon. Another friend Beth was there as well...reconnecting is great, and they both are excited about Lia Rose. Everyone keeps asking "when is the baby coming." I don't know. And I know it is fair question. All I can say is that my guess is next Spring/Summer. I bet you that we will be heading to China right during the Summer Olympics! Who knows! But that is my guess. I hope that's not being over optimistic....oy! The bummer is, and I know my sister hates when I say this...but Lori and the girls go away for the summer. I hate the idea they won't be here when I bring her home. I want them to be at the airport greeting us and all! One never knows what the future will bring, and I know it will all work out! Talk about worrying! That's me! Anyway, the other big news is I decided to do something different with my hair. My 46th birthday is in seven weeks (who is counting), and I wanted to do something new...I layered in the front and actually have bangs! I like it. Joe was unsure at first, but he said he does like it too! Got kudos at work...regardless, it will always grow back! I talked to Annie my stepdaughter the other nite. We giggled when I told her that I accidentally put on her bikini underwear that she left here! She is a size 0 so u can just imagine. I love it, Annie's screen name on MSN is Lia Rose! That makes me smile. I miss that kid.

Anyway, here's a new photo of my nieces...look at their smiles. I love them so.

My Name is Life

My Name is Life

To my friends who are waiting parents...I found this video and wanted you to see this. I know that sometimes I just concentrate on the "mommy" part of this...of becoming a parent. This video reminds me of the importance of what we we are doing. I am so honored to be a part of this special adoption community.

News update

"Is Angelina Pulling a Madonna?Angelina Jolie is quickly moving forward on adopting a Vietnamese boy, and being a celebrity sure has its privileges. It seems that Vietnamese officials are turning a blind eye to the fact that Jolie has filed papers as a single parent, even though she lives with Brad Pitt and shares custody of her other children with him. "This is a clear contradiction of Vietnamese law, and such situations would not be allowed for other couples," international adoption advocate Tatiana Beams tells Page Six. "Most co-habitating couples who try to adopt as a single parent are either turned away from agencies or face difficulties."

Adoption is

My friend Susan (http://www.slinky37.blogspot.com/) comments on reading about the Jolie/Pitt plans for a third adoption from Vietnam. While admirable of the Jolie/Pitt union the there is something that really bothers me about the continuous international adoptions. First off they make it seem like a very simple process. Nothing is ever explained about how the process actually works, or the difficulties that it entails. In fact, to me personally, all the news I read about their adoption journeys make it seem as easy as literally going into a store and putting in an application for an instant credit card. I also hate the fact that the media eats it up and paints a picture like...."this week this one is adopting from Vietnam"... comparable to the Paris Hilton/Lindsey Lohan boy toy of the week....it is not that simple. And my friend Susan (isn't' that funny, every time I talk about her I call her "my friend Susan' as opposed to what? anyway....) says it best....Angie needs to tell the real story. Adoption is hard, it calls for patience and strength. Adoption calls for faith. Adoption calls for hope. Adoption isn't easy. I am happy for the Jolie/Pitt adoptions....the Madonna/Guy Richie adoptions...it is all good. They are raising the awareness that adoption is important and is vital to the survival of our world....however, when telling this story...share the whole truth. The blood tests, the criminal checks, the agonizing, the scrutinizing, the loneliness, the lost feelings, the anger that it can't go faster, the fear that your child is alone in some dark and cold orphanage in a world thousands of miles away. Adoption is for me. Adoption is the way I will give birth to my daughter. I beg the Angelina Jolie's of the world....tell the whole story, damn it!